Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A Man With No Wheels      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
A Man With No WheelsPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
It's not as much about judging you as putting themselves into the uncomfortable situation of being expected to chauffeur someone around. It's just easier to talk to the "good man" who DOES have a car.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 8
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:01:43 PM
I live almost 10 miles from the nearest bus stop, and 15 miles from downtown. Having a car is a necessity. I chauffer my children to and from school and to their evening activities. The thought that I may have to drive a boyfriend around too will absolutely send me running in the other direction.

Why must I pick a guy with no job, lies, and has no upside just to get one with a car? The guy I'm dating now has an excellent job, is honest and loyal, and has yet to show me a downside... and he has 2 cars and an RV.
 _mr_brown
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 9
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:32:29 PM
The thing with online dating is that most women are only checking for the cream of the crop... Kids? skip profile. Bald? skip profile. Under 6'1? skip profile, Seperated? Skip profile. No car? skip profile.

Like someone else said, there are so many options available to them(i mean this site is a sausage fest, almost a 2:1 male/female ratio) that they don't feel the need to put up with what one man lacks when the next man can provide it...

competition for males on here is pretty fierce, hence why most guys only get a few messages a month, if that.

in an ideal world they would take the time to know you, but again, they have too many options available to them
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 11
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:42:42 PM


Ok, so I'm a man who's use to coming and going as I please; however, I no longer have my wheels to make moves as I once did. So now with that being said, I've noticed a lot of women are turned off by this which is beyond my understanding because I'm still the same man who's able to get around and take care of what I need taken care of. So my question is this, is a man who is carless really worthless in a woman's book? If so, I guess i'll just to shine on everyone once I get my wheels in order.


I live in New York City and you really don't need car here. In fact, having one is more of a burden than not.
You live in Norfolk, VA which probably is a strong indicator that you do. Although, some parts of VA have good public transit (correct me if I'm wrong).

At any rate..dude.. why are you telling these women this in the first place? Schedule a date and get yourself there. If a car is a dealbreaker chances are she is uptight, a golddigger, or has a massive ego. A real woman knows how to set boundaries and can commit to NOT driving you everywhere as part of the package. But, knows how to be flexible because there are things she may need you to compromise on.

If the driving thing comes up - give a one line response (telling the truth) with a bit of humor and then hit her back with a question...it should basically declare that you "know you don't have a car, can get around, and am not ashamed of this...now back to reality."

In fact, the car thing can be your litmus test of sorts to figure out how interested a girl really is when you're on a date..use it to your advantage.


Me
 GOLDBERGG
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 12
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:52:27 PM
what i don't understand is if a man don't have a car its a crying shame BUT if a woman don't have a car a guy should over look it and still give her a chance.......
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:55:45 PM

what i don't understand is if a man don't have a car its a crying shame BUT if a woman don't have a car a guy should over look it and still give her a chance.......

Where did you get that idea? Every woman who has responded to this thread HAS a car.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/27/2012 10:15:03 PM
Goldberg: I disagree. I think if living in a large city where public transportation is the norm, then no car is perfectly acceptable. But iving in an area without convenient public transportation, then male or female will have a much harder time getting around, which will affect their social life. If already in a relationship and something happens to your car, that is different and can happen to anyone. But as a first impression, and they have limited info to go on, it does make a difference.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 15
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 3:56:32 AM
You're attempting to control the conversation and condescending the women who give you an honest answer to your query.

The one thing you have that these women also have: preferences.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 5:10:07 AM

So my question is this, is a man who is carless really worthless in a woman's book?


As one or two have asked,,,,why no car now?????

And to answer about why some will and some won't, it's called a personal preference. And really, you can't tell a person that they can't have their own preferences,can you????
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 18
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 5:33:33 AM
Doesn't seem to matter what subject comes up it all boils down to we're all golddiggers. Geez.
I personally don't want to be responsible for all the driving.
I would wonder why a grown man does not have his own transportation. (Except in big cities, I get that it doesn't always make sense.)
Most women have children and have already done their share of driving everyone around.
I find it makes me feel special when a man picks me up in his car and does the driving.
If it were a temporary situation I would overlook it but you need to give us more facts op. Why no car?
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 6:03:26 AM
I have two cars. And a pickup. And a 20' flatbed trailer. If I thought a guy was "worth it" I'd take on one with no car of his own, let him drive one of mine... My life has been full of ups and downs, and if I thought this was a temporary down I could work with, I would. I would not hand over keys after a meet and greet, but if I found him mobile and motivated, employed, otherwise stable, and with most other aspects of his life in place with no car, I would not rule him out.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 21
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:35:51 AM
OP... Yeah, there's going to be lots of women that you having a car is important... Just remember, they're not worth your time. Do you really want to date someone who thinks seeing you is inconvenient because they have to take a bus or because you have to take one?

