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 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 2
Not sure what all of this meansPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
One,, she is not stringing you along, you are,,she dumped you,, for her reasons,, she can still love you but,, she wants out ,, pure and simple, and you been contacting her, let her go,, in a months time,, just a phone call to say hi,,
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 3:06:48 PM
Do what is best for you.
Tis your prerogative as the dumpee.

If not seeing her on FB and everywhere else
can help you heal quicker...
go that rout.
Or
If you can deal with her without dying inside...
go that rout.

but at this point...
best to think of it as over.
and go from there.
(painful as that may be)

If she should want you back someday....
tis her obligation to beg for you to come back.
Doesn't work if you do that.
(and yeah...I'm sure we've all tried that at least once/LOL)

Be strong.
may you not suffer long.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 5
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 3:14:52 PM
If your girl knows she has some issues,, let her work on them in her own way,, looking into other reasons that are not factual just makes your life worse,, and you will soon begin to believe what is not the truth,,
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 6
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 3:44:25 PM
if it's any consolation to you, this sort of situation can happen to either gender. i have been in your shoes, and there are few things as difficult to deal with than caring for someone, who ~while adamant that s/he likewise cares for you ~ tells you they can't (or won't) see you because of factors totally outside your control (i.e. having nothing to do with you, your words/actions.)

yes, of course, one wonders if the explanantion is "for real" OR a variation of the "i want you gone, but to think well of me." the thing to drill in your brain, however, is....it doesn't matter. either way, she doesn't want you in her life at the moment, and that is her choice. it's out of your hands....if she really thinks the world of you, then you can't make yourself anymore appealing, and if she is just giving you an excuse, you're going to regret risking your self-respect by begging or hanging around. it IS hard, but let it go....and IF she returns, make sure you're prepared for this happening again, if you take her back. it usually does....

best luck!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 8
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 4:50:50 PM
If she did not contact you then you are (like someone else said) stringing along yourself.

Leave her alone.
 Mom_warned_you_about_me
Joined: 3/28/2012
Msg: 10
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 7:33:13 PM
Some women love it when you stick up for yourself, and what you want. Women are notorious for NOT knowing what they want, but they will make demands. Your job is to be clear to get what YOU want. She dated you because she likes what YOU want. The problem I see that you are caving in to her desires, like space and such. Take her back if it is love, love is irreplaceable. However now that she has proven that she does not know a thing about herself, take your power back. Instead of being nice, be yourself, get what you want. It turns women on.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 12
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/14/2012 11:38:58 PM
Your power is in being in your space,
and not in hers.
(mentally as well as actual)

cus...you'd rather be in her space.
Or at least bothering her some...with text.
It's human to be that way.
But don't.
and maybe she will
.........get up to your level....
..............................on her own.

Always use the force for good.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 13
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Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/15/2012 5:09:33 AM
There's a song, think it's called "I'll never get over you getting over me".
She's over you just doesn't want you to get over her.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 15
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/15/2012 7:16:39 AM

Whenever I broke up with someone I'd always say things like 'I don't feel you happy anymore' or 'I feel I'm holding you back' 'this breakup is what feel you really want' - basically, I'd turn it on them, again a crappy way of breaking up but it worked.

Yes, that is crappy,, what ever happened to honesty,, I'd also say, instead you assuming how someone might feel,, why don't you ask them instead of those bull shit line,,.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 17
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/15/2012 7:47:06 AM

Move on. Even if she does realize she wants to be with you, she sounds like a head case.


I can't offer you anything more to the point than this little gem.

