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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested      Home login  
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 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
Is there something wrong with both partners getting testedPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I don't understand. Why would they think you were bonkers? Which partner do you think is supposed to get tested if it's not both?

Although tests are probably not worth it for a FWB relationship as they are likely sleeping with others also so you would constantly be putting yourself at risk.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 3
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 2:53:45 AM

not a very good way to start a serious relationship there is such a thing as trust if you know you are safe and he knows he is safe why need to get tested???.
I see it as a mature and responsible way to start a serious relationship. It would be an instant deal breaker for me if a man refused to have the tests.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 5
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:07:14 AM

I also won't hold it against any guy who doesn't wish to get the tests, i just know the relationship wont be going any further.
Absolutely his choice, but the fact that he wouldn't do it when he knew it was important to me would speak volumes.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:52:21 AM
Since there are diseases which people can carry and pass on, but not know that they have, it is pretty much a requirement. Anyone who takes the attitude that they should simply be trusted, is themselves ignorant of this.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 4:11:14 AM

not a very good way to start a serious relationship there is such a thing as trust if you know you are safe and he knows he is safe why need to get tested???

No........ not a very good way to start a serious relationship is not putting you and your partners safety first!!
Trust has nothing to do with it, when as Igor pointed out, you can carry a disease and not know it.
btw....how do you know you are "safe" if you haven't been tested???? Even if you have been using condoms your whole life, you can still get an STI.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 11
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 7:18:41 AM

That's a bizarre statement. By your own assumption, the fwb is riskier, so if it's not worth being tested for a fwb, why is it worth being tested for a less risky relationship?
Because the less risky relationship is also with someone who has made a commitment to be exclusive and you have learned to trust. An FWB relationship is rarely exclusive nor are they in any way answerable so the opportunity to expose themselves to STIs is much higher, and there is no compulsion (or moral requirement) to tell you if they do. Therefore, they may be tested and all clear and sleep with someone else that night and re-expose themselves.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 12
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:07:11 AM
chaka99 ....

Please hear me when I say just make it a non negotiable rule to wear condoms every single time. The realities of dating and a FWB relationship may not match what you believe and your values. I've been there. Innocence shattered. I knew the person online for a full year before meeting, and believed when he implied I was only the 3rd person he had every been with in his life (why wouldn't I? I didn't know then that people lie) ... but it turned out I was the third in 6 months (maybe more, but I only found out about 2). The worse part, he wouldn't use a condom because he said he couldn't perform with one on (which he couldn't, not for very long). I was exposed to I don't know what. I was tested, but still fear being tested again, and HIV and HPV don't show up right away, and HPV maybe not for years.

I had been with one person in 10 years, and I hadn't been on the 'dating' scene. It's lovely men like that who ruin our trusting nature. I hate that I even doubt anyone, as I was so naive and assumed trust before, but it's better for you to doubt now then have an STD for life to deal with.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 15
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:59:31 AM


Is there anything wrong with wanting both individuals to get tested for diseases or are the guys going to think I am bonkers.


On the contrary, it is rather unwise to have sex with someone without knowing if they are, or are not, carriers of one or more diseases.

Regardless of the type of relationship you go for, the initial testing results remain valid only in monogamous relationships. In a FWB type of relationship, it is probably worth explicitly mentioning that monogamy is one of your requirements (no sense in testing in the absence of it.)
 milehiguy12
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 16
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Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 1:17:39 PM
This is the smartest thing you can do to assure you stay STD free. Keep in mind that what your getting is a snapshot in time and depends on being monogamous.
 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 17
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Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 1:26:42 PM
No, you are not bonkers. In this day and age you have to look out for you!!! I have a girlfriend who was in a relationship with a man who decided to tell her after 6 months of dating he has herpes. The genital kind....Great guy right?..Then after they had been together over a year he dumped her!!!! She figured she'd be with him the rest of her life as they had a pretty good thing going on.And he still dumped the poor little thing.
It is wise to do it if you feel you are heading into a sexual or more serious relationship. Do take care of yourself!!! PF
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 18
Is there something wrong with both partners getting tested
Posted: 8/8/2012 2:05:25 PM


Wat does that have to do with anything? A test can only tell you if you have an sti. .
I really don't understand what it is I am saying that you are finding objectionable. Whether or not tests are required before having unprotected sex is an OPINION only - not a fact. If someone doesn't believe the risk of an STI is enough to justify having the tests done then that is their decision.


You're trying to turn it into some sort of test for a person's worthiness of being a long term partner
If a man I was planning a future with didn't want to make one visit to a doctor for something that was important to me, even if he thought it was a waste of time, then yes, that would make me re-evaluate my relationship with him.
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