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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
all sounds like very immature people...

I would not talk to him/she about it at all and just move on.
Actions speak louder than words and.... why ???? be exclusive with someone when there are doubts?

time to grow up and start seeing things for what they are.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 5
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 9/9/2012 12:29:33 PM
Sounds like the old line ...

He's not into her.

So she is not the one.
Time for her to move along, or if she likes keep dating him.
But you KNOW, he is looking for someone better suited for him.
 spiffykatt
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 9
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:44:42 AM
it more than likely means that after 7 more dates he will still be perusing for chicas.your friend should by all means see the guy if she enjoys his company.however,she shouldnt make him a priority when she is merely an option.:)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 9/12/2012 9:39:27 AM
If you're going so slow that it takes the 5th date to get a kiss, and nothing follows suit after that even -- you're still SINGLE! Going slow = longer being single. You can't have it both ways -- to have G-rated (not even PG-rated) dates on one hand, and expect exclusivity on the other.

He may really like her -- but going that "slow" (it's more like spinning wheels) isn't a good sign. He's wisely keeping his options open. People take things slow in reference to being exclusive -- they don't want to jump into exclusivity. Fine -- if someone's willing to beat around the bush (no pun intended) with handshake & lemonade dates, they can't expect exclusivity.

And she (like most women) have a say on how fast/slow it goes. She can't purely blame him that it's going slow -- he's highly most likely reading off her that she's apprehensive about getting too close.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 17
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/23/2013 7:33:45 PM
It may not be that he's just not that into her. It could be that he IS into her but something she does, is a yellow flag to him, so he's keeping his options open.

Is he concerned she doesn't look after herself good enough?
Does he feel he might end up with the booby prize?

For some reason he's not putting all his effort into her. Is it possible he's right to do this? In other words, can you blame him? (pretend you are not her friend).

It could be he's an ass or a player or whatever, she needs to find this out, if it is true. Let her. You can't save her from the truth anyway and suggesting breaking up or having a "talk" won't help. He could lie (or believe he is telling the truth) or he could give up and go away and she'll never know or learn.

Probably best if you leave them alone to figure it out for themselves OP. Really, butt out. It's O.K.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 18
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/23/2013 7:57:08 PM

I told her she needs to talk to him about where they stand and bring up being "online" issue.


Wait.. how are you all talking about making decisions about THEIR relationship if she hasn't even TALKED with him on WHERE THEY STAND?
COMMUNICATION and the lack thereof is why relationships die..



lso, I said to break it off with him since you're having doubts and trusts issues with him right now in the "relationship" and what's going to happen over time then if you're more involved/serious.


Here you go..the typical single friend throwing gasoline on the fire. There are no TRUST issues involved if there hasn't been any particular AGREEMENT made. A TRUST issue is when you both have CONSENTED to something and one of you violates the agreement. They haven't talked about where they stand so you can't mention anything about "doubts" and "trust" issues yet.

She should bring it up.... that would tell you everything

You are NOT official until you both confirm that you are. Exclusivity is not..(and never should be implied)
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 19
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/24/2013 12:31:29 PM
Some people just shouldn't date.

You were right, she should talk to him about where they stand. 99% of problems that come up in these forums can be solved by the two people actually communicating with each other.

I don't think breaking it off was the right thing to say to her though. You should have just left it at "use your words, and talk to him".
 ReallyElusiveNiceGuy
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 20
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/24/2013 10:38:50 PM
They're both definitely looking for different things and perhaps she's starting to think she should perhaps compromise ("she's confused at the moment").

She should move on, in my opinion.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/25/2013 9:56:09 AM

She said things went with are going well.
She said things are going really slow
I said to break it off with him


Here's a radical suggestion. Make her use her brain cells and stop relying on other people to form her thoughts and opinions. If she's old enough to date, she's old enough to decide if she wants to continue dating the guy. This sounds like something pre-teens would worry about.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 23
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/25/2013 12:24:07 PM
He is playing the field looking for someone better. Sad state of affairs for her, but time to move on. If he can't stop dating others long enough to get to know her, he is not worth her time.
 1906AceClub
Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 24
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/25/2013 2:20:14 PM
Wait, so two months of going out and things are going well, albeit a little slow. He goes online, and you have no idea why, but you automatically assume he's up to no good, he's a player, he's not into her, he's looking for something casual, etc.

