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 coppertonegirl
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 1
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When do you close your online dating accountPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have an account here and so does the man I am seeing. A friend of mine said that I should stop seeing him as he is still on here looking around so does not really want to be with me. My question is, are we to close our accounts as soon as we start seeing someone OR do we wait until the wedding night or some other realtionship milestone to close the POF account?
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 2
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When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/10/2012 5:17:14 PM
You asked a friends advice before discussing it with the man you're seeing. Will this bode well for future communication and trust?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/10/2012 5:48:54 PM
OP ... try communicating this topic with the man you are seeing.
I bet you'll get the right answer.
 Ray89135
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 4
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/10/2012 6:15:07 PM
I do not agree that anyone should change behavior they desire, because they've reached a second date or the second month or the second year.....

If you don't want your SO to be on here after the second date, second month, or second year, you have the right to tell him/her and then he/she can either follow your advice or not...

I'll say this, if I have to ask someone to stop dating others or get off POF when they are not ready then don't be surprised if this will come up again .... Two people are often not on the same page at the same time and both have to decide if they can accept this difference for the sake of the overall relationship....

I should add that there is nothing morally or ethically wrong when your SO doesn't want to stop dating at any point due to some artificial timeline. After all, don't many married people date others, some do it openly and some hide it form their spouse. When you try to control someone and they are not ready for it and are only do it to please you, well you can expect the behavior to go underground.

What I am trying to say is we can only control our own behavior and desires and we should not try to control others because it often doesn't work, and don't we want our partner to be "all in" when they desire it not because "we" expect it...If your SO isn't on the same page as you and that bothers you so much you cannot stay in the relationship then you move on and you will soon find out how much you are truly valued by your SO.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 5
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 8:59:14 AM
I think it's appropriate to close the account when you don't care to date anyone else, and my assumption is that if a man still frequents dating sites, he isn't interested in dating only me. I realize a lot of people are saying otherwise, and they may even have a point, but I am not comfortable with the idea of a man I am sleeping with actively looking for my replacement. Guess I'm too old for online dating. lol
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 6
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 9:52:36 AM

Well dang I'm here for the forums. Are you telling me I'm actively dating


I have no idea if you are dating or not, but I do think *most* women are able to understand the difference between posting in a forum with a profile that says "forums only", and someone who doesn't post in the forums at all, and has a profile that says he is looking for a relationship.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 10:30:22 AM
I have had a number of relationships and did not delete my account but hid it instead and still used the forums for my escape and to visit with friends. Asking someone to delete POF, which is a social site as much if not more than anything else, is like asking them to delete their facebook account, MySpace, etc., and we all know how much trouble one can get into with those social networks.

Life is to short to worry about the small shit.....so, either trust them and know your own self confidence, or move to a farm and eliminate all communications other than an old tv antenna.....;)

cd
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 8
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 1:02:28 PM

Oh yeah that's the only reason to be on here. So he is suppose to ditch the friends he made on here? If you can't trust a guy then don't be in a relationship with him. I guess you won't allow him to go to a strip bar without making a big deal.


Lol! You are a piece of work. :D

Listen, this isn't a matter of trust. I just can't imagine being seriously involved with a man my age who wanted to frequent strip bars, nor one who considers internet strangers to be "friends". To each his/her own.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 9
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When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:40:05 PM
I've got active accounts on sites from 17 years ago, that I still use for international pen-pals. And obviously I'm on here, mainly for the forums. My wife knows and has no worries about it - plus she knows the passwords and can look anytime she likes.

Anyway, for most people, I think you need to discuss if and when to take down a profile. There's no absolute right or wrong answer here, so you should NOT assume one. However, most people will at least hide their profile once they are exclusive and have verbally made that commitment, and that seems reasonable unless there are good reasons to keep it active.
 coppertonegirl
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
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When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 3:45:32 PM
Thank you very much for your candor.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/11/2012 5:02:29 PM
Takes three things:

1) When we are an item.
(and sure about each other)

2) When she asks me to.
(It's the woman's place to request that.)

3) And when she does as well.


For just dating...we can just hide our profiles.
Or put "Dating Someone" in em till we are sure.
 Moe601
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 12
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/12/2012 10:42:37 PM
Great post ! I totally agree! That's my so many relationship don't last! It don't matter what others think! But I do think that if you in a committed relationship then you should close your account if that's was your purpose to open up the account in the first place. I would close my account if I find someone that I wanted to be with the rest of my life.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 13
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/14/2012 4:54:55 AM
Defiantly do not approach him about it...Make your own account or re activate it...Then if he is still on, just assume he is seeing other women, and start seeing other men secretly of course...Under no circumstances break up, or talk about it, just let it run it's course...
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 14
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/14/2012 8:06:09 AM

People on POF are not your friends...they are acquaintances. Your friends are people you do things with IRL.


I agree, though maybe even "acquaintance" is (for me) a generous description, at least until after meeting in person.

Maybe that's why I have difficulty understanding the desire to stay on these sites. I would much rather spend time with a real, live person I cared about than sitting in front of a computer, and I can't understand risking the feelings of someone I cared about in order to chat with a stranger online.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 15
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/14/2012 11:37:35 AM

If that's how you feel why are you even on here?


I am single, and actually, my profile is hidden. I am here for the forums for the time being.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 16
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/14/2012 4:21:51 PM
Shouldn't you use your time to meet your friends in real life? A real live person instead of the forums sitting behind a computer? I am just saying, you're not being logical.


If you were really my friend, I would be offended by this assertion.

lol
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 17
When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/14/2012 6:31:58 PM
The first thing I do after having the exclusivity talk with a woman I am interested in is delete my profile. It can be like a little ceremony where you both do it together. I can't imagine how anyone could keep an open account on a dating site while in a committed relationship.

I get that people do this, I just don't understand it. Every single page (even in the forum) is adorned with little thumbnail pics of attractive single women. When I'm with someone I care about and am serious about, I don't want crap like this in my life. I'm not entirely sure I even want it right now.

In all honesty though, there were plenty of times I did miss this forum while I was happily distracted from my loneliness...lol Fortunately, there are other options out there.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 18
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When do you close your online dating account
Posted: 9/17/2012 5:18:41 AM
I would not 'close' it, but I believe you have the option of hiding your profile if you want. I would hide my profile once I started dating someone. I'm not one of those people who can date more than one person at a time.
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