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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > When is it time to give up?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 huggybear123
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
When is it time to give up?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi read most of these comments and as a man i can say we not all bad some of us
just need to b loved the right way and if
ur man truely loves u then hes yours he
wont have time to go looking bcause his
Queen is at home.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 11
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 8:17:50 AM
Wow reading these responses, I am not sure now rather to view all men as disgusting or to view them with love in my heart, lol.
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 14
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 8:48:01 AM
There is a song that says ''Never give up, Jesus is coming.'' Lol.

Man, you are a lovely woman. That's weird that nobody is yet in love with you.

While I am having the same experiences as you have.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 19
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History
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 10:33:06 AM
The first mistake many make is that they are looking outside self to become happy... a new relationship, new job, new house, new whatever...

second is to do everything possible for self improvement... looks, fashion, spiritual, emotional, social, health

third is to embrace your life and be active and ENJOY everything you do... or if it does not bring JOY then dump it out of your life....

fourth when these things are in order you will be a shining star of attraction to many including men

fifth.... set your relational filters so you don't repeat past patterns of relational choices... make sure any prospect has their issues in order/ balance as well... money, relationships, sexual issues, life choices, health, life habits, job, etc... otherwise RUN RUN RUN

sixth .. set standards but allow for a person who has overcome past issues but is now living forward in healthy ways... don.t shoot too high or too low either in standards... don't get jaded and unapproachable.....

seventh... don't quit till you are dead or don't care for relationship... never give up
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 20
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 10:52:19 AM
^^^Thanks Gentleplus for posting that. I had to copy and paste for future reference. Good and practical advice.
 webmdtech
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 21
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When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 11:09:36 AM
There is a quote from the movie "Goon", he said, "You make me want to stop sleeping around". You can't say men are bad for sleeping around, you just havn't found the one that loves you and wants to stop for you. We all want to have a commited relationship but it has to be with someone we truly love and not just a 'filler'.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 22
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When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 11:22:12 AM
Since it's free, it would logically follow that you should give up here, as soon as you are convinced that no one else who you have not already seen and rejected or been rejected by, will ever sign on.

But if you find that you are going through a period where you are too angry at yourself to keep in mind that none of us are REALLY plotting out of sight to fool you, then you can always simply take a break.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
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When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 12:06:28 PM

Have had numerous dates..the guys I've like and have been physically and mentally attracted to have either turned out to be married or in relationships or just simply do not want a relationship just want ...well basically to put in bluntly- sex!


So you are saying that good looking, intelligent men are all cheating lying users and so the good guys must all be butt ugly and not stimulating to you. I'm guessing it's you and your picker that are in need of re-adjusting and not that men are the problem. If the only men you are attracted to are losers, you need to figure out why that attracts you so much.

It will no good to keep going on the same path, you need to fix your issues and stop blaming men.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 27
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When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 3:33:04 PM
I like what the site provides. It dragged cats in from the cold. A dozen truly quality people surfaced. Mostly I've found out they were keepers after they slunk back into the deep.

Trying to find what the objective, what people are after is a difficult thing. Until we know each other a little its not so easy to say what will work,.. and while its great to imagine people may share my interests, or I will share theirs -its not so easy to have the same purpose. I mean- I like to kayak, but for me is just dorking about, exploring - I don't want to make it into some school of the river and start introducing myself to strangers so I can proffer paddling tips.

Its not so different with some of the contacts (and I am getting to the point). Its not at all clear what people are after. I think all women realize there should be a physical side of the relationship, past snuggling or snoozing in the afternoon. Still there are a few that specifically have other aims as their first goal. And this isn't because I'm 83000% a slob *at least not in this universe. I've friends that are women, and we're just buds. I work well with ladies in my workplace. This isn't about being a sexist. Its about intent.

Its not necessary (*well not for me - but women can be impatient in a mean way) to accelerate a situation towards something involving a biteable pillow,... but--.. well umh.. most women who are interested in relationships are after sex primarily, and secondary,.. and tertiary - and then they get hungry, would like to find out about canoeing the Toronto islands, have dinner with some friends in town, share a glass of wine, walk the boardwalk, head back to the 4 star hotel where we left the B&B, iPad and the pillows now have chocolates on them. Its economical to combine life goals into shared situations and finances -- - but that's not an objective of mine, it just makes sense in some circumstances.

