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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I almost missed a gem.      Home login  
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 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 1
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I almost missed a gem.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've begun seeing a man who I have had a close friendship with for eighteen years. I relegated him to "friendship only" for so long.
How fantastic it is to see this other side to him and be on the receiving end of his attentions. Learning to like and respect him more than I did before is wonderful. We're really happy ATM.
Have other posters ever chosen an old friend as a partner and how did it work out for you?
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 2
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/10/2012 7:51:13 PM
I'm curious. What did he do to de friend zone himself?
 learnin2flyhi110269
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 3
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/10/2012 7:53:22 PM
Don't know whatcha got...til it's gone....
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 4
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:48:28 AM
good for you aussie! id like to see more women do this sort of thing. to me, a successful relationship has to have more than just chemistry. when you are really good friends with someone, i think it shows that you can connect on many levels, not just attraction.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 5
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 1:15:09 AM
@RedDelPaPa....He took a risk and it paid off...During a dance at a party, he kissed me, once & said, "Do you know how long i've wanted to do that with you?", then he left straight away..........
I called him a few days later and.....
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 6
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 1:24:46 AM
@ Dolphina..Thanks for sharing......We know, like and respect each other well enough to be able to have great communication at the beginning of our new journey...I'm just really excited that he's sharing this 'other self' with me and vice versa. We're each liking what we're discovering.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 7
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 1:51:16 AM
OP some women, when they ""feel"" they have exhausted all avenues to find a husband/man to be with and make babies wtih...


they will let their ""so called ---"" ""standards"" down to a point where they will take """any"" man who is decent and is even slightly interested in them ( as opposed to the other dudes who she has just given her body up to easily cuz the dude was hot and she mistakenly thought that meant she was HOT) and begun to accept a man as a MAN
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:47:55 AM
^^^^NOoooo


i speaketh the truth...





it IS about lowering so called ""standards""


"""standards""" as in who a woman wanna spread her legs for easily...




otherwise if she wanna look for a man to be with for her life......
a man she may/maynot be HOT HOT HOT for sexually...


well.... that is her problem.


if the shoe fits...

then wear it...
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:44:26 AM
OP ... I think this is wonderful!

As for the men who thumb their noses at the friendship first part
It seems that they have been put in the friendship zone and can't get out.
There must be a reason why they are delegated to the past tense.
Get over it guys.

Myself ... I would welcome a friend first relationship.
It would make the getting to know you phase so much easier.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 8:59:46 AM

Myself ... I would welcome a friend first relationship.
It would make the getting to know you phase so much easier.


You mean you would want a "friends first" situation for 18 years to make sure he met your standards? I don't know any guy who would do that. There's got to be more to the story than meets the eye. Wasn't there any attraction to be more than just friends in the past? Why did it take 18 years to suddenly go from "just friends" to Mr. Perfect Love of My Life?
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 11
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 9:09:37 AM

Why did it take 18 years to suddenly go from "just friends" to Mr. Perfect Love of My Life?


Maybe one or both of them were married or involved with other people during those 18 years?

Jeez. Such bitterness scares me.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 10:15:45 AM
Friendzone is a term dating coaches created. Just as the idea your brain only works at 6% was created by people selling courses on how to make your brain work better (why else does your head radiate so much heat? From all the work your brain is doing).

I've had female friends turn me into lovers. It does happen, sure. Guys, you'll be amazed at how many women chase after you when you stop trying to get them into bed. Stop making 'em defend themselves from your advances--conscious as well as unconscious ones you make, trying to get the pleasure you seek so much--and those women in your lives will have all the room in the world to chase after what they want...and you might just have it. Of course, if you're hoping to get something from someone ,and she does too, well, guess what--she won't get it from you, so she'll go elsewhere.

It does help when of the friends, frankly, grows up. The change in person could bring a change in feelings. How long the change lasts, can dictate how long the relationship lasts.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 10:55:44 AM
If it doesn't work out in the long run, can you two go back to being just friends and act like nothing happened?

I guess this blows the theory that most women religiously live by: The theory that women know within a few seconds of meeting a guy, whether the guy is dating and relationship material or not-the instant chemistry and sparks and exploding rockets feeling. If a guy is not classified as dating worthy, the woman has the choice of either never have any more contact with him or put him in the twilight zone, otherwise known as the "friends" zone. The better looking guys are put in the friends zone while the physically unattractive guys are given the permanent boot to the curb. The guys in the friend's zone usually fade away when they meet someone who doesn't do the friends zone game. They don't usually stick around for 18 years, so this is a rarity.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 14
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:06:56 PM
I like this story, mostly because I like happy things.
But, it would make me wonder if someone I was "friends" with
for a couple of decades suddenly found me relationship material.

I understand "timing" and all that, but to remain friends and then
to suddenly become more after that length of time, while definitely
a nice story, makes me kind of go mmmmmm too.

I know there are people in my life that I haven't seen in years,
and should they come back into my life for whatever reason, I
wouldn't think it odd to see if a relationship were possible, but I can't
think of one friend I have that I can see myself suddenly sleeping with.

