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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What is the more important question?      Home login  
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 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 6
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What is the more important question?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
With how many billion people on the planet, I have no doubt at all that someone could make (whomever) happier than I could. The real question is, is (whomever) more likely to find and hook up with me, or some random person out of how many billion? Since they already found me, I'd say I'm more likely to make that person happy, than some random person they most likely will never meet.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 4:12:55 AM
Ah, youth.

The real problem with your chosen questions, OP, is that they both require you to predict the future of all human kind, especially to predict both who each of you will be throughout your lives, AND who you each will happen to meet.

After you throw your mind into the Twilight Zone like that, the natural result is what happens in many discussions like this: you aren't STARTING from a grounded, factual position, so where ever you take the discussion, you will still just be fantasizing.

At your age, what I would recommend instead, is that you ask yourself things like...

" Do I think I like her just because she's cute/hot/willing to let me touch her? Or are there actual human qualities about her that I can appreciate in detail?"

"what do I want to do with my own life, long term? Do I know yet? If not, deciding on a mate now, might cause more trouble than help, because when I change directions, I'll have to decide between what's right for me, and what she wants."

Take your time. You're actually doing fine, by making the mistake you are now: there are no better ways to learn, than doing just that.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:48:05 AM

What if someone else could make the person you love happier than you could?


This is the kid in the candy store syndrome. YOu pick one candy and are not happy because there are others on the counter that you want to savor as well and may be even more delicious than the one in your hand. But now you are out of money and unhappy because you will never know.

Like Abelian said, this is a recipe for disaster, for never ever being satisfied. If you go out with an attractive woman/guy then you may think that why not get better, more attractive, with more sex appeal, more status, whatever it is that you may chase. Then when you get the best that you could possibly image, then what? What if that did not make you happy?

Instead you should ask, is this person making me happy? Can I make this person happy? Do we compliment each other? Have a good time together?

Then the rest should not matter.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 12
What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:51:32 AM
I looked askance at your post and wondered how in the world you manage in relations of all kinds, with this attitude?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:28:24 AM
When I am head 0ver heels for someone, the idea of if I could do better never crosses my mind. My question would be how well do we get along, is there a future for us.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:50:34 AM

You can't meet someone at college who you really like, have a lot in common with, etc but don't have enough time to be with them due to personal goals and work load?


What defines the "right time" has more to do with each person's state of mind than really a particular point in time. You could be in a concentration camp, but against all odds, you and this other person found a love that would transient all obstacles, but both were in the same wavelength, thus in the right time. You could be in the best law school in the world, and your loved one decided that instead of corporate law she wanted to go to India and dedicate herself to altruistic causes, thus you were in the "wrong time". Yet the same person met again 20 years later, the guy tired of corporate law, and the woman owning a heath food store and they suddenly rekindle and find the "right time."
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 20
What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:12:42 PM
The more and most important questions is - Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. All other questions are irrelevant.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 22
What is the more important question?
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:29:01 PM
Can I put up with her on her bad days?
(Will I want to?)
Can she put up with me on mine?
(will she want to?)

It's easy to get sidetracked in preferences,
likes, dislikes....and the giddiness of dating.
But if the questions above can be answered in the affirmative,
you got something permanent.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
What is the more important question?
Posted: 9/1/2012 2:17:26 PM

When you get to the point in a relationship where you care deeply about someone I believe there are typically two questions one would one way or another evaluate.

1) Is he/she the best it's going to get for me?
2) Am I the best it's going to get for him/her?

I've NEVER once thought in these terms. Is he the best it's going to get for me? That just SCREAMS, "Should I settle or should I not?" to me.

So, what do you think is most important?

Perhaps you're in a place in your life where you aren't whole heartedly satisfied with who you are or what you've accomplished. This could deter the answer of the question are you giving someone the best of yourself?

Is there such a thing as someone being "too good" for you? (exclude acts that would lead to one being guilt ridden i.e. cheating)

There's no such thing in the world I live in. We don't live in a caste system and I don't choose to think like we do.

For relationships to work they need to be 100/100, not 50/50

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