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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Well us old farts can only date one at a time,cause really, there are mornings we can't even remember our names or what day it is. In fact, I had one of those mornings today. Phucked my whole day up thinking it was a Monday. Sure felt like a Monday.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 5
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:34:44 PM
i date only one person at a time. i think thats the only way to relly give that person a chance. if youre dating multiple people, i really dont find it fair to any of those people. thats just me.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:37:46 PM
Here's the way I look at it. The moment one woman starts to consume more of my thinking, and it feels good, and easy going, like the flow of water, then I cut whoever other people may be in the picture. To me, it's a natural progression.

I do not do it early on. Why? First of all, I don't have to, there are so many options available. And second, I do not want to depend on one person early on to be that all consuming. What if she doesn't like me that much. What if I don't like her that much, or enough to become a long term. By having at first open options neither one is tight up to it to force to work. It flows.

If you feel that you met someone that is worth dropping the other people, that is a feeling, follow it, let it take you wherever it needs to take you. Do not put up a wall, and allow yourself to become vulnerable and fall in love. If that is the case. But doing because you felt it in your heart, not because it was the only choice.
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:44:11 PM
It depends on your definition of "dating". To me, dating is a tool for weeding out those who would not be compatible for a Long Term relationship. I generally have a pretty good idea of how we might mesh, after enailing, IM/chat & perhaps talking on the phone, prior to our first "date." If I feel that we "hit it off" well enough to enter into a relationship, I am generally clear about it. Just my take on it.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:22:31 PM
The biggest problem with dating more than one person at a time is the chance of getting the dates' names mixed up. Women hate it when a guy calls them by another woman's name-especially while getting intimate. The trick for guys who date more than one woman at a time is to date women who have the same first name.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:35:35 PM

Here's the way I look at it. The moment one woman starts to consume more of my thinking, and it feels good, and easy going, like the flow of water, then I cut whoever other people may be in the picture. To me, it's a natural progression.

I do not do it early on. Why? First of all, I don't have to, there are so many options available. And second, I do not want to depend on one person early on to be that all consuming. What if she doesn't like me that much. What if I don't like her that much, or enough to become a long term. By having at first open options neither one is tight up to it to force to work. It flows.

If you feel that you met someone that is worth dropping the other people, that is a feeling, follow it, let it take you wherever it needs to take you. Do not put up a wall, and allow yourself to become vulnerable and fall in love. If that is the case. But doing because you felt it in your heart, not because it was the only choice.

I totally agree with this. This is how I see it.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 11
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:46:40 PM
Well us old farts can only date one at a time,cause really, there are mornings we can't even remember our names or what day it is. In fact, I had one of those mornings today. Phucked my whole day up thinking it was a Monday. Sure felt like a Monday.


lmao; lord love ya Walts.

Apparently enjoying your free time with one person, and spending the rest on bettering yourself and your lot in life makes you boring or clingy. If you're not giving less than 50% to yourself and the girl or guy you enjoy spending time with; you're just not cool enough to date.

With that being said; I go with whoever likes doing what I like doing when Im ready to do it. However; if I am sleeping with someone, it sorta changes. All she really has to compete with are my family and my guy buddies.


I usually like to date at least a few months before telling a woman I want her to be my girlfriend. It gives her the chance to explore her options and it allows me to get to know her. That is why I haven't had that many girlfriends in my life. A lot of casual dating and fun little flings.


Same here.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:35:33 AM

I'd date more than one person at a time... if I could actually find myself interested in a few people let alone just one!!!
SO by default because I have such a hard time finding anyone I actually like I date one at a time :)

Gotta agree with this one too. I'd totally juggle more than one if I ever found more than one I like that much. Usually it's one or none...so that's what I have to work with.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:36:12 AM
Going out on 1-2 dates with someone doesn't necessarily equal an exclusive relationship. If there is mutual initial interest between myself and 2 women, I may go out on dates with both women. If I like one of these women after a few dates, then I would focus on her and stop seeing the other women.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 17
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:53:09 AM
"Going out on 1-2 dates with someone doesn't necessarily equal an exclusive relationship. If there is mutual initial interest between myself and 2 women, I may go out on dates with both women. If I like one of these women after a few dates, then I would focus on her and stop seeing the other women"


