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 AUTHOR
 Thyme2BFriends
Joined: 10/7/2012
Msg: 1
Cohabiting or MarriagePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was seeing a guy and were having space. His issue is he wants to live together and work as a team with me - so that he can have a partner who will help him with his expenses - his mortgage and living. He was married and he gave half of his house to his wife (by the way he still talks to her regularly). I on the other hand refuse to cohabit with him because I would like to get married before I live with him. I have never lived with a man and dont intend to until I'm married I have always live on my own. Plus I would like all finances to be legal and have a prenup. How many of you would cohabit with their partner if its only for financial reason? Not your benefit but your partners!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 2
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:01:45 PM
the entire purpose of cohabitation is for partners to share expenses. otherwise youd just spend the night when you wanted to. have you voiced your intention to marry prior to cohabitation? will he work with you on that? he will probably be happy to have a prenup signed since he already lost a lot to his ex wife.

on a side note, i wouldnt suggest waiting for marriage before you live together. you never really get to know someone like you do when you live with them. its a totally different experience...and not always a pleasant one. id definitely advise to live together for a good while to get a feel of what your married life will be like before you tie the knot.

best of luck to you.
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:03:05 PM
Ridiculous reason to move in together IMO.

If he wants to build his bank account, he could find a buddy to be a room-mate.

If he wants to build a future with you, it should be about more than splitting bills.

MrsF
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 4
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:25:26 PM

His issue is he wants to live together and work as a team with me - so that he can have a partner who will help him with his expenses - his mortgage and living.


Plus, he gets to bang you when ever he feels like it; and keeps in touch with his ex-wife (who took 1/2 his assets), and can kick you out if he gets tired of you. Why would you even wanna consider marrying a guy like this to begin with?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 5
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:33:24 PM

I was seeing a guy and were having space. His issue is he wants to live together and work as a team with me - so that he can have a partner who will help him with his expenses - his mortgage and living. He was married and he gave half of his house to his wife (by the way he still talks to her regularly). I on the other hand refuse to cohabit with him because I would like to get married before I live with him. I have never lived with a man and dont intend to until I'm married I have always live on my own. Plus I would like all finances to be legal and have a prenup. How many of you would cohabit with their partner if its only for financial reason? Not your benefit but your partners!

You and this man are mis-matched. You may as well just move on now and let him do the same. Why on earth would you need a pre-nup with a man that has absolutely nothing for you to take? Are you afraid he wants what you have? If so? Why would you even consider staying with him???

the entire purpose of cohabitation is for partners to share expenses. otherwise youd just spend the night when you wanted to.

Wrong! My spouse and I never once spoke of living together as a way to share expenses.

on a side note, i wouldnt suggest waiting for marriage before you live together. you never really get to know someone like you do when you live with them. its a totally different experience...and not always a pleasant one. id definitely advise to live together for a good while to get a feel of what your married life will be like before you tie the knot.

best of luck to you.

True! I see nothing noble in waiting to live together until marriage. There are SO many things we do not see/don’t know until we are with someone 24/7/365. JMO
 Thyme2BFriends
Joined: 10/7/2012
Msg: 6
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 10:58:11 PM
Yes I agree Mrs. Forum! He was telling me that all his ex wanted to move in with him and were open to pay half of everything. In fact when I would visit him. He complain about paying all the bills! Come on I wasn't even living there!
 Thyme2BFriends
Joined: 10/7/2012
Msg: 7
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/22/2012 11:04:05 PM
Thanks for sharing your experience Gingersnap! What was annoying was he told me I could add my name on the title which meant I would take on his debt and he would be free. I just laughed at him. To be with him means I would be in financial burden No Thank You. What happened how did you get out of the situation?
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 8
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 5:06:10 AM
ya.. i would NEVER pay a mans MORTGAGE down.. jeez.. what happens when he kicks me to the curb.. I would be in the same shape as my divorce.. with nothing.

I say, buy houses next to each other.. and share the cable.. :))
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 6:06:49 AM
Wrong reason to live together.

Does he still live in the same house that he gave half to his wife?
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 10
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 8:46:22 AM
I've lived with 3 different men and none of those resulted in marriage. I would not do it again, especially if I wanted to get married.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:05:19 AM

I would however, make sure that our intent was to marry before we moved in together...but that is just me.


Isn't that putting the cart before the horse? I would think one of the reasons for co-habitating is to see if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. And the way to do that is to see them at their worst and see if you can tolerate that forever. And what happens if there are differences in the marriage time line? Would you dump a potential Mr./Miss Perfect if the person doesn't agree with your schedule for marriage?

What exactly is the purpose of demanding marriage if a couple are living together? The living arrangement will be the same before and after a wedding ceremony. So what's the point? Is it strictly to satisfy a woman's fantasy for a Disney fairy tale wedding day to wear the white wedding gown? How does the fantasy wedding dress a woman wears for one day only change anything in real life? A lot of women will reply by saying it shows commitment. If so, why do so many people get divorced? All commitment is gone when people get divorced.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:26:09 AM

Is it strictly to satisfy a woman's fantasy for a Disney fairy tale wedding day to wear the white wedding gown? How does the fantasy wedding dress a woman wears for one day only change anything in real life?

