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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 30's - limited options?      Home login  
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 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 1
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30's - limited options?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hi, I've done a bit of research through internet articles about the
30s age bracket. The common theme I have noticed is that "20s are all about
fun and games" and in comparison people in their 30s desire "security,
wealth creation and families". My question is this - Is this really true?
In my own experience, I met a 34 year old woman who was unable to
have children due to cervical operations yet she still placed incredibily
high expectations on adopting children and also even discussing retirement
options (which I found extremely odd). To cut a long story short, I pledged to
marry her as per her wishes and MY wishes, but then as time went on the expectations
on finance and "spoiling" her with the "finer things in life" (her own words)
became the central focus of the relationship.

Unfortunately it seems quite common for people to want these things in the 30s age bracket. I know that it is reality and people are getting older and want security but im sad that a lot of people see it this way. Or again - is this just reality? It seems that options are limited because of what people perceive the 30s to be. Needless to say, I told my ex that I could not proceed with marriage and as punishment she cut me off and demanded that I cut all ties even though I had my future planned with her. The 30's age theme is expressed in her own words simply - "a man who appreciates the finer things in life, can spoil his woman and treat her like his princess, is ready to settle down, manage joint finances, purchase property and give me time to meet new people".... is this REALLY what the 30's is all about? Surely we can all still explore a bit and see who is best for us without going straight into marriage and finance? Any reflections on this would be appreciated. Cheers, Stan
 and79
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 2
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 7:03:33 AM

is this REALLY what the 30's is all about?

I hope not
I think you didn't meet the right woman yet ... there are pleny of single women without kids and who can have ... it's just that most of the men never see them
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 3
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 8:43:47 AM

is this REALLY what the 30's is all about?


I don't know, my 30s were all about raising kids. But the 40s have been (for me) all about simplification. Then again, I never was the princess-y type.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 4
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 9:47:25 AM
at 30s it was about rasing kids.. Well that's great at 33 I'm still waiting to find that one person o be with and if time allows have those kids. But since everywhere I look ppl my age r alredy married and guys on here don't even agnowlede my existence my options r actually non existing rather than limited
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 5
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 10:15:37 AM
Eh...I'm still young and my future is brighter than ever.

I'm learning to do things for me and if romance and success follow, great but my objectives are to live my own life.

The grays I earned during my 30's will carry me far into my 40s.

What I found is that confidence is sexy. The girl who acts like she's hot is more attractive than the beauty who is insecure.
 hotrodharry
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 6
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 2:05:39 PM
If you're in your thirties and live in WY, your options are very limited. There are single women out there my age that don't have any kids, but they live in the cities, they don't live out here in the prairie in the stone ages.
 isitreallyyou2day
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 7
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 2:08:40 PM
Interesting how you mention that aspect of what 30s may be for some people.

I'm off a completely different mind set than most people in their 30s. Actually it is hard for me to get along with most people unless they have been through some things or are able to open their minds. Everyone is going to be different. As for what my 30s are; just trying to find that right person who doesn't give a rat's butt about wealth, finances, statuses, etc. That's not what life is about in the end.

But I know I'm totally different than 99% of the population.
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 8
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 3:44:46 PM
A big box of toys is over rated.

It can be stolen where knowledge and experience I'll keep to my grave.

Ultimately bodies age and toys get broke. What's in the head makes the relationship fun and exciting.

Especially when she challenges you physically and mentally.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 9
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 5:40:54 PM
Red - You are right about that. You need mental input as well as the physical attraction. My ex was just like that but she played it too much to her advantage as she would openly flirt with other guys in front of my face, telling me that i should be "lucky to have her" etc etc. But what she was really doing was attention seeking and picking up other men on another date by asking for phone numbers etc. At the start it was very alluring and i developed an intense attraction for her based on her confidence but in the end it became quite abusive. Since then I've been looking for a women who is more moderate but unforuntately that comes with a price as well, the "spark" just isnt there. But I guess thats life. I really miss my ex because just like you said, if a woman thinks she is sexy and pronounces it, she is EVEN more attractive than the most pretty girl who is insecure. I agree exactly with what you are saying but there is a point where that over confidence can become quite abusive and unless you are really emotionally strong, its hard to keep those types of women without tearing your hair out of insecurities which develop through excessive flirting and making you feel like you're always trying to fight to keep her. Cheers, Stan
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 10
30's - limited options?
Posted: 10/28/2012 6:01:19 PM
Stan,

There's a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.

