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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle groundPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
ya see, this is why I always say, to find someone you will get along with, go to places you like to go to look for them. NOT to places you DON'T like, just because you heard the pickings were hot.

It's like that old drunk joke, where the cop finds a plastered guy stumbling around a lamp post in the middle of the night. Cop asks the guy what he's looking for, and the guy says "I dropped my house keys over there in the bushes."

"So why are you looking under the Street Lamp?"

"The lights much better over here."

Let this gal go find a guy who DOES want to do what she likes to, and go find yourself someone who likes to do what you REALLY like to.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 3
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:13:38 PM
OP-

I just posted a thread recently about 'compromising' in a relationship---might want to take a gander at it. I understand how you are feeling. My best suggestion is to be honest and express your desire to do more than just hit the club scene or if you 'trust' her let her have a night out with the girls--and if a club is where they go -let her.

If you want just one on one time tell her that---it's important because maybe she doesn't realize how important it is to you to just have GF and Op time. That doesn't show 'control' it shows caring. If she doesn't like your suggestion to spend more time alone as a couple then in a group--than perhaps she's on a different page in your relationship.

Best of luck to you.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 4
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:27:18 PM
I don't really see that you are seeking a compromise. You are wanting her to change what she has told she likes to do and doesn't want to change. Where's your contribution to this compromise? You stop complaining about it?

What happens if she has already been out the agreed-to twice a week and a friend phones and asks her out? Does she have to ask permission? If not, is it going to create animosity if she goes?

If you've told her how you feel and she won't change, you two aren't compatible.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 4:40:37 PM
You are not compatible so trying to keep her is a waste of her time and your time. She should be able to go out if she wants and you should stay home, but next time find a woman in a place where you'd like to be, You weren't very honest when you go out looking to get laid but then trying to make a relationship with someone that you showed a false side to. You may like her, but you don't like her really because you don't like her behavior, stop trying to make something out of nothing.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 8
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:02:14 PM
She's 26 and SHOULD be going to bars and clubs.

You,at 30, are light years past the point she is at right now. Time to look for a woman. Seriously. A woman, not a young girl. Give the kid a break.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 10
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:15:51 PM
youre getting good advice here. ive found it tough to meet a girl that doesnt want to hit the club every weekend. if youre like me, and really dont enjoy going, youre not going to get along with her. not to mention she might meet someone all those nights shes going out without you. best of luck man, but youre probably going to have to pass on this girl.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 12
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:25:06 PM
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

She is telling who she is, believe her.
 OKgirl529
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 14
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 5:41:57 PM
You can't make a ______ a housewife.

(Not saying that all women that go to bars are ____'s. )
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:38:48 PM
^^^^^^

I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but I dance 2-3 times a week and any guy who is interested in me is going to have to accept that. He doesn't have to be a dancer, but he's going to have to accept that I am.

Don't expect someone to give up what they enjoy doing. You knew she did this when you met her. As long as she doesn't expect you to go clubbing with her.

If you expect her to stop doing that which she enjoys doing, she won't be the same fun and interesting person you were drawn to and she'll become resentful. You don't want that.

Tell her what you want to do together. Ask her when she has time to do it.
 Online_dating_blows
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 20
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:15:49 PM
i think she needs time to be single, the reason she is defensive is because these guys turn her on, she wants some train action , your the type of guy thats a settle down type and shes not ready to do that yet, she wants to bang guys three at a time, she wants to be in a threesome with another girl and a guy. she wants to do meth and get raped in a halfway house, its all part of growing up. she thinks your too soft and she wants to be free, so let the skank go bro she aint worth it
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 24
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/30/2012 11:03:55 PM
You sure she's your girlfriend?
She might think otherwise.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 28
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:08:30 AM
If it bothers you that much and you don't trust her, then move on. I wouldn't want to date a woman that went to bars / clubs almost every night and gets drunk. But I wouldn't mind a woman going out and dancing with her friends 1-2 times a week. It's okay to have a social life outside of your significant other.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 29
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/31/2012 6:20:36 AM
Sounds like this fling is at it's end. break up with her now before it gets really ugly....
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 33
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Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/31/2012 1:32:06 PM
I will be the optimist in this thread and say you need to make more concrete plans around here clubbing days. If she says she is going clubbing Monday, Wednesday,Friday then make plans to go out for dinner on Tuesday or even a movie on Thursday.

If she insists on going clubbing even on the days you planned in advance... compromise is out the window at that point and relationship is done. But you have to try, and also give her some space.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 34
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 8/31/2012 7:34:12 PM
OP - this girl is probably doesn't really see you as her BF...


she ain't really into you that is for sure...



so save yourself some heart ache and go find another chick...
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 37
Girlfriend likes to go clubbing, I don't, need help finding a middle ground
Posted: 9/1/2012 1:24:18 PM
Ahh, the party girl. Booze, sex, music, shit, I'm game!

Darn, I just fell for you! Hmmm. Not.

She's a party girl. You can't take the party out of her.

Accept it or run. The longer you accept it the more you will be hurt later.
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