Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 3
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
its hard to relegate a person whom you've intimate with down to "friend' status. There may be certain instances when it can be done; such as when 2 lovers initially started off first as being genuine friends, but otherwise not. When feelings are involved, it becomes best to sever all ties.
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 4:46:43 PM
Its semantics.......having female friends is one thing, the friendzone is like putting on handcuffs from someone you desire more of.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 4:50:28 PM
Compare friendships

Men and men and women and women

Women are usually more demanding than men ,usually more costly
and who needs a tease anyway

hanging out with your buddies is better
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:04:22 PM

here are many threads on here and it become obvious that men HATE getting into the dreaded friend zone.

WHY?

Surely having a friend is a wonderful thing.


First, how many "friends" would you say you have OP????? I'm betting more than 10. Women tend to call a lot of people "friends". Men???? Not so much.

I can count on one hand people that I define as my "friend". I don't take the word lightly. Acquantinces????? I got a million of em. You don't become my "friend" just because I know you or once knew you.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 5:04:27 PM
I can make friends at a homeless shelter. Besides if a man has many female "friends" any new woman that has romantic interest in a man starts to become skeptical.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:20:26 PM
My ex is happy to be friends with me. He'd be happier if we were FWB but he understands.
I think we will continue to be friends because we both enjoy doing the same things and I'm a bit of a tom boy. If we didn't enjoy hanging out, the friendship probably wouldn't continue. Why should it?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 6:53:02 PM
To be honest, I wish I was friends with several women whom I dated but never got really serious with, but not all women want to keep contact with every guy that comes through their life. Then there are the ex-girlfriends who stopped being friends with me after they got serious with someone else or married them. Though this doesn't apply directly to the friendzone issue which is being offered friendship in lieu of a romantic relationship at the flirtation stage. If someone I have the 'hots' for shows no interest, I'm not sticking around. Much easier to be friends after a dalliance or relationship. This way, the lust is out of the system and I can focus on the pure friendship part.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 19
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 10:11:17 PM
I am a woman and I've been friendzoned and yes, I hate it. Alot. So much that I vowed that in the future if a man I found attractive and wanted to get closer to did that to me, I would never see him again. Ever.

I have to be that strict about it because I know what happens to me when I get friendzoned. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I go along with the "hang outs", the dinners, the movies, the events, the plays, the conventions..the long deep talks into the wee hours...hoping..hoping beyond hope something in him at last breaks open, and sees me for the wonderful, sexy, unique and desirable woman I am.

And it never happens.

And it is a painful, horrible, rejecting agony, yet each happy little text I get from him, some invitation to go do something..oh boy! My little hopeful heart pops up again and we start the cycle once more.

And once again I am crushed. No lingering goodbye kiss, no sign he's starting to see me as that woman I hoped he would. For the umpteenth time, I am left, feeling unlovable, unsexy, undesirable, a failure.

It gets to a point where you cannot take it anymore. It's torture. To be sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and wanting nothing more than to grab that person and plant a deep, passionate kiss on their lips, knowing if you did they'd most likely freak out. It's completely humiliating.

My new rule: If I like a guy and he doesnt return the feelings, he's removed from my life. And yes, I've had dates since where I've felt something for someone, but they tell me they'd like to hang out and just be friends. And I said no thank you, goodbye.

The friendzone is one of the most painful things I've ever had to accept, understand and learn to avoid. Nothing but heartache and complete disaster for your self esteem.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 20
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 10:23:39 PM
I don't think a woman is particularly fond of it either. No one likes rejection. If I am friendzoned, I don't stay friends for very long.
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 10:56:44 PM
I met a man on this site four years ago. Despite my wish projection..lols...he remains a friend. I'm pleased to have him. I'd be even more pleased to 'have' him...hahahaha.....
 Tallulah1986
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 11:29:21 PM
Alot of people posting seem to not understand the term Friend zoned - its not about being friends with someone after breaking up with them - its about having feelings for them and them not feeling the same way but want to be friends. Men and women hate it because its basically a knockback - I would rather not be friends with someone I had feelings for because it doesnt give you a chance to get over them.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 25
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/7/2012 11:48:14 PM
Wolftxusa, hahaha finally got thru to a woman hater, eh?

