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 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 8
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real NamePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A due diligence check before a meet? Do I have a good old common-sense or stalking choice now?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 9:49:58 AM
Idk, I'm pretty much an open book and figure if you didn't want someone finding out about something you probably shouldn't have been doing it so if there is something nefarious about which I'm unaware, then I'll pay the piper.

Someone's username here is basically his real name so I looked to see if he had a fb profile, which was pretty easy as it was the same profile pic as here. That was valuable for me because it allowed me to see more of who he really is and that we wouldn't be compatible.

People would probably find more information on me if they googled this username than my real name to begin with. I think women are a little more cautious in this area but certainly by the end of a first meeting someone should know your name. If you aren't comfortable with that then maybe you shouldn't be dating
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 14
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:37:49 AM
I've never asked for a full name and never given a full name. I assume I'd be comfortable providing my full name after a guy and I have been on several dates.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 15
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:41:18 AM
i introduce myself
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:58:53 AM

In some cases that would seem to be almost the same as telling them everything. Assuming your profile is accurate and you’re honest in your initial exchanges (what do you do, where do live, how old are you, what are your interests) you have already provided them enough information to find you. Just ask Abelian.

i was particularly vague about work-related details - there are few companies in my field, so giving out the city where i work and my job title would pretty much give anyone directions to waltz up to my desk and introduce themselves.

as far as where i live, 'north long beach' was good enough for unproven prospects. (or 'south compton,' if i wanted to tweak anyone's suburban sensibilities.) my surname would come out around the third date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 12:08:26 PM
I give them my screen name here unless we're talking a decent amount and planning on meeting - then I give them my nickname. In my case, my full name is so uncommon they can't guess it based on my nickname. They'll usually call me by nickname pretty much forever unless they see an ID or something at some point and it dawns on em - and most don't see any of that typically unless we're involved. Most people I've known for years forget I go by a nickname. By contrast my last name is so common it would take them a couple days to try to narrow it down before they lost interest.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 21
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 12:16:24 PM
I have no issues giving a woman my full name,, especially before a date,,they can do what they want with it,, and why i say that,, when I was dating,, I want that woman to feel safe,, and also suggested they give a friend my phone number, etc..or any other info, that may be required,, as I have nothing to hide,,
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 25
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 2:03:35 PM
i listed my location on my profile as chicago but i actually live in the suburbs. and i will only tell them where i live if we agreed to meet up and we ALWAYS meet up. and if they ask for my name, i usually tell them my nickname or my mom's maiden name which is NOT my last name and i tell them that that's what people call me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 4:16:09 PM
I give em my full name as soon as they ask. Funny thing is, they never ask?????????? I 'm pretty sure it's because they really don't wanna find out how much of nutcase I am,so they try to keep it simple and easy for themselves and the cops that will,sooner or later, come visiting them.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 30
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 4:23:09 PM
I always gave my first name out with the first email. Other than that, I tend wait a bit to give out things like my last name and where I work. I am too easy to find at work and our security sucks, so I would rather be sure before someone has more information about me. An old friend was in town and came to see me during the day, walked up to the information desk said I am looking for so and so. I work off the main site in a small building on a busy street with no security and they told him where I was with no questions asked. Ever since then, I am much more careful about the information I give out.

The same when guys ask where I live and the answer is west of downtown, I figure that is enough info for now.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 31
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 4:32:20 PM

You have decided that internet dating is advantageous and suitable for your purposes, but you realize that once you put it out there you have to expect that your prospective “Meet” or “Date” will run a few searches on you.

Up until about two years ago, they wouldn't have found anything even if they looked. Now, I show up on FB, LinkedIn, and my company's corporate information. While I'm very open in many ways, I also have a certain reserve, so while I never worried about what people might find, I'm also not in a hurry to give out a lot of personal information.

What do you do? Not give out your name? Use a pseudonym? Use only your given name?

I used to give out my nickname, first. Then my given name, and sometime later, my family name. "Sometime later" might be 2nd, 3rd, 4th date, or even never, if things don't work out.

At what point is it appropriate to let them know who you really are?

Who I really are? Like I might be some high-rolling financier or gangsta (or should that be gangsta's moll)? :) Anyway, once anyone has a presence on the internet, they may as well accept the fact that a determined enough searcher is going to be able to find out pretty much anything they want to know about you. If I'm worried about privacy, it's way too late, so I assume that by and large, people are going to respect whatever personal boundaries I set; so far, that's been true for me. However, if I'm worried about safety, then I shouldn't be online at all, let alone meeting strangers off a dating site.

And on the other side of the coin - do you insist on a name (so that you can perform a “due diligence” search) before a meet?

