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 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 1
Do I have too many relationship requirements?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
As I've been dating over the years I came to the conclusion that I require 4 things in a prospect. One that she has intelligence, two she has goals and is working towards them, three she has a great sense of humor, and four she has to be attractive TO ME..... Is that really too much to ask for?
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 2
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 10:51:47 PM
That is a lot of requirements to hold all at the same time,lol...

Maybe, your standards on one or more of your requirements are to high...

Say she is very intelligent , works towards her goals, is appealing to you, but is not all that funny, then what...

If you find one, ask if she has a sister for me,lol...
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 3
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 10:56:18 PM
Well its not even that they need to have them all at once or even that the woman needs to be funny. One of my biggest pet peeves are women that barley have any hobbies or even a sense of humor.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 4
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:12:09 PM
It is not too much of a requirement. The problem now lies on how you would attract them. Do you also have those qualities?

 Dolphina
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 5
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:15:01 PM
Intelligence, goals, sense of humor, and attractive to you. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why ask for anything less? Why put up with characteristics that turn you off someone? These are fundamental requirements for you, so stick with them. These are fundamental requirements for me, and so I stick with them. It's only realistic.
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 6
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:15:40 PM
Well on here for example if I do get a response after I send an email, I tend to get alot of one word responses and it feels like pulling teeth just to get information about the woman. As for how I attract or even talk to women, I always try to get eye contact....the issue is that I dont seem to get much eye contact from women. And truthfully it can make me feel like crap.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 7
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:33:12 PM
I tend to get alot of one word responses and it feels like pulling teeth just to get information about the woman.

Sometimes when a woman give one word responses it is because the guy doesn't give a reason to do so like having a closed-ended question.
Sometimes too a one word responses means someone is not interested.

 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 8
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 1:44:14 AM
That should be the minimum, unfortunately it's not always easy to get all of that-or at least realize it online. Sometimes it takes me a few dates to be attracted to someone.
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 2:23:12 AM

Sanity is overrated.


Well thank goodness.
Op, 2 out of 3 ain't bad..............
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 10
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 3:18:53 AM
Great you recognise what it is you seek in a partner and I dont think it is too much.
Regarding the one word response, my guess is that they are not interested.
 pinklemonaide5
Joined: 7/30/2012
Msg: 11
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 5:01:27 AM
I have a new approach, an open mind. You need to get to know a person. Sometimes your first impression can be wrong.

Trying to get to know a complete stranger is a huge challenge. I would go for someone who is kind. I can be really funny but I need to get to know a person and become comfortable. So on a first date you would think I had no sense of humor.

How about putting your requirements on hold and get to know someone first? As far as a short response, again it is hard trying to break the ice with a complete stranger.

Relax and enjoy your life. Get out into the world and have fun!

Good Luck
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 12
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 5:46:48 AM
I have more prop that u. Bc I got screwed lot I my past I know exactly what I do want and what I won't tolerate. Some of course r must some would be nice to have and some I can overlook if certain someone posses close enough what I'm looking for. For me process will be long a discouraging but if a guy is not what I want what is a point. My mailbox is empty but I don't let that to bother me. After all it will take only one guy. And I know he is out there. Don't worry she is out there for u as well
 highsociety101
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 13
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 6:48:46 AM
i too have been accussed of too picky,sexual chemistry comes from the head not the looks,and intelligence is a must,having goals is just a given ,but not everyone can be funny ,3/4 aint bad.........................
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 6:51:06 AM
msg 1.. all your requirements are subjective.. and can vary as to the definition... its no wonder this is hard for you... instead try to be more specific.

1. intelligence? do you mean IQ? if so what IQ range
2. goals? you mean work or finaicial goals? family goals? say exactly what goals
3. sense of humor? slap stick? saracsm? what type of humor?
4. attractive? do you like tall, thin, or what? define.. and that will help you find who your looking for or, wake you up.. either way its a win.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15
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Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:07:28 AM
I don't only thing it's fine to have some idea at least of what you feel you need to be satisfied in a relationship, it'd be foolish NOT to. Generally, though people don't come preset with a checkoff list, and you don't "shop" for people like you shop for a ripe tomato. The girl you meet that makes you gaga, may not have one of your requirements but may have other qualities that you hadn't even considered yet or knew you would be attracted to.

You mesh with unique individuals, so any requirments, while they're wise to have should be used as more of a guildeline than a hard and fast rule.

I'll give you a quick example, I know that I need a person who is reliable. I don't have the patience for someone to tell me they're going to do something, then I make plans based on that fact and they flake out. Or worse flake out with NO apologies or NO acknowledgment of what they told me. It's a need for me, on that I'm inflexible, I have been involved with men who didn't and it just did NOT work out.
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 16
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:16:49 AM
Im happy that my topic is actually getting serious replies so thank you to everyone. There seem to be two types of women that I run into.

