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 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 1
Holding back the sexPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It ceases to amaze me how many people actually go through their lives holding back the sex.
Given that they may have a moral obligation or religious belief's .Who is to say that the FIRST person they sleep with whom they trusted and respected their waiting period turn's around and dump's them?
Does that mean they extend the "waiting period"?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 2
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History
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:44:51 AM
There is no 100% proof that someone is STI free, and to test for every single possible thing is expensive, possibly painful, and time consuming (you have to tell the doctor what to screen for, and EVERYTHING can be in the realm of 500 or so dollars). Not to mention incubation periods, dormancies, etc.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 3
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:51:42 AM


Given that they may have a moral obligation or religious belief's .Who is to say that the FIRST person they sleep with whom they trusted and respected their waiting period turn's around and dump's them?
Does that mean they extend the "waiting period"?


I suppose there are women that "hold back sex" for moral and religious reasons.

The great majority of women I know IRL, "hold back sex" only to determine the character of the man they are dating. Specifically, what they want is to ensure the man is emotionally stable, trustworthy and is the person who he appears to be.

Essentially, they aren't holding back sex, they are just making sure the product is as the "demo".
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:56:37 AM


Does that mean they extend the "waiting period"?

Some extend, some reduce. Depends on their maturity, experience and patience/mutual interest levels.

Generally accepted universal standard time waiting period is three full "dates",
wherein the man must initiate everything, drive in a newer car, pay for everything including full dinners out at nice restaurants,
and then be as exciting and entertaining as he possibly can be, and somehow "different" and special from the 40 others she has gone on "official dates" with in the last 6 months...


the fact that someone would be willing to allow themselves to be tested is a safe enough sign that he's not trying to hide anything from you

I am willing to be tested dear, now can we get busy and boink right now? It IS the third date and haven't I met the 10 other specifications/tests already?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:11:46 AM
Whenever I try to hold back sex I realize I won't get laid and so I can't go through with it. Luckily I can be pissed at someone and still have sex with them. I don't tend to connect the two. The only time I might consider taking my time is if I think sleeping with them will cause them to get too attached too quickly.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 7
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:15:33 AM

QueenSaru: I can't say how long I'd make a guy 'wait', but I can say that it wouldn't happen without proof that he was STI free. My own health and welfare takes priority over the potential of hurting his feefees because I didn't put out soon enough.


If a guy demanded the same thing from you, would you happily comply with his request and provide the guy with test results to prove that you are clean-STI and disease free?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:19:47 AM

If a guy demanded the same thing from you, would you happily comply with his request and provide the guy with test results to prove that you are clean-STI and disease free?

He should demand the same of her. Don't both people do this nowadays? Testing and papers?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 9
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:42:06 AM

due to the opening of gum tissue by the act of brushing one's teeth. Ok...Happy Thursday Everyone :)

Ok, Happy Thursday to You, and well maybe we could hold off on that third date until I stop brushing/flossing for a few months...
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 9:53:50 AM
I don't buy this idea that some women have that they hold sex for only after they feel that they are in love with the guy, or that they are in a long term relationship. While I prefer a monogamous relationship, I believe sex, or shall I say intimacy is a way to explore and help grow those feeling that you may have for that person, and determine if eventually you are in love with them and are long term material.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 11
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:57:51 AM

I think all of this would be clearer if you inserted some other activity in place of sex, like say, driving a car.


I need a driving instuctor to help me get comfortable, then I can go for my license renewal.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 1:12:43 PM
I take awhile to develop a bond with new people...so I wait for sex. I dont want sex with someone I dont feel a bond with. Ive tried it, it was boring as heck, like a vibrator with a mind of its own.

For me it is not a lure, not a weapon and I dont want men jumping through hoops. It just takes me a long time to bond and if a man cannot wait, he is free to date others.

I wont jump into intimacy before Im ready. I am who I am and I wont be made to feel there is something wrong with who I am. The right men for me get it...literally and figuritively.

I am not deprived in any way by being this way as I can give myself an orgasm. I see no need to rush sex, I can have multiple orgasms all by myself. Having sex for me, is not about orgasms alone, it is about being truly intimate with another human, and I need time to get there when someone else is involved.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 1:19:23 PM

So far, I've never had that question come up and I've never brought it up. I suppose I might if, for some reason, it seemed like a good idea in a particular case, but it's not something I'm going make a hard and fast rule I blindly apply to everyone. I haven't yet had a problem by not insisting on testing and papers and when the question of sex comes up, it's never at a time when asking would do much to enhance the mood.

Abelian, I agree that it can be a mood killer, but in order to be safe how else would you make sure someone's clean before sleeping with them - if you ever want to have unprotected sex (and even that's not a guarantee for anything)?
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 14
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Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:35:36 PM
Jumping on the bus for what is likely a quick one isn't for everyone. I used to think that women enjoy themselves much more when, "they've grown accustomed", but that nonsense might be teary eyed notions I picked up from My Fair Lady. I mean - it seems sorta true- except its pinning my situations on the general populace.

Meanwhile pressure to perform can be hard to deal with; the prey business isn't hilarious when you're the white antelope crashing through the undergrowth escaping jagged fingernails and ruthless red eyes.

However, at least from my perspective, dating is a drug dealer's world. If someone's not interested in gravitating towards their pusher, well they're not. Folk who get the habit visit the veranda often enough to scare the raccoons living beneath - so hey -- if someone needs to make time while they're wondering whether to join the safari, probably that's for the best. Gotta admit I've never encountered the waiting thing. Relationships don't always mature right away, often real "this should be" fizxils, but that's not generally from waiting; its just sense, or nonsense, or silliness - mostly the last.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 15
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:44:01 PM

I think part of it for me is that I have had a really powerful/soulful connection, so now without it.. I simply can't go there.


I guess those that think someone is "holding back sex" simply don't know any better than just sex. For those "all sex is created equal" ... and "we believe these truths to be self-evident'... LOL



There are no moral issues relating to sex. All the ethical risks associated can and have been mitigated with contraception for millenia. It's not a new concept LOL.


There are contraceptives again morals and ethics ??? LOL... Don't be modest, it is a revolutionary conceptt!... Ionesco himself couldn't have come up with this stuff and he had years of practice. (this has got to be an invention from a right wing politician)
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 16
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:16:36 PM
correction to above: There are contraceptives against morals and ethics ??? LOL...
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 17
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/31/2012 7:18:50 AM
Some interesting thought s and differences of opinions!
I don't believe a piece of paper clearing a person from STD's is enough to prevent you from getting an STD.
Whoever get's tested one day can turn around and have sex the next day and contract an STD, yet a few day's later when the results come in from the test it show's they are all clear!
I alway's have believed that sex IS a part of a relationship.If you love a person and they love you, then wouldn't you want to be as close as you can to that person?
Sex to me personally is Making Love. It's the closest a person can be with another.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 18
Holding back the sex
Posted: 8/31/2012 11:43:59 AM
Using sex as a bargaining chip? Next...
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