Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Settling vs compromising      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Nattyfredlocks89
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Settling vs compromisingPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What's the difference between settling for something and compromising with someone on something

I.E they're busy with their career - so they have less time to spend with you/communicate with you on a day to day or weekly basis.

I've heard the side of settling and if you think you're "settling" you probably shouldn't be in that relationship

However I would say most relationships require compromising to make things work out

So what's the bottom line here, what's the difference? Is it just different for each person and how they view it?
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 2
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:03:50 PM
Settling is more, you do not really want to be with the person, but you are, for usually reasoning outside of the actual person eg, financial, children, your own self loathe...

When you compromise, people tend to want to be with the person, but conform in certain ways to their way of thinking or need/wants...

Anything can mean anything to any person,lol...
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 3
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:07:17 PM
My thoughts on this -- settling in my opinion is when you meet someone you're fond of -- more like a "friend" type person that is a good provider. More like you don't want to be alone so you go with what is available. Unless you form some sort of an emotional attachment to the one you are settling with, including sex, your setting yourself up for hurt and heartbreak not only for yourself but for the the poor schmuck who talked you into the relationship in the first place.

And compromise -- you're giving up something that holds value. Not always a good idea.

Nobody should ever settle and, compromise should come with a lot of negotiation.
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 4
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:08:45 PM
Easy question.

Compromise is give a little, get a little

To settle is to give more than you get, and compromising yourself.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 5
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:14:38 PM
If you aren't happy in the relationship like if the person isn't spending enough time with you then you are settling. Depends on how you feel about it.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 6
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:26:59 PM
"Compromise" means a settlement of differences by mutual concessions. (Dictionary.com)

To settle in a love relationship means to "make do" or "put up with." For example, although I hope to find an athletic man, if a man is slightly overweight I am willing to overlook it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:01:49 PM
Compromising means you can live with the faults. Settling means you will live with the faults but you resent them.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 8
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:05:42 PM

What's the difference between settling for something and compromising with someone on something

This is about common forum usage, OK? Not dictonary definition. But typically, when I’ve read the word ‘settling’ on the forums, it’s been about mate selection – feeling somewhat settled within one’s-self for choosing a partner that was less than one had hoped for. It’s making do with the best you can find.

Compromise in a relationship means a deal has been struck between the parties where each gives up something – reaching a settlement with the other partner.
 Nattyfredlocks89
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:40:32 PM
I'd have to side with the Dr on this one. Settling and compromising is essentially the same thing in my mind. The only difference is ones own view on how it effects them. Am I really okay with this? Probably not what I really want either way.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 4:23:09 AM
The way I view it, they are very importantly different indeed.

"Settling" is a passive thing to do. You simply give up on what you wanted before.

"Compromise" is a very ACTIVE way to try to solve a problem. You both energetically choose a course which you have decided will still get you what you want, just in a different way, or to a different degree, which you can still be satisfied with.

And yes, as you can see already from the various posts, the meanings of these words, like so many others, vary from one person to another. For those who want what they want, and nothing else, they are functionally identical. We can see this attitude most clearly in National politics these days, where one party or the other refuses to even think about anything other than exactly what they demand everyone give in and do. Hence we have gridlock, and zero progress in our government leaders relationships to one another.

I agree with you, OP, that most relationships do require some compromising to work out. What each individual has to learn, usually the hard way, is what they are, and what they are not, emotionally and physically capable of compromising about. This is why "know thyself well" is the single most common bit of advice I give.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 5:41:45 AM
Like the way you framed the difference Igor

Tend to agree with abelian, it's semantics but as it is used most of the time relative to relationships. Compromise to me is settling that does not require someone to do something that really goes against values or requires someone to dramatically change the person they are, not because they would have otherwise but to make their partner happy. That statement can be hacked to death but I think most of us recognize when the compromising and settling has fallen into unhealthy and/or codependent behavior.

Compromising on the other hand is what normal mature individuals do on a daily basis in order to cohabit and otherwise share their lives with people they love. I also feel that the settling that is discussed is also of the type when one knows that they are in a relationship for the wrong reasons like the biological clock ticking or financial security. The wrong reasons have different levels as are views about settling. Someone that has been burned by the ultra-intensity passionate relationship one tends to enjoy with the bipolar, financial security and a fairly mundane existence may not be settling at all.

Deep down we all know how much we settled and whether that is good or bad.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 12
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 5:53:04 AM
To me, "settling" is lowering the bar -- giving up more or less. I have a friend who does this just to have a man around -- she just settles for whoever is available.

Compromising is reaching an agreement with your partner on whatever the point of contention is so that both of you are happy.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 13
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 9:50:30 AM
Settling is when you realize that there is no way you're going to date the person that looks like a model.

Compromising is when you're willing to look past their looks.
 JustJingles
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 14
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 10:14:34 AM
To "settle" you accept something less than satisfactory.

