Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Slept with 36 women....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
My boyfriend and I agreed to get ourselves checked for STIs just as good practice...he mentioned it's been 2 years since he last went for a check up so I joked what he's been up to in the last 2 years/ how many he's been with...he went quiet which got me a bit worried (made a point that it's a dangerous conversation) and eventually revealed he's been with 36 women in total...My jaw dropped....I've a healthy sex life myself... but I was just a bit gobsmacked/ not expecting the number to be so high.....I guess one thing that worries me is that he responded with "that's not that many! My friends are total sluts..."
Just curious on people's thoughts....

My ex was only with a few girls in his life by age 40 and was unable to commit. My boyfriend on the other hand is all talk about commitment and the future which is great yet a little part of me wonders.....36 women....does that make a person satified that they've been there done that and are happy to settle down or will they always be wanting more?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 8:12:42 AM
what one does while single doesn't have to have a bearing with what they do while in a committed relationship.

Don't make assumptions ...
and only judge a person on how they treat YOU.

This is why discussing "numbers" is a not a good idea.....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 10:52:52 AM
But isn't that what you're doing......keeping score? ^^
The fact you feel the need to "journal" every sexual escapade contradicts your own statements!!

Makes feel good I can actually remember every man I've slept with.....without having to write it down :)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 11:05:52 AM
I think the main question from the OP isn't about the right of a single person to do as they wish. It's whether someone who DID manage to nail that many women, and who kept track of them all, is now finished with that approach to life.

The only logical answers I can suggest to ponder are:

1. from physics: a body in motion, will remain in motion until another force acts to stop it. Unless he spent the entire time in a depression over how many days of empty, meaningless sex he suffered through, there is no reason to suspect that he will stop now.

2. Ability or inability to commit has never been shown to be in any way related to how many sex partners someone has. It seems to be more closely related to how confident a person is of their life goals, or to how willing they are to discipline themselves to live up to the commitments they make.

3. Sometimes one of the reasons why a guy IS so successful bedding lots of women, is because he has the patter down cold about how much he wants to settle down with the right woman.

4. Someone who has that much sex just for fun, might be a wonderful person in every other way, but for sure, you can't use any of your own sexual experiences with them as a way to measure how deeply they care about you.

Frankly myself, I think that the fact that you asked the question as you did, sounds as though you are grasping at straws. I think that you sense quite clearly that this guy is BS-ing about commitment, and that you are just number 37 to him, but you so want things to work anyway, that you hope everyone here will help you to switch off your own blaring inner warning signal.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 12:00:35 PM
I wasn't really seeing any red flags as such until you mentioned it Igor :O But I appreciate your candid response nonetheless ;)

I'm not the vagina police either but I've a history of being in longterm relationships that don't work so it just makes it hard sometimes to not worry or have fears about the relationship I'm in!

I've known him for 4 and a half years....he's made it clear time and time again that he wants me and that he's been wanting to be with me for a long time (but I was always taken)....so I've no reason to believe I'm just number 47 but I just wondered what people thought about someone who has that many sexual partners....I've been with a guy in the past for a year who claimed to have had 85 sexual partners and that relationship wound up with him being depressed and cheating on me......more recently I was with a guy for 3 years who'd only had a handful of sexual encounters at most (possibly even to be counted on one hand) and whilst the relationship was great he couldn't commit because he seemed to think there was something better waiting around the corner for him!

My current guy is very sweet and caring and makes me feel special but I just felt that claiming that 36 people is not a lot and the quietness that I was met with was a tad disconcerting....

I myself at 31 am approaching the 20 mark so I'm not a prude and I do understand that we all have lives and our own business....
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 12:30:50 PM
OP when men and women talk about numbers they slept with

the general rule of thumb is
men =divide x3
women= multiply x3
 thebeave39
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 8
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 5:12:49 PM
I'm not sure if you're still on but 36 Is not that many. He does long for you to be the one. Work it a little. But remember Three important things. Don't be critical on every subject, which will let him remain a man to which attracted you in the first place. Let him know that he is your man. Psychologically, ...... he will do anything for you.
You would be devestated if you were dating me and wanted a number. I would lie.
There was a third point. I already forgot it but enjoy having that someone.
 aixishenti1
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 5:40:43 PM
I have the same question. LoL
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:30:05 PM
Hotmerlot opined:
Your partner's past is really none of your business as long as he doesn't have an STI.

He doesn't owe you a count, and explanation for that count or the reassurance that it won't count (pun) against you in a relationship.


I disagree, as I have done repeatedly, with this line of thinking.

A potential partner's past is my business. Regardless of whether she has or has had an STI/STD is as much of a concern to me as how she perceives the role of physical intimacy in a relationship. It has been my experience that commonalities in these most intimate expressions portend greater compatibility down the road.

I do not believe a dearth of sexual partners implies a lack of sexual resourcefulness.

TK
[any woman I am considering intimacy with has my blessing to query me on my past - I've nothing to hide]
 Acehonestlady
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 4:56:08 AM
No need to ask the number question, just to get tested. The number won't make a difference to whether a person would cheat on someone if that is at all a concern.
 milehiguy12
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 3:01:30 PM
I am firmly convinced that you never ask or answer the number question until you know the answers won't change the way you feel. I enjoy hearing a womans number so I have some idea of how experienced she is. I have a much harder time giving my number so I don't ask and hope she feels the same way.
 lady_love1
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 4:19:30 PM
He's contradicting himself. At first he gets silent and weird about the topic but then he defends it saying his friends have been with more.

