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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?      Home login  
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 kimmy_2009
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 1
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My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So I met a man on here last week in person after chatting for almost two weeks. I felt a good connection just from talking. First date was very nice, we connected in person. He held my hand and told me he wanted to know everything about me. It was very sweet. A few days later we agreed to go out again, this time to a local bar out his way to see a band. The date started out well until his guy friend showed up. This was not an accident. He told his friend to meet us there. WHY would he ask his friend to meet us on only the second date? Shouldn't we still be trying to get to know each other on the second date?

It is just me or do you think it was very tacky to invite his friend along? The worst part is his friend was very rude and arrogant, and my sweet date started acting like his jerky friend soon after. He kept leaving me with his jerky friend. It seemed his whole persona changed also. He went from paying attention to me to only worrying about his friend and flirting with other women. It was horrible and I had him take me back to my car. I haven't heard from him and I have no intention on calling him either.

Has this happened to anyone else?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 9:42:26 AM
Be grateful he showed you who he is on the second date. You've invested very little at this point.
 astroforme
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 3
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:04:31 AM
Just be thankful it was only the second date before you realized he was a jerk. It could of went on longer and wasted more time.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 4
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 12:40:36 PM
Yeah, that wasn't a good idea to have a friend come out -- without you knowing. I could see on a weekend night, dinner plans fell through and it was a "Hey, why don't we get together at [bar name] for a few drinks? I have some friends there..."

But if a guy shows up TO hang out with you both unknowingly to you, yeah, that's rude. And in your situation, it's obvious he was a d!ck after his friend showed up -- he lost interest and handled it in the worst of ways.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 5
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 2:00:21 PM
I don't know. The sooner I meet up with a person's friends,family and pets, the better off I am. All of these three are very good indicators of the person themselves. Tacky. Rude. Whatever ya wanna label it, consider it a bonus,for YOU!!!!!!!
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 6
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 3:57:51 PM
Yeah, he intermixed his guy time with the date you wanted. Be glad its over.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 7
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 5:52:31 PM
It was tacky to invite his friend without asking you first, and it was tacky of him to act like he did once the friend showed up.

If you had known about the friend, and agreed to go out anyway, his behavior once the friend showed up would still have been tacky, but you would have at least had the choice up front as to whether or not to go out with both of them.

I agree with everyone else here - you dodged a bullet, so don't give this azzhole another thought. His bad manners do not reflect on you.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 8
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 9:40:38 PM

The worst part is his friend was very rude and arrogant, and my sweet date started acting like his jerky friend soon after.


Um. A ‘sweet’ man wouldn’t want or have jerky friends. He’s just being his REAL self.

Of course it’s stupid and rude to invite his friend. Some guys are really good at pretending to be whatever they think a woman wants.

At least through the first date.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 9
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:03:28 PM
T here is something seriously unstable about the man. You will get all sorts on a dating site like this. None of his behaviour makes any sense and I would be glad he doesnt know where you live.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 10
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:05:16 PM
He kept leaving me with his jerky friend. It seemed his whole persona changed also. He went from paying attention to me to only worrying about his friend and flirting with other women. It was horrible and I had him take me back to my car. I haven't heard from him and I have no intention on calling him either.


My ex-fiance had a friend like this but I did not meet him until after we had been together for almost 2 years. He was an entirely different person around his friend and his friend was a big cootie that used women to get free room and board then slept around on the one he would live with. Eventually I figured out that is what my ex-fiance wanted also...and those are 2 years of my life I won't ever get back. Be thankful he showed his true colors on the second date. Time to put this behind you and call out, "Next!"
 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 11
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:08:25 PM
That's horrible. Sounds like you found out, very quickly, what this guy is really like when you met him in the flesh as it were. You're lucky. This is why meeting someone quickly is the best thing to do, because chatting on line for two weeks didn't show this man up for what he is, and he was on his best behaviour at the initial meeting. So many people converse online for ages and never realize the true colours of their apparent suitor and then have a big falling out.
Anyway, you have found him out and can move on.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/18/2012 5:42:51 AM
I agree with everyone else... move on. Would it have been better if you had met his "rude and arrogant" friend after 3 months of dating and had him show this side of himself to you then? You saved a lot of time that now you can use finding someone else.
 PumpkinGuns
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 13
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/18/2012 6:01:08 AM
People show their true colors pretty fast. Was this tacky? Yeah...it was. However, I rather someone act this way sooner than later. I think a lot of people wonder * why * people do some of the things they do. I do not wonder so much anymore as I have learned it is what it is. And people on line are a lot different in social situations than the typical person you meet off line.

