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 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 1
Changed His Mind Page 1 of 1    
My boyfriend recently broke up with me. We never disagreed and always had a great time together. I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world. Then one morning he woke up and told me he couldn’t be in a relationship with me anymore. We didn’t see or talk to each other for two weeks, but this past weekend he let me know he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. He said there wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do and nothing would change his mind.


Guys – Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not? What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2
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Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:28:04 PM
OP: How long were you together?
 Kohmelo
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 3
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Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:47:45 PM
He likely got bored.

The L word gets tossed around too easily in relationships so likely there wasn't much to begin with.
 Maybe_Have_Some_Faith
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 4
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 7:50:53 PM
His excuse is pretty pathetic but it may have been the best or simplest he could give if the real reason was that he had met someone else.
 RamXx
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 5
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Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:02:11 PM
FEAR.

You see, men tend to fear what they can not control. He may be scared to loose you, or just not know the next step (in case you have hinted to further your relationship, even if you did so in a different time). Nothing scares a man more than a woman's motive to "get closer".

If that is not the case, i would think of another case in which he is simply interested in someone else. I know guys do that sometimes (even if you confront them) then a few month later they are with someone else.

In either case, get closure, move on and pretend like he needs you more than you need him :)
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 6
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:23:21 PM
I’m not really asking about my own failed relationship.

But the questions is: Guys – Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not? What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 7
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 8:27:17 PM
Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not? What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?

Usually when the infatuation phase wanes at about 1 1/2 to 2 years is when MOST relationships fizzle out.
Habituation to each other can mean less attentiveness and no more wooing each other, which results in lack of the little things/behavior that was perceived as attractive in the first place.

Both partners start seeing each other as the imperfect human beings that they are, instead of through their own emotional fantasy mental image rose-colored filter carried around since they met and embellished with all the "endearing" flaws gradually discovered along the way.

Those flaws now become larger and not endearing anymore, so that the next person online seemingly without flaws appears the much better option.

ANY disagreements/arguments at all can become the last straw that makes one decide to leave.

For a relationship to endure past the waning away of infatuation, there has to be much more shared outside interests in common, motivation and shared lifestyle/future goals.


 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 8
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 9:11:46 PM
Again, I’m not asking about my own relationship. I don’t know why my ex-boyfriend no longer loves me. I’m pretty only he knows.

I’m not asking for anyone to speculate why he broke-up with me. Or to try to make me feel better.

I would like an honest answer from a man who has suddenly left a woman who he claimed to love and had a seeming happy relationship with.

Guys – Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not? What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?

I want to hear your story.
 asianpeachqTea
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 9
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Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 10:24:19 PM
Yes its probable people more or less chose to do this whether twas by want..force/impulsive etc however really who knows.&I think..&it varies depends..So Possibly true that:Others(kin friends etc) express negativity of his/her mate(s)&even told them to leave (or else) be it reasons to class culture religion to lies to dislike to'legit'concerns &or others etcs
They cheated/cheating
from boredom
depression can be likely or at least something to it
doubts,secondthoughts,
fear(commit, pregnancy scares, too much/little overwhelms, finance, etc)
their partners..ways..are too much for them despite saying they can handle it all
-(Also ViceVersas..)-
history of their partner they cant deal

Their partner cheated/lied/stole etc
Abuse

they(both/either)have been injured &are different
lack of understanding

The Love is simply not there tis gone
To Be Cont.
&Theres more..&though maybe selfish &or whatever..well Iam sorry such happened with to you yet theres better times of course
Your question is good
Its like Friendship &or bonds with kin..maybe theres fights maybe prefer brand new start..all in all we reflect &may be quick to end friendships communications etcs even to whom we loved/are loved..if even.
sighs but its OKay.Cause as long theres hurt &its longgoing. Theres still enough optimism compassion & laughs to sweeten etcs
 thx4playin
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 10
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/6/2012 10:31:35 PM

Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not?