Fantasies about marriage aren't limited to women.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 13
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:47:03 AM
If i were to merely want to "try someone on for size".. i would want him to move in with ME.. that way i have the upperhand... and i can roll him out the door if he ends up being a butthead.....

I had a boyfriend once (separated).. he came over every night.. and one day i noticed my closet was filled with his clothes.. and this was 3 months into the relationship.. It was a downer. I suddenly felt trapped by this man.. and he wasnt even divorced yet.. jeez..

I felt no need to charge him anything as he was helpful.. but his moving in without talking about it, contributed to the end of the relationship.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/23/2012 11:30:10 PM
" I just laughed at him".......and therein lies your answer.........
 warmheart050
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 12:55:20 AM
just simply say..buh bye :)
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 9:25:02 AM
Sounds like you two aren't a match at all. He doesn't want any kind of commitment but wants someone to help him pay his bills. You want marriage. The two aren't even remotely the same. Time for you to move on.

NC
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 18
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 12:27:46 PM
Saving a few bucks is the worst reason to move in together.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 3:14:16 PM

How many of you would cohabit with their partner if its only for financial reason?


Cohabiting with a woman has NEVER improved my finances.

A roomate can help and it can be really sweet if their a FB too

And this sounds like what your BF wants
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 20
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 3:37:32 PM
I think you're answering your own question here, you seem pretty clear on it. and I highly agree. In my opinion there is no difference between marriage and living together. except the woman thinking she is getting close to marriage when she really isn't and the guy stringing her along during that time.

so he wants you to live with him, pay half the bills and HIS mortgage that builds HIM equity while you cook him supper and pick up his laundry? - HELLS NO!!!! his definition of work as a team does not compute. sorry but what a douche

also, don't be thinking that if you move in with a guy it means that he will ask you to marry him someday. because it rarely happens.


NO FREAKIN' WAY would I EVER get married before I lived with someone!


actually the divorce rate for couples that cohabitate pre-marriage are significantly higher than those that don't. and living together beforehand statistically indicates less happiness. If I had a mate and we had spent a lot of time at each other's houses I would consider getting married without cohabitation for sure. but not to this guy!


Cohabiting with a woman has NEVER improved my finances.


hahahaha!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 21
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 3:51:00 PM
Lemone11o- Are you joking?!
First of all, what he is asking you to do is let him use you financially.
That's a deal breaker all by itself.
Still talks to the ex REGULARLY?! Not a good sign.
Lastly, personally speaking, the BIGGEST mistake I ever made was getting married without living together first.
I will NEVER do that again.
You can't know what being with someone every day is really like until you actually do it and waiting until you walk down the aisle to find out you aren't right for each other is a recipe for disaster, I know first hand.
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 4:35:42 PM

If he needs help with expenses he should get a roommate. Being financially bound to one another is no way to begin a love relationship.
Having your finances in order is very important, he sounds like he needs a good financial advisor not a GF.


well said
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/24/2012 4:43:08 PM

His issue is he wants to live together and work as a team with me - so that he can have a partner who will help him with his expenses - his mortgage and living. He was married and he gave half of his house to his wife (by the way he still talks to her regularly). I on the other hand refuse to cohabit with him because I would like to get married before I live with him.


I would actually LOVED to be the bug on the wall to hear the actual words spoken. Cause, OP, if what you tell us "he said" was actually said, you should have told him to go phuck his hat, and would have saved yourself a lot of after thoughts.Seriously. You have told us YOUR thoughts and beliefs, have YOU ever told him??????? Or are you just keeping that to yourself?????
 TantricJedi
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 24
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/26/2012 12:53:28 PM
Married 3x here...yay! lol

The temptation to cohabitate for financial reasons is huge. We both save money and have a nicer life together.

I think cohabitating is a bigger decision then marriage.

I'd be more concerned that you live with him, it doesn't work out, and you have nowhere to go.

I'm open to a 4th marriage (did I just say that?) but prefer a monogamous committed relationship at this point.

If a woman wanted a ring first, that's fine. Marriage first? Nope.

Whatever you do, don't get a joint account!
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 25
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/27/2012 10:43:36 AM
This is called becoming a roommate. Money/finances is the Number one cause of breakups. It's a bad idea. If you're uncomfortable with it now, it won't get better later. Stick to your guns. I've done both and I wouldn't recommend cohabiting...there's no sense of commitment and either party can leave at a moments notice and leave the other high and dry...and very often broke.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 26
Cohabiting or Marriage
Posted: 10/29/2012 9:41:13 AM
I'll never live with a guy again. I did once not too long ago, it was positive and now the guy is one of my best friends. but even so, I am just at the point where I expect more from myself and a mate.
If he wants to live with me he'll marry me. that's if I say yes ;)
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