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 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 2
Health issues for those of us over 55Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP I am 54 with none of those health issues and it is not that easy to find someone to have a relationship with ( well not with a woman I find attractive anyway ) so it is not just your health that is getting in the way of finding a relationship
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 3
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/24/2012 7:54:11 PM
I am a happy, healthy male 65 years of age and require no medications whatsoever. I seek a happy, healthy woman.

Where are they?
 sexysunfish68
Joined: 10/12/2012
Msg: 4
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/24/2012 9:35:33 PM
You have a lot of problems and you are not even that old. SOrry to say. I am sorry for your trials but ...naturally a woman is wary as she does not want to end up with a guy having a seizure during sex for instance or becoming the nursemaid to an invalid.

I admire your attitude but whether a cyberspace dating site is the place for you, I am not so sure. Even healthy men your age who are working etc , reasonably fit, find it hard to get dates and have been here for years, they tell me. Women do have their choices and naturally we know who they will choose. So unless you have a thick skin and healthy self esteem these sites can be damaging with all the rejections. You may find a kindly woman who likes to take care of people and I wish you luck.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/24/2012 10:01:50 PM
DUDE!!
Heal up first!!

The ladies ain't going anywhere.
Be plenty about when you are ready.
and healthy.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 7
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/24/2012 11:49:34 PM
Frankly I think it is etremely selfish of you to ask another person to take you and your health issues on in a dating relationship just because YOU won't let your illness stop you from wanting a woman. From what your describe your conditions are severe, life-threatening and full of the possibility they could worsen at anytime.

Caring about and caring for someone with severe medical issues is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. I should know...Three of my four parents died from cancer or COPD in the last 3 years; one was on dialysis for a year. And four of the men I have dated since my divorce are either A) dead or B) permanetly disabled due to their health issues as well. None were honest with me about their conditions beforehand or I would never have consented to dating them, especially since I was already caring for or grieving for sick/dying parents. Their issues and the possibility they could die at any time was stressful and the limits it put on what we could do together as a couple was confining...and lonely, since everything active I wanted to do I had to do alone. They may have called me Girlfriend, but when I was emptying urinals or loading them in or out of a wheelchair or hospital bed, it felt more like I was their nursemaid. And that is what they should have probably hired rather than assuming a person they met on-line would want to take on the role of a wife-substitute after only a few weeks or months of dating.

I know this is harsh to hear but finding someone to date right now should be the very last of your concerns. Survival and getting as healthy as you can possibly be should be Job #1. Dating should only be an option when and if you get your health issues under control. If you don't want to be selfish but absolutely insist on dating, here is a site you might try: Disabled Dating.com. It is a dating site for people with severe health issues and disabilities. There are others there with diabetes, COPD, MS, arthritis, heart disease, fibromyalgia and so on who would better understand your challenges and they are willing to date someone with medical issues.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 8
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 1:09:37 AM

OP I am 54 with none of those health issues and it is not that easy to find someone to have a relationship with ( well not with a woman I find attractive anyway ) so it is not just your health that is getting in the way of finding a relationship


I think this sums it up--although a person's health issues will not work for him/her, people without health problems also have a hard time finding a partner.

OP, while I sympathize with your condition, I have to say that I would not consider a relationship with someone who has severe, life threatening health problems. IF I were already in a relationship and my partner developed problems, it would be different, but to begin a new one . . . no. If I had severe health problems, I would expect the same.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 9
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 3:47:01 AM
OP: I would need to know a little bit more about what the implications are of the health issues. Some health issues are manageable (diabetes) others my cause permanent damage ( some forms of strokes). I met two men on meet and greets who clearly had health issues. One had a mild brain injury from a mugging. During our first meeting he kept repeating the same stories over and over. I met another guy who had a stoke, he also had memory problems and issues with fine motor skills (holding a glass). This was more than I was prepared to handle. Of course, the bigger issue was that despite the health issues I just wasn't interested in them.