At my age I find a few that seem to be primarily looking for those other circumstances while many are looking for 1, 2, and 3 in the morning. Eventually we'll all be looking only for other circumstances, for me it might not be so long. Its a difficult question particularly on the cusp.

That seems one of the more touchy areas for dating. The intent is diverse.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 31
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 10:34:29 PM
OP: there are plenty of decent guys out there. you admitted that you dont want many of them.

the guys you are attracted to dont want a relationship with you, because they feel they can do better. its what men do. many of us will sleep with a girl that we arent interested in, but thats as far as it will go. we tend to hold out for someone better for us when it comes to anything beyond sex.

if you get tired of all these really nice looking, charming guys using you as a living sex toy, maybe that average looking guy, who actually wants more from you, will start to look better.
 Nayat
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 41
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History
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/1/2012 6:00:32 PM
Now, there are plenty of cats at your nearby shelter who are looking for a loving home.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 43
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/2/2012 12:39:08 AM
You could try POF's new banner ad, dating site, Cougars.com...
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 44
you need to fix your issues and stop blaming men.
Posted: 10/2/2012 12:46:10 AM

he moral of my story is that pof has way too many scoundrels vs. cool guys.



I dont think POF has more scoundrels, the scoundrels just are more visible and show up more often.

Op, if you dont like what is going on with POF--then you have to change what you are doing. If you arent happy with the type of men who you attract then you have to change yourself to attract a different type of man. That simply means redo your profile, make it more interesting--no whining--no negatives, read other people's profiles for ideas. Take different pictures, be more active at the peak periods when men are on--when they get home from work and on sunday afternoons/evenings.

A man simply can not use you for sex, if you agree to have sex then it should be cause you desire the man--if you dont then dont go out with him--we owe guys at least that much. Dont have sex with a man to try and get a relationship out of him, if a man disrespects you about sex right off the bat--he isnt going to all at once decide to treat you better, just turn the page and move on. You control how a man treats you simply by taking yourself out of the picture if he doesnt treat you the way you want.

I have met some wonderful men, they just weren't the right wonderful man for me. But I enjoyed getting to know them, being friends with them still etc. If you look at it as a end process goal not a journey you are missing out. Yes it is hard going on first meets etc and when it is bad--it can be very bad. But you have bad days at work as well--

I personally thing people have to high expectations of other people and dating. We are a fast food society --we want it now--we want to find that one person and get busy making a life together--we dont need to live on a fast food diet--we need to look at things differently, more balanced.

Stop trying to make it happen--just let it happen.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 46
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/2/2012 2:31:48 PM

cashleys:
I do find it strange that people online think just because they send you a message that you should jump at meeting them. I will ask them if they get a little rude about it, well If you saw me at the 7-11 or out would you be so bold in your words or come up and ask me out? No, they wouldn't,but online gives them a way to ask someone to meet them that they would never do in person to a total stranger.


If I met you at 7-11 and you didn't have a 'leave me the F*&% alone vibe going, then yes I'd try and talk for a few seconds, then ask for a number or a date.

Then POF isn't like meeting at 7-11. POF is like meeting at a singles bar, church social, or other place where singles go to meet other singles. Unless you're here to collect penpals, then the whole purpose, is to meet other people. Many of us here don't want endless emails, chats, and phone calls. We want to meet the person in real life and be able to look in their eyes and see their body language.

If you spend most your time on POF in the forums, it can be a soul draining experience, that can make you want to become a hermit and go live in the woods. The overall negativity in these forums can make someone want to give it all up and stop looking.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 47
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/2/2012 3:35:00 PM
I did state that I believe I am too shallow. (and maybe too fussy when I'm not really in a position to be as I'm no oil painting myself). And as if I think all the good guys are butt ugly..what a ridiculous thing to say! We all have our ideas what we find attractive in a man..I wouldn't dream of calling anybody "butt ugly". But I shall take your advise and try and meet men who are not my usual "type".


