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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.      Home login  
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 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 2
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Mary Jane's brownies for you.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 4
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/14/2012 12:19:46 AM
Hang in there, life can drown you, that is for certain...You do not really sound to much out of the normal, I mean with all the glorified (sex sells everything) campaigns they have for absolutely everything, it is hard not to think about it...I think about the female form and sexual fantasies close to 24/7 as well,lol, so either it is pretty normal , or we are sex mongers...
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 6
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/14/2012 6:15:32 AM
have your coristol level and testosterone levels checked

psychotherapy does work for this - cognitive behavioural therapy /exposure therapy it would also be helpful if you learned some self regulation skills - dialectical behavioural therapy/mindefulness meditation

you really can deal with this, it just requires professional expertise and a great deal of effort on your part.

Good luck
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 8
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/14/2012 6:32:22 AM
I am aspie as well ... try taking GABA with L-Theanine..... 3000-5000 mg daily.... you will feel different I promise.... normal is a wonderful feeling
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/14/2012 12:29:40 PM
Ok.. so here's my take on things. And just so you know, I have some experience here. I am not an Aspie, but I live with one (over 10 years), and I've been in a 4.5 year long relationship with another.

Aspergers is usually a comorbid condition, existing most commonly with ADHD/ADD. While there is no "Aspergers medication" many of the meds for ADHD/ADD can help soften some of the more troublesome aspects of Aspergers symptoms. It might take a c*cktail to find the right combination that works for you.

What I'm reading though is that you aren't taking responsibility for controlling those impulses. Having Aspergers is not a free pass for bad behaviour. Seriously.

I understand about hyperfocusing on things. I would think at your age you'd have learned how to cope and redirect your thoughts and have learned some ways to help you control those impulses. Simple CBT technique is to wear a thick elastic around your wrist and everytime you have a thought about sex, pull and snap the elastic against your wrist. It will help to redirect your thoughts.

The biggest thing I've learned from living with an Aspie who, when he reads things about certain behaviours, he instantly applies them to himself... even if they don't actually apply. Is it possible that since you've read about some Aspies being hypersexual (sounds almost to the extent of being a sexual addiction for you, which is a whole other topic of discussion) and misogynistic that you are transferring those things to yourself without them actually being true.

The brain is a mighty powerful tool and if you don't learn to use it correctly you can get yourself into a whole heap of trouble. The only one that can change your behaviour is you. If the sexual thoughts are getting in the way of you living your life, seek the help of a counsellor who specializes in sexual addiction.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 1:13:51 AM
"I'm on meds. Unfortunately there is no "asperger medication." Meds can lessen the depression and intensity of obsessing, but won't get rid of the obsessing/hyper-interest/stalker type of symptoms of aspergers."


Have you tried GABA??? Until you try it you are cycling in a rut and can't get out...

"Stupid is as stupid does".... Forrest Gump

"Everyone who is crazy must really like it because they keep doing it"... Unknown
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 16
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 3:51:13 AM
OP...


I dunno much bout asperger's...



but u doNOT seem to be THAT abnormally sexed...




u just come across as a man to men



i am 39 and what u say is even less sexual that I feel and act upon with the women i fuk with in My life..
 OjosAzules777
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 17
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 4:53:55 AM
Travel somewhere where prostitution is legal and somewhat inexepenisve -ie outside of the US and just clear your mind and your prostate. Get some. And follow the woman who gave the advice about treatment as well.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 18
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 5:50:12 AM

If you indeed live with someone with Aspergers, you'd know that it's like being a child in an adult body. While I'm not a dumb person and am indeed smart in some ways, emotionally and functionally, I'm a child. I don't drive, will never have a conventional 40 hour job and am on disability. I'm not even able to touch my disability money because the government doesn't deem me capable.

Dude.. you are not seriously telling me I don't live with an Aspie, right? Or that I don't know what Aspergers is. Or that I don't understand how it affects everyone. I have TWO of them in my life. If you don't have access to your money, I'm guessing there is more going on than just Aspergers, or that you've proven by your actions you are incapable of taking care of yourself. With that level of disability it will be nearly impossible to find a long-term partner.