The 1st one is the women that has the masters degrees, earning close to 6 figures, nice place ect..... Generally they dont like me too much because they don't want a man who is still building himself up like me and want a man on there level or above what they have.

The 2nd on is the women who has practically nothing going for her. Meaning barley has a job, not in school, no real goals and doesnt even have a car or drivers license.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
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Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:23:39 AM
Let's get this list more in a priority, and that will differ for many many on here....but I will try.

First and foremost, they need to be attractive "to me", and this will be enhanced or diminished by their intelligence.

Second, a good sense of humor is mandatory, but is an off shoot of the both of you and how you relate to each other. Having two comedians that are the same, would be boring to me, and would make it much harder to play off each other......It becomes the "Ying/Yang" syndrome that is needed as one compliments the other.

And third, having goals are wonderful, working towards them admirable, but....and this is huge "for me".......Actually accomplishing them becomes just as important. There are those that have been working on goals their entire life, and still working on the same one(e), but have a very short list of accomplishing any or all of them. I prefer to have those that climb that mountain and accomplish that goal, enjoy the accomplishment of it, and then set the next one.....and not get bogged down in goal setting all the time, while never really achieving any of them.

So, am I asking to much? Maybe, but I hope that when some one is interested in me, that they see the same characteristics as well.

cd
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 18
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:43:36 AM
What I mean by building myself is still building my career. In my case I wanna have my own catering facility, so thats what that means. I dont want someone who is the same as me because that would be boring, and I said goals and someone who is working towards them because Im still working towards them and it would be hypocritical if I wanted someone with a full set career while im still getting there.
 jblack2000
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 19
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 10:53:17 AM
OP, why aren't you going after the first type of woman you described??

Haven't you read those articles (like Washington Post for example) that describe how hard it is for successful black women to find a "good" man (i.e., someone like themselves)? Steve Harvey touched on this too ("Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.")

So what if they have master degrees, and are earning 6 figures?? Young women (single, childless) earn more money than young men. More of them are going to grad school and so on. This is even more true for African-American women.

If you can find someone who has similar levels of intelligence, goals, etc., that should be good enough!!


OP is worse than many of the women on here.
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 20
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:08:30 AM
I have no issues going after successful women. However once we get talking and they find im still building myself up, they get turned off due to the fact that I dont have as many degrees as them or don't make as much as them. This actually happened again to me about 2 weeks ago.

And what do you mean "OP is worse than many of the women on here"?
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 21
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:21:12 AM
OP: You're only requiring four criteria be met and they're pretty general at that, so I don't think you're being too restrictive.
 webmdtech
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 22
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Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 11:54:58 AM

As I've been dating over the years I came to the conclusion that I require 4 things in a prospect. One that she has intelligence, two she has goals and is working towards them, three she has a great sense of humor, and four she has to be attractive TO ME..... Is that really too much to ask for?


Personally I can care less if the girl works at Burger King or not have a job at all, if she lives with her parents or homeless shelter, i don't care. You are not your job, you are not the car you drive or house you live in. If she is pettite, cute, kind, honest, faithfull, thats all that metters to me.
 AstroCat505
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 23
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 12:05:02 PM
I would choose the two qualifications that are most important to you and then seek based on those. It's very hard to find anyone if you have an overbearing list of characteristics they have to possess. Not to mention, you're not going to observe every good trait someone has in a traditional dating basis. You will have to be around them in multiple scenarios and situations to extract all that is good in someone. However, those same multiple scenarios and situations are also required to reveal all of the bad aspects of someone as well.
 Brandy_000
Joined: 10/8/2012
Msg: 24
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 1:20:29 PM
We all have requirements but not all of us actually admit it openly. I have tons of them and once I meet someone and get to know them more then I will know if that guy has all of them or at least some of what I want.

There may be something about him that blows me away that makes me think "OK he doesn't have to have a DL because I really dig him and hes awesome. Don't be so narrow minded and give some a chance first.

Met a guy online..he was ok looking but liked his personality very much. I admit I put him off for awhile to meet a guy who was much more established...met him and pretty much realiazed he was a liar...second one I met was very good looking but had no personality..so I finally agreed to meet the ok looking guy who was just starting his career, had no car but had a good personality and we got along great.

Yes I was being shallow..as is turned out he was a real sweetheart..very real...good personality and his pic did him no justice :)

Don't judge a book by its cover

Oh and ya..you may be missing out on that wonderful gal cuz she thinks your too picky
 nls1287
Joined: 5/29/2012
Msg: 25
Do I have too many relationship requirements?
Posted: 10/14/2012 1:33:55 PM
In the past I do feel like I've made connections with women mostly the educated ones. I'll have good conversation with them and generally a good time. I guess its they want instant gratification and they don't wanna waste there time getting to know a guy who isn't on there level financially or education wise yet
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