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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is there such a thing as "true" love past 40?      Home login  
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 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 1
Is there such a thing as "true" love past 40?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Is there such a thing as "true" love past 40? ...or are we too hardened/bitter/selfish at this stage of life?

I am hoping to eventually find a man I will feel passionate about, one that makes me feel soft and sweet, and that I can do womanly things for (and obviously, one that reciprocates my affection) but a part of me wonders if my hopes aren't a bit unrealistic. Should our ideas about what love should feel like evolve as we get a little older?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 2
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 8:41:54 AM
Why do you feel the need to place that four letter word in the middle of all your experiences, life, and happiness? Is it not possible to love yourself enough, be secure enough, and happy with who and what you are, that others need not have to love you or you them, to the point of making or breaking your life and living?

Just because many of us have had bad dealings with loving others, and either not having it returned the way we hoped, or not being able to sustain it long term, does not mean that we stop living, stop caring, stop having fun, and feel that the world has dealt us a bad deal. Move on and understand yourself and your happiness, along with what it takes to make you happy and reach out to others like that, and not those that have the need to complete themselves and you with that so called word that is so misunderstood!

Love seems to creep up on you when you are not expecting it, needing it, or even wanting it, and being yourself, enjoying life, and paying it forward to others, should be enough to keep you happy, and fulfilled. I am one to say to those that seem to need more, or they are not happy......that being alone is one thing, but being lonely totally different, and that is what your quest should be all about!

cd
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 8:42:20 AM
yes there is !

but you have to look for a certain type of person to find that love...

ones who have dated and dated and dated.... and married often.... are poor choices. Look for someone who has been
alone ( not dating) or married for the last 15 to 20 years and you might find the love of your life...
a love stronger and better than most people can dream of.

I did, you can too.... be sure your picker is dead on, or you will just find horror.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 9:01:37 AM

Why do you feel the need to place that four letter word in the middle of all your experiences, life, and happiness? Is it not possible to love yourself enough, be secure enough, and happy with who and what you are, that others need not have to love you or you them, to the point of making or breaking your life and living?


no offense but this kind of attitude is one to avoid as it is perfectly Ok to want to know if there
is true love after 40. It is not being insecure to want to know and hope for it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 9:27:15 AM
This gets asked a lot.

I think it's all a matter of mathematical logic. As you go through your life, and your illusions are stripped away, you naturally find it harder to experience things such as the complete letting go emotionally which "true love" entails. When you are a relative child, all it takes is a cute face to set you on course to la-la land. The more you go through, the more it takes, but that doesn't mean that the chance of finding someone shoots all the way to zero.

In fact, I've also seen that some experiences have the opposite effect: I go through some adventures, and I gain insights which cause me to allow MORE leeway in a potential mate, rather than less. The potential for deeper and more intense love, actually increases.

The only thing I would personally caution you against, is to use, or even think the word "should" in consideration of this. The last thing you want to do, is to put your emotional fate into the hands of outside opinions. Make sure it's only your OWN head, over-ruling your heart and/or your various body-chemical emitters.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 6
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 9:37:01 AM
Likely it depends on the gender:
Yes if you're male
No if you're female

Seems for women the older they get the less options with far more criteria they have to fulfill to be given consideration.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 7
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 10:01:53 AM

Is there such a thing as "true" love past 40? ...or are we too hardened/bitter/selfish at this stage of life?


Okay, the first thing we must do is actually ask ourselves what we think of when we think "true love". Just with that, you will have a billion zillion replies. In fact, I do believe yours, in part, must include this????


I am hoping to eventually find a man I will feel passionate about, one that makes me feel soft and sweet, and that I can do womanly things for (and obviously, one that reciprocates my affection) but a part of me wonders if my hopes aren't a bit unrealistic


Personally, at my age, and at the time of my life I am at, I am looking for a partner. A person that I can share certain things with that I am not willing to share with any other. The list of shared items are endless,and have been building up since I booted the ex out the door. Actually, the list was probably building before I booted the ex. I want to "feel" certain things with this partner, things that I don't really want to feel with anyone else,and with those feelings will come things about me that haven't been exposed and revealed in a very long time.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 8
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 11:17:16 AM

Should our ideas about what love should feel like evolve as we get a little older?

Op, I don't necessarily feel that it needs to. In its purest essence, wouldn't love still be about what it always was about? If you're suggesting that we're all a bit battered and bruised most would agree - or are you saying that it's more about some sort of settling.

Why do you feel the need to place that four letter word in the middle of all your experiences, life, and happiness? Is it not possible to love yourself enough, be secure enough, and happy with who and what you are, that others need not have to love you or you them, to the point of making or breaking your life and living?

