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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Unable to afford child support, any advice ????      Home login  
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 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Work two or three jobs until you can afford to get your own place. Then get regular overnight visits with your children. Then your child support will drop down and you will be able to afford to work less hours. It will eventually balance out but you need to do whatever you can right now to give those children regular contact with you in a home environment.

If you have your own place you may even be able to get 50/50 custody and then there will be no (or minimum) child support. If you find a place to live that is close to the children's school this is quite a feasible option.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 5:32:11 PM
economize wherever you can.. including to continue to live with room mates....

men are in this situation all the time and what they do is cut corners where they can, everywhere.
First off.
nice you want your own place but your dreaming, least for the time being.

400 a month is not much

buy cheap food and don;t ever eat out

no pets for you as every dime counts...

wait tables at night and look for a job during the day/ interview

when you do get a job, consider keeping your waitress job too

buy bargain everything, food, soap, shampoo... learn to change the oil and oil filter on your car if you drive a car

DOUBT YOUR CS WILL BE LOWERED because yu have the kids overnight sometimes.. LOL
Your just dreaming there.

Should be easy to save 400 a month doing those things I mentioned.
Gonna suck awhile...
be sure you visit planned parenthood and get good birth control because if you have more kids with someone new this may happen again... and more CS
which is gonna be really bad
since you can't even afford to easily pay for the kids you have now.

You might offer to babysit your kids for your ex, have him pay you by the hour...
when you have time free from your 2 jobs.
He may be ok with that... and it will give you time with the kids at his place.. without him there.

I can tell you, where I am in Texas... 50/50 custody does not mean lower child support.

ps, lastly
your lucky you do not also have to pay medical insurance premiums on your kids... that would cost a fortune. You got off easy at 400 a month for 2 kids.
One part time job in the evenings will take care of that
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 4
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 5:45:16 PM

DOUBT YOUR CS WILL BE LOWERED because yu have the kids overnight sometimes.. LOL
Your just dreaming there.
If the lawyer has made this statement then I think it's safe to assume the overnights visits are intended to be regular and consistent in which case CS *will* be lowered.

vvvv
The OP hasn't been specific about what 'overnight' visits means in her case, but if the lawyer has told her that the CS will decrease, then we can assume she intends to have the children for at least the minimum no. of nights pw that will result in such a decrease.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 5:49:37 PM
when a child stays overnight sometimes with the non custodial parent...
its called "visitiation"

not anything more...

visitation does not = less child support

visitiation is not rotating custody..

it sounds all like one. big. mess.
Luckily 400 a month for 2 kids not much, no medical ins premuims to be paid in addition to child support.. a part time job can easily get 400 a month.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 6
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 6:06:25 PM

400 dollars a month is nothing to raise 2 kids on. Count your lucky stars it wasn't higher.
True. My ex and I earn the exact same amount of money (actually I get about 8% less due to slightly lower hours) and my CS assessment is $700pm for ONE child (15) who lives with him fulltime.

When both my children were living with me and spending 2 days pw with him, he only paid me a maximum of $430pm for over 10 years.

It makes a HUGE difference to the CS when the children have regular overnight visits (on a schedule, not ad hoc).
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 7
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 7:37:07 PM
jen78fl-You messed up when you left the state of Florida without your children before the divorce was final. After you lost your children, THEN you moved back?!
It's too late now to worry about that though, what you need to do is while you have a place to stay with room mates is get a full time job.
Even after the 400 a month, that still leaves you with around 800 a month for rent, that is plenty. Apply for food stamps to cover food, you can get 200 a month just for yourself. Don't spend money on anything but the child support and your portion of the rent. Every extra cent you have left you should save until you have enough to get a place of your own and can then get your visits with your children. That is the only way out of the hole you are in.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 8:21:55 PM
I don't feel sorry that you have to pay $400/month for your children.
They are worth every penny.
They need support and it is up to you and your ex to take care of them.

So it is up to you to better yourself.
You do WHATEVER it takes to do that.
1, 2, 3, 4 or even 5 jobs.

