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 Truefellow
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 1
Girl disappears for two months then messages mePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Met this girl about 3 months ago and my sister in law introduced me to her at a bachelorette party. We talked a little and she said she really likes me to my step sister. Texted her a few times and talked to her on facebook to set up a date. She pretty much ignored me for about 3 weeks then texted me again asking what I was up to. I texted her back not much and if she was still interested in hanging out. No response so just stopped texting her. Thought that was the end of it 2 months ago.

I then get a facebook message last night.

Hi there! I just want to apologize, I feel bad for just stopping talking to you. I met you at not the best time .... my ex was acting weird & I stopped talking to most people. I know that's a horrible reason, I just wanted to apologize. If you would like to hang out sometime that would be wonderful, but if not I completely understand. Hope you have a fabulous Monday.

What do you make of this?
 darkfairycreature
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 2
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:35:55 AM
...that she's bored and doesnt have anything better around atm. Sorry, that's honestly what I think.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 3
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:37:57 AM
OP-

You are now the back up plan. I'd air on the side of caution. If the ex is weird and it's only been a couple of months they might still be entangled. If you meet with the notion that it's just a 'date' with no more expectations than that I say go for it. I would be curious to see if she actually follows through.


Good Luck.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 4
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:42:29 AM
I think you should meet her.

She was under no obligation to do anything at
the time. She had things going on- she
squared them away and can meet you now-

go meet her.

This isnt that fccking hard. When you read into
crap, look for red flags or listen to wet rags, thats
when you create problems that were not even there.

Just go meet her.

The end.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 5
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:43:18 AM
You are plan "B" and she is hoping to use you as a back up. Were i you, I'd not touch it with a ten foot pole.

Were she truly that interested in you her ex wouldn't have factored into anything.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 4:19:19 AM
1. "she said she really likes me to my step sister."

2. "Texted her a few times and talked to her on facebook to set up a date."

3. "texted me again asking what I was up to."

4. "If you would like to hang out sometime that would be wonderful, but if not I completely understand. Hope you have a fabulous Monday."

All these are functionally identical. Verbal or text messages with no actual action associated with them to give them meaning.

So far, from 1-4, no change. All talk and no action.

When she actually DOES something with you, come back and ask about that, and we might be able to draw some conclusions from it, suggesting that something/anything has changed with this gal.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 7
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 5:08:21 AM
Your not second choice-you are not anything at this point.

You just met her, talked to her. For reasons unknown to us
Or to you, she had a life going on-

Don't feel like you are anything other them someone she is now
Ready to meet.

If we again, continue to read in to every little solitary action
Of others we will continue to be on dating sites looking..

Just meet with her. you haven't even went out on a date
With her to even form an opinion about her.

Its all hearsay.

Just meet her.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 8
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:17:57 AM
Here, let me just get out my secrect code detector...

mmmm...wait, its loading...ok here we go, this is what it actually means :

'She stopped talking to people because her ex was acting weird, now she's over her ex and wants to start talking to people again!'

Rocket Science :p
 A_Gent
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 9
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:21:11 AM
Why not take it at face value.

She needed a break from dating and you were bad timing.

She is showing she is interested and inviting you to connect with her.

If you are still interested .... and your ego can get over that she wasn't all over you like white on rice when you first connected because maybe she does have a life that hasn't been focused on you ... might be worth exploring.

Never know.
 tygerpawn
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 10
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 7:59:17 AM
No wonder they say nice guys are wussies, dude why would you communicate with her through facebook and text, if you actually picked up the darn phone you might have found all this out before.

What do I make of this? nothing she told you why she stopped talking either you accept it or move on .
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 8:04:57 AM
It sounds like a bunch of 14 year olds in this scenario. Come back and post when you are finished getting through puberty.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 12
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 8:20:37 AM
She had stuff going on, and obviously was not interested in meeting up with anyone at that time.
Just because she said she really likes you to your step sister doesn't mean she want's to meet up and begin a romance.
She has contacted you and explained her behaviour, so it's up to you now about what you want to do.
People need to learn that people need 'space'...Time to think, time to get their head together, time alone. Why is this alway's seen as a negative, taken as a personal thing?
She appear's to be feelin good and is catching up with people, so view it as a 'good thing'.
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 13
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 9:12:45 AM
If you don't show her that her behavior was wrong she will continue to act that way. Respect yourself and tell her to buggar off!
 jt guy
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 14
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 9:30:27 AM
oldhag....you are a hoot, however, your advise is spot on. OP : I say, if you have the money, time and like the girl.....go meet her, but don't fall head over heels in love with her, until you know she is over her ex and you are the only one for her.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 15
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 10:46:51 AM

Do you want to see her? Or, has your ego been bruised so badly that you can’t do so without giving her some comeuppance? That won’t get you far, you know?