To "compromise" you get some things you want but you are also willing to give some things to the other person involved in order to bring peace. The point is that you don't get everything your way. You sacrifice something-but it shouldn't be something that makes you uncomfortable.
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 15
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 11:47:03 AM
Settling is more, you do not really want to be with the person, but you are, for usually reasoning outside of the actual person eg, financial, children, your own self loathe...

When you compromise, people tend to want to be with the person, but conform in certain ways to their way of thinking or need/wants...


I agree with this.

And I think settling is okay on some smaller things, like what they do for job, or trivial little things. But there are things you just should not settle on. If someone does not arouse you sexually, that is just going to lead to painful issues that will only get worse in time. If you settle for someone you don't even like as a person, it will lead to problems when you look for ways to avoid their company.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 11:59:44 AM
I'm agreeing with abelian on this one. Just sementics really. Different words,same meanings, ya just don't "hurt someone's feelings" using the word "compromise". And that's what we are put on this earth for, right???? Not to hurt someone's "feelings"????????? Funny stuff. And not ha ha funny.
 WhittlingWanderer
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 17
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 4:28:33 PM
I think they are basically the same thing, but since 'settling' has a negative connotation, and compromise has a less negative connotation, people on here are trying to change the definitions to match the connotations. It's like thinking that fertilizing your garden with 'manure' will somehow produce better vegetables than 'cowsh*t'.
 Nattyfredlocks89
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 5:18:46 PM
Excellent analogy WhittlingWanderer. Semantics has a negative connotation to it as well so that also turns people off, but you put it in an easy way to swallow so to speak.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 19
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 5:27:44 PM
Settling is going for less than you want and being discontent with it, but accepting that. Compromising is come to an agreement upon negotiating what you want and what you need to let go to reach a desirable position that you want and accept without discontent!
 kmxplore51
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 21
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/3/2012 6:43:03 PM
"Thou shall not settle by compromising on certain important principles of your life"

Did I just cite the 17th commandment?!
 pinklemonaide5
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 22
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 3:12:14 AM
Settling is when you are in a realtionship where none of your needs are being met. You stay because you don't want to be alone or go through a breakup. You don't have to be have to be in an unhealthy relationship to be alone, you can be alone all by yourself.

Compromise is healthy, it means give and take and sharing.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 4:45:17 AM

To me, "settling" is lowering the bar -- giving up more or less. I have a friend who does this just to have a man around -- she just settles for whoever is available.

Compromising is reaching an agreement with your partner on whatever the point of contention is so that both of you are happy.

I agree.
I would never settle, but would compromise. I don't think they are a same.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 24
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 6:38:01 AM
I think settling would be based on fears, where compromising is more based on reason.

Settling is disingenuous.

edit: Just noticed this, and it explains what I meant:

If you think about, wjhat people seem to want ``settling'' to mean is really sort of the ultimate in using someone. A person who ``settles'' (s per the suggested definitions in this thread), is really just using someone for some temporary companionship that he/she will leave once he/she thinks something better is attainable and he/she has built up the confidence to go after it.

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 25
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 10:34:23 AM
It's funny how "settling" has both negative & positive connotations, but aren't very far apart in the different contexts. The classic chest-beating "I don't settle! Yeah go me!" mantra does in fact refer to settling down. When you settle down with someone, you are settling for something. Theoretically, you can always have something 'more' or 'less' -- so you are giving in when you "settle" down for someone.

When it comes to compromising, only fools will say compromising is a sign of weakness. There are many things we want, prefer, and sometimes feel we need -- but in the end some of them aren't that important, and can be childish/primitive things. One needs to make the distinction between "needs" and "thneeds" (as Dr Suess put it). Things you really want or need vs things you don't really.

It's a good thing to compromise to shed things you don't really need of or to do... and good to compromise to trade an inconvenience for a convenience... A mature person does a cost-benefit analysis, looking more than 5 feet in front of them to accurately judge whether one compromise is Good vs not so good. To some people, almost all compromises are bad because if they can't get what their impulsive wants want, they're "giving in" and obsessed about avoiding it.

When it comes to settling for someone (= settling down with someone), you're compromising with yourself -- you're doing a cost-benefit-analysis on if you could do better, if they're the right one for you, etc. Nobody's going to be a "perfect match", and you're not going to be to someone either. Of course if you have to mull over it for too long of time, then it's probably not a wise choice to settle in with them... and not necessarily because they're not a "good enough" catch -- but possibly, because you're not ready and will almost always think you "deserve" more than you actually do (ie you're not a good enough catch).
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 26
Settling vs compromising
Posted: 9/5/2012 10:55:14 AM
Perhaps the work 'settle' in the dating world has become a bit of a slang term, but I agree with Igorfrankensteen on his take.

I would further add, that settling (as I've heard it used in reference to dating/marriage) seems to imply a personal act, while compromising seems to be the act of two parties attempting to meet in the middle.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Settling vs compromising