thats how I view it, I don't mind on meeting a few girls and going on first dates with them. I would say after meeting a women say twice I will know which of the 2 are worth it. I must admit I feel most comfortable seeing one person if I think she is worth it.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 19
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:11:41 AM
I think exercising patience and control and dating one at a time, out of respect for the person you're dating and with whom you're trying to acquaint yourself, is the right thing to do.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:30:26 PM
I prefer to date one at a time: Date 1 on Friday at 6:00, Date 2 at 8:00, Date 3 on Saturday at 5:00, Date 4 at 7:00
It would be too messy to date them all at once.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 22
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:33:03 PM
I think exercising patience and control and dating one at a time, out of respect for the person you're dating and with whom you're trying to acquaint yourself, is the right thing to do.


Self Control; patience; AND respect?

HA; good luck with that one!!!

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 23
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:43:42 PM
Is it old fashioned in this day and age to only date one person at a time when you are not exclusive with somebody?

First, and this should be taken seriously and is not a play on words -- what do you mean by "dating"? To go out on a first date? You can't go out with another person after that if there's a possibility that the first one and you will go out again? You're not Dating -- the "ing" in datING means something that's already been established and is/was on-going, whether it be casual or otherwise.

The reason I say that, is because if you truly are datING someone, yes, you should have only one person at a time (unless mutually agreed upon) that you've been datING. When you've been datING, it's been on-going and less of a getting-to-know-ya thing, and more of an understood routine.

Anyway - "exclusive" means you aren't to go out on even A date or pursue setting up a date, etc with anyone else. You're exclusive. So if it's when you're "not exclusive", that means you CAN go out on a date with someone else.

In the old-fashioned days so to speak, many people asked the same question actually. It wasn't until you were "going steady" that things became exclusive, and yes, you could set things up with others. Of course, having wild-monkey-sex was less of an option, but I digress... My point is, it's not really a "modern" thing to have more than one date lined up when you're not exclusive with someone. In fact, that's what "exclusive" means, right? Where you can't line up other dates, etc. Remember -- there's a difference between "exclusive" and "committed relationship".

In the end, yes, people want you to have your sights strictly on them when you're both in the getting-to-know-ya-phase -- it's a preference. When they're really interested in you, or just mildly so but self-conscious, they may cry foul if they found out you got a girl's #, hung out with another girl, etc. But many of those people generally do the same thing. They just don't like it when it happens to them -- of course, if you were originally strangers and to those you both know, usually, nobody will know.

It's much the same as emailing more than one person at a time. Is someone REALLY going to cry foul then? If there's sufficient email, there can be enough thought & effort put into things vs someone meeting on spur of the moment for a quick coffee date. Either way, people DESIRE you to, even though it's a selfish thing. But many will also start walking away if they get the impression you're just dating around, and not talking them (or anyone else) seriously. However, the same folks can be the ones to "take things slow" (=not get serious too fast). It's just all about emotion and people wanting their way.

In the end, until you're exclusive, whether that be part of the 3rd-date-rule (with another one lined up) or even after first date, you should line up other dates, etc., but don't jeopardize your more favorable prospect. However, while you're just in the "getting to know you" phase, they can just as easily lose interest after getting to know you better, or more likely, fueled by another prospect in their life that they find more favorably.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 28
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:03:08 AM
Going out on dates with only one person early on (ie. after agreeing to a second date) isn't wrong, persay, but it's also not very smart as you're, by default, limiting your chances/options there for no real reason.
 BeInGoodCompany
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 29
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:48:38 AM
What ever suits you....listen to your instinct...not others...
It is your life...

All the best,
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 36
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/25/2012 4:49:01 PM
I have done the multiple dating approach, and the one at time approach, but the one at time approach works best for me. It allows me to gather my thoughts and make clearer decisions.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 41
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 9:40:25 AM
This whole issue is absurd in my mind. Agreeing to go out on a date isn't a marriage.

Exactly. And going out on a date isn't datING. Having a second date lined up isn't datING. DatING someone means you have been seeING someone. Not saw. Or saw and are set to see again. If they have been a stranger, then a little conversation was had, and then a meeting in person was had -- and there's still some interest -- you're far from out of the woods of being exclusive by default.

I think dating one person at a time shows class. No one person gets your true time or attention when you are juggling several others. I myself only date one person at a time.