Arrogance is an overt sign of weakness as it hyper-meekness.

It's the ultimate goal for all of us really. No one wants to be passive or agressive, so we strive for assertive.

Why would we not desire an assertive mate?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 11
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/1/2012 9:36:29 PM
@Stan_77, your ex was a high maintenance princess-type. You were two things to her: a doormat and a wallet. Glad you found your b*lls and got out of that emasculating relationship. She has nothing to do with being in your 30s. Women like her exist in every age group. Look for someone who wants you for you. ;)
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 12
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/2/2012 3:12:08 AM
I was married for half of my thirties; I had a "religious" experience, went back to university; studied; started writing, again; came back from a life changing living abroad experience; became a better parent; performed on a theatrical stage; overcame a dreadful fear of public speaking; learned to love and appreciate myself and the contributions I make on a daily basis; overcame social phobias; became an activist; matured; disappointed a lot of people, too; started teaching; became more spiritual; gambled with risk taking; traveled internationally more; and accepted the fact that it isn't my responsibility to manage my partner's life.

From all that I had experiences in my thirties, I face my forties with even more responsibilities and the next twenty years of my life devoted to working hard to make things better for others who want to improve their lives.

Whatever is on the surface is only the front matter to a book of life with many, many chapters.
 stan_77
Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 13
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/2/2012 5:20:36 PM
Daysleeper.
Thank you for your great advice. Well, i "almost" believed that her behaviour was something common that was found in the 30s age bracket. Thanks for steering me on the right course.
 ilikefuzzylildogs
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 14
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/6/2012 10:14:39 PM
It's one thing to do something nice for your SO, another thing entirely for someone that requires it, she was in love with the good life
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 15
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/7/2012 2:16:21 AM
I have reached the conclusion that around LA at least the POF dating pool needs to be drained and sanitized. I may be posting here but not fishing.

I am still looking as well. In my early thirties I got married to a formerly single mom of one. Just as it was then many ladies with children (sometimes many) are looking to a man for help. In my ex's case she closed the door on any more kids. So much for that dream. Then I realized the only parenting experience I was getting was that of watching funds fly from my wallet. So much for the experience. Which lead to my sorry so long... good bye.

Finding women near my age who still want kids is difficult. There seem to be three main groups.

1. The high school pregnancy moms who's kids are already college sophomores.
2. Those who waited and had kids in their 20's to early 30's but don't want more.
3. Dead set against kids. "Doesn't matter how rich I am they still cry" as one actual date put it.

I will be getting back from Afghanistan just before my 39th and back into circulation. I am not sure what that will hold.
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 16
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/7/2012 2:59:18 AM
Moto,

#1 Thank you, sir.

#2 Aim a little lower in your age search.

Right now a 30 year old is preferable than a 39 year old for me. Most women my age have had ther kids and/or have started reproductive issues - both my wives were sterile.

Also, I'm very physically active (my stated goal is to return to USCG shape) and a large percentage of the women I know single or otherwise are on the fragile side with joint issues. Even the obesity epidemic is taking a toll.

So for me to find a mate that could still have kids and be able to participate in activities that I enjoy like landscaping, construction, hiking, and canoing the younger ones are my current choice.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 17
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/7/2012 3:58:54 AM
I am still in US Army shape. Crossfit in the gym and running on the FOB here in Afghanistan.

So many guys I see in my age group are out of shape and look just like sh&t. A lot of the ladies too.

They say water seeks it's own level.. I guess my level is either a very scarce few close to my age or those closer to 30.

