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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > phone calls and texting not for me.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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phone calls and texting not for me.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I liked to chat 20 minutes or so on the phone before meeting because I found that was a good way to break the ice and also get some prespective on that person...
if I even wanted to meet.

I did not like to chit chat for hours or text at all.
I wanted to meet someone and have a connection, not games or wasted time with online cyber bs
and it worked out pretty well.
I lost all nervousness after meeting a few creeps... and you will too
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/5/2012 6:32:47 PM
Any time you appear to purposely hide yourself in advance of a meet, anyone who has been 'burned' by deceit, is likely to get suspicious.

As far as I'm concerned, a phone call to hear the person's voice is pretty important. Not to mention, that until I hear that voice, if all I've had is a profile picture and text, I have no idea if you are even human.

But when it comes to interrelating with humanoids, you do what you want, and take what it gets you, or doesn't.

Would I decide against a meet because of no phone first? Maybe. depends on how I feel that day, I guess. Do I feel lucky?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/5/2012 7:32:49 PM
This topic has been discussed a zillion times, The consensus has been some people don't want to give a total stranger their phone number. So if they meet for a coffee or drink and there's a connection/spark which leads to a date, that's the appropriate time to hand out a phone number. Other people require the interview on the phone before meeting in real life, similar to having a job interview by phone.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 12
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/5/2012 7:52:14 PM
I’ve posted about this before on various topics when it came up. My view and preference on this issue is unpopular among us here but here it goes.

I don’t ever text. I canceled my text plan many years ago and can’t even send or receive text. I’m also not a big phone person. Not because I have something to hide or to be mean but because I am choosing to do what feels most natural to me. None of my friends call me just to chat. I only use the phone when it is necessary or with people like family and friends who live elsewhere. I do Skype and wouldn’t be opposed to that at all. I also might get a text plan again and use the phone more should I become in a serious relationship.

Now, in the dating world it would feel strange if all of a sudden I started to ignore my preference in an effort to please strangers and their expectations. In the past (many many years ago) I have talked on the phone prior to meeting people. What came out of it was that we both started to imagine who we were based on our voices and the conversation. When we met it was always disappointing because we could never live up to the person we imagined us to be.

I don’t date a lot to begin with but when someone’s picture and profile does strike an interest or someone actually replies to me (which is rare) I find it more effective to use the sites e-mail option to communicate, not for too long though, maybe 1 or max 2 weeks. After the first few messages I already get an idea if we could be a match. Out of those who are interested enough in me to continue communicating this way we usually end up meeting right away. I personally don’t think phone and texting is necessary to meet in person and in person is more convenient and real.
I do respect preferences opposing to mine but when it becomes a deal breaker for guys I’d rather let them find a better match.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 16
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/5/2012 9:34:49 PM
First, relax.

Second, no phone call is a bad sign to me before a first date.

How do I know you are not a guy in drag?
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 17
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/5/2012 10:26:38 PM
I'd never meet anyone without speaking on the phone first. I get free calls up to 0ne hour each, so it costs me nil and tells me so much.

A new guy asked me to phone him at 11am on a weekday (yesterday). I did, and I only said five words: "Hi, no work today, then?" after which he talked nonstop for 30 minutes about his job, every tiny detail of how he got it, and his previous work history, and how he got every other job, and how much he likes this job, and how good at it he is, and what everyone he knows thinks about his job... blah blah blah, speaking fast and fluently.

I was patient and didn't hang up because I was waiting for him to suddenly have a moment of self-awareness and apologise for being such a chatterbox and monopolising the conversation. After about 15 minutes I realised this wasn't going to happen. I knew I would not want ever to meet him, but I stayed on the line out of sheer curiosity, just to find out when, if ever, he would let me have a turn at speaking.

I began to walk about my house, do the dishes, clean the floor and worktops, feed the cat, unpack, read the instructions for, and set up my new wireless keyboard and mouse, by which time I was only half-listening. He was rabbiting on at a cracking pace, there wasn't a split second's pause where I could get a word in edgeways. I opened my letter mail and dealt with it, then opened my emails and responded to half a dozen and he was still chattering on, not caring that I had not spoken a word to him since my initial five word opener. I even answered the door, and signed for and took in a parcel, having a short convo with the courier.