I don't think it really shows 'class'. By that rationale, is it wrong to email/talk-to multiple people at a time? How does A date and a follow-up the next week soak up time & attention? I think most people talking with someone online amounts to a small amount here and there, before meeting. Then after meeting, still a small amount, which can grow from there, or fizzle after a 1st/2nd/3rd date. But during that time, they're not taking your time like someone you're an item with, nor are the expectations the same.

I think people just want the attention purely at they themselves. And that's fine for a preference, of course, if we really dig them. Some go through a feeling out process... and how many options you juggle depends on how much the options take time from your life in that "pre-season" phase. I don't think keeping other options on the line because one's had a date and a follow-up one lined up 5-7 days later is soaking time away from it. You (and the other party) haven't figured things out yet.

One shouldn't spread themselves too thin, though -- where it becomes difficult to book a meeting/date with someone because of someone else. That's why I understand a single parent juggling 3 kids and 45 hour work week who always has errands and things to do on the side from that, can really only juggle 1-option-at-a-time. But they shouldn't ask everyone else to do that because they are. Some folks are more free in the summer, less free in the winter, etc.

But I think it's pretty standard that once two people hit it off, have already gone out on several dates, and communicate now very frequently -- to have a quick chit-chat as to whether you're exclusive or not. Or if it's pain-stakingly obvious you are, sure. Then, you stop shopping around and cut off everything else that were options -- you've begun truly datING someone (not potentially).
 oskiesmom
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 43
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:26:34 PM
I don't think dating one person at a time is old-fashioned. I used to; it was tiring trying to keep up with different people and I didn't feel I was fully getting to know either person. It also depends on what you're looking for.

If you are dating multiple people, please be open about it. The last person I dated was insistent that we only date each other; he was also getting to know another woman and lied about it when I asked him if he wanted to change our situation. Needless to say, it ended very badly and he lost both of us.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 44
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:28:28 PM
what do you do if you are dating multiple people, and more than one seems like a great option?

What if you only go out on those initial-dates of getting-to-know-you with girl A, and you turned down a great option girl B, and girl A after 2 dates (pushing girl B away for 10 days), you find out she isn't interested when you were? And all you had was a lunch date, and dinner date? Go back to girl B and say "Hey, I want my second choice"?

By that rationale, you shouldn't be even messaging or talking to more than one girl at a time, even pre-date. You'll still have to deal with someone being a "second choice".

And, if your hopes are up, but then go down by finding out more about the gal which clearly disinterests you, or unfortunately she suddenly isn't interested in you -- you're back to square Zero. For a gal you went out on a couple dates with? A couple dates with someone you didn't know prior does not mean you're a couple. Some people confuse the two.

It's not about a lack of time & effort spent with a particular gal, if you're going out on A date here and there with more than 1 woman in the same general time-frame. It's your Emotion possibly "watered down", if you're too infatuated. Going out on a date with more than one gal helps you from being infatuated. You're placing too much expectations on a gal you met for the first time, with a 2nd date lined up.
 COLIONE98
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 45
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:21:06 PM
I come here cause i travel often from state to state and what better way to meet people is via online dating sites. Men will not respond so i ask women about the city and where to get certain things or entertainment. It works works better than the other social networks. And if in the mood, i meet with women for drinks but under the notion that i am not looking for "love". However, upon conversing- of course about POF, come to find out that they are seeing multiple people and haven't decided which one to date, still fighting off slugs via emails- yet they are out to drinks at a bar with me and sending me half naked pictures. And when i call them out, they become hostile. BUT, you still have both men and women that will say "well at least she or he was being honest".. well, I ask, what good does that do especially when one person may be more emotionally involved and not into the multiple dating thing. Now, it creates conflict and instead of the two attempting to make things work, they part ways why (because one of the two feels a necessity to date multiple people in order to "weigh his or her options"... what a pitty..... (note how i mention both men and women in the scenario) - just covering my ends cause i know the hostile take-overs are ready to pounce on me....

