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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?      Home login  
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 QtrAcreGal
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 1
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have a problem that I KNOW isn't isolated to me: I've lived in 2 other countries (UK, Canadian Provinces as well, and France) and really DO feel more comfortable in those countries. As my children ARE grown and I've nothing to tie me here, I find myself looking for a mate and love in areas where I want to live and work...and THAT MEANS ABROAD.

Forum rules restrict "road tripping", or participating in Forums NOT of the country or region of your residency; as forums are a great way of getting to know someone casually, this seems a difficulty.

As I'm not a scammer and HAVE lived Overseas, I'm NOT sure how to convince those living in foreign countries that I'm NOT a greedy, scamming American.

Has ANYONE broken these barriers?
How?
I'd love to have this topic open and stigmas, prejudices around this lessened! ]/b]
 Do_I_Need_a_Headline
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 2
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:21:16 AM
First off, you should not have to convince anyone that you're not a scamming American. There are to many scams running the internet from almost any country. Why would you want to start a relationship with someone who has no trust, or is narrow minded by labeling a person because of their nationality?
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 3
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:27:58 AM

I find myself looking for a mate and love in areas where I want to live and work...and THAT MEANS ABROAD.

I think you're going about this backwards. Find a job and a place to live in one of those countries you "love" and THEN start trying to meet someone there.

I wouldn't be keen on meeting someone from another country. Not because I'd think it a scam, but a total waste of time.

You want to live there? Move!
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 4
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:19:29 AM
Why are you putting the cart before the horse. You haven't even moved yet, why are you all, "GOTTA DATE NOW!"
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:20:29 AM
It's only the Forums here which restrict you from posting in a region which you don't live in. You can still search out those living in the countries you intend living in - but to be fair, whether chatting via the forums or via PM here, without a moving date or a schedule of when you will be in town, many will be resistant to converse with you. Not all will presume you are a scammer but more so a waste of their time - because it could be months or even years before you actually make a move.

I too would love to be able to participate in the UK forums. My entire family lives there as do many of my long term friends and as someone with duel nationality, I do feel that some of the topics I would like to be able to contribute to. However, this is a privately owned site and the owner has deemed that is not how he would like the regional forums to be used which is a shame especially when some threads are not region specific.

I too moved countries with two young children (they were 4 and 1 at the time). It is very stressful, everything, even the most basic actions are different and I agree with the other poster, it is very stressful at times and isolating. I wouldn't be trying to start a relationship for a good year or so after moving.

What I might suggest is once you know where you are heading, look for a town or village website and see if that has forums or if you could be pointed in the right direction for one-line friendships. Romance following an International move will be very difficult and likely the last thing you will feel like dealing with at that time.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 6
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:27:20 AM
I'd love to have this topic open and stigmas, prejudices around this lessened!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Don't you think that refusing the advances of an American, Russian, or any other country that you don't want to live/work in, is prejudice? Lessen your prejudices first.


I find myself looking for a mate and love in areas where I want to live and work
-------------------------------------------------------
looking for a mate and love (priority #2)
I want to live and work (priority #1)

Fix priority #1 first instead of expecting Priority #2 to provide it. Find work in an international business that will allow you to relocate without changing citizenship; or, change citizenship. Saves on taxes. Then, seek out priority #2.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 7
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:35:40 AM
OP, how is you think people suspect you being a scammer?

You're hardly the typical foreign bride scenario at your age... so how exactly would you be thought of as scamming?

the only thing that bothers me, is that you might appear to be looking for a man to move in with. That's not really a scam, but more of you looking to take advantage of someone.

So don't do that. Problem solved.
 MsGirlyMuscle
Joined: 7/21/2012
Msg: 8
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:43:15 PM
It is not so much about scamming , as it may come off as someone who will do anything just to meet someone. If I were you and you really plan on leaving the USA, do that first then go on the manhunt. I think some men may take it as you looking for someone to shack up with first. No joke. There is a lot of that. You are not like one of the 20 year olds where you see a profile of 5 modeling photos looking for a husband. You are older, mature and well...that is not scammer material that comes off as * I will move anywhere for anyone * !

If you feel better in one of those countries you mentioned and can move, then MOVE. You cannot just pick up and move without securing a job first then residency once you show them ( the Province, whatever) you have employment. All you can really legally do at this rate is travel & return in 3 months, and they all have a different time period give or take. So are you really applying for work * abroad * or hoping some man with take you in, marry you to get you there ??? I am not being mean, because I get a lot of the European men trying to pull this same crap with me HERE in the USA ! I am European but I was adopted and raised in the USA.

Move first, then find love. It is one thing if you have a home and job lined up. I have done that 3 times now. No big deal. But the approach you are taking is a bit out there. And I know the legalities behind this stuff and you are not approaching it the right way !!!!

Now once you secure the needed requirements to move, then go for it. Because they you have a landing date and maybe can arrange some meets, or have some people to e mail about things to do where you may be headed !!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 1:55:49 PM
Trust me, I am not a scammer. Trust me, I am not a scammer. Trust me, I am not a scammer.

Trust me, I am a good guy. Trust me, I don't tread people bad. Trust me, I will not take your money.





^^^^^^^^
(What is wrong with the above sample? If you have to say it, you have zero credibility.)
 AspenJack
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 2:49:30 PM
Oh, SoberBeautifulConivingMind, you’re just going to have to be very convincing!

Isn’t that how the scammers do it?
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 11
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 3:03:50 PM
I find myself looking for a mate and love in areas where I want to live and work


If you are hoping that finding a mate will facilitate your goals, that is not so much scamming as it is just garden-variety "using."