Eventually, after 30 minutes, he actually asked me something about myself! I was about ten words into my reply when he interrupted me and took over once again, summarising my life (his imagined version of it, anyway, his assumptions were all wrong) and then swiftly moving back to his job, himself, his world, his views. It got quite interesting once he started telling me all the details of all the women he's picked up on this site and others, detailing every date and the results of his trips to the STI clinic, and the intimate details of the kinds of sex he had with each of the 15 women he has bedded so far this year.

When it got to 55 minutes I managed to slice in and say, it's been 55 minutes, we have to wrap this up as my free hour is ending soon. He said he was really enjoying our chat, and could he phone me straight back? I declined. Later i received an email saying let's chat again soon.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 22
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:41:52 AM
This topic has been done a billion times. Generally, busy people with a lot going on in their lives don't like chatting on the phone and prefer to-the-point texts, set meets, and planned out time with people. People with very little going on in their lives or a lot of "down" time prefer lots of phone chatting. It's a preference that mostly has to do with how you live your life.

However, "shyness" is a really silly reason not to talk to someone on the phone that you plan on meeting. Like, it makes no sense at all, and is something you need to get over, if that's the reason.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 23
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 7:28:02 AM
Talking on the phone before a date / meeting isn't a must for me although there have been a few times when I lost interest in someone after a phone call. Due to obvious non-visual dealbreakers such as other person was completely dull or talked down to me. However I like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. In case one person is late. If a woman doesn't want to give their number before a date / meeting, they could use Google Voice or buy an inexpensive prepaid cell phone and just use it for internet dating.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:28:14 AM
As long as I have her phone number, so in case either one is late, the other can call, I don't have a problem with that. The reality is that anything that happens before you meet is academic and means nothing. Anything that happens AFTER you meet it's a totally different story.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 25
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:35:45 AM
I don't like talking on the phone first. I will do anything to avoid it. Most of my meet and greets have occurred via messaging on POF. I think only one or two really wanted a call first, so I reluctantly agreed. Would MUCH rather meet face-to-face than talk on the phone. And I don't have texting feature on my phone.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:56:17 AM
The way I see it, the more barriers you put up to avoid meeting people, the less chance you have of meeting a potential match. Unless someone is totally obnoxious on the phone, I don't understand how hearing a stranger's voice means anything-especially in a situation where the conversation is like a job interview. Most first telephone conversations would go along the line of repeating what was said when exchanging e-mails. What's the point of that? The people who are the best of the best in telephone conversations are players who are charming the pants off of women while on the phone. Women will wet themselves while talking to a player on the phone whose really good at his trade, not knowing she is being played for a fool and he is only after her vagina.

The best bet is to take a chance and meet in person, and you will know in seconds or minutes if he/she is worth pursuing. If you can't spare 20 minutes of your life to see if someone would be a good match, or won't meet anyone unless you know for sure he/she is totally perfect and the most awesome creature on the planet, you shouldn't be on a dating site or consider dating.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:42:51 PM
I don't see why Maleman999 should be considered bitter. The subject has been brought up a zillion times and he is sharing like you and everyone else. Variety of opinions bring diversity and color to forums.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/6/2012 6:26:14 PM

Lilbitofsugaandspice:
Maleman999
Are you bitter much? Please.


Looks like I struck a nerve with Libido or whatever her name is. Does the thought a smooth talking player on the phone bring back some unpleasant memories?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 32
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 4:35:43 AM

Lilbitofsugaandspice:
Nope, I love talking on the phone actually.


Good for you. But people like you who chatter on and on are the reason many States want to stop people from talking on their cell phones while driving.