As a single parent, with 2 husbands who felt they didn't have to contribute to their offspring, I did what I had to do.
I utilized my talents.
I sewed, baked, cleaned, designed, crafted .... ANYTHING to make sure my kids had what they needed.
At this point put some sort of education on your list.
Or think of some talent you have to work your own business.
So you can move ahead quicker.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 10
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 9:16:27 PM
most people cant afford child support payments, its just how things work. you would have been better off financially if you had gotten custody of your children and gotten child support from your ex. truth is, child support payments are a financially crippling obligation for many people. men have known this for years :)
 Negrotistical
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 11
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/15/2012 10:56:10 PM
If you have a computer at home that has at least 4GB of memory and a 1.6Ghz dual-core processor or 3.2ghz single core, my job is hiring to work from home. There's no up-front cost, no experience needed, and you get to make your own schedule. If you're interest, inbox me...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:48:47 AM
I know when my ex and I split there was only ONE thing that I was worried about and that was,,,,,get this, MY CHILD!!!!!! Everything, and I do mean everything came second to her. Including my own social life, which including worrying about having "another" in my life, while I had better things to do. Taking care of my child. Which includes,food,shelter,clothing and education. Which, usually,costs $$$$$$$$$.
 just-here-to-chat
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 13
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/16/2012 2:33:35 PM
I am in Canada, and my ex is in a different Province. We moved away 3 yrs ago for a better life and we are very happy here.. My son was just turning 14 when we moved and he had the choice to stay or come with us. I gave my ex plently of notice so he could fight it if he wanted. But he didn't... .. My ex was paying a sad amount of $102/month and he was faithfully paying .. Til he met a girl then everything went down hill.. She's a nut bag.. That's partly why we moved. Since moving my he has had 2 kids with her, he's working at temp agencies and is over 2000 behind.. This past year he filed to lower his payments to $52/month and it was granted.. I was furious.. But it can happen..

Get 2,3 jobs if you need too.. Any parent SHOULD do what it takes to support their children!!!
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 14
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/16/2012 9:13:24 PM
Sorry, no sympathy here. It's already a proven fact that a higher percentage of women skip out on paying child support than men do. More men have to pay child support by a long shot, so don't misinterpret my statement.

I have 50% joint custody of my kids and I'm still forced to pay 25% of my NET income to my raging *#&#* of an ex-wife in child support. So, in essence, I pay for 50% of the child's upbringing BEFORE child support.

You don't have them for overnights and you're *$#^!ing about $400 a month? Seriously? No wonder your ex-husband got custody. A woman has to nearly be a severe drug addict or ax murderer to have the kids taken away like you did.

The court quite frankly has to severely reduce the occurrences of child support altogether. If there are two loving parents in the child's life, then you pay for what you need to pay for, he pays for what he needs to pay for and that's it. Child support is nothing more than welfare and leeching off an ex-husband. Now, if the other parent doesn't want to actively participate in the child's upbringing, then you should get hit with child support.

Another problem are "no fault" divorces. This usually only saves the wife from losing kids and have to pay child support. Think about it: the wife could sleep around with man after man after man after man. The husband decides to divorce her. She gets paid. Why would a mother have to worry about her misconduct? She's gonna get paid no matter what.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 17
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/17/2012 7:05:45 AM
Woman up and get off your butt and do whatever it takes! Surprised that most are sympathetic to her plight, I bet if a man had posted this he would have been taken to task.

[rant]
Speaking as a father that has full parental custody of his three children that (sometimes) gets child support, I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

My ex makes over 100k a year, her current husband was making similar money when he became totally disabled, so he is getting a good SS check for him and their 7 y.o. child. They eat out for almost every meal, live in an exclusive area of Atlanta paying 2200.00 a month for rent, but she quit paying child support again a few months back because she could not "afford" it. She owes me over 15,000.00 in back support.

Not getting the child support has really hurt my family, I have 2 in college and 1 in HS that I am supporting on my salary alone, it's really hard to have to tell the kids we can't go shopping for food because I'm broke so just eat what's in the pantry or the freezer, living on beans and rice gets old, but my kids are fed and the bills are paid.

DOR (I'm in Fl also) is taking her to court again next month but most likely they will not do much as she is out of state. They won't even suspend her DL or nurses license, the most they have done in the past is put an arrest warrant out for her but it really only was enforceable in the county where I live.

She is a highly qualified RN so she switches jobs at a whim and never reports her new employer.

It's always quite fun when I talk to the DOR as I have to repeatedly assure them that I am the parent receiving, not paying cs. They are obviously not used to hear from men getting cs.