I'm 54 and I'm dating someone who is 64. He had a heart attack 10 years ago, there are no current effects of this. He had a knee replacement in August, it's a slow recovery process, however it's a health blip that will improve over time. I'm quite smitten with him, so that has tempered any worries or concerns about his current or future health issues.

Also, there are a lot of people who work in the health field or have exposure through marriage/family of people who are ill, so we may not have the same type of fear/worry/concern as someone who has never had to deal with people who have health issues. For many of us health issues are not de facto deal breakers.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 5:04:30 AM

I have to say that I would not consider a relationship with someone who has severe, life threatening health problems.


Agreed. I especially agree everytime I see an "average" woman waddling her big bum in front of me. Everytime.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 12
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 5:41:46 AM
If we don't die, we will all get sick in one way or another eventually. I just wonder how those who are so firm about relationships with people with health problems are going to feel then their turn comes to be on the other end of the stick.

Indeed, I understand why people shy away from the ailing, but ultimately I hope that when my own turn comes I will not be shunned simply because I take a few pills......

Personally I have been lucky health wise, but you don't have to be over 50 to have health issues, and I know several in the 90s who have none. Its all a matter of degree, and while one might suspect that someone over 90 is a poor prospect for a relationship, you should also recognize that these people have already outlasted most everybody else they ever knew. I know couples who hooked up in their 70s who are celebrating 25th anniversaries. Most of the people here deprecating 60 and 70 year olds have never even had a 25 year relationship.......
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 13
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 6:25:44 AM
OP, I'm sorry for all the health problems. But honestly, at this age, not a lot of people are willing to take on a fixer-upper ... especially someone who's on the transplant list. As a liver transplant survivor myself (almost 8 years ago) I can't tell you the number of men who've disappeared simply because they think I may have health problems in the future. My current boyfriend is the only person who didn't seem to think my transplant was a problem. My health is great right now, who knows what the future holds for any of us?

They say there's someone for all of us, and you may quite possibly meet a compassionate woman who's in the healthcare field already. I wish you the best and hope your transplant happens sooner rather than later.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 14
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 6:43:43 AM

Agreed. I especially agree everytime I see an "average" woman waddling her big bum in front of me. Everytime.


I came in contact with a man who lives about a three hour drive from me. We talked on the phone several times and he wanted to meet, but I discouraged him from making the drive solely to meet me--I was subsequently glad that I said this. We talked quite a few times on the phone, and as we talked, a picture emerged: he was obese (old picture), had mobility problems, and he slept with a machine because of sleep apnea.

One night when we talked, he said that he had just come from dinner with his brother and began to describe the meal. He didn't get past the baked potato smothered in cheese sauce, butter, and sour cream when I stopped him. I asked, "How often do you eat like that?"

"Every night." (I should have known; a person doesn't become obese from eating salad with low-cal dressing.)

When I explained concern about the health value of high fat, high calorie foods, he said, "Life is meant to be enjoyed and I won't limit myself."

Whoa! You sleep with a machine so you won't die in your sleep? Isn't that limiting yourself?

There is no way that I would have started a relationship with this man.


It doesn't matter what your health concern is,no one knows when some catastropic injury or death will take them, but love is love and finding a person is a task for all of us.


OP, no offense, but this is a cop-out. Yup, I could be hit by a car tomorrow and be seriously injured or die. I could develop a serious form of cancer. BUT the odds are that having made it to this age and being in good health, I will most likely live into my 80s. My maternal side of the family is very long-lived. My father died when he was 64, but that was from smoking unfiltered Camel cigs since his teens.

Another current thread in this forum was started by a 69 year old man wanting to date younger women; he says that his health is good and is not a factor, but it is. I will be 60 next month, but I wouldn't date him based solely on his age. On the average, women live longer than do men; if I am searching for a "rest of my life" partner, I am going to choose someone nearer my own age. I am presently dating a man who is five years younger, but I am not dating him because of his age. He has some health issues, but as long as he takes his meds, he is fine.

