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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
People want what they want and depending on their patience, intellect, etc....
are stuck in how they go about it.

many people will stay about age 18-21 emtionally. They have no other resources to grow.

Makes dating easy... I just moved on until I found someone who had his shyte together. For some
because they are lacking physically, overweight, bad teeth, a lifetime of poor choices will try to make someone
into what they want. Stupid as that is... thats what they do.

Not all emotionally mature people are spohisticated. You are assuming a lot OP.

Far as if people get stuck... and if they grow out of it, some do and some do not.
 wackadoodledoo
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 4
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Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:38:14 AM
I don't know if it is a matter if immaturity or lacking social skills.??? In my view, there are many fish that are searching for perfection. None exists in any of us. There is so much talk of "red flags" and deal breakers. In my estimation, if one had a mature and realistic view of themselves with appropriate social skills they might be more successful in obtaining happiness, whether it be with a partner or in life.!! I also feel that the age of technology has allowed people to do and say whatever they want and there are no consequences and no conscious!! It is a free for all.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 5
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Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:39:30 AM
People get stuck in many ways and it has little to do with their age and/or gender.

Some just escape to the pleasures of the past, glorify them, enhance each and every activity and adventure, and then have nothing real to compare it to, so they revert back to their thoughts and actions from the past. It becomes the fantasy and they struggle to find it again, repeat it, and enjoy it yet another time.....and that is because it really did not happen the way they remember, and it is much easier for many to relive the past in their mind, over forging new adventures and taking a chance now!

cd
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 7
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 2:41:12 PM
Two things:

1) A lot of women tend to overlook the emotionally mature guys as boring.
The immature ones can be much funner.
Especially if a woman is emotionally immature herself.
(as they will be on same wavelength)

2) The emotional side of our nature matures and learns much slower
than the rest of our being.

Our minds and intelligence can become pretty sharp and learn new stuff very quickly.
The emotional aspect in all of us is more primitive and only learns thru emotional interaction
in a very Pavlovian way. In that we tend to learn more from emotional pain than joy.

For example: a guy marries at 18 and stays married for 20 years.
He then gets divorced.
Emotionally he may still be 18 when he becomes single again.
He will have to learn all the ins and outs....and pitfalls of dating.
Being in a relationship for 20 years does not prepare him for
finding or dating someone new and different.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 8
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 3:01:39 PM
I am so enjoying this thread and am in agreement with most of the points here, so I have very little to add. However, there are so many people who run among us who have no clue. They are not 25 anymore and what they could get away with at 25 doesn't work at over 45. Some learn to get with the program and others never do. Instead of looking at their own issues, they paint other people with the crazy brush instead. There are so many of them here in Southern CA. Sigh...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 3:12:01 PM
Hmm. Complicated.

First of all, I haven't found very many people on this planet who are across all parameters, "mature," or "immature." So I have some disagreement with your list:

An emotionally mature person wil be sophisticated enough to be realistic & will overlook minor flaws. They will not talk about sex, cuz they're having sex. They won't drive like an irresponsible teenager. They will not "crush" from afar, or email an ex w/ salacious emails/pix-or play any games.


Your first point, is a judgment call, which gets discussed here in various ways, and often. "Overlooking minor flaws," by some otherwise seemingly mature people, is the same as "closing your eyes to compatibility exceptions." Is it a sign of maturity, or of immaturity, to take someone on who has habits that you know you don't like, in hopes that everything will be okay anyway? I really don't know.

I don't know what you mean by "They will not talk about sex, cuz they're having sex," so I wont comment on that.

Wont drive like a teenager? Most people are not that consistent on the road.

"They will not "crush" from afar," Okay, I'm immature in the extreme. I do that all the time. Does the fact that I know I'm doing it, and restrain myself from actually writing to the remote hot babes mean that I'm "mature," or just a dweeby coward?

But I do know and agree with the main thrust of your post. I just think that most folks are "mature" in some ways, and not in others. As for why some seem to get "stuck, " I can't say. My annoyance center tells me they are doing it on purpose, but I sure can't prove that.
 Dili_gent
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 12
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Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/10/2012 10:35:23 PM
Maturity has little to do with the time we have been on this earth. A 100 year old person can be less mature than a 15 year old kid.