Also, remember, you're on a dating site. A lot of people here are the bottom of the barrel in the dating world. A lot of people are single beacuse they're too shallow for someone to want anything to do with, a lot of them are just really terrible people. You're going to find some more mature people who have a realistic view of the world, but sadly, on sites like this, that's extremely uncommon.

And VTECturbo... I'm gonna finally ask someone for an answer that nobody's ever given me before... Why do you guys do so much work on Hondas instead of just starting with a car that's already fast and making it even faster? I've always been more of a sport / muscle car kind of guy, so I never understood the appeal of doing all that work to a civic. What about it is what catches your interest, and specifically to 4 cylinder cars? I'm not putting you down or anything, I just always wondered what inspired people to do that... I just always saw putting $50k into modifying a car was money better spent on starting with a car that's still faster.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:54:15 AM
So my question is this, is a man who is carless really worthless in a woman's book?"

Where I live everyone has a car. If they didn't they couldn't get out of the house. Taxi fare to the next town is $60. return. Bus only runs between towns 4 x's a day. If a man doesn't have a car the only reasons would be loosing his license or not having worked for a long time.

I don't want a man to provide for me and I have no interest in providing for a man.

"A lot of people are single beacuse they're too shallow for someone to want anything to do with, a lot of them are just really terrible people."

Call me shallow and terrible then for not dating someone with DYI's, or someone who hasn't worked in years. Before you jump on me about the job market, bear in mind, where I live there is plenty of employment.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 23
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 8:21:08 AM
so inconvenient.
^^^
The main complaint among all the "princesses" who wishes to be chauffeured around so they (as one poster puts it) feel special. The rest provide reasons to justify their demanding that you, the MAN, should have a car.
Wow.. I feel for you dude.
As female with no car, I receive zero flack, questions, complaints or demands. I'm not called lazy either.
I agree, it is inconvenient and obviously not wise if one lives in a rural area but would never fault a man for not owning one. Not owning a car isn't a red flag, its the reason behind not owning one that could be a red flag.
Yet many will stomp their foot right off the bat and state "No! you must have a car!"

It kind of separates the two types of people IMO.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 9:22:27 AM
Like you Tayyay I live in a rural area. I already drive over an hour a day to and from work. I've met a couple men without cars, one half hour away, one 45 minutes. I refused to see them simple because I don't want to spend all my time in the car.
Maybe in the city this wouldn't be an issue but for us rural people it is.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 25
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 10:58:22 AM
I am all for equality of the sexes when it comes to transportation......so, if I have a car, so should you......if I have my own place to live, so should you.......if I have money in the bank, and self sufficient, so should you......end of discussion!!

So OP......instead of looking for those women who can drive you around or pick you up for dates and drive around on the dates.......look for those women that do not have a car either, and do not care if you do, and then do things together as you can with public transportation.

cd
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 11:01:20 AM
I have a friend who lives in a medium size city where the bus and train service is so-so, has a good paying job, is financially well off, and doesn't own a car. He actually prefers taking public transit rather than dealing with the expenses and maintenance of a car. He chose to live in a home close to where he works, so he can either walk to work in good weather or take a short bus ride to work. Occasionally, if he wants to go somewhere out of town, he would rent a car. If he's going to visit in a large city, he would take the bus or train there and use the city bus service within the city. He doesn't drink, never has, never had any traffic accidents or tickets. It's just his personal preference to be car free-doing his part to save the environment.

Moving to suberbia and living far away from the places of employment and commerce and making people rely on cars is a relatively new style of living in history. This started back in the 1940's and 1950's, when the car manufacturers made moves to destroy public transit-train service, street cars-by buying up the land that train tracks ran on and paved it over with roads and convincing (monetary convincing) cities to remove street car tracks and paving over the roads strictly for car use, making car use a need instead of an option.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 4:48:26 PM
"I am all for equality of the sexes when it comes to transportation......so, if I have a car, so should you......if I have my own place to live, so should you.......if I have money in the bank, and self sufficient, so should you......end of discussion!!"

Agree completely, I expect someone to have the same basics as I do. I think the OP seems reallly focused on NOT having a car and has had one, so it'd be more a matter of WHY he didn't have a car, IE did he get a DUI, get it repo'ed, get his license suspended? Any of those scenarios would be more of a concern than having a car or not, IMO.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 30
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:29:37 PM
A car is not just about transportation. It also represents power, control, freedom to go places, and even a certain amount of responsibility. Most places, a man without a car is at a considerable disadvantage.

How and why you find yourself without a car also plays into this. But to the average woman (except maybe in places like New York City), a man who can't pick her up, drive her places and bring her back home is just not as impressive as one who does have a car. I'm sure you'll have wheels again as soon as you can arrange it; in the meantime, you might want to save your dating money to put toward that car, or double-date with a friend who's willing to drive all four of you, or find a woman who doesn't mind walking or taking buses.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 31
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:58:43 PM

It's simple there blkfella.. Not car carries the connotation of either no money, bad with money or no license.. And whatever the reason is for those.. none of them fit into my goals for life.. Just as some men don't date single parents because kids don't fit into their goals for life.