I agree with this ^^^
You have no reason to behave as though she were being dishonest with you - nothing to pick apart about her statement (unless the ex is usually an issue for her, and you won't know that until you know her). But I will tell you this, for most women (most people for that matter), being treated as a perpetual liar without justification will end something before it even started.
Nothing of any consequence has happened yet except life. You're both single, I presume, and both interested. So, the meeting was delayed. Try to get past it and move ahead as though there were light at the end of this tunnel.
Good luck!
:)
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 16
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 11:29:38 AM
Jeezus...people are NOT obligated to chat to every person they ever meet! Sometimes we meet people at an uncomfortable time in life. Did she handle it absolutely correctly according to Miss Manners? No...but she didnt promise you anything either so you need to get over it.

She indicates she is willing to meet...you wanna date or be 'right' all of the time?

How can you be anyones second choice if you have not even dated? Sounds like a lot of people on here with really unrealistic expectations saying things like that. Unless we have never dated before we are all someones second choice. Who ends up with the first person they EVER chose to date for the rest of thier lives?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 12:04:12 PM

^^^How can you be anyones second choice if you have not even dated? Sounds like a lot of people on here with really unrealistic expectations saying things like that.


The OP said they have texted each other a few times and "talked" on Facebook (whatever talking on Facebook means). For younger people nowadays, that's enough to proclaim that they are together as a couple. Meeting face-to-face and talking directly to people is for the older generation. Young people are too cool for that old fashion stuff.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 18
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 12:18:19 PM
Ya know, in just about everything I do, I cover my derriere.

In several areas, Plan B turned out to the best plan.

Just sayin'.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 19
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 3:33:59 PM
Op, I know exactly what to think. You were NOT her plan A then, you are NOT her plan A now, and you will never be her plan A. That said, treat her accordingly.

And here's the kicker. Plan B virtually never becomes plan A. That spot almost always remains available for someone else to fill.

In the unlikely chance that she's genuinely interested in you and wants to meet YOU now for real, tell her to ask you out and set up the meet, followed by why you want it done this way. Obvious reason is because you refuse to get burned by the same woman twice, in the same fashion. If she's genuinely sorry for her past behavior, she should completely understand. If she's the type that says she doesn't ask out men, then that's too bad for her. Her poor past behavior leaves her no choice in this particular situation. Don't budge and inch! This sets the tone that you're not a d-bag or a doormat, and that unacceptable behavior carries consequences.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 20
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 7:06:45 PM
If you want to try to sleep with her before she runs back to her ex-boyfriend, do it. If not, find another girl.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 21
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 10:02:37 PM
My ex-boyfriend would say that she obviously wants to have sex with you. Why else would she want to "hang out"?

I would say that maybe she's a little bored, thought about you, and wonder how things were going - so she decided to open up dialog. The fact that she mentioned that she wanted to hang out with you is positive, but in a friendly kind of way. You know, go to the movies and maybe hold hands... kiss on the cheek. She's at least aware that she was sort of a jerk for going so long without contacting. That's good. Some people won't admit to this and just pretend that it was no big deal that contact just stopped. However, depending on when this last relationship ended and how long it lasted, you could easily be a rebound guy or just a distraction. Some people are okay with this because they don't want anything serious. Some people aren't. How do you feel about this?

IDK... maybe you should ask her to clarify what she means by "hanging out" because that's just confusing to some people.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 22
Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 10:32:22 PM
You guys need to drop this obsession with talking on the phone makes everythign work better. Times changed, we're in a very text based world. There's exceptions, but most people really don't care either way if you're only texting or only talking on the phone.

Onto the OP. Someone better came along, it didn't work out, and she went back to you. How many times do guys have to go through the same exact lie before something clicks and everyone starts standing up for themselves. If she liked you, why did she stop talking to you? How many women do you know that stop talking to a guy they like? When their life is mess, you're typically the one they turn to when they're that into you and want to make something work.

The disappearing for 2 months to tell you "the ex was around and causing problems and I was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk to anyone" almost every time is a blatant lie.

Do the only right answer: Ask her out... plan a date. If that date doesn't happen, forget she exists. If it does, give it a shot, there are exceptions to it being a lie, maybe you'll get lucky. But don't give her a second chance to disappear, if she does it again, wipe her from your life. The faster all you guys get the balls to do this, the faster the girls our age grow up and start actually showing some respect for our emotions again.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 23
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 10:39:08 PM
Neither of you can use a telephone?
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 24
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 11:46:14 PM
I have this issue all the time. In fact this girl hit me up this weekend I haven't heard from in a while. It suits me just fine actually. I'm not committed to anyone and I usually know what the business is... *hint hint* lol
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 25
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Girl disappears for two months then messages me
Posted: 9/24/2012 11:47:47 PM
If you want to try to sleep with her before she runs back to her ex-boyfriend, do it. If not, find another girl.


There it is right here...

My Caucasian brutha preached the gospel in two sentences.. lol
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