As for taking responsibility for my actions, I feel the reason I haven't done anything stupid is because I've at least had enough control not to do anything stupid. I never take it the extra step online with a woman or threaten her or insult her. If a woman says to leave her alone, I leave her alone. If a woman doesn't respond to messages, I get the hint.

If you can control yourself and stop yourself from doing stupid things, then you should be able to control and redirect your thoughts. At least to a small degree to begin with. You won't be able to change things instantly. Change takes time and lots of hard work. You have to WANT to make the change first.

One of my Aspies quit smoking earlier this year. He's transferred that addiction and compulsion into alcohol instead. He's also obsessively controlling his diet and has been biking close to 40 km a day (commuting for work) and an additional 10-15 km for fun with me (not daily, but we were riding minimum of 3 times a week at points this summer). If he eats a burger one day, he will only eat veggies the next... if he eats at all. Trust me.. I understand obsessions and compulsions.

I also understand depression and quick cycling mood swings, slow cycling mood swings and a whole host of other issues. Much of what you are saying isn't making sense.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 22
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 10:57:20 AM

There are varying degrees of Aspergers and didn't symptoms for different people.

I'm aware of this.


I'm just worried about the hypersexuality and as someone else called it, OCD concerning tits and ass and sexual things. It gets to be too much for me emotionally. I went on a med that was supposed to be "the med" as far as OCD meds go especially for people with asperger/mood swing symptoms, and it nearly landed me in the hospital.

What has worked for the one I live with is a combination of Straterra and Vyvanse. The Straterra is the one that has helped the most with his anxiety and impusivity issues.

The other is self-medicating with alcohol. It's not working too well for him.

Get. Professional. Help.
Find someone that specialilzes in the treatment of sex addiction or sexual behaviours.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 23
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 1:26:39 PM
O.K. then, shut off your internet for 6 months and see if that gets you redirected to things you really want to do.
We did live without the internet before and I'm sure there are many who are wasting their life since logging in.

Just unplug and then see. Have you even tried that?
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 25
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/15/2012 6:58:40 PM
I do know a fair bit about Asperger's and I know how hyper-focused Aspie's can get. However, as a female, I've had enough messages from young and older guys who are basically looking for sex and do not have the patience to be romantic and are clearly not remotely interested in my personality, to know that you are not unusual in having a strong sex drive or being very focused on sex. But, it does sound as if it's reached a point where it's affecting your life badly. I would think that a therapist who works with people with sex addiction might be most helpful.

Some antidepressants can dull the drive and sexual response so you might want to look at alternatives to help reduce your drive a little.

I understand the difficulty for you is finding someone who actually understands about Asperger's and this obsession, not just one or the other. It won't be easy. Lots of people know about Asperger's because they've read about it or been trained in it. Until you've been an Aspie or lived with someone with Asperger's, you don't really know much.

It's great that you've recognised this obsession is become a problem for you. You sound very wise and responsible. I'm surprised that you do not receive your own disability funding. Here in the UK someone with your clear understanding of issues would have been given responsibility for administering their own funding at the age of 16. It seems things are different in the 'States.

Good luck with getting some support to deal with this.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 27
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 9/16/2012 12:03:06 PM
I do get the impression that you have taken a lot of what is said about someone with Asperger's to be definitive. It sounds to me like you are a resourceful and intelligent guy who could achieve a lot. I don't know why you feel some things have been ruled out for you, but it's worth rethinking them and maybe challenging them. Don't let a diagnosis of Asperger's make you feel you have to fit all the possible negative aspects. You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for. What would you do if you didn't have Asperger's? Is there anything other than a diganosis preventing you? Try it and see. In my experience, people with Asperger's can be incredibly successful and are good at working round any difficulties. If in doubt, talk to friends. Good luck.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 29
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/23/2012 11:57:14 PM
Nobody I know who has Azziy's, and the count is in 100's; due to my occupation, can identify with how others feel so well as you do. Have you been diagnosed properly? You sound like a run of the mill sociopath, craving attention to me.
Get a sex worker and get it out of your system...if anything you have said is even true!
 RR Man
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 30
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/25/2012 7:43:13 PM
O.K. then, shut off your internet for 6 months and see if that gets you redirected to things you really want to do.
We did live without the internet before and I'm sure there are many who are wasting their life since logging in.
===========================================================================