[/rant]
 diego_beltran
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 21
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/20/2012 11:11:17 AM
Be strong, Mama. I got two kids from two different women, I pay them both about $600 a month. It could be worse, and I only get to see them on the weekends. Have faith in God, and keep your head up high. Never let your Ex. see your head down, just smile until it hurts. And, when you leave never look back. But smile at all times at your kids. I am barely making it as well, but what keeps my sanity is my faith in the Lord. I am not this guy who goes to Church all the time, to be honest, I rarely go to Church. I do believe, the Lord would not want you to go through this if he knew you could not handle it. Take care.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 22
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/21/2012 2:12:28 AM
What's the female version of a Deadbeat Dad? Whatever it is, you define it.

There's a difference between not having the means to pay, and trying to avoid payments while having zero involvement altogether.

I think your best course of action is trying to fight for more custody than what you have.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 23
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/21/2012 8:40:15 PM

she bailed and screwed off to another state...good mothering right there.


Seeing how all she said was "I was in a different state at the time staying with family," that's not enough information to assume that she "bailed and screwed off." You could simply ask "why" she was there in the first place instead of jumping down her throat because of some conjecture.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 26
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 9/29/2012 2:56:56 PM
You were defaulted because you didn't show up for court! That was a huge mistake & the reason why you're having problems now. It's very unusual for the Mom not to get full custody, but let's go foward from where you are at.
It doesn't make sense to me that your payments will be reduced when you get overnights, b/c you still don't have custody, only visits, but maybe things are different in your state.
It seems your lawyer isn't filing for the court date you need b/c you don't have the money to pay. Still you need that court date asap. The payments you owe are accumulating & need to be reduced. Will she put you on a payment plan? I know, most won't, they want the money before they will show up in court. Here, there is a filing fee to even get a court date. You have options:
Look at your summons for court. Who sent that paper to you? In Illinois, it's the states attorneys office. Call that number, explain your situation & ask them to motion a court date. If they can't/won't, call the bar association. They have reduced price & pro bono lawyers, but there may be a waiting list for an attorney. So, do they have public defenders in this particular court? If yes, you qualify for one.
Go to the courthouse & speak to someone at the public defenders office in person. That's a good start. You need to speak to someone directly. They have info & can put you in contact with the department that can help you. People with low income get attorneys free of charge, that is your goal, to leave with that info. If you still don't get what you need, go to the county clerks office. All of these offices should be in the same building. Tell them your situation. Ask them if they can assist you in filing out the paperwork to file for a court date. Sometimes you don't even need a lawyer for that. If there is a fee involved ask if there is a program for the indigent. That's a free lawyer for low or no income or a waiver of the fees. Bring proof of your income when you go in you may need it. If you don't get an answer from the person at the desk, kindly ask to speak to a supervisor. This is with every ddept, you speak to. Don't leave until you get the answers you need. Be polite but very peristant. Don't leave until you get someone to help you. I'd like to see you walk out of there with a lawyer & a court date.
You need to get before a judge & explain your situation as soon as possible so the payments will be lowered. Here in ILL it becomes a criminal offense if you get too far behind on your payments.

would like to eventually get a place of my own and have my kids

1 step at a time. Fighting for custody costs a lot of money, & jobs in Florida don't pay that much! You have a lot of other things to take care of first.
Get on the list for free housing. Here it's called section 8. They don't have to many ppl in housing projects anymore, now they get a voucher & have some nice housing available.
Stay on good terms with your ex husband. Make sure you make every visit, unless you are sick. If you are unable, if you have car trouble or are sick, call with plenty of time to cancel. Be appropriate at every visit, don't give him any reason to try to cut your visits off. Be nice & polite even if he makes you mad about something. Don't make more problems for yourself, especially legal or financial ones.
Good luck! Keep us updated! I'll come back to the thread to see how everything turned out!
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 27
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/1/2012 4:37:07 PM
Hi... this can be a hard row to hoe.
You can file a temp hardship with the family services, to get your payment lowered.
400 a month is already low.... count your blessings.
Hard to see that when you're not making ends meet.