P.S. You do realize that Doug Heffernen, Ray Barone Tim Taylor and and a host of other characters were created for comedic effect. They aren't real. Just like Kim Kardashian isn't real. Right?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/11/2012 5:01:21 AM
Honestly, nothing in this life is "permanent",at least it shouldn't be. Are you asking OP if it is possible for someone to "evolve" after 45?????? Not just in the "maturity" category,but in all aspects of life????? I say,yes some still can evolve, yet, some won't. Up to the individual. Sometimes all it takes is the right person to enter another's life to be the catalyst for this to happen. A little push is all some individuals need to get "unstuck". But, in saying that,I'm finding more and more individuals not being able to see the "possibilities" of another,so they dismiss fairly quickly.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 14
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/11/2012 11:47:20 AM
Oh yes yes yes & to all of the above. It's the biggest obstacle I've encountered while dating. I'm pushing 50 & there's better ways for a woman to express herself than a mixed CD or E-Card. I tend to think it's a permanent lifestyle if it affects most aspects of that persons life & the longer you know them, the more you realize it does.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 15
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/11/2012 2:46:06 PM
stray cat
1) A lot of women tend to overlook the emotionally mature guys as boring.
The immature ones can be much funner.
Especially if a woman is emotionally immature herself.
(as they will be on same wavelength)

2) The emotional side of our nature matures and learns much slower
than the rest of our being.

Our minds and intelligence can become pretty sharp and learn new stuff very quickly.
The emotional aspect in all of us is more primitive and only learns thru emotional interaction
in a very Pavlovian way. In that we tend to learn more from emotional pain than joy.

For example: a guy marries at 18 and stays married for 20 years.
He then gets divorced.
Emotionally he may still be 18 when he becomes single again.
He will have to learn all the ins and outs....and pitfalls of dating.
Being in a relationship for 20 years does not prepare him for
finding or dating someone new and different.


I think we learn emotionally and intellectually at about the same speed, but many of us have less opportunity to learn emotionally. And many don't like to leave their comfort zone.

They don't teach relationships in school, and your example of someone married at 18 for 20 years is a good example. Likely neither of those people would have an easy time with new relationships.

So for many, there are fewer opportunities to grow emotionally, especially in the early years when we are more likely to learn.

In the past I have heard from women that when they were stay at home moms raising children, they were staving intellectually and were tired of baby talk. So we can atrophy intellectually as well.

Your post struck home. Many of the immature behaviors described in threads I have done at one time or another. But I did these between 20-35, and during that time I had relationships with many different types of woman. Add to that I am naturally curious, so I inquire about people's past when it come up. Looking back, if I broke up with a taller sweet large woman, next I would gravitate towards a short, very thin, acerbic type, or a different ethnic background, different culture / country, totally different class level, etc. So while I haven't had a huge number of relationships, each one was quite different from the last one. I didn't get married until I was 37, which does stop the learning process concerning romantic relationships.

So I am often puzzled why those over 45 either act immature or are surprised by it. I am seldom surprised by anyone's behavior, at one time or another I had seen it before. Once in a while I am puzzled about why they did something, was it because of A or B or C? I never learn why because in those situations I have left the relationship for reasons not relating to the odd behavior, and outside of intellectual curiosity, does it matter why someone did something weird?
 EG63
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 16
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/12/2012 4:37:14 PM
Maybe it is just that a whole lot of people never really grow up, they perhaps get stuck in a routine when they reach their 20's and keep doing the same things over and over. Perhaps some of them can hide their immaturity and lack of sophistication in the coming years by pretending to be something else and with time they get very good at it. Only when they think nobody is watching they show what's the real deal with them.

Have to say that it is my suspicion, this being a free site, that there are a whole lot of teenagers and general morons who open up fake profiles without images, or are using stolen pictures, just for the trill to bug people and more particularly target women with obnoxious messages and inappropriate pictures.

And who gets the heat for it?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 17
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/13/2012 7:50:15 PM
^^^
good for you.
When in heartbreak we need to be our own best friend.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 18
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/13/2012 8:32:40 PM

So, I was thinking about several of the more recent threds in this section, plus my own experiences...a common theme to both genders is some emotionally immature behaviors/thoughts.