But I hope it works out for you and I wish you well.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 12:59:35 PM
So this is the rare case of the "just friends" crossing over and working. I've always said before that the only time this works is when THE WOMAN is the one that decides to cross the fence. So tell us. Was it you? Or was it him?

Now, is this some friend from the past? Or a current friend that crossed over?
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 16
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:34:21 PM
@BoonDockSaint73..you may be onto something with the standards issue...I've raised mine. Many years of friendship attests that we've seen each other at our best and worst. Now we get the very best from each other.....
Sorry you're being a grumble bum about it.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 17
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/11/2012 6:39:43 PM
@gtomustang..I agree with you about growing up.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 18
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 10:23:12 AM
I think there is a difference between knowing someone for years who is married or
lives in another state and then getting together with them when the situation changes.
I can understand that.

What I don't understand, is being friends with someone, seeing them regularly, hanging
out with them etc for almost 2 decades and then deciding...hey! maybe this person would
make a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Two different situations entirely. I can also see waiting to become intimate until you're
friends, but seriously, does it take that long? Seems to me there was a reason they stayed
friends and weren't lovers before now.

It's interesting to me, and I hope it works out, but it's not something that happens
with most people, I don't think. Eighteen years isn't "amost" missing a gem. I mean if that
were the case, how many years before you did miss it?
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 19
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 3:17:15 PM
Yes, this has happened to me. We were close friends for around 7 years, and best friends for perhaps 3 or 4. I wasn't "frienzoned" or anything...I know it's hard to believe but there were absolutely no romantic feelings involved on either part. Long story short I eventually developed an interest in her, and we ended up in a relationship. It lasted maybe a year, but unfortunately most of it was long distance, as I had just got a job in northern Canada (i.e. VERY remote).

So we tried it for over a year, but then she ended it. There was no lying, cheating or anything of the sort involved, it was simply a case of it not working for her. I was hurt, obviously, but got over it and harbored no ill feelings towards her.

That was about 4 years ago, and we've hardly spoken since. I tried to keep the friendship alive, but unfortunately she had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. I can deal with being dumped by a girlfriend, but being ditched by a best friend I don't think I'll ever get over.

Anyways OP, I wish you all the best. But if things do go south, I certainly hope your significant other cherishes friendship more than mine.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 20
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 4:56:54 PM
Thanks to all of you sharing your thoughts and personal experiences. Thanks heaps for the good wishes too.
To those who are feeling that my situation is B.S, from a silly romance novel or worse 'the hottie' issue...a big RASPBERRY.lol..
I've always cared for and respected this man..I had a family to raise and some growing up to do myself...hence the wait.
Now my nest is empty, i'm able to see the beauty in the other birds around me ;-) Hope he doesn't go south Rheostatic. lol..
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 21
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 8:39:55 PM
The vast majority of the time, when a woman says "Let's just be friends.", it's really a laugh and spit in your face. It states, "I want you to be my security blanket and be the man whose shoulder I want to cry on while I parade a litany of men in front of your face, emasculating you over and over, and to let you know who I'm screwing instead of you and who I think is more of a man than you."
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 22
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/12/2012 10:16:28 PM
Yeah I had "just friend" girls as well....I told one a few years ago...in the Fall.....so Ok Carol see you in the Spring then...and I called her again in April. That is how it works.
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 23
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 9/13/2012 6:51:45 AM
I think the majority of men are gems, if they feel like being one. Besides, there's all kinds of jewelry, costume, heirloom, and the kind you rent by the hour, LOL.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/2/2012 8:27:20 AM
Have other posters ever chosen an old friend as a partner and how did it work out for you?

My SO and I dated 20 years ago. At that time, while I did not "friend zone" him, I knew we were not long-term material. He was (and obviously remains) younger than me and our goals, aspirations, etc., were just not at all the same. I was raising my son as a single Mom, he was having a good time being a young adult. We didn't "break-up" nor did we discuss anything futuristic. We just sort of went our separate directions and lived our respective lives. Fast forward to now and here we are in a long-term committed monogamous relationship. I have no clue how many people can live 20 years not knowing someone, only reconnect and find that they've grown in exactly the same direction, but that's what we figured out when we ran into one another and decided to begin dating. I do know that had I "friend zoned" him years ago, I'd not be here with him in this type of relationship today. When I friend-zone, it's permanent and there won't be any transition into anything else. But that's just me and how I run my life. JMO
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 25
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I almost missed a gem.
Posted: 10/2/2012 8:46:17 AM
Congrats OP, I'm not going to read all three pages but for those who say a guy can't get out of the friend zone that goes both ways. I've had guys I wished I could date but have only had platonic feelings for them and I've had a couple of friends over the years that felt the same way. Great friends but just didn't gel on their end romantically.


I don't know about all of this, but I do believe, because I have observed it many times, that some women like to keep a guy around who is besotted with them. The woman isn't sexually attracted to the man, but she keeps him around as a 'friend' because it bolsters her ego. It's all about ego.


This describes zero people I know. From that we can presume that people keep friends around because they like them and are having a normal platonic relationship or I just don't hang around aholes and biatches
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