Q: How do you know you're addicted to the internet?
A: When you're driving along the interstate and you go into a town at random to find the library. (this would be like around 1999-2000, when there wasn't a lot of wifi around)

I know because I've done it.
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 31
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:22:44 PM
Coldcase12,

You first of all, are not alone. Unfortunately, many suffer from Aspergers Syndrome. I would first suggest that you not take my advice before discussing with with your Psychiatrist or trained counselor. In fact, i offer no advice but simply knowledge of what some people have done.
First, you are a stated virgin and you desire to have intimacy and understanding while at the same time not be judged.
Have you ever considered the LEGAL Nevada Brothels (where there are beautiful girls who are tested for stds weekly) Many specialize in virgins and getting guys up to speed. Would you believe that there are many men who go decades before finding out what sex is really like? I am not an ASPY myself but one of my family members is.
Although they quote much higher prices at times, I know several guys who go out there and spend about $300 on average for a 45 minute to one hour session. You might be surprised how pleasant and clean and friendly these girls are.
Anyone who thinks that you have got "control" over how you feel does not understand what you are going through. I have lived with this for over half of my life with someone who is near and dear to me.
I am NOT trying to be funny or myself weird. Yes, I have been to the ranches in Nevada. Go on CW Mongers website and you will learn a lot more. look at the external links for some of the web addresses for the various brothels.
Above all, get counseling first. If you go, don't get hooked! I see it as a once in awhile thing, a solution to a deeper need for intimacy and female companionship which you may accomplish once you've got the sex introduction part down.
If you go on that website, tell Funmonger hello via the messages. I wish you well man.
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 32
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:27:29 PM
Oops...Sorry, I mean NOT a longterm solution! Going to a brothel will give you a little bit of self confience and maybe a road map on how to proceed with a woman who is not a pro. There are ladies who will teach you everything. A lot of these ladies are only in it for the short term. They all have one thing in common. They are NOT illegal workers. This is in rural Nevada, not in Vegas or Reno where it is illegal. Ok, I have said too much. I am not promoting this, only offering a suggestion.
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 33
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/26/2012 9:56:43 PM
In all due respect, the two posters before me do not apparently understand that Aspergers is a Physiological condition. I hesitate to call it a disorder or a disease. It is just the way some people are wired and it is different than some other people. In some ways these people are way more talented ins some ways than the rest of us. By the way, simply "tuning it out" is not a solution. That can lead to more obsession and depression perhaps. (ask a Doc) As for narcissism, these people mimmick narcissism because they lack empathy but they do not lack insight, I am talking in general. The are NOT sociopaths. Sociopaths are people without a conscience. If anything, these people are the opposite. They are highly moralistic and simply do not take their clues the same as some others. I see that while you mean well, (the poster who said sociopath) you have fallen into the trap. Many women get taken to the cleaners by a sociopath (a real one) while they would have had a REAL friend in an ASPIE. I KNOW ABOUT THIS STUFF. I champion your cause especially when you say it doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. That is real PROGRESS ! IMHO (thinking of my own beloved who lives with us)
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 34
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/27/2012 1:58:51 AM
I have 25 years of dealing with this involving at least five or six psychiatrists and psychologists. What a pity that anyone would think that this kind of thing comes out of a drunken rage or is made up. for Peate Sake, it is AUTISM man, a physical condition.

If this young man sees a Professional working girl, a legal one easily found in Nevada, his entire life in this situation may change. They get nerdy dudes and Aspy types in a lot. They are the engineers and scientists and genius of the world. It would take a lot higher IQ to even begin to understand what I am talking about. I don't get it other than what I have experienced. Einstein and Steve Jobs may have had Aspergers syndrome, I don't know.

