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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 1964armymom
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 2
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It may just be that she has had bad experiences with men having her cell #. I know there's a few I regret giving mine to {block}.
Wait until the meet and see how it goes.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/14/2012 7:34:33 PM
^^^
Yeah just meet her.
and then maybe you will be cell worthy.
:-P
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/14/2012 7:43:33 PM
turn that around.
She should be lucky to meet you.
Might be longer for her if it doesn't go well.
:-P
 tinsleyhut
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 11
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/14/2012 10:40:21 PM
She may or may not show up but I don't believe it has anything at all to do with the phone number. Repeatedly we hear on these forums about making meets up with phone numbers and even though the person has confirmed by phone they still don't show up. I NEVER give out my phone number before I meet someone in person. I don't know who the heck you really are. You can look up all my information from my phone number and know where I live. So until I decide to spend the extra money on a throw away phone this hippie chick says no. In all fairness I have also never requested a man's phone number either. I have also never not shown up, nor have I had a meet not show up. All without phone numbers. It really doesn't have anything to do with how interested I am. I only regretted this once when I met the man in person, and he looked just as his picture showed but he had a horribly high pitched voice and I couldn't stand it. We still had a good time for an hour but I had to tell him I wasn't interested in a date.
 tinsleyhut
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 15
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 8:27:28 AM
Why is it I have never received any of these nasty pictures? Is it because I don't give out my number until after a meet?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 9:03:50 AM
I have a simple policy. NO number, no meeting. End of story. No exceptions. The very few that have stood me up, were those that were reluctant to give their cell number.

But since this may be an issue to some. Pose it not as, so you can continue talking, because many women as well as men do not like to spend endless hours on the phone. Tell them, that you require the cell, that way if one or the other has to cancel, or is running late, they can inform the other.

If they decline. Then say, sorry, I can't then meet. It was nice emailing you.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 9:50:33 AM
I simply don't enjoy phone conversation. I would exchange numbers only if a man insisted on it---however, I always made it clear that a call was necessary only if a change of plans occurred.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 19
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 9:56:22 AM
Jeez. Back in the 'dark ages' we didn't play all these games.

If you met someone and liked them, you gave them your number. If they were still interested a day or two later, they'd CALL you and ask you out. Yes - an actual PHONE call. Not a text. Not a chatbox. Not Skype. Not email. Not LAME Facebook. Not via your inbox on a dating site.

An actual, bonafide PHONE CALL.

Women are acting ridiculous with their refusal to give their numbers out and playing all these silly Secret Squirrel games with guys. If a guy freakin' calls or texts continually, you block him with your cell carrier.

It's not rocket science!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 10:57:51 AM

Women are acting ridiculous with their refusal to give their numbers out and playing all these silly Secret Squirrel games with guys. If a guy freakin' calls or texts continually, you block him with your cell carrier.

It's not rocket science!


Well said. Also, if you really think about it, you are more at risk by giving your actual email than your phone number. With your cell number, if the guy gets too weird, just block. It takes seconds to do that, end of story.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 24
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History
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 12:08:16 PM
I don't like to give my number out to all and sundry but if I am going to meet a guy for a date then I like to exchange numbers prior to that. I always ask for confirmation on the morning of the meet and if it is not forthcoming, as has been the case on a few occasions, then I won't bother spending my precious time getting scrubbed up to meet them.

I get quite fed up with guys desperate to meet me and then chickening out at the last moment and not having the balls to let me know so that I could make other plans with my time. I have sometimes not received any notification from them for weeks after and then all out of the blue they will text 'hi how are you' as if you might have forgotten they did the dirty deed and let you down!

OP treat this as a meet and not a proper date as such. I don't think it is too strange her not giving her number out, we are all different and she may just be overly cautious. Remember men are from mars, women from venus, we see things very differently.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 26
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History
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 12:25:47 PM
I personally have a little list of things I need to know about someone before I'll meet them for coffee even.

Full name, phone number and address or workplace are the main ones. I understand that people might want to maintain anonymity for as long as possible, but if you're willing to give me your time, then you should be willing to ensure that I feel comfortable meeting you...

If you're ok with her pulling a no-show, then by all means, meet without the number... but you should reconsider thinking of this as a date... it's not.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 27
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History
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 12:35:24 PM
Nothing more than a sign of caution and handing out your cell number for another to potentially abuse. There are enough stalkers out there and those that get upset when they do not get things their way, without helping them by handing over your number without knowing them first.