You have some uni so look for work online. One poster suggested his deal- look into that. It's hard to find honest work on the net.... try a forums search for that-idk ...
You can also get into writing blogs or guest posts for different sites. Doesn't take much to get started, and doesn't pay much either. 35 dollars a piece or so... but you can write one a night and get quicker, making a decent dollar amount perhour.

Don't get discouraged. Many hate on this topic and have no idea how hard it can be. Many know just how hard it is and empathize. Do whatever it takes.... the kids deserve this, no matter what your ex spends the money on. Also consider keeping track with records that hold up in court, don't expect the FS to be on the ball.
Beware- some receipts are designed to fade with heat.... so copying is a good idea.

It's easier to get hired if you're already working.... so take any job to get started. Clerical, waitress, bartending, cleaning... anything.

Good luck- TJ
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 28
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/4/2012 7:32:51 AM

I didnt make it to the final hearing. I was in a different state at the time staying with family
.....What a lame excuse for not showing up in court. You generally get more than enough notice to attend court and you could also have applied to have the hearing adjorned.
You sound as if you don't want the parental responsibilities and are peeved off because you now have to pay to assist in supporting your children.

I have gotten tons of interviews (for clerical jobs) but that's it so far.
.....A fussy unemployed person? You will never get ahead with this attitude.
IF you wanted your children living with you then you would do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Why can't you see them on other day's? Your not working so have plenty of time?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 30
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/8/2012 9:39:21 PM
OP .. u r a woman and you do not have custody of your children.


i feel no sorrow for you and your inability to take care of your children...have custody of your children...

nor your inability to take care of your children at best by paying child support...


get your life together and act like a responsible parent...

even if my words are falling on deaf ears...


get it together
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 31
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 8:01:58 AM

No offfense to other posters here, but I personally can not stand parents that go after the other for child support
. Fair enough that's your opinion.
I cannot stand parent's who create children then abandon their responsibilities to those children. I do not agree that children should be held to ransom but, I do think the parent who cannot afford $ should make an effort to care for their children in other way's.
I feel that OP is showing the "Poor me" sign's and concentrating more on her own life rather than her children's. It is unusual that the father has custody of their children and not the mother. I feel there is a lot the OP has not mentioned here in her thread.
 RaleighRedChick
Joined: 9/27/2012
Msg: 32
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 9:22:31 AM
I don't buy the reason he got custody. You can have child support re-evaluated. It is based on finances and who pays insurance, custody, etc.
 vondy300
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 33
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Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/9/2012 10:22:12 PM
I understand that $400 a month really sucks, but I really don't fell sorry for you. First of all, your ex-husband did not get custody of your 2 children because he has more money to support them. He was granted custody because you did not go to the final custody hearing. If you were so worried about your children (which should be your absolute #1 concern) you would have made all the effort in the world to get to the final custody hearing NO MATTER WHAT. If you would have shown up, you would have gotten some sort of custody and HE would probably be paying you a large amount of child support and be in your financial situation worrying about making ends meet!!! Woman nowadays almost have to be dealing drugs out of their house or have committed murder to not get at least 50/50 custody of their children. Its almost sad to read your post because it almost seems like you weren't even worried about your children until your ex started getting $400 a month in child support which isn't much at all. I have a couple of friends that are paying $550 plus a month for ONE child and I would have been one of them if I hadn't gotten 50/50 custody. Its all about growing up and taking responsibility as a parent. That might mean working 1 or more jobs, not always getting everything you want because you just plain can't afford it, and always remembering that those 2 little children should be your #1 priority.

Anyways, what I'd do is work my butt off to get my life back together and I'd try to stay in my childrens lives as much as possible. You need to get as many jobs as it takes to make ends meet and save as much as possible so you can eventually get your own place. At that point, go back to court and re-open your custody & child support situation to get at least partial if not half custody of your children. That should either lower your payments significantly or you might be able to get support from your ex. Well, I hope you do get your life turned around and can be a significant factor in your childrens lives because your children do need a father and mother in their lives. Good luck.
 XpressWords
Joined: 10/2/2012
Msg: 35
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/11/2012 9:44:38 AM
So glad I never wanted to have kids after hearing this griping going on. Oh its good to be single...
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 36
Unable to afford child support, any advice ????
Posted: 10/11/2012 5:16:15 PM
wait.... $400 a month ??

geez I used to pay like $1500 a month for 2 kidos...
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