Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Thought i meant more then that      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
Thought i meant more then thatPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
You have three children and you want to allow a drug addict into their lives?

Your life is no longer about you and what you want - it should be about what is best for your children.

You allow him to take your last $20 bill?? The $20 bill that would buy food for your children?

Why is this even a question?
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 3
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/18/2012 7:32:54 PM
Paradise NL sounds like a beautiful place, but in name only for you, I imagine, given what you're going through.

Are you seeking counseling, perchance? It would be a big benefit for you and the children. They are deserving of a more healthier and happy mum.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/18/2012 7:33:27 PM
You have feelings; he's smoking crack.

Please do yourself a favor and attend about a dozen Alanon meetings. Life will get much better.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 7
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/18/2012 7:58:53 PM
He has no control.
So will do/take whatever.

You should go to alanon meetings to get some insight
into doing what is best for your family.
You are not alone.
You should not feel guilty or bad for the fix he has you in.

But you will have to be strong for your kids.
As there may be no happy ending for him.
So save those that you can.
 not_single_x
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 8
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/18/2012 8:10:11 PM

livinontherock I thought this last time was going to be the last. I know, very foolish of me, BUT it seems the crack pipe is a whole lot better then his life with me.

I just cant seem to disconnect myself from him. I allow him back in;


What do you expect people to tell you?

You said it yourself, you are foolish and you can't stop yourself from letting this drug addict back into your lives.

You're enabling him and endangering your children.

Just quit him already.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/19/2012 4:30:54 AM
Get professional help. Seriously. I don't think you truely understand the person that you are NOW dealing with. He is NOT the same person you fell "in love with". Far from it. He is NOT the same!!!!!!!!And asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Getting the help for you and your kids is of upmost importance right now. He may thank you later. Maybe.
 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/19/2012 4:59:28 AM
You are in a bad situation. You are trapped in what you think is love . You have his children and I think you think he is better than you being alone. This is dragging you down...Get some help for yourself. It is not fun being with a toxic person. I have been there....I ended up leaving...I had to . Please take care of yourself before you lose your self-esteem and please also look out for your kids....Good luck!
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 15
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/20/2012 5:41:12 AM
The mindset of an addict is thier addiction.

Does not mean they dont love you. Does not mean he does not love
his family. His priorities are all wrong. Addicts are very selfish. They
cant help it.

You need to, as much as it is going to kill you, find a way to let him go.
Meaning - give him the ultimatum - lose your family or get help.

You cannot fix him. You can only become selfish yourself and do whats
right by yourself and your children.

He needs to see his loss in order for him to come back. If he does not see his
loss, and I have been at that end, then you need to get your priorities together
for yourself and your children. Being on your own will be way easier than
policing his life and making sure he is alive, not ODing and keeping your children
safe.

I know you love him. I know you want to stand by him but sometimes letting go
IS helping them and is standing by them.

Good luck honey.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/20/2012 2:29:55 PM
The OP cannot check him into a rehab, if he doesn't want to go.

Narcotics Anonymous is for drug addicts. The OP cannot make him go, if he doesn't want to.

Alanon is originally for friends or families of alcoholics, but nobody is going to kick you out the door if you're having a problem with a drug addict.

Helping herself is the only thing the OP CAN do.

1.5 years is not an exceptionally long time to be clean or sober. Alcoholics and addicts can, and do, relapse at any time.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/20/2012 4:15:11 PM
I'm with everyone that is suggeting Alanon.
The meetings will help you understand his illness and make informed choices for yourself and your children.

Those in the group are family and loved ones of addicts themselves. They have been through what you are going through. It is very enlightening

Best of luck to you
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 21
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/20/2012 9:49:49 PM
Get your children out of this situation! If you want to stay and deal with it, great. But please, find somewhere else for your kids to live. This is an entirely unhealthy situation for them to be in.
 hatesdrama
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Thought i meant more then that
Posted: 9/24/2012 1:45:44 PM
listen, and listen carefully....you cannot "fix" him, you cannot "mother" him thru this, you will not ever have the life you once had, even a fake reality of it. Your kids learn by watching and listening, if you have baby girls then right now you are instructing them on how to live the abused, lonely, dreaded life of a loser being used by others. If their father does this then dont walk away, dont pack it up..RUN!!.run now go away and let him find his needs elsewheres, it is never going to be what your dreams are inside your head, so stop that dreaming admit to yourself he is a goner and move on, and as fast as you can. Dont make escuses the kids friends all live her blah blah blah blah ablh..you will never get past this tragety until you put enough miles between your family and him to ease the dreaded loss your so worried over. get over him, and if he ever does change it'
s on him to come see, support of w/e those kids, do not rely on him for any suppoert, ever, that is just a means of communicating back agaian. Sure file for support and if you get it fine, if not you need to be dependant on you!.now go.get busy.write us back when your off to the new life..and smile.practice smiling.soon it will come all natural once again!
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Thought i meant more then that