There's nothing wrong with being fussy. Rather than trying NOT to be fussy, I think it would make more sense to work on becoming that oil painting. Before giving up on POF, I would suggest that you go to profile reviews and get some tips on improving your profile, and making yourself more marketable to the men you find attractive.

Also, you might consider trying other dating sites in addition to this one. I met my partner on a paid site, and found the men there to be of a higher caliber than most of the ones here---and they were more serious about finding a long-term relationship.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 48
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/2/2012 3:47:32 PM

Maybe soon if you have already decided that you can't be "bothered" anymore.
Actually, most ALL of them want sex, most of them with someone that they are attracted to..


The other guys I've met who do want relationships, I'm not attracted to in a physical way and however much I try to look beyond their looks if its not there its not there. When I was in a long term partnership @I use to hate shallowness but now I think that's what I've become.



The way I feel now is "I can't be bothered any more...

Then it may be time to start gathering 19 "rescued" cats and focusing all your attention on them instead of on any of those flawed human beings any longer..

There is still that self-improvement program option to become more the way you truly wish to be, over the next two years,
and become what would attract someone that would be attractive to YOU,
or not do anything and stay most likely disgruntled/bitter for the next 2-4 decades that may be left...






Your choice...
The choices made right NOW and for the next year will affect the rest of your life, either positively or negatively...
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 51
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History
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/2/2012 5:59:33 PM
It's time to give up when you no longer feel the desire to meet someone to share a relationship with.

Also:

re·la·tion·ship /rɪˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp/ noun
plural re·la·tion·ships
1 [count] : the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
▪ The relationship between the two countries has improved. ▪ She has a close relationship with her sister. ▪ We have a good working relationship. [=we work well together] ▪ I have a love-hate relationship with my ex. [=I have strong feelings of both love and hatred for my ex]
2 [count] : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
▪ She has had many bad relationships. ▪ I am not in a relationship right now.
3 : the way in which two or more people or things are connected [count] ▪ the relationship between mental and physical health ▪ the doctor-patient relationship [noncount] ▪ “What is your relationship to the witness?” “He is my father/friend/boss.” ▪ Her earlier paintings bear little relationship to her later work. [=her earlier paintings are very different from her later work; her earlier paintings are not obviously connected to her later work]

As you can see, a relationship can and does mean many different things, depending on the circumstances. You need to identify what "your" definition of being in a relationship means to you, and be clear about that up front with your potential dating partners. Long term relationship doesn't always mean marriage to everyone. You need to come to terms with the idea that at 45-55 years old, most men have already been married and while may be open to a loving long term relationship, might not be interested in getting married again. Can you come to terms with the possibility that a loving, long term relationship can exist outside of marriage? That may open up more possibilities for you as well. You should never try to change who you are as an individual to "catch" a good one. But you can change the way you think about some things to open up more opportunities for yourself.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 56
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/3/2012 3:10:19 AM

Some people are meant to be alone.


This is a tough pill to swallow, but it is the truth. It is something I don't choose to accept, but who said I had a choice?

OP, you are not alone. I've been on this site for over a year and a half, and I'm not attracting the kind of women that I am attracted to.

Ask yourself, do you really want to lower your standards for the sake of having someone? I think it would be unfair to myself and a woman if I were to date them just because I don't want to be alone.

I seriously have to keep myself pretty busy in order to not dwell on this. It could consume me if I let it. It probably is consuming me slowly. I look at the things I do have going for me and I try not to think about it.

As far as pay sites, they cannot guarantee results. If I am spending money on something, I pretty much expect something in return. At least with this one if you are rejected, what can you say? F__ it, at least it's free!
 diame
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 66
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History
Quite a lot of them just want sex and after having my heart broken a few times
Posted: 10/8/2012 3:20:22 PM
I agree with Outsideofthebox1 - I don't think POF is the forum for me but I may as well leave it open. When the right man comes, he comes along.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 81
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/10/2012 5:38:05 AM

ro1970:
Personally, like many other folks I am only on here to chat with the friends I have made and for the forums as I have tried every avenue I know to meet decent quality men and have failed big time