People being coy, playing games, sending pix, texting, emailing, talking suggestively, but not really doing "relationships."

Interestingly, being coy, playing games, etc., etc., is how some people HAVE relationships. And I don't believe it's age determined for those who do such things.

An emotionally mature person wil be sophisticated enough to be realistic & will overlook minor flaws. They will not talk about sex, cuz they're having sex. They won't drive like an irresponsible teenager. They will not "crush" from afar, or email an ex w/ salacious emails/pix-or play any games.

LOL ~ well while I don't drive like a teenager, I'm certainly not the least bit opposed to talk sex with the man in my life. In fact? If he's not willing to talk about something that important? He likely won't be in my life and if he is, not for long with such a closed-mind.

I suspect people can get "stuck" emotionally & revert to juvenile ways, hopefully it is temporary...

I'm an adult, I can be playful & have fun, but I want to be around other adults & have an adult man in my life. Do you think that people sometimes get stuck TEMPORARILY, or is it a PERMANENT WAY of living when they appear immature?

I don't know. My ex-husband doesn't seem to have matured a day since we divorced and that's been 12 years and two children for him. And that was one reason our marriage didn't work. On the other hand ~ I was a late bloomer in the maturity department (according to me.) I had a child young, and although I was a very responsible parent, I don't believe I was "mature" until my mid-30s. I don't even remotely resemble the person I once was. Evolution of self is a wonderful thing. I think some evolve, mature, grow, invest in their own selves and some simply do not. But I could be wrong.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 20
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/13/2012 9:39:41 PM

What about men or a man who ONLY wants to talk about it, as in write salacious stuff & beg 4 pix, BUT NOT ACTUALLY DO IT?


I can only guess that some men do this because for some reason they feel they can't date a woman so the ' salacious stuff & beg 4 pix ' is the next best thing to having a real sexual relationship. There are many reasons a man (or woman) may feel like that, having issues that they believe would prevent someone from dating them once those issues came to light in a real face to face meeting. Could be anything from having a prison record, being 300 lbs overweight, being married, being 80 years old and in a wheelchair, hard to guess if one hasn't met the person IRL.

My next door neighbor has her son living with her now, he is about 150 over weight and maybe 5.1 in height. He told me he had a GF in another state that he talks to 1-2 hours a day. However, he have never met her, they don't even skype. One time they were suppose to meet but she had a problem that prevented it. I haven't asked if he has at least had a video call with her, at min confirm this is a woman he is chatting with. Likely is a woman, I don't know the details, but it would be hard for me to call someone a GF whom I had never met.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/13/2012 10:54:08 PM

What about men or a man who ONLY wants to talk about it, as in write salacious stuff & beg 4 pix, BUT NOT ACTUALLY DO IT? To me that is like a boy in jr high, just wants to fantasize but not do...very juvenile & very diff from a man who is in a real relationship who discusses things w/ his partner...

Eh, I weed those out as quickly as I weed out those who talk in racial slurs, text-speak, one smiley answers, meet-greeters, online newbies, etc., etc. I can't even answer you about their possible mentalities because the minute I'm approached for a picture exchange? Magically? I'm gone. (That has to be the MOST ridiculous thing. Like 8 pictures here aren't enough? PFT! So I get your point on that note. I was speaking of those I actually get to know.)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 22
Are they still in Jr. High? Emotionally stuck at 45+
Posted: 8/14/2012 8:18:21 AM
A while ago I created a thread asking if men over 45 were really that interested in a sexual relationship? Some thought it was a joke, but no one likes to think that maybe there is some truth in that.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15243436.aspx

I suspect some percentage of men get performance anxiety over a certain age, but in their mind they still are horndogs. So they chase women, but don't really want to catch them. Virtual sex such as emails, pics and videos are so much less stressful.

Women typically hold out sex as a kind of prize, men typically try and meet her requirements to get to the goal, so it's easy to fail to realize that one or the other are not really as serious about a relationship as it would appear, they are just playing the dating game. Not everyone of course, but it's done often enough to make it common.

If I woman said that I want to meet, if we click we can go to my place and see how you measure up in bed, I would venture to say a large percentage of older men wouldn't show up. Of course some will jump at the chance, so not many women are going to try that just to test a theory.
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