He obviously knows its a lot but doesn't want you to judge him. He may have went through a promiscuous phase but that doesn't have anything to do with his commitment level right now. Talk to him about what he wants.
 lady_love1
Joined: 10/20/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 4:32:12 PM
Why are people so afraid to give their numbers? If my partners number is really low or really high I don't mind - I'd much rather them be honest than hide it from me. I hate off limit topics - its hard to trust someone who won't talk/feels ashamed/insecure...its such a silly matter. No reason to flip out and shut down.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:07:36 PM
Thanks for all the responses. Food for thought. It's funny someone mentioned he must know what he's doing...this is what suprises me...my friends asked me the other day at a party, jokingly, is he good in bed? Well I do enjoy the intmacy with him but I'd be lying if I said it's the best sex I've ever had....interestingly my ex who only slept with a handful of women, I felt was a much better match in bed than my current boyfriend and an ex from many years ago who told me he'd slept with 80 odd women, I couldn't get to have sex with me more than once every 3 weeks or so and when we did, it was always the same frigging position. My boyfriend is also showing a tendency to opt for the same position.....I know I can show some initiative too....So just to say that in my personal experience if anything greater numbers would appear to have a negative correlation to sexual variety! I think the tummy on a man also makes a difference...ie the slimmer the more adventurous in my personal experience.....Ps don't tell my boyfriend! LOL.....In case anyone feels the need to ask....my ex and I got on great but he didn't want to commit. Now with my current boyfriend I've topped it by being lucky enough to have someone who satisfies me on many levels including commitment :)
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/5/2012 6:51:43 PM
Ever see the movie Don Juan de Marco with Johnny Depp?

The character spends time in a harem and has sex with 1000 women, plus a few he's had outside of there. When he finally meets the love of his life, the subject comes up, he tells the truth, she freaks, and disappears on him. They get together in the end.


.interestingly my ex who only slept with a handful of women, I felt was a much better match in bed than my current boyfriend


My best lover had not been with many women and went many years without any woman at all.

So, think on this: with all his experience, he's still not a very good lover. That may suggest he's a slow learner, clueless, or self-centered as a lover. That would alarm me more.
 jasonh39
Joined: 9/28/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/6/2012 12:00:16 PM
I once heard a little rule about numbers.
The number a guy tells you? Cut it half for the real number.
The number a woman tells you? Multiple it by 3 to get the real number.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 18
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/7/2012 7:49:48 AM
I would want to have an idea of my partners past, but I think asking the question, "How many people have you been with in the last 10 years" for middle age and above, and how many in the last 5 years for younger people would give you a better idea of his impulsiveness and drive to have different women.

People lie. A 48 year old man told me I was his 4th. I assumed the 4th ever, but it was the 4th that year.

My numbers for the 3 years age 15 -18 are much higher than the 25 years age 18-43. People go through phases. I discovered the power of sex then, and liked that power. Introduction to alcohol didn't help. HIV wasn't known then. I would hate to repeat that number, so if the subject comes up, I say, "I've been with ___ people in my adult life." If questioned further, I'd say "teenage years don't count, I was confused."

Asking for a specific time frame probably gives you a better idea of what kinda of sexual attitude you are dealing with now.
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 19
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:56:10 PM
When I was 17 I joined the Navy in less then 3 years I had relations with over 87 women all but three were married and I never wore a condom thankfully I never even caught a cold
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/21/2012 12:03:58 PM
Numbers, shmumbers...why do you care??? I count my numbers but keep that info confidential...not anyone else's business.
In any case these were all women that were interesting in at least some fashion, worthy of my recall.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 21
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/21/2012 1:58:37 PM
I am presuming he is around the same age as you.
So 36 sounds about right.
Some guys do get around.

So let it pass.
Or you may just be number 37 when the next girl asks.
:-P
 BigJ_78
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 22
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 11/23/2012 4:05:17 PM
36 women is not a very high number for a guy in his mid-30's early 40's...Actually pretty low.
 FooledBySociety
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 23
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 1/12/2016 8:13:24 PM
That's a small number.
I wouldn't make a big deal about it.
 GuitarJoey
Joined: 8/19/2015
Msg: 24
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 1/12/2016 9:29:23 PM
36? That's it? I think I hit that number last year alone.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 25
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 1/13/2016 7:36:53 AM
The real issue is not the number, but whether a person that has slept with a lot of people can be trusted in a exclusive monogamous relationship.

First of all, having slept with a great number of people may make you better prepared to understand what you like and what you do not like, what you want and what you do not want.

What you may want to do is ask a more important question, have they slept with other people, while in a relationship with someone else. Or do they enjoy the conquest or do they enjoy the sex.

I personally enjoy better sleeping with the same person a 100 times, than sleeping with a 100 different people.
So rather than look at numbers, look about what they value in a relationship. That is the real number. The rest are inconsequential.
 blueandgold5325
Joined: 1/8/2016
Msg: 26
Slept with 36 women....
Posted: 1/13/2016 9:42:40 AM
Not sure why he told you that. I don't think it's anyone's business about my history really. A clean bill of health is all that matters.

It takes one time, with one person to catch something!
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Slept with 36 women....