Health concern IS an issue, and not only that, I wouldn't have a relationship with a man who smokes, drinks excessively, or whose diet/lifestyle makes him obese.


I just wonder how those who are so firm about relationships with people with health problems are going to feel then their turn comes to be on the other end of the stick.


My dear friend rearguard, if I had a life threatening illness, I would not expect a man to want to date me. If I were in a long-term relationship before I contracted the ailment, it would be different.

Not everyone feels like me; I have a friend who dated a woman who developed breast cancer and died. SHE turned him away when she found out and it hurt him--he wanted to be with her until the end. Of course, he tends to develop strong feelings for every woman whom he has dated, and they are always the ones to end the relationship.
 SouthernMoonstone
Joined: 9/14/2012
Msg: 15
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 6:45:50 AM
I think the health problems are going to greatly impact your ability to find someone, but it is certainly not impossible. I have known people with major health problems that found someone through a dating site, and they were upfront about them.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 16
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 8:55:24 AM
OP I wouldn't want to date a women with those sorts of problems, it would make me want to be too careful about giving her a heart attack or tiring her out too easily. It would seem to me I would need to be too careful.

You do look healthy enough in your pics, assumng they are recent.
 lavenderandred
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 17
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 9:08:07 AM
OP...Disabilities nor health should be a large weigh in factor for a relationship...but sadly both female & male take this into account....sometimes because if marriage is in involved, so is medical bills etc....There are plenty of options, if find want more than just dating...
Sad thing is, whether you can bike...jog...push up...doesn't solve the...real issues(or at least to how I see them, i should say):...can you still care for someone besides yourself and perfection...have laughter, fun and enjoy each other's company....or too shallow or afraid of what might be thought...for goodness sake, we are the bi-product of life as it was and this dear friends is the last stretch in that life...Enjoy...Love and Laugh.....to the end....I salute you for standing above your issues.

I think I must add...that reality of our life and generation with health being a big issue for both men & women...just enjoy day to day and if you are just a lil slower and not into the really physical scene...be practical and just go with the flow...unless something is very very obvious, or directly needed told...why worry...stay single and just date and enjoy...if worse thing that happens, is you die while making love...what a way to go..lol
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 19
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 9:13:44 AM
OP you can look at health problems like wealth problems if you like. Women are going to pick who they are attracted to and for the most part they are going for seek the best partner they can attract - most of them want someone healthy and financially secure to start a relationship with. The good ones will stick by you if your health or your wealth goes south - probably no so much if you had a hand in your own misfortune.

OP I am sure you have had long term friends pass away due to terminal illnesses and seen how much of a strain it puts on the surviving partner. I have had a few good friends pass after a long fight ( two with cancer and one with ALS ) with critical illnesses and seen the strain it has put on thier wives - I can't imagine any woman wanting to start a relationship with the imminent possibility of that hanging over them.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 20
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 9:16:55 AM
OP. a friend of mine has a brother with MS. He got married after being diagnosed, so wife was aware of this.

He was in pretty good shape when they did get married, now he can't get out of bed without a lift machine.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 21
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 9:56:56 AM
Apparently this thread has been reported for being redundant..sigh...some need to mind their own tasks at hand....

OT: OP in all honesty I would have to say that I wouldn't be too keen on dating someone with as many issues as you have on your plate. I feel bad for feeling that way, but have to be honest about it. I have a 42 year old sister about to marry a man who is 60 and am not feeling positive about it, but she is going ahead....then I have another side to me that says what if you met the man of your dreams and he had health issues? A total mixed bag for me on this I am afraid.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 22
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 9:57:03 AM
Lavender:
OP...Disabilities nor health should be a large weigh in factor for a relationship...but sadly both female & male take this into account....


Huh! It sure does with me. I'm the same age as the OP and have A-1 vital signs and am on no meds...no health issues except for 2 missing molars. I'm about o go out the door to play squash.