When I make a phone call. I take care of the business I have and hang up. If I want to chat with someone, I'd rather do it face to face. Most of my phone calls last less than a minute and don't even send me a text, they cost me $0.20 each. Send me an email, they're free.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 34
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:29:38 AM
abmccray said "Generally, busy people with a lot going on in their lives don't like chatting on the phone and prefer to-the-point texts, set meets, and planned out time with people. People with very little going on in their lives or a lot of "down" time prefer lots of phone chatting. It's a preference that mostly has to do with how you live your life."

What utter nonsense. If you don't have time for a 20-minute chat with someone who might be your partner for the rest of your life, how are you going to have time to have the actual relationship?

As my previous message upthread illustrates, you can tell a helluva lot about someone from a phone call, for example, whether they (a) have anything to talk about and (b) know that they have to listen as well as talk.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 36
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 8:42:16 AM
Your sending out a vibe that you're running a dating audition & process. Nobody wants to hear the 'terms and conditions' of your first encounter with them.

Jeez, nothing is more mind numbing then having to negotiate that this is NOT a date, it is a 20 minute meet and greet.

Yes madame robot! I obey!

I'm sure your intentions are sincere, but you should think about making a guy feel more comfortable by showing your interest in him.

I would also be turned off big time if you couldn't talk on the phone before we meet. How do I know you're not a transvestite?

It's called trust. Get a 2nd phone or use google voice.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 39
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 10:12:02 AM

Despite protests to the contrary, few guys in the universe will not meet a woman they are attracted to because she won't text or talk on the phone. In contrast, most males will climb a mountain and slay a dragon to meet her.

I'm not in the market but my approach to woman is that a guy should do absolutely everything he can to make a woman feel at ease. If she wants to talk on the phone or not...fine. Meet at a time and place that is convenient for her, etc. If she wants a glass of wine..fine. an ice cream...fine . She needs to feel suffiiently comfortable to let a guy into her space.

The worse that an happen to a guy is we meet the wicked witch of the west ...at least we'll have a story to tell our friends. In contrast, a woman might be opening up the door to the stalker from Hell.

After a first meeting or date then there can more reciprocity and hopefully give on her part but be flexible for that first encouter.


Agree completely. If the gal does not feel comfortable talking on the phone first (having nothing to do with giving out her number) why be so rigid to insist upon it or no go? The men I have met through POF never insist on a phone call first. I think they are happy to coordinate with me the first meet and greet through POF messaging. We always exchange numbers before meeting, just in case one of us has to cancel last minute. There have been a couple who suggested the call first, so we chatted first on the phone. As an above poster said, I too feel awkward and uncomfortable talking on the phone with someone I have never met. Let's just meet and go from there.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 40
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 10:17:09 AM

Msg 35: Yeah but many people don't look like their pic because they old, photoshopped pic or whatever. Then there's people who will not even show up. Talking on the phone just decrease the risk and weed out more of these kind of people.


Explain the logic behind a phone call weeding out people who don't look like their picture or who will or won't show up for a first meet. A quicker way to weed out people is to meet in person. That's when you find out if they do or don't look like their picture or if they would be a no-show. It's a bigger waste of time to have a phone relationship for weeks or months or a year and have the person not show up to an eventual scheduled meet.



Msg 38: I would also be turned off big time if you couldn't talk on the phone before we meet. How do I know you're not a transvestite?


Do you know for a fact that every transvestite has a deep baritone male voice? I'm sure there are many that could sound like a female and I personally know a few women who have deep voices that sounds like a man's voice and I would never guess them to be female if I talked to them on the phone without knowing who was calling. Another case where meeting in person is a better option than playing phone tag and guessing. Some trannies are good at disguising their gender, but there would be some male traits that would be harder to hide that could give it away.
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 42
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 12:58:13 PM
Trust me on this, I know what I'm doing:)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 43
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 3:47:53 PM
These are replies that resonate with me.


my approach to woman is that a guy should do absolutely everything he can to make a woman feel at ease. If she wants to talk on the phone or not...fine.




Agree completely. If the gal does not feel comfortable talking on the phone first (having nothing to do with giving out her number) why be so rigid to insist upon it or no go? The men I have met through POF never insist on a phone call first. I think they are happy to coordinate with me the first meet and greet through POF messaging.