Nope.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 32
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 4:40:07 PM
I gave out my last name once, to a cop I went on a date with. He googled & he also ran me in leads, which is strictly forbidden. I never, ever did that again. He also asked me for my married & maiden names, it was the way he said it that made me give up the information. I don't have anything to hide, but he found out about an order of protection I had against my ex husband over 15 years ago. The only way he could have found that out was by running me in leads. I felt very, very violated by that. That was long ago in my past & I didn't appreciate it being thrown in my face. I should have reported him, but I moved on & didn't waste another minute on him. I learned from that.
Now on one gets my last name until I feel comfortable enough to give it out, & that hasn't happened in years.
 FireMon
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 36
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:09:17 PM
I regularly Google myself as part of my personal security unrelated to dating. There's no information available about me that I don't mind other people knowing. What I don't like giving out is my cell number because I've been harassed before by men from these sites. I do make sure to get my date's full name before meeting in person and doing a quick check on him, and leaving his name, address, and number on the fridge for my roommates just in case they need something to tell the cops. That's standard practice in my home.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 37
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:10:29 PM
I give my name to anyone I want to have it. If they steal my identity, serves 'em right. If they get all stalkerish and try climbing in a window, hope they said their prayers beforehand... Stalking is about intimidation and control. I am not very easily intimidated nor easy to control. Bring it, but pack a lunch if you want to go there. I give my name out... yeah... Here, Pandora's Box. Go for it. HEY! Don't point that thing at ME if you're gonna open it, will ya???
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 38
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:31:00 PM
A first name basis till after a few actual dates. Maybe during a meet & greet but definitely not while just chatting online, just too many what IF's to do so. I'd refuse that request & move on if asked. Not that there is anything to find but it's too personal & intrusive. I've never personally felt the need to Google anybody.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 40
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 10:09:20 PM
I'm *really* slow to meet. And often it's a good ways away (hours and miles). So far, have only *not* given my whole name to one guy, relatively local, who was *really* pushing a meet. I was nearly in love the last time before I asked, lol! But we didn't meet face to face for a couple more months. (I thought the reasons were good and sufficient.)

I generally DO google, but mostly because I'm an addicted googler, lol! Only once, and by accident, did anything nasty show up. And I was glad it did before it got further on into the relationship.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 41
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/24/2012 11:23:36 PM
My name is not a secret. I'm a professional artist, and the women I have talked to here have always wanted to see my work, so I give them a link to my portfolio website. It has my name and bio. Like I said, my name is not a secret. My work has been exhibited in the local art museum and numerous galleries around here, and a local TV news program did a story on me several yrs ago, so I am fairly well known anyway. Would be silly to try and hide who I am.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 47
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/25/2012 6:07:33 PM

So, what is it you're afraid of really? They'll show up on your doorstep? Google your name and find your facebook account? Realize your place of business and decide to frequent in the off-chance they'll run into you?

What's the big deal? I don't get it.

Anyone can follow me home from the grocery store or look up random females in my locale... I don't think going into hiding is the answer.

the difference is the potential to perceive a connection and act on it. a functional but unbalanced person in the grocery store likely feels no connection to you simply because you're in the same building. if there's contact on a dating site, though, there IS a degree of connection. and if things don't go their way, they might be triggered enough to act on their frustration. look at how people here act out all the time, firing off nastygrams simply because their email isn't answered, or how they want. i have no desire to make it easy for anyone to act out on me in a larger way because things didn't go the way she wanted them.

taking some effortless precautions like withholding personal info isn't the same as barricading oneself in a bunker.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/25/2012 6:32:13 PM
Some people move a relationship quickly into the sex phase (I know-totally shocking). But to do that, most people would bring a girl/guy back to her/his place. Once you found where the person lives, you can get a lot of information about the person without asking any questions.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 50
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/25/2012 7:48:25 PM

Some people move a relationship quickly into the sex phase (I know-totally shocking). But to do that, most people would bring a girl/guy back to her/his place. Once you found where the person lives, you can get a lot of information about the person without asking any questions.

NOT me,, I do them in the back seat of my pick up truck,, .. take my plates off before entering the bar,,and if I dd take them home,, where I lived,, in the woods,, that woman would hold on tights,, as she had no clue whee she was,, lost would be a good word,, she had better have GPS,, LMAO
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 56
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/26/2012 2:31:48 PM
I don't care if someone googles my name. You'll find professional scientists, golfer, artist, doctors, etc but not me.

I often give my full name before a first date (ie, we chat on facebook before meeting) or shortly after.

Incidentally, you would be surprised how easy it is to discover someone's name. Once I was bored and guessed a pof'ers name by what she called herself on pof, then I checked facebook profiles for women with that name in my city and her profile pic was the same as one of her pof ones. At that point I knew her first and last name and I could have gone on to google her and whatnot afterward if I wanted to, but I chose to message her on pof instead and learn more about her that way.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 67
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:43:17 AM
I sometimes get mail address to Mr. Bits.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 72
When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 8/29/2012 10:48:22 AM
Besides the occasional time that it's a joke... To the people that won't even give a first name... How do you function in public?

This is starting to get a little too overboard now. What happened to the days where people introduced themselves, and you actually knew at least the first name of the person you're talking to?
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 76
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 9/9/2012 10:01:44 PM
I use so many aliases online that even if I gave someone my full (real) name, they'll have a hard time finding stuff related to me. Sure they might find a person in some far off country with the same name but it isn't me.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 80
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When Do You Tell Them Your Real Name
Posted: 9/10/2012 8:41:59 AM
This is my real name (and in googling my handle used here, I only find one matching 'abmccray' that comments on comic book forums, which I don't really care about being confused with).

I've been on the news, I've done interviews, I had an extremely public website, I've "acted," my name is all over the video games i've made - hiding my name is pretty much absolutely useless, so I just go with my actual name upfront.
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