I hope for your sake, you never lose your job and get put into that same position. To a lot of people, driving is a convenience, not a necessity. You can get a bike, walk, take a bus...

There's a difference between no car, and someone who doesn't want to date a single parent. It's a huge difference. One is based on a life choice that someone made, the other is a purely materialistic issue.

Your goal in life shouldn't be that your bf has a car. I don't know how much more shallow you can get than that. If a car is going to make or break whether or not a guy gets to date you, you don't deserve him.

Not everyone can afford a car, some people sacrifice driving to do things like pay a mortgage to own their house, or they paid their way through college... Some people like the exercise and purposely don't drive because they can ride a bike. Who are you to judge the kind of person someone is because he doesn't drive? Thinking like that is why you're here. And honestly, you might want to grow up and get over the obsession with "he has to have a car or he's a loser with no money" soon, or you have a very lonely future ahead of you. Because, as a guy, I can say that unless we're really desperate, attitudes like that, and saying what you just said about people with no car is an instant turn-off to a lot of guys.
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 39
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/28/2012 11:56:07 PM

Ok, so I'm a man who's use to coming and going as I please; however, I no longer have my wheels to make moves as I once did. So now with that being said, I've noticed a lot of women are turned off by this which is beyond my understanding because I'm still the same man who's able to get around and take care of what I need taken care of. So my question is this, is a man who is carless really worthless in a woman's book? If so, I guess i'll just to shine on everyone once I get my wheels in order.

Frustrated as hell


I empathize with you. I've always found it amusing that of the varying questions that could be on our profiles the question of whether we have a car is so prominent.
 irongirl36
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 40
view profile
History
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/29/2012 12:04:39 AM
why should a woman like myself who is a single parent and had no more opportunities than anywone else but has managed to get to Managing Director level on over 200k a year and drive a mercedes, want to date a man with no car and no prospects. I have just ended a relationship for that very reason. I thought it didnt matter as I am not shallow and liked this guy but actually it mattered hugely in the end as he had no income and I felt resentful and lost respect for him very quickly. Someone on here mentioned that woman are only looking for the cream of the crop - I think the point is that relationships and status needs to be balanced.
 TwistedAir
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 42
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/29/2012 4:32:28 AM

I think it's funny how stating a fact about the connotation of not have a car somehow translates into me having an obsession, or that my goal is life is having a boyfriend with a car or me being shallow. My ex was without a car for awhile and I drove him all over without a problem. Of course I know there are so many reasons why someone may or may not have a car. Any halfway intelligent person knows that. I choose to not date someone who could potentially have a big issue with money.


Im sure there are a lot of dudes that choose not to date you due to your shallow nature and baggage. It works both ways my dear and materialistic women are not good in a relationship.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 47
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/29/2012 10:34:28 AM
Because you shouldn't love the other person's car, you should love the other person.

I know business owners, that run successful businesses, who ride a bike to work every day because they just like to ride their bike. I know people who can afford a car, but don't have one because they just don't want to drive, and I've never been asked for a ride from them.

You say you're not shallow, but you are. You're basing whether or not you can date a guy on if he has a car or not. Not having any income is reasonable, assuming he's making no effort to fix that. But if he's out looking for a job every day, that's different... Especially here in the US where it's 100% legal to fire someone because you don't like their name.

Unemployment happens, being without a car happens... Princess, hopefully, you never get your ass kicked into the real world, because going by your post, you would never survive if you had to make any kind of personal sacrifice.

I keep saying it, there's a reason that everyone is here, and it's not everyone else. If you want any success with dating or anything, you need to really look at yourself, and understand your flaws, and do what you can to fix them, and that includes stepping up and accepting that you're shallow, and working to fix that.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 49
A Man With No Wheels
Posted: 9/29/2012 10:51:10 AM

That's all it is. If a guy I've been with for awhile falls on hard times, i'll stick by him. That's entirely different then meeting someone in the midst of their hard times and trying to start a relationship.


Right, the only difference is one can buy you things and the other needs to be responsible with his money. It's not a step backwards to date someone that doesn't have this perfect dream life that you girls are obsessed with. There's a ton of people who live paycheck to paycheck, who have to struggle to make it, but they get up every day they go to work, sometimes work 2 jobs, and do what it takes to make it.

If someone who works his ass off to do what needs to be done is a step backwards to you just because he doesn't have a car... Then there's millions of women who would love to have had a chance with whatever make-believe guys you've been dating in the past who actually have these perfectly stable lives. Except reality is probably that you're not with them anymore because you find out that debt happens, lay-offs from jobs happen...

You demand something from your guys that just isn't always that possible. You are EXTREMELY materialistic.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A Man With No Wheels