I have had similar things happen. Not the exact same, but enough that I wonder who the person is upon meeting them because they come off as the total opposite of who they portrayed themselves to be.

There are also two sides to every story. Some of these scenarios are really hard to diagnose. We only hear one side. It is why I do not start threads.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/18/2012 6:22:53 AM
I dunno, given the venue, Id expect to run into someone I knew...it was a bar after all, and not a members only bar at that.

I wouldnt call it tacky so much as illuminating?

You got to see a side of him early on that you didnt like. I think that is a good thing.
 matt051177
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 15
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/18/2012 9:20:58 AM
With the qualifier that we are only getting one side of the story, I will say that it is definitely a curious move to have a friend crash a second date. I agree that a loud bar with a band and a bunch of drunks is a world away from a quiet candlelit dinner, but still, a second meeting with someone is a second meeting with someone no matter how you slice it. I’d never in a million years even consider doing such a thing.

I went out with this one girl from here a few times and on the second meet she brought me out with her friends. Now, to be fair, she told me ahead of time and I had a really fun time that night, but if I’m being honest, I thought being introduced to 6-7 of her closest friends on a second meet was a bit strange.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 16
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 9/18/2012 1:09:39 PM
Not exactly. Played some pool with a gal at a place she played league and a couple of the "regulars" were there and completely inserted themselves for the rest of the evening and she really fed into it continually talking them up and even inviting them to play some games. They were really drunk and high and it was obnoxious.

I suspect someone that doesn't have a lot to say after that first meeting might need some "backup" to keep conversations flowing, etc. They only made it to date #1 with their good "first impressions" behavior. Good thing they showed some more of themselves on the second date as to not waste your time!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/16/2015 12:58:19 PM
This incident occurred in 2012, so hopefully, the OP has found a decent guy by now.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 18
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/16/2015 1:02:47 PM
I dated a venue changer whose brother talked her into changing our planned second date at her house from just the two of us (plus her menagerie of pets) to a chaperoned evening with her brother plus multiple cousins and the families of the cousins.

We met in real life first, then she messaged me on POF four months later. We spent hours on the phone, had a first date, more delay, then the planned second date at her place. Apparently her brother told her I was just trying to sleep with her and invited himself over. There was a hockey playoff game that evening; they arrived just before the game began. She told me about the change and mentioned a cousin weighed over 250 pounds (whenever women say the height, weight, occupation, etc of a relative, it's a threat).

Still had a few hours together before any other humans arrived.


One girl was trying to fit me into her busy schedule so she went to a free outdoor concert both on a date with me and had a female friend sit with us so she could spend time with the friend. The friend was nice and didn't do anything to get in the way. Inattention from my date consisted of her surfing her phone at times; she balanced interacting with me and interacting with the friend ideally. The friend left early.
 whole_lot_of_rosie
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 19
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/16/2015 1:53:54 PM
At a venue like that I wouldn't care, although I would like to know about it in advance if the friend was invited. The attitude change would not impress me very much.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/16/2015 2:25:29 PM
I would prefer not to include any other people on the first few dates. It's one thing if a woman randomly ran into one of her friends while we were on a date. But if she had wanted to bring a friend, she should let me know about it ahead of the time. Thus I can decline her plan if I didn't like it. BTW I realize this post is from 2012.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 21
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/16/2015 10:09:44 PM
kimmy 2009- If he had discussed it with you, that would have been one thing, but he didn't.
Tacky, yes, but more so, inconsiderate.
This has NOT happened to me yet, but it's one of the few things left that hasn't happened.
I will tell you what I have many other POF people.......
When people tell you what they are, listen.
You did and good for you.
Better fishing next time :)
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 22
My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?
Posted: 2/17/2015 6:54:05 AM
I feel your dates actions were rude and inconsiderate towards you. He also seems immature - in a bad way.
You should be glad that you found this out early in, when you hadn't wasted too much time or emotion on him.
Forget about him and get back out there in the ocean and go fishing! (not literally, I like fish alive not dead ;)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > My date has his friend meet up with us on 2nd date. Tacky - yes or no?