Many of my friends use a throw away phone for dating, and do not give out their home or cell number until they are convinced that the time is right, the person is sane and believable, and the situation justifies handing out that number(s). It is bad enough that some try to do a background search on you, find out where you live, where you work, and what you do most days and nights with your time......so, adding to this makes no sense in my mind until I am comfortable with that person enough to warrant exchanging such information.

Even with all of this, there are far to many that end up being stalkers or crazy when they do not get to have you the way they want and hoped to, and then follow you around like some high school girl hoping that you will let her back in your life and go steady with her.......shakes head.

cd
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 33
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 6:51:29 PM
I think it's a bad idea to have a first date / meeting without exchanging numbers. One person could be late due to traffic, work, getting lost etc. Without a phone number, they may not be able to reach you. Simply block other person from calling you if they become too annoying. Or buy a cheap prepaid cell phone and use it just for internet dating if you are that concerned about it.

Also, I think most women would have no problems giving a man their number after 10-15 minute conversation at a bar or bookstore if they liked him. Even though, they had a face to face conversation with him, he is still a virtual stranger at that point and is just as likely to be a potential stalker as a man from a dating site.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 36
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/15/2012 8:03:03 PM
You can't really equate meeting a stranger out in public with meeting one online. In public, you HAVE met them. Online you have not.


Some people have claimed that they don't want to give their number before a date / meeting because they are concerned about the other person being a stalker. My point is the person you see and talk to at a bar, bookstore, supermarket, on a train etc is just as likely to be a stalker. In that regard, there is no difference between online dating and a random public encounter with someone.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 39
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/16/2012 1:27:42 AM

It doesn't help that the meeting spot is a 15-min walk from her work when she gets off, and I have to drive 20 min to downtown and find parking.
Seems like you are thinking that driving for 20mins and having to find parking is a lot of trouble to go to... I'd refuse to meet you based on that alone...


Is she seeing this as a "Oh, what the hell, coffee after work with some guy. Worst that can happen is I don't like him..." whereas I am going in thinking of this as a real date?
Yes that's exactly what she is seeing it as and it is what you should see it as too... This is NOT a date!!!!! She is probably right for not giving you her number... I have a feeling you'll be calling to abuse her if she doesn't like you.....
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 42
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/16/2012 11:48:39 AM
Let her know about Google Voice. I don't give out my real cell phone number to guys I don't know (and if I've never met you or only met you a couple times, I still hardly know you), but I do give my Google Voice phone number for all the benefits of giving the actual cell number but without all of those potential disadvantages.

To the person who said to just block the phone number if someone becomes crazy, my phone will allow me to block incoming calls from numbers but not incoming texts. I spoke with my carrier about it in the past as well and it can't be done unless I block ALL texting from any number.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 45
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/16/2012 1:01:25 PM

So is this thread about women being reluctant to give a cell phone number or is it about your frustrations at online dating?

Glad to see I'm not the only one who had this thought cross their mind.

As for the phone # and information, that is a judgement call for each individual to make. It might even vary from situation to situation with a particular individual. Not everyone can afford even a cheapo prepaid to use just for dating, or can figure out using these phone numbers that forward calls.

As for the good old days-quite often in those cases this was a person who lived in your community or nearby. Often you had mutual acquaintances or some other way to get a good sense that the person was in fact who they claimed to be.
And oddly enough, I did not encounter this presumption with real-live meeting that being willing to give my phone number meant I was obligated to date a guy until HE decided he wasn't interested. Unfortunately, a byproduct in some mens' mind(maybe some womens',as well) of online dating is that if your profile is on a dating site you are obligated to date anyone who expresses interest and to continue dating him until HE says you're done.
I'm not saying that all men, most men, a lot of men...just enough men to be something of an annoyance if one happens to date one of them. So I think that what infomation a woman-or man-decides to give out to someone they plan to meet is something that each individual needs to decide for themselves. The rest of us do not have enough information to make pronouncements about someone else's information-sharing policy. If you encounter someone with an information-sharing policy that you dislike or distrust- then don't date the person.
I will tell you that there are few things more annoying than being BADGERED about giving out information you've decided you don't want to share just yet.

