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 rememberfubu
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 1
New relationship vs married couplesPage 1 of 1    
I decided recently to keep most of my relationship details to myself unless asked. Because, being very perceptive, I got the feeling that my friends were tired of me talking about the exciting things we were doing and how much fun we are having. So unless I am specifically asked, I don't say anything.

Am I wrong?

Recently because of my relationship, my best friend said his wife told him he needed to put some romance back in to their marriage. I'm no expert, but I told him that simple homemade/personal touch things go a long way. I enjoy giving massages and foot rubs, and after a long day, they are awesome, so I said that would be a good start.

You guys have any other suggestions to help them add some romance?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 9:37:14 AM
rememberfubu, you've taken the best step by ensuring you don't get your friends jammed-up with their partners.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 3
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 10:15:28 AM
#1. Hold her hand. When you are out in public together, sitting on the couch together, driving in the car, sitting in a restauraunt, walking the dog, ANY CHANCE YOU GET. Touching is so important in relationships and it seems to be one of the first things to go.

#2. Give her love notes. My boyfriend will sometimes send me these incredible texts messages late at night that way I have them to read first thing in the morning. There is no better way to start my day than hearing just how much he loves and appreciates me. I write him little notes, too. Sometimes they're sweet, sometimes they're explicit ;). I will leave them various places (on my pillow, taped to his truck door handle, the bathroom mirror) or I'll mail them in a card. Sometimes they're long and deep and sometimes they are short and playful.

#3. Practice kissing. I read somewhere that couples who feel they are lacking closeness should try to kiss longer. "They" said to kiss for atleast 10 seconds every time you are apart for an extended period (time yourselves to get a feel for 10 seconds). I'm not sure how necessary the time limit is but I definately like the idea of focusing on the kiss- really being present for it and not off in your head rushing somewhere else.

#4. Date night! I love date night. Getting all dolled up, doing my hair and make up, ummmhmmm. Works for me.

#5. Cook her dinner. If you can't cook get take out. Eat it at the table by candlelight.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 4
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 10:30:20 AM
Because, being very perceptive.

yes but maybe not perceptive enough to realize how tedious it must be for your married friends to hear you going on and on about your totally awesome new girlfriend....

, I got the feeling that my friends were tired of me talking about the exciting things we were doing and how much fun we are having

you don't say. what tipped you off, the frequent eye rolling?

You guys have any other suggestions to help them add some romance?

no. why don't you butt out? see below.

So unless I am specifically asked, I don't say anything.
 rememberfubu
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 5
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 12:20:33 PM

no. why don't you butt out? see below.


My best friend DID ask me, that is why I posted here! Cynical much, you must not have any friends, because last time I checked, if a friend ask you to do something, you do it.

Let me clarify what I meant. Usually the conversation goes like this...

"Hey man, what are you up to this weekend?"

"Oh, were going to see Les Miserable, I'm excited!"

"Oh, thats cool, well we'll be at home with our toddler..."

You get what I'm saying, its not that I am throwing anything in their face, its just how it happens. I suggested some things we can all do together, just like another poster mentioned, we are going to dress up this weekend and go out.
 rememberfubu
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 6
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:13:00 PM
1bellanella

Thank you for your helpful advice, I will definitely pass it along.
 mcmarble
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 7
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:29:59 PM
go to a theme park the zoo,bowling anything you both can have emotional thoughts about. touch his shoulder his arm, get him to touch which is the most truthfull thing you can do. it is very romantic. mike
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 8
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:36:25 PM

You guys have any other suggestions to help them add some romance?



I'm a single,lonely,grumpy old fart,stuck in this pond fishing endlessly with nary a bite, so I doubt very much if I could help ya. Maybe if they sipped some whiskey????? That one is just a shot in the dark though.That, or they could dance nakey under the moon,but,again, that only comes once a month.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 5:43:08 AM
I might come off as curmudgeonly on this, but that's okay:

It is a contradiction to ask for suggestions for your friend, on how to "put romance back", especially in view of your opening statement that you keep your own relationship details to yourself to improve your self image of being polite.

What I would tell you and your friend is, that the number one most romantic thing to do with your mate, is to COMMUNICATE. That means both talk to them, and listen.

Collecting other people's notions of what is fun or sexy, and then springing those other people's likes on your own mate, is the OPPOSITE of communication and caring.

You might as well have a surprise meal ready for your mate, and serve them a bunch of other peoples' favorite meals, without bothering to find out if your mate is vegetarian, lactose intolerant, or just plain doesn't like any of that stuff.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:16:00 AM

Oh, were going to see Les Miserable, I'm excited!"
"Oh, thats cool, well we'll be at home with our toddler..."


Once kids come into the picture, the dynamics of a relationship totally changes. Too often, a couple goes from acting like a couple to acting like they are separate entities, each with specific chores totally revolved around the kids. They no longer see themselves as a couple and have no "we" time. Date nights is a good start, but too often on a date night, they are constantly calling or texting the baby sitter the entire time to make sure their kids are still alive and breathing. There has to be times when they must have down time from parenting, where they can do things as a couple like they did before kids came into the picture.
 Keeper_of_Secrets
Joined: 5/16/2012
Msg: 11
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:21:47 AM
Op, get the book called 5 love languages and a copy for your friend.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 12
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:08:50 AM
OP, I think its neat. Can’t see a downside at all to being happy about your relationship and talking to your friends about it.
My best friend has a very sweet romantic marriage, and hearing her talk about it makes me feel good, hopeful. I love that about her, and for her. Hearing her talk about how they treat each other feels good to me, not bad. I learn from her.
My favorite is infusing romance into little moments. So, things like touching your S.O. on the back when he or she’s cooking, or saying something like, “you look great today” or “you’re my sweetie” make everything better. Tenderness goes a long way.
 rememberfubu
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 13
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:26:59 AM
I thank everyone for getting this thread back on track. Just to reiterate, my friend did ask me for my advice, that's why I posted here. I definitely agree that children change everything, and one of them is also back in school too. We were just talking this morning and we have 4-5 nights out scheduled, starting this weekend. He also said that he took it wrong at first, then used my happiness as motivation, because that's how he was just a year or so ago while I was taking my lumps as a single guy.

There has been some really good advice in the last few posts, thanks again.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 14
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:02:14 AM
I am a very private person when it comes to my personal life, as it deals with family and friends. I think I say more on here then I ever do to those that see me day to day. One thing I have learned though, is that if you say to much to those around you, and make it seem like your single life style is a good thing, the invitations become fewer for many many reasons....lol

The other thing that is a constant, will be those questions of why are you not married again, why do you not have someone that is a part of you all the time, and that ever present......let us set you up with one of our single or divorcing friends.....shakes head and leaves the room.

cd
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 15
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/6/2012 2:11:15 PM
Perhaps you could offer to babysit for a date night? You and your g/f could practice being parents! Not kidding... might be nice for BOTH couples :)
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 16
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:17:24 AM
My advice....he needs to tell his wife that "putting romance" back into their marriage is NOT exclusively HIS responsibility. She needs to do some work too.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 17
New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/8/2012 8:32:42 AM
4X4 I couldn't agree with you more.

Relationships are two people working towards a common goal. Children or no children, it's pretty simple looking at my marriage on how things could've been kept romantic. But ...again ...if the other person chooses to disengage and places the onus on you ....well you're probably doomed because in my case it got old.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 18
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New relationship vs married couples
Posted: 11/23/2012 10:09:44 AM
Suggest a threesome.....just kidding....
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