When I read something like this and think of everyone I know personally I have to come to the conclusion that either you're looking for something that no human can be, as humans are a imperfect race with all of our faults and frailties. So, either you've set the bar so high that no one can get over it, or you have a commitment phobia. Of all the people I know, the 3 that are not married and probably never will, each I know has a phobia about making that kind of commitment. I'm talking about people that are 40 years old and older. Of those two are women who have never married and the third is a woman who has been married 3 times and is in a 18 year LTR and is afraid to marry her SO because her 3 previous marriages ended badly.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 83
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/10/2012 7:40:09 PM

ro1970:
You are talking to a person who worked in a drug rehab, the foster care system of my own state, a shelter and worked a case chock full of abused kids caught up in a sex/drug ring of which many high profile people got busted..... Im talking high profile businessmen, and yes those who hold public office....... I think I am pretty well versed in human beings being "imperfect" as you so state.


You sound like some Police Officer friends who been on the 'Job' to long and are burned out by it. They've worked the under belly of a large City and now look at anyone they meet as a unconvicted Felon. The only people they'll give the benefit of doubt to are other Police Officers.


Uh....no.....I don't have commitment phobia. I was in a marriage for 14 years so no...

That's the past it doesn't show today.

I am not looking for perfection and really DON'T appreciate your insinuation of that. All I am looking for is someone who is SINGLE - as in NOT married or in another relationship, who works, has at least 2 brain cells to rub together, is able to communicate past a grunt, doesn't spend his weekends parked in front of the TV watching wall to wall sports 24/7, doesn't suffer from terminal stupidity, have a full blown drug/alcohol addiction, or have a prison record.

Is that so hard??? It shouldn't be, but apparently, it is.


How many threads have you Ranted in. I don't believe there are no good men in your area. If someone wants to they can find something wrong with their perfect match. Maybe the problem isn't the people you're meeting, but the person who looks back at you in the mirror.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 84
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/10/2012 7:45:31 PM

ro1970:
You are talking to a person who worked in a drug rehab, the foster care system of my own state, a shelter and worked a case chock full of abused kids caught up in a sex/drug ring of which many high profile people got busted..... Im talking high profile businessmen, and yes those who hold public office....... I think I am pretty well versed in human beings being "imperfect" as you so state.


You sound like some Police Officer friends who been on the 'Job' to long and are burned out by it. They've worked the under belly of a large City and now look at anyone they meet as a unconvicted Felon. The only people they'll give the benefit of doubt to are other Police Officers.


Uh....no.....I don't have commitment phobia. I was in a marriage for 14 years so no...

That's the past it doesn't show today. I was married for almost 28 years, that doesn't preclude me from having a commitment phobia, today. All that shows is I was able to make a commitment in the past.
Past performance does not guaranty future results. Anyone who has invested any money knows this.


I am not looking for perfection and really DON'T appreciate your insinuation of that. All I am looking for is someone who is SINGLE - as in NOT married or in another relationship, who works, has at least 2 brain cells to rub together, is able to communicate past a grunt, doesn't spend his weekends parked in front of the TV watching wall to wall sports 24/7, doesn't suffer from terminal stupidity, have a full blown drug/alcohol addiction, or have a prison record.

Is that so hard??? It shouldn't be, but apparently, it is.


How many threads have you Ranted in. I don't believe there are no good men in your area. If someone wants to they can find something wrong with their perfect match. Maybe the problem isn't the people you're meeting, but the person who looks back at you in the mirror.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 86
When is it time to give up?
Posted: 10/11/2012 5:07:03 PM
Some people never own up to their own part of the failure of a relationship or marriage.

I'll fully admit to my share of the failure of my first marriage and by doing so and learning from my mistakes, I helped to make my second marriage work. You don't have a clue to what I ended up with after the failure of that marriage, for all you know I could have been living in my car on the street. It's rare that just one person is responsible for the failure of a relationship and those who refuse to see their own part in that failure continue to fail in future relationships, too.

I can't comment on your pictures as you don't have any for us to see. As for the nice car in my picture, you have no idea about me and my second wife living hand to mouth during the beginning of our marriage, Everything we had and what I have now is from our own hard work.

Reading the forums it's easy to see those who always blame everything on someone else. There are both men and women who do this. If you think all of my posts are blaming only women, then your preconceived notions are showing. The bitter among us, both men and women, will continue to reap what they sow.
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