^^^In a word, 'no'. Loving myself, being secure with who I am and generally-speaking 'happy' is not enough (for me). That said, I'm also not out there forcing anyone to drink my brand of Kool-Aid either. Part of your post above reminds me of an SNL 'self-talk mantra' type of skit from years ago..."I'm happy".."I'm okay"...."I love myself" etc. <<Saying it doesn't make it necessary true, nor does it make it 'enough' for most (if perfectly honest). There is something that comes along with being loved that is impossible to recreate simply by professing 'I'm okay - I love myself"...which is validation...someone exterior to us who sees everything and accepts us (at least in that moment).

Sure I guess people can trundle on in their lives going through the motions without love (just loving one's self), but to me life is simply a sweeter experience when the path is shared ---why wouldn't anyone opt for an upgraded experiential package if there was an opportunity to grab that, to be aspirational toward that?

...and paying it forward to others, should be enough to keep you happy, and fulfilled.

^^^Btw...if we're going to parse on a word, I have a problem with 'should'.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 9
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:41:26 PM
There is if you both can be willing to share your experiences/baggage in a non-judgmental and neutral perspective. Loving someone means accepting the baggage and knowing that no matter how healed you are, it is part of your experience and will shape your perspectives and attitudes in future relationships.
I'm not talking about helping someone grieve or get over their ex, but really sitting down with someone and understanding the baggage and how it has affected them and what, if any, effects it will have on your current relationship.

You'll always be hard and bitter if you leave the misery goggles on.

Getting older brings more experiences. We're here on POF so those experiences were probably not the best. I would dare to say trust is a major issue for both men and women.

Who do you trust to say 'I love you' and risk being rejected?

Just a bunch of humans trying to find a friend in the storm to weather this thing called life:)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 10
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 6:57:36 PM
True Love is found through time and shared experiences. How willing you are to share them is directly related.

As people get older, they get more 'set' in their ways, despite what their intentions may be on their internet profiles. The 'willingness' gets weaker with more life experiences. The best advice I can give is do your best to look at new situations like a younger person, and be more flexible and WILLING to take that risk about stepping into new experiences.

Love is blind to rules, so the more rules YOU decide to obey, the less chance you will have to find that blindly wonderful Love experience.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 7:05:40 PM
I think there is true love at any age. I don't think everyone will experience it - some don't want to, some are too closed off to recognize it, some won't have it cross their path, etc. But it's absolutely possible to be a part of that at any age - why wouldn't it be?

I do agree with C deacon - I think that who we are and what life is about shouldn't be in direct connection with our marital status. I will say that on some level love is important to all of us, it's just not necessarily limited to romantic love - nor is that type of love the only type that matters.
 venomac1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 12
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/3/2012 7:13:50 PM
"Is there such a thing as "true" love past 40?"

God I hope so. I had been with one woman since I was a teenager(over 23 years), thought she was the love of my life at the time until she left me for another. But she gave me 2 wonderful kids, even if things didn't work out between us, she is a good person I think, she just wanted a different life now.
But I hope I can find that again, I haven't given up hope yet. BUT I am not worried either. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't I thank God for the life I have had.

I DO believe in love at first site though. That doesn't mean that is the one you will marry. :P
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 13
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 2:01:17 AM
The biggest impediment to finding "true" can be found by looking in ones mirror.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 14
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 5:18:40 AM

These things happens in fairy tales/romance books.

Maybe in your world. Not so in my world.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 15
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:43:08 AM
Thank you for posting that definition, tweetchat. I don't consider myself a romantic, so I never would have used that word to describe what I want, but I can assure you that despite using the wrong term in my original post (must I really subscribe to psychology today? lol) , I am in NO WAY interested in experiencing insecurity and anxiety. If I were, I would probably be content to date casually ad nauseum.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 16
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:47:38 AM
Love is everywhere and comes from the inside. Why would it stop at 40?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 17
Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:47:39 AM
Absolutely!

There are two factors to love. One is starts in your mind. If you are afraid to love, you will not love. If you're afraid to be hurt, you will not be vulnerable and you will not love. So first you must let go of your own mind. Second, is the other person, and how they reciprocate these feelings. Sometimes they are not there. Sometimes they are there instantly, such as what is called love at first sight – that never last. And then there's the willingness to be vulnerable, and to give.

I have been in relationships before where I can say that I experience true love. Could that happen again? Absolutely. But it takes time and it takes openness and it takes NOT chasing it. Let it happen.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 18
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Is there such a thing as true love past 40?
Posted: 9/4/2012 6:49:38 AM
Love is everywhere and comes from the inside. Why would it stop at 40?
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