But the online dating has distorted many people's minds. They consider this a place where you can weigh options. And if you don't have enough game then you need to step it up or revamp your profile- . Or another great one- "you are not exclusive so you or him/her can do as you please".... the problem is there will always be a more successful man or women. There will always be a man with better game, or a women with longer legs. There will always be someone else better then the next. Its life. But that doesn't mean we should keep fishing for the NEXT BIG FISH as many people do on here (both men and women). So why go around trying to date or talk to other people and create this unnecessary stress? Having a great evening only to find out that he or she is continuously checking emails and chatting away the next day is totally uncool.

Little do they understand that it is not about that. It is about properly communicating and giving your undivided attention to one person. If things do not go well, move on to the next- forget about being honest or open. I might as well bring my sex buddy to dinner with a potential date. I have done it in the past to a woman that was "weighing her options" Well, i weighed my options and had sex with them both on separate nights just to prove a point and was honest about it!! She didn't like it too much. Point was made and taken!!

So now, before i even get involved deeply in email chatter, i bring this up. 8-10 times the woman admits to being a player based on what i described above and that she did not think of it that way. There is no other way to put it. Online dating inadvertently creates players out of people.

Ex- if i meet you at a bar and we kick it off. I would not expect you to go back to that same bar to meet someone else to weigh your options. Why should it work any differently online? People think it does cause they are behind a computer and are free to do as they please and employ as much hypocrisy as needed to get theirs....
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 47
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:06:42 AM
There's this guy in Texas ....
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 48
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:20:23 AM


There's this guy in Texas ....


who lives in an abandoned oil field....
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 2:33:46 PM
Dating more than one person at a time does not equate to sleeping with one or any of them.

True. But if one's datING just one person, sleeping with them is usually either happening or around the corner. Lesser chance if one's been datING more than one person in the same general time-frame.

It's only a date.

Well, you're not datING a guy if it's only A date. You're datING someone or seeING someone when it's already demonstrated as on-goING.

Going out on A date or two, ie it's not on-going (yet?), is fine with multiple people at a time. There, it's not assumed people are necessarily sleeping with someone (although folks would prefer they'd be the only one on the radar). Point being, there's a linguistical issue about the word 'dating' applied.

(1) One can be datING a specific person -- an on-going affair with a person.
(2) They can be out datING in general -- an on-going affair with the masses with A date here with person 1, another date with person 2, another date with person 3, etc.

* It's a problem/issue with most folks is when you're datING a specific person, but ALSO datING either another specific person or datING out there in general with others.

I mean, if the person you have A date with, come to find out, is already having an on-going affair with a specific person, would you really be cool with that if you were really interested in him, even if he said it's not serious? How would that other specific person feel? If you have it on-going but still want to date around, either you're not ready to be truly going steady with someone -- or (most likely) you're not That interested in them.

A lesser problem/issue with SOME people but not a majority, is just having A date here and there, with multiple people in the same general time-frame. As you say, if it's just A date here and there with someone, sorry -- you can't expect people, before you've got something on-going with them, to not be pursuing or keeping on radar more than one person at once.
 FlaxenBlonde
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 51
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Dating one person at a time - Old Fashioned?
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:48:43 PM
OP--- Some people think it is right to date only one person at a time, while others think it is equally right to date several people at a time.

Everyone has their reasons for believing the way they do.
Some people feel it is morally wrong to date more than one person at a time.
Perhaps it is "morally wrong" to some because they think that "dating" equals "having sex."
Therefore, if a person is "having sex" with more than one person, they view that (or sleeping around) as morally wrong & that the person is a "player."

Others believe "dating" means "dating" and nothing more. "Dating" does not equal "having sex."
In this instance, "dating" more than one person is merely a means, or process of elimination, by which one finds "the one" with whom you may eventually want to have an exclusive relationship. When dating several people, there will always be one who stands out from the rest & it isn't difficult to say goodbye to others when the time is right.

As teenagers, some of us were not allowed to date just one person at a time. In fact, some of us were required to date at least several people at the same time & in my case, additionally, dates had to be made at least 1 or 2 weeks in advance. The specific intent of not dating just one person was to ensure that things didn't get "serious" too quickly & the girl being pressured into "proving her love" for the boy. I had strict parents who thought this form of "dating" was "morally" better & all of my dates knew my parents' rules.

Guess I'm old fashioned because I still believe "dating" means "dating." However, my opinion concerning whether adults choose to date just one or several at the same time is their prerogative but then everyone they “date” should be told. I choose to date one person at a time.
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