OP, if you had to make a 20 MILE drive or deal with scheduling/travel variables to meet this lady, I might have greater sympathy with your concern. But I'd say that in this case the lady may have had some run-ins with guys who refused to accept her "no further interest" decision and made pests of themselves.
For those who have camera/smartphones, I can also understand the concern about recieving unsolicited photos of a guys "package".
I think you should quit worrying about it and just meet the girl. It's not like you are making an hours' drive.
Cindy O
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 46
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/16/2012 7:10:06 PM

Seems like you are thinking that driving for 20mins and having to find parking is a lot of trouble to go to... I'd refuse to meet you based on that alone...


Driving 20 minutes wouldn't be a problem for me. However if it is difficult to find parking nearby or if I had to use an expensive parking garage, then I would have suggested going to another place.

As for calling it a date or a meet, the first meeting with someone from a dating site can be considered as a blind date. Regardless of the time, cost, or activity. Having said that, I don't think it really matters what you call it.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 54
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:52:59 PM
I understand women wanting to be safe. I would be more concerned if you planned a 2nd date and she still did not trust you with her number. I don't like answering restricted numbers.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 55
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:57:30 PM
The clingy guy that texts you 40 times a day wouldn't be clingy if you were interested in him. Stop showing interest and dating several men, lol
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 58
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/18/2012 1:32:22 PM
Msg 50...if you don't want to be bothered with people having your "real" info you could always do the disposable phone thing, get some cheap phone you only use for dating. How hard can it be?


While you're at it, get second car just for dating or get a rental when going to a meet or date so he/she can't track you down later. And get a post office box number as your mailing address so that nobody can figure out where you live. If somebody asks you where do you work, make up a company name and make up a job title and say that you can't be traced.

Like others, I don't want to give out my phone number before we meet first. Not because of safety or fear, but I don't see a need to advertise my number to a stranger I never met until I decide if I want to date the person. I get very suspicious when somebody says: "I want your number in case something happens on the way to meeting you at the coffee shop". What could that something be? The wife/husband founding out you're going to meet someone from a dating site?

As for the event of something actually happened on the way to the meet, it's possible to phone the coffee shop or wherever, explain the situation to the person who answers, and either ask them to page the person or pass a message if they locate the person. That's how it was done before cell phones.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 66
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/18/2012 3:02:25 PM
As for the event of something actually happened on the way to the meet, it's possible to phone the coffee shop or wherever, explain the situation to the person who answers, and either ask them to page the person or pass a message if they locate the person. That's how it was done before cell phones.


There's no guarantee that would work though. This place may not have a paging system and/or the employees are unable to locate the person.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 71
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/19/2012 10:48:46 AM
You can find out in 10-15 minutes on the phone if there is enough initial chemistry to meet.


IMO that's enough time to determine any obvious dealbreakers. Such as the other person was dull, talked down to me, made rude / offensive comments etc. Otherwise I would give it more time. Many times there isn't an instant connection because the other person is a virtual stranger at that point.


When I plan a meet with someone, the day of the meet (if not the day before) I do give my number for just that reason. I simply do NOT give it out unless a meet is set.


That's a different situation though. The cheap prepaid cell phone suggestion was for people who don't give their numbers until after the first date / meeting.


He may have still been unable to reach her due to injury even if he'd had her number, and she still would have behaved the same.


Possible. But I think the chances of not being able to reach the other person would be much lower if they had exchanged numbers.
 OKgirl529
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 73
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/19/2012 11:06:55 AM
I don't give my number to every Tom,**** and Harry that ask for it.

It's nothing personal.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 74
Refuses to give cell number before meeting----sign of disinterest?
Posted: 8/19/2012 3:25:57 PM
A question for people who talk on the the phone to someone before meeting:
If during that first conversation, the other person says: "Oh. By the way. That picture on my profile is out-dated. I'm actually about 100 pounds heavier than when that picture was taken. I hope that's not a problem. I still have a great personality." Or something like: "Because I don't like people judging me before talking and meeting, I omitted the fact that I'm disabled and wheelchair bound. I hope you don't judge me on that."

How do you handle the rest of the conversation? Do you say: "Yeah. I understand. That's not a problem", or do you say; "Knowing what you told me, I don't want to meet since it's not on your profile."
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