Explain the logic behind a phone call weeding out people who don't look like their picture or who will or won't show up for a first meet. A quicker way to weed out people is to meet in person. That's when you find out if they do or don't look like their picture or if they would be a no-show.



Do you know for a fact that every transvestite has a deep baritone male voice.



Trust is earned and something you give after getting to know an individual. Most women are intelligent enough to not 'trust' a guy they have never met regardless if they have spoken on the phone or not.


A phone conversation as a requirement would turn me off and make me think he is more than unsure about meeting me. I don’t need to win someones trust by first talking to them. Any man who is afraid or concerned about me or or any woman being a transvestite is a homophobe and I would not want to talk to them anyway.

In the rare scenario where your picker was so way off and you actually do meet a transvestite, just like when you see someone after a phone conversation or without one and it doesn’t work out, you simply move on and don’t even need to worry about having given out personal info like your number to any woman or transvestite.

To all who say get a second phone, I personally have no interest in screening calls or giving out second phone numbers because I am not going test someone over the phone and do not wish to be tested that way. When I meet someone in person everything I need to know is right in front of me and what a pleasure it will be to only give my number to someone I want to get to know better versus “let me see if he is worth it”.

Has it ever occurred to people how off putting a blocked number or a second phone to test someone is?
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 47
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:09:34 PM
I don't like talking on the phone to begin with, but I'll have 1 brief conversation before we meet. I'd rather not talk on the phone at all if I can avoid it. I'd rather wait to see if we like each other first & have chemistry. I don't think not talking on the phone sends a negative impression.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 48
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 5:57:56 PM

If you don't want to talk on the phone that's fine. But don't expect some men to put up with it. Men have enough hurdles to go through.

If a man feels meeting a woman in person without a phone call is “putting up with it” he should absolutely not meet her. I wouldn’t want him to go out of his comfort zone. Plenty of men would want to meet a woman they are sincerely interested in without a phone call. Everyone reserves the right to their preferences.

If safety is such a concern these women should forget online dating.

No, they should keep meeting the men who actually want to meet them without the phone requirements. For some women, like myself, it’s not even an issue of safety, but compatibility as well as not feeling pressured to do something they are not ready to do. My motto is, if someone makes you feel pressured, move on to someone who doesn't.

I wouldn’t drive miles and miles for a first meet and wouldn’t expect that from him either, unless he really wanted to without needing a phone call to compensate the drive being worthwhile. You can’t know anything for sure about a stranger until you are face to face.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 7:23:54 PM

If you don't want to talk on the phone that's fine. But don't expect some men to put up with it. Men have enough hurdles to go through.


I don't understand this statement. Having to impress someone on the phone after initially trying to impress them through e-mails is an additional hurdle-not less hurdles like implied in the statement. Someone has flunked arithmetic 001.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 50
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phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/7/2012 9:13:28 PM
A meet is a test to see if both parties like each other. It's like a pre date.

Yes, but at least you will be judged by your entire being, not by your voice or how well you talk to strangers you have never met before in person and don’t even know if you’re attracted to him in person. Maybe she would be an excellent conversationalist if she was attracted to you after she saw you. I don’t really have much to say myself over the phone if I have never seen someone before.

I’m beginning to think that this phone thing is an excuse for some men to play it safe because they hate being rejected.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 51
phone calls and texting not for me.
Posted: 9/8/2012 8:51:23 AM

Despite protests to the contrary, few guys in the universe will not meet a woman they are attracted to because she won't text or talk on the phone. In contrast, most males will climb a mountain and slay a dragon to meet her.


Not entirely true for me. Like I said before, talking on the phone before a date / meeting isn't a must for me however I like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. There have been multiple times when the other person or myself was late due to work, traffic, getting lost. Without a phone number, you may not be able to reach the other person. Thus they may leave before you arrive. Thinking that you had stood them up. Some people will say send an email after the fact and try to explain what happened. But many people probably wouldn't believe your explanation.
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