Most the women I meet in the real world think I am 32 at the most. When I meet people from other units and the "guess my age game" starts so many say 28. Why fight it? Online I do get some favorable responses from late 20s and early 30's. I email anyone of serious interest from my age down to late 20's which is as low as I will go.

I would not be online if I was not looking for something meaningful. If I was looking for a trophy I would just go to the mall and blip the throttle of the Maserati in front of Nordstrom. I do live in so-cal after all.
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 18
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:09:35 AM
Bud,

I got a few 3-bar classmates in the USCG that have higher BMI's than my fat self who are now commanding cutters around the world.

If you can attract the early 30 something crowd, go for it!

I'm a double divorcee so my values are so far removed from my peers since I'm in between careers and marriages and have no kids.

If the values and personality of someone ten years younger work better, go for it!
 pariathorn
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 19
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/7/2012 1:09:46 PM
Fewer and fewer women seem to appeciate the finer things in life, especially as they get older. Theyre insecure, confused and self obssessed about the irrevelant and trivial.

They understand that finances are important, but generally do not understand that the money system is just a game, and not their game at that. So they base their entire state of happiness on this game and make this happiness entirely depend on its ups and downs. But its not their game.
 SoulflyKel
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 20
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:52:52 PM
wow. sorry but the women you have encountered are and always will be sad people. what game are we talking about? i work in a respectable job and i have always earned my own. anyone who seeks out a partner based on money/materialistic gain is seriously flawed as a human being, as in its not an age issue its a mentality issue. just my opinion though ;)

I will say the guys around here have issues with looks (not all, i will be fair in not being stereotypical) but at our age people really need to start to realise looks are not forever (or course there needs to be a physical attraction amongst other things) but whats going to last the long hale is whats at someones core.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 21
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30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:00:32 AM
My options are opening up at this point. Maybe my confidence is higher, and it radiates, but a lot of women take me more seriously now.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 22
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:05:12 AM
I agree with that.. A part of it is that you realize that you get by just fine without someone and experience has shown the wrong one is worse than single. You get a no fear attitude.

Having the confidence and charisma to get dates is easy. Unfortunately finding someone that would work in terms of a long term relationship is not.

Online the theory of being able to find those who are a better match is not holding up. I keep finding that many in their 30s are absurd about what they are holding out for. Non negotioables including "Must be over 6'2" and live within 8 miles." "Must never have been married" "No former or current military" etc..
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 23
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:14:02 AM
Moto,

You're now in the Left Coast?

Females in Dixie of any age cotton to uniforms of any flavor pretty quick.

Heck, if I still looked the black belt and walked around the mall in my Taekwondo uniform, I'd be assaulted by the girls.

My USCG uniform would have the same effect.

Wear the pocket protector and annouce you're an engineer, the girls see dollar signs and Noble-winning children.

Tell the females you've got beau coup education, you're disabled, and free lance as a carpenter, you'll never get a second glance.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 24
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:56:42 AM
My civilian career is pretty awesome and they still pay me while I am deployed. I have two careers, two sets of benefits, two pensions, two paychecks, a Maserati, a Ducati motorcycle and more...

The trick at a mall or other public place with either the car or bike works, dress to the nines and rumble into a spot close to the door. I did not date any of them but yeah you get a fan club. I am not a sucker content with ditsy arm candy only after me for my income. Also not a player or I would be getting more ass than a toilet seat. Find one that still wants kids, is not just after money and does not turn her nose up at the military even when he is just part time and has a successful career.. Not so easy in LA LA land.
 Red_5
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 25
30's - limited options?
Posted: 11/9/2012 11:28:25 AM
I actually thought about visitinng down town Atlanta and frequently the clubs that Emory med students visit.

I could do that in Birmingham's South Side, too, but my motto is don't crap where you eat.

A yound physician wife would be nice and in my age threshold, but after I designed an hand built her a 10k square foot house, a pool, a barn, and a garage with a lazy-Susan so she wouldn't have to back out her BMW, my usefulness would be over...except for raising the pack of rocket scientists.
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