I can help him with the overcoming the fear of getting laid part with the sage information I posted.
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 36
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/27/2012 7:27:47 AM
Thank you for your opinion. I read a book, "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" (I believe it was) and one central example in the book was a physicist who was living with his parents at about age 40. The guy was clueless as to
how to handle his job performance interview but it didn't matter since he had designed a major product for the company. My own family member is an engineer and the doc says a lot of patients who are physicists and engineers are Aspergers. It has been one of the biggest challenges for my wife and I to deal with. I guess I felt the need to defend this guy as not able to just snap out of it by ignoring it and that people with Aspergers are not generally psychopaths. It is irrelevant. They seem strange I will grant that. I agree, they can have empathy. Maybe sometimes they appear not to show it very well, thus confusing those around them. They seem to be in their own world, at least in my limited experience.
 Mesabutte1123
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 37
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Posted: 10/27/2012 3:05:55 PM
Glen Gould was one of the greatest pianists of all time and had what is believed to be Asperger's. They are just more interesting type of people
 avgguy50s
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 39
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Posted: 10/28/2012 10:12:13 AM
Dolphina,

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or even disagree. I have lived with this tragedy in my family for the better part of 25 years. I was only saying that the only thing I saw in the only book I read was that a physicist had it. I do NOT profess to know the inter-workings of it. I would welcome the following:

ANY suggestion as to how to motivate a person with Aspergers, smart or not. In particular, the person I know has a good education but feels depressed and demotivated because of circumstances. He feels a victim or circumstances but will not do anything about going outside of his fixation to do what he wants to do in one area of work. He has been and I have taken him during his formative years to numerous drs of medcine and psychology, all of whom have NO WAY to get what some call the "mule" to change anything at all.

Question, and I ask this with respect: In writing and researching for your disertation, did you ever come up with a way to motivate someone like that? I was not corporal in my raising of either of my sons. His brother is a high achiever but he does not have Aspergers. I have been told for years that it is not parenting. Of course, I question that too. It is daunting.
He will not take an interim job and will not file for disability. He will not take responsibility nor will he do any of his share of any chores or so much unless it is what he decides he wants to do.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 40
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/28/2012 8:26:41 PM
@Dolphina.... As you state, not all Azzy's have an intellectual advantage. I know of a family; Dad and his three sons all have an Azzy's diagnosis. You couldn't get three more different people. Their intellects; based on the biased I.Q testing available, vary a lot. Some are verbal, some non-verbal. One still hand-leads.
My brother has 4 Uni degree's and no friends.
I think many people have seen the movie Rainman and assumed a lot. Having said that, I feel Hoffman did a decent potrayal of challenging behaviours.
I love Autism. Everyone in that population is truely unique. Myself included.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 41
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Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/29/2012 4:06:30 AM

ANY suggestion as to how to motivate a person with Aspergers, smart or not. In particular, the person I know has a good education but feels depressed and demotivated because of circumstances. He feels a victim or circumstances but will not do anything about going outside of his fixation to do what he wants to do in one area of work. He has been and I have taken him during his formative years to numerous drs of medcine and psychology, all of whom have NO WAY to get what some call the "mule" to change anything at all.

The pediatrician that we deal with says to lead, not push. Pushing only makes them dig in and be resistant.

Depression is a completely different medical condition and needs to be treated as such. Depression is crippling and can be the root of the issue for your family member, not the Aspergers.
 PartywithNeil
Joined: 12/31/2011
Msg: 42
Aspergers and intense sex drive/interest.
Posted: 10/29/2012 6:50:14 PM
I dated a young woman - 24 yrs old with Aspergers. I was 45 at the time and she wanted it all the time. I felt guilty and my family said I was taking advantage of her. She is a sexual machine but stole things and was obsessive about other things. I had to break up but the sex was good! I miss her.
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