Save yourself years of pain and turmoil and adopt a scorched earth policy. Never look back.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 20
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/15/2012 12:35:06 PM
So many of you,, WOW,, Diagnosing OP ex girl friend,, poor girl never had a chance here,,anyway,, the point to all this, OP your girl broke it off,, whats her space, even said she loves you,, you can love someone and still not be with them,,, I will tell you this,, You should respect her wishes,,because in the end you will make your life worse,, as you are beginning to sound pathetic,, really!!! do you think a woman no matter her fame of mind, wants someone who choose not to respect her and her wishes,, like I have said before,, give it a mo. then pick up the phone and say hi,, with out all the drama,, I will also say this,, if it were my girl, and she broke up with me,, I still would not allow anyone to speck so poorly of her in this forum,, just shows how much you cared or cared........ that is just my point of view,,
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 22
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/15/2012 1:22:35 PM

to be frank I think it's completely out of line to put my care, concern, or respect for her into question.

agreed it mat be out of line,, but you deserve it

What do you really think you will find out about your girl here in these forums,, these people, including my self don't even know the poor woman,,,,other than just what you say about her,and that is one sided,,, and what i have heard you love her,, good for you,, but the fact remains,, she cut her ties with you,, do you really think these people know her reasons,, hell you don't.. and your asking other people.. of all the people who should know it would be you...so what you have is a bunch of bull shit floating around with no facts behind them,, if you want something other than the truth she told you,... sit back and give her the space,, ,, I am telling you,, your going to talk with her in one months time,, with all these ****ed upped ideas you heard here,, present them to her in a confusion..,, because you will have no idea what your talking about,, you will have LOST,, you can come back in a month and tell me i am wrong,, that would be what i would hope to hear,, but experience tells me other wise,,
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 27
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/16/2012 7:10:23 PM

Oh, & to "notawriter" who commented "She is crazy. Dump her.", that's the kind of attitude that marginalizes people suffering clinical depression. Clinical depresion & an anxiety disorder does not make someone "crazy". It's a very common affliction (roughly 10% of the population), & is often part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well.

I couldn't agree more. But it's no good trying to educate people who ENJOY their ignorance.
To me, making a statement to run away from someone dealing with clinical depression is about like saying to dump someone you are dating if you find they are under medical care for anything other than a cold or a sports injury.

Now, a word about one aspect of this particular situation...
one of the problems that can attend clinical depression is difficulty making decisions.
I have to warn you, OP-if you plan to go "no contact" be prepared for her to accept that as a decision you made FOR her. If you "go no contact", you had better be able to accept that as a permanent end to the relationship. Don't "go no contact" as a ploy to get her to resume dating you. I cannot SWEAR to you that she will consider you a closed chapter, but I think that is a likely outcome.

To those who are acting as though this bout with depression makes the woman permanently tainted- I pray you never find yourself ill(whether mentally, physically or some combination thereof) and alone because everyone took YOUR advice and fled the scene. I do not disagree that there are situations and scenarios with either(or both) mental or physical illness where it may be necessary to withdraw for the sake of one's own safety/well-being. But too many people here seem to think they are entitled to a perfect, flawless, issue-free partner. Or they go to the OTHER extreme and seem to be intentionally shopping in the 'scratch&dent/damaged merchandise" basement because they believe rescuing a damaged person will guarantee that the person will never be able to leave. I think everyone should be trying for a happy medium within their own range of mental and physical health-demanding perfection or confining oneself to "rescue cases" are both prescriptions for disappointment and unhappiness.

Depression, anxiety, even milder forms of bi-polar are no more a permanently crippling condition than many common medical issues. And things like stress,fatigue, poor diet, inadequate exercise, even bad weather can contribute to a bout of depression.

Yes, I do agree that perhaps this lady is wiser to whittle out as many distractions as she can right now, I think we can only tell the OP to respet her wishes. But for someone else, the emotional support of a bf or gf may mean a lot.

I agree that the OP must respect her wishes and give her space...and none of us can really tell him just how much space that needs to be. I simply wanted to point out that if the OP "goes no contact" thinking that will compel the young woman to continue dating him, he may be mistaken. I just want him to be aware of that.
Cindy O
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 29
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/16/2012 8:00:15 PM
^^^^ Good choice Fred,, Good luck..
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 30
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Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/16/2012 9:08:02 PM


One thing I love about men is that they mean what they say and say what they mean. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of most women.