If she has a problem with things going too slow, maybe she needs to adjust the signals, or better yet, talk to him. He's probably adjusting the speed he's going based on the signals he's reading from her.

But your solution is for her to break off the relationship. This is a good thing. If she has meddlesome friends like you giving bad advice, and she tends to follow that advice, better he know sooner rather than later so he can bail out with minimal drama.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/25/2013 2:23:15 PM
If she wants someone to just date her, she has that right. She needs to make that clear right up front to him. If he chooses to date or stay on line, he risks losing her. No drama.. just a plain fact. Why does the man get to make all the rules here? As long as she openly told him about her feelings and asked him to respect her, she has the right to walk away no matter what he is up to on line.
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 27
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Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/27/2013 6:47:12 PM
good gal37"I went out with one from here who did the same thing.. maybe we went out with the same slimy guy. Good thing I was not invested in it, and there was no sex involved.. I do not understand the point of him doing that..then again I dont understand half of what goes on in the dating world any more.
 jrich01963
Joined: 12/12/2011
Msg: 28
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:21:29 AM
It sounds like there is an issue. Perhaps he is not really ready for the kind of relationship your friend wants OR she isnt ready and is possibly giving off signals that are making him go slowly. But I guess if he is looking online and she found out about it then things have gotten messy. I guess you could ask either of them why are they still looking online if they have been dating for a couple months?

If she feels something is special there she can simply ask him "how do you feel about us?" Maybe while your laughing or kidding around on a next date just bring it up. I think you'll get a more sincere answer than if she confronted bim.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 30
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 10/9/2013 5:27:45 AM
Not sure why you're getting involved. This is your "friend's" problem, isn't it? If this person can't handle her own life, then maybe she's not mature enough to date anyone seriously right now.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 10/9/2013 7:50:31 AM

The thing of it is that he's still on another dating website very recently.


It amazes me when people go from dating site to dating site, and when they discover someone they dated or are currently dating on the other site, it's the other person who is guilty of looking. People don't realized how idiotic and childish that seems, and how that kills any trust if a person knows they're being cyber-stalked. The guy can use the same excuse-he's on there to see if she's on there, and it's possible that's the actual reason he was on there. If the guy sees her on the site snooping, he doesn't know if she's spying on him or looking for fresh meat, which in either case, is a relationship killer.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 32
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 10/9/2013 8:28:22 AM
What a thread to resurrect again.......geeze
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 33
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 10/9/2013 10:45:47 AM
Here's an update with my friend

We didn't have the talk this weekend and couldn't hang out together. The last time I called him he didn't answer. And we havent talked all day. So this might just go away on it's own.

Yeah, it's done, obviously. Usually you'll see this with a girl keeping distance to the guy but still wanting to go out on dates, not the other way around. There usually needs to be something pretty darn unusual for a guy to want to roll that way (he's gay or asexual; he doesn't like her but wants to make another girl jealous he's still way into).

I will say this, though: Maybe he was trying to win her over, but a combination of him being chicken + her acting like she's not interested. Not an excuse for a guy to go out *7* times, nor a woman to be like that for *7* dates. But you'd be surprised how often a girl has at least a handful of interest but comes across as if she's not interested in him in-that-way when they sit down together. So a guy who's chicken will hold off too long with frustration, thinking it will "ruin" something if he "goes in".

It is a girl's obligation to show interest, but a few think a guy should just "go for it" regardless how she comes across. While I agree with that, as far as a mere kiss is, to break the ice, if her kiss is apprehensive or just not showing interest in it, he should walk, if she wasn't expressing interest at all beforehand.
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 34
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?
Posted: 10/13/2013 3:25:22 PM
So in the continuum of things
Bag and Bang her on the first date - and you are a player
Hold back to see her true character in a month and a half - and you are a player......

sumnabiatch - just split the difference and nail her on date three. It seems to be the conventional meme anyhow.
Damn y'all bring more baggage to dating than I do to an international flight.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!?