No.
Never have I went to bed thinking I was in love with a woman only to wake up the next day and think I wasn't.
What I have done in the past is not work on communication in the relationship so problems arise and I either keep it hidden under the facade I've shown her, or created a new facade to change the developing "problem" only to have that create too much stress so it was easier to end it than to come out with this whole new facet of myself, idea, viewpoint.


What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?

Realizing I was simply relying on repetitive past behavior, rather than desire, and increasing feelings of stress, rather than any positive emotion when thinking about her, and an increasing reluctance or lack of desire to communicate my realizations except as final absolute decisions.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:01:20 AM

Have you ever thought you were in love with a woman and then decided that you were not? What made you suddenly realize you were not actually in love with her?


Well, I did love my ex until I found out she was phucking her coworker for about 6 months. "Suddenly" my feelings did change for her,and that "love" never did re enter my brain or heart. Same thing with the last young lady I was dating actually dating about 5 years ago. Her actions changed quite a few of my feelings for her,including that love thingy.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 12
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:20:08 AM
We never disagreed...


I would guess that this pretty much says it all. Healthy relationships have disagreements, quite often actually. The good relationships are where the people involved know how to communicate and resolve their differences in a positive way. You take two adult human beings who have lived lives, loved people and all the rest. Put them in a house together and they "never disagree"? That strikes me as totally insane...like creepily so.

The only possible way to never disagree is for at least one person to be totally full of crap. You know, waking up one morning and announcing it's over.

You sound genuine OP, so I'm guessing that your ex had been desperately trying to please you all along until he couldn't take it anymore.

Every time I hear stuff like "we never fought" it conjures up notions of "soulmates" and other silly fantasies like that. People with minds and desires, hopes and dreams, cannot possibly always agree with anyone. You just can't. There is no such thing as a human being who thinks exactly like you, wants exactly what you want, does things the way you want them done, etc., etc. especially if they tell you otherwise.

I'm sorry you had something like this dropped on you, that isn't fair. Hopefully you won't fall for this soulmate garbage next time.

As for advice from a man who has dumped a woman in such a manner...I got nuthin'. I couldn't do that to someone, especially someone I supposedly cared about. There are lots of drawn out "disagreements" long before I ever decide to walk away.
 GenJayne
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 13
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:43:07 AM
Yes, I was deeply in love with someone and then he told me he thought he was bisexual and my love for him changed and I didn't feel the same way about him anymore. I stopped loving him the same way I did before he disclosed this to me.

It happens people fall out of love but I believe there is usually a reason whether they tell you the truth or not. The truth is you don't need to know the reason the fact that he doesn't want to be with you anymore should be enough closure for you and time to move on.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14
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Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:35:14 AM
Something drastic has to happen for me to not love a woman anymore. I can't imagine letting it build up to the point it bothers me. If I don't like where the relationship is heading I speak up and try to salvage it. If we part ways because of disagreement that is fine. But I really don't like relationships to end abruptly with little warning. Reality, some people feel comfortable with this approach and prefer not to communicate how they feel.
 Tryns
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 15
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:36:54 AM
People throw "love" around too much....and I was guilty of that at one time.

I got a suprise "I love you" after only a month or so of dating and I wasn't man enough at the time to say "woah hold your horses" but instead reciprocated. I feared if I didn't reciprocate with an "I love you" it would be the cause of a huge disagreement and I potentially would stop getting laid. Immature I know, but I've grown up a lot since then.
 _Leahcim_
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 16
Changed His Mind
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:48:36 AM
For me it was the constant need for affirmation, via text or phone, or whatever. Sometimes I just want to do what I want, when I want, without having to justify it to someone. I won't say that I was smothered, but that I realized I did not want to be committed to any one. I did this just recently to a wonderful woman. I felt terrible, and hated every minute of the conversation. But now, I feel no pressure, like a weight had been lifted. Not sure why, but some of us are not ready for any commitment.
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