I've largely earned my health status. Never been overweight, never smoked, never did any drugs and never drank that much and have work out every day. I've always eaten a healthy diet. My girlsfriend likes this about me and I definintely like thst she has chosen a similar lifestyle over the years.

Yes, I could get cancer or have a heart attack and die tomorrow but, as another poster rightly pointed out, we do a lot in life that increase or decrease the odds of those possibilities. So many people have health issues as if it's a 'surprise' after not making their health a priority thoughout their adult lives.

Anyways, health should weigh largely as a factor ot choosing a new partner. ...it's common sense and not 'sad' as you call it. It's recognizing that a person was responsible and disciplined in their life.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 23
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 12:21:48 PM
Op please explain why you say
It saddens me to think I may not be able to get a date or find a relationship because of these things. I never would think of not dating someone because of these issues...I will not be one of those people and hope there are some women who have some depth to them and not the shallow ones that have posted on some of the health issues forums here


You are willing to date someone with these conditions... yet you wont even date a woman your own age...I would really like a good explanation about how you can call a woman swallow for refusing to date you cause of a prior lifestyle that resulted in serious health issues yet you don't find yourself as being swallow for your own age requirements!!!

For the record I had colon cancer--I was given a 40% chance to live 5 years and until I made it 6 years I didnt date anyone--now I am 10 years out and my oncologist says there is zero chance of that cancer coming back--yet I have had men tell me I'm damaged goods and only good for sex etc.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 24
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 12:58:58 PM


OP, I'm sorry for all the health problems. But honestly, at this age, not a lot of people are willing to take on a fixer-upper ... especially someone who's on the transplant list.


agree
 afixerupper
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 25
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Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 1:26:04 PM
I'd date you. I have diabetes too, but none of the health problems you stated (yet) but a good possibility of them showing up later in life. I'd take the here and now over the "maybe" of a "perfectly" healthy man that is not on the horizon at this time. Plus, if you had good insurance coverage, and became total care, I could make BANK looking after the person I loved. How great would that be??? LOLOL Anyhow, wrong coast, and no intrests in common, so be still your heart, OP. My point is, someone will date you. It's a numbers game, and it wouldn't hurt to give a closer look to the ladies on dialysis as well. WHAT??? Those cripples? Yeah, those cripples. Probable some very excellent ladies there that would LOVE to keep you company, all to themselves. Good luck. And the rest of y'all "healthy people" out there, you are all future patients with life threatening issues. Think it over.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 26
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 2:53:00 PM
It sure seems to me that personal integrity has gone out the window (with very few exceptions). People get old, people get sick, and people aren't perfect. For those who are only looking for perfection, I can't wait until the shoe is on the other foot.

And for the person who mentioned sleep apnea - children can have it; apnea is not necessarily about whether someone is fit or not.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 27
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 2:56:59 PM

It sure seems to me that personal integrity has gone out the window (with very few exceptions). People get old, people get sick, and people aren't perfect. For those who are only looking for perfection, I can't wait until the shoe is on the other foot.


Really, looking forward to other healthy people getting sick and being alone doesn't make you my shinning example of personal integrity
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 28
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 3:00:58 PM

Really, looking forward to other healthy people getting sick and being alone doesn't make you my shinning example of personal integrity


Just saying that they need a dose of reality. They will eventually get sick; everyone does whether it is something I "hope" for or not.

Does shinning have to do with the shin?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 29
Health issues for those of us over 55
Posted: 10/25/2012 3:12:39 PM

Just saying that they need a dose of reality.


A stroke, heart attack, diabetes, living on dialysis, and it doesnt slow him down?

"Even with diligent compliance, however, a patient on dialysis faces a shortened life span. An ordinary American, age 30-34, can expect to live 50 more years, while a patient on dialysis, of the same age, can expect to live 11 more, according to the U.S. Renal Data System. "

Who is denying reality?
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