Please try to get your opportunistic terminology straight.

Rotsa ruck!
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 12
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 3:17:40 PM
I'm confused.

You lived in France and Canada and had a work visa for both? I'm from France but live in Canada.

An american can't just move to Canada or France and get a job. You need to apply ahead of time and jump over some some substantial hurdles. Just because you find a mate in another country doesn't mean your can get residency and a job. In fact, you'll not get through Customs if you are honest and declare that's your intention.

You need to apply for a work permit (the equvalent of a US Green Card) from the USA. This includes letters from a portential employer, etc. Few countries allow you to apply from within their own border. An average American would have a difficult time getting residency status in Canada or an EU country. You can visit (like I can visit the USA) but it's for a limited time.

I've worked in 5 countries and always with the help of my potential employer. Even then there are no guarantees that Id be accepted.

Anyways, apply for residency where you want to live. Move there and look for a mate. It's silly to find a mate and then find out you can't move there and he can't move to the USA.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 13
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 4:09:31 PM
Are you looking for a long distant relationship? How can you have a serious relationship with someone you never met before? Even if you do hit it off with someone sincere, do you really expect him to give up his life and move in/travel with you?

It is already difficult enough to meet someone compatible in the same city as it is. I don’t see how anyone sincere would even take something like this seriously.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 9:12:00 PM
Shouldn't you place a roof over your head before you find a man? If I lived in France and some broad in Ohio kept contacting me, I'd assume my locale was far more interesting to her than I was.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 15
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 9:45:18 PM
The Forum rule you brought up , is a legitimate barrier , Ill ask Marcus about it,lol...

I have "friends" overseas, some I met in person, some not, just corresponding on the net...You basically have to flat out trust the person, and not even think they would be a scammer, in return hopefully they will not even think you might be a scammer...

I am not sure what you mean by high tensions around prejudices, in relation to this topic..If your implying, that most Euro, and/or non Americans, view most Americans as greedy loud mouths, then I think you have under estimate people around the world...
 happy-go-lucky_
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 16
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:17:12 PM
If I got a message from you formatted in a fashion similar or identical to your thread title and post, can you guess what I'd think?

That's right, I'd think "Spam/Scam!" and promptly delete it without even bothering to read the content.

No, I didn't read the OP and I don't intend to because it makes my brain hurt to just look at the way it's shouting at me with the boldface and frequent capitalisation.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 17
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:28:13 PM
While there are plenty of scams online usually there are circumstances that stick out. They usually ask for money, a phone number where you can be reached, as well as trying to convince you they are on the up and up. If you aren't going to be asking anyone for money, aren't going to use fake pictures and won't give them your phone number immediately I you may have a chance of proving yourself that you aren't a scammer. It would be a good idea to post it in your profile of some of the areas in which you previously lived.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 18
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/18/2012 11:08:41 AM
I believe you have actually lived in three countries. You know France is a country too ya?

I lived in a different country too before. I lived in the American States, so I like dating internationally as well, being I'm from the Canadian provinces.

The only real boundaries I really broke were knowing the countries I actually went to (Canadian provinces? Is this by chance the country called canada?) and knowing how to count.


Good luck with dating internationally.

Oh and I agree with the other posters. Just go there and find a job first before you try to find a boyfriend.
 A_Rare_Treasure
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 19
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/18/2012 8:05:15 PM
After being hunted because I was a widow from a guy who was trying to get the easy way to have his immigration to Canada put through, I can understand other people's concerns. Actually he was living in Canada and as soon as he realized that I was serious that it would take a couple of years before I would consider marriage, he bolted after 3rd date. lol, he was married within 6 months.

The other ladies gave you great advice about getting settled where you want to be and find someone there. You have no way of verifying who you are really conversing with.

Had a fella from Las Vagas years ago .. chatting me up ... and he said all the right things ... long wonderful emails and phone conversations however it was too good to be true. After I had enough info, I googled him and found out he was a convicted bank robber there.

I really find it unnerving when someone is very tight-lipped about themselves, makes a person wonder what they are hiding.

oops off topic ...
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 20
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DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/19/2012 11:32:10 PM
Buy not asking the guy or girl to send you money to bring you here.If he/she is generally interested they'll find a way to immigrate.Most of those situations involve them wanting to come here to get landed immigracy,wants that happens they'll dump you.I've heard countless number of situations like that.They butter you up and eventually will ask for money.Don't fall for this scam.men or ladies.
 AtlantaManInAtlanta
Joined: 7/1/2012
Msg: 21
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 8/20/2012 6:26:41 AM
date in an airport
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 22
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 12/13/2012 8:37:50 PM
OP, as long as you're not in Nigeria promising $10 million from a dead relative, you're probably pretty safe........
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 23
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 12/13/2012 9:36:37 PM
Jump in the deep end, Dateing Internationally shouldnt be a problem.
It's exactly the same, use Skype or a web cam, talk together that way, it's like meeting for a coffee.
Email, chat and see if chemistry builds, see if you really connect, and take the time ,to discover each other well.
If you happen to both really connect ,then make plans to meet.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 24
DATING INTERNATIONALLY: How To Convince Others You're NOT A Scammer?
Posted: 1/20/2013 5:16:44 PM
Along with several others above, I think this seems backwards.

Find where you want to live the most, find or make your work there, make the move, then seek a mate there.

The best reason, really the only reason, to move someplace to live is because it's where you want to be. First things first!
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