This one is a crapshoot... my advice is go no contact. If she wants you, she will let you know - if she doesn't, she won't.

Best of luck to you!
J

Whoa, hold the phone. This isn't true at all. Men do and say the same things to women trying to let them down softly. I've done it before in the past. Now that I'm a little older, I tend to tell them a more blunt truth, but still politely as possible. I will tell her the chemistry just isn't there, I'm sorry. Or if my decision was brought about by something she's done, I will tell her that she has irreparably turned me off.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 31
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Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/16/2012 9:27:58 PM


I last spoke with her 3 days ago. I said that I believed in her even if she doesn't believe in herself. That I see the best of her even despite any of these problems she's facing. I know we're not perfect for each other and this may not be the right time in our lives, but I know that I love you and I value that a lot. She responded that she misses me as well and that this is just a shitty situation but she can't talk to me because she needs to focus on herself right now. Anxiety and depression are somewhat mild but it is a precedence to take care of those things in her life before she can focus on me. She knows that I would be a distraction as she is a giving type. It's hard to gauge what exactly I should be doing.. but when I say "go no contact" I'm saying I'm going to leave her alone for a month and then reevaluate the situation. If she wants to come to me I'm more than willing to help her out but I don't want to be freezed out or get in her space when she's asked for exactly that.


Op,

I've seen this before plenty of times. Even in my own experience. The bottom line is, she doesn't want you anymore. I know that answer hurts, and it's not the answer you want to hear. Look at her actions man. She's not making any effort to get back together with you and she's not going to.

I bet I can tell you what's going to happen with 95% accuracy. You're going to keep trying to talk to her and help her, etc. Then, all of a sudden, like within a day or so of you having what you thought was a really good, encouraging talk with her, you're going to discover she's met someone new and that she had no problem whatsoever jumping into his arms and into his bedroom. And the you're going to hurt like hell again and be angry at her for "lying to you" this whole time. Ask me how I know. I'm telling you, here and now her actions are not lying to you.

When a woman is attracted to a man, they act on it. She is not attracted to you anymore bud. I'm sorry.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 35
Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/18/2012 8:29:49 PM
Ahh, hey, Topher Grace, I love your work, especially in that 70's show...

I read your posts and you come off like the character Eric, the to "nice" guy...

There is a reason Eric and say Jackie never got together, they were different types of people , and Jackie would never put up with Eric's good guy"whimpy" persona ,and why she enjoyed Kelso's "macho" attitude, and Eric and Donna were more compatible,lol....

You are so into her from your posts, it is crazy, and love can be that way...The Dumpee , usually always feels that , what the heck did I do or not do, or what did I not have or what did I do to much of, attitude...Drop it now, it will stay with you already for a long time, but dwelling on it will drive you nuts , as I know from many peoples experiences and my own as well...Especially when she is still telling you, I love you , I miss you , I blah blah blah, but I can not be with you , its me not you...I am depressed , anxiety,lol, what does anxiety have to do with not being in a relationship,LMAO, you seem more calmer than a Buddhist monk... Not to mention why can she not work out her depression and anxiety with you, as you seem like a pretty positive guy...

Regardless, I personally think it is dangerous for your emotional state to be friends with her in the long run, but you will still probably play the nice guy, but I would WISCONSIN her,lol...
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 37
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Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/18/2012 9:36:44 PM
NattyFredLocks,

Repeat this to yourself a hundred times per day, every day, for the next three months. Feel it, and believe it:

"I was nothing but kind and respectful to her, and she sh*t in my face for it."

Believe me, it will help a ton.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 40
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Not sure what all of this means
Posted: 8/18/2012 10:01:02 PM
I think it'll work for anyone who's been used up and then discarded like an old shoe. Like you..

Don't even think the words second chance until and if she hunts you down and reaches out to you. She's put you out to pasture. Look around and notice there are no fences. So wonder off and start a new chapter somewhere else, while repeating to yourself what I said.
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