Sure, you can bronze my words of wisdom...freshly culled from my garden of "It's Time To Stop Being So Pathetic."

I have never understood why some women seem baffled about what is wrong with the friendzone..I mean....isnt it wonderful to have friends?

Well yeah, friends are great...if you aren't horny for them!!!! I have PLENTY of friends..I dont need any new guy friends.

And mostly, I do NOT need to be tormented all night engaging in a "non date" with a guy I'm crazy about who only wants to "hang out, have dinner and watch TV." As an adult, I have to admit this makes no sense to me at all. What man wants to sit and do this on a regular basis? Yet I have met a couple. It seemed so odd to me, what grown man needs to hang out platonically twice a week with someone, while going out chasing other women? Forget it! And a BIG forget it to sitting there listening to him whine and moan about his latest girlfriend disaster.

Guys, can you relate? Yeah! Loads of fun sitting there consoling her, making her feel better, trying to figure the a**hole out for her, while you've got a raging hard on you can't do anything about.

Screw that! I know EXACTLY how it feels and it's miserable! There are few things as painful and stupid as feeling like that again and again.

I can't blame anyone but myself, no one forced me to say "OK, I'll subject myself to the humiliation of you rejecting me YET AGAIN because clearly I still think I have a chance to wow you into submission."

Ugh. The time I wasted chasing nothing. Nothing!
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:09:08 AM
Being Freindzoned is like wanting to work your dream job for your dream company. You have the IQ of a genius and the skills required but you are not given a shot because your shoes are the wrong color,no matter what color shoes you wear,they are always the wrong color, but they will be more than happy to let you mop the floors,tote out the trash,fix the squeaky door hinges... all without pay of course.

And then they are offended when you refuse their ever so kind offer.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:32:43 AM
Hate it? Not all of us do.
Course I could take it as a rejection, and it seems like most guys do, so I guess I am doing it wrong.
It depends on what are you looking for? Anything serious will go out the window, if she just wants to be friend.
If you just looking for a female companionship, friendzone is good with me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:07:04 AM

When I was in the military, it was kind of different. There's a sense of loyalty, even for someone you don't know well.


Yet, only some will end up being "true" friends. What you are talking about is being a member of a "team" aiming for the same goal. It's the the same with some work enviroments. One of my superiors wonders why I never go to our Christmas partys. I suggest to him just because I work with the people I do, doesn't mean I want to socialize with them. I've had only one "friend" that worked with me, and I ended telling him it was in his best (personal) interest to leave my place of work. It wasn't the best thing for me or the company I work with but, it was the best thing for my "friend" and he's always thanking me.

In these team orientated situations you will pick up those lifelong friends,but it's not always the case. Teams will always have different personalities,which doesn't always bode well for friendship outside those team goals. In my situation, I'm one of the bosses. I truely don't have "friends" within this group but, most of them will do anything that I direct them too because of numerous reasons.Now, in my company, there are only 4 women working in the office. They ALL socialize together. True, it's only a total of 4 but,still, they do it.

When this pond first started, there was a pretty tight group that was generated here in the lowermainland of BC. I have gotten to know a couple of them thru emails,etc and from what I saw, the majority of them were females. Sure there was a couple of guys thrown into the mix of "friends" but the majority were fems. With that there was a couple of good cat fights generated over those couple of males. Some of those fems are still "friends".
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:24:50 AM
because so many men want to have sex with someone. if they become your friend, they can't have sex with you because no one wants to have sex with a friend. it would trash the friendship and, typically, both parties know this.

i have the good fortune to have several men who know i won't sleep with them and have remained my friends anyway. i've known all of them for years and have met their various girlfriends and grieve with them when a relationship ends. you have to know how to maintain a friendship.
 kevin157
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 31
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:45:25 AM
Sure, I like friends as much as the next guy, but I've found that the friend zone isn't terribly friendly. First off, nobody likes learning the one they like doesn't feel the same level of attraction for them. Secondly, for me personally, being put in the friend zone is more like being put in the "please don't ever talk to me again" zone.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:19:45 AM

why so many men are single and cant get dates.
They never learned how to be friends with women


wrong again ..! most of the men replying on this thread
HAVE BEEN friends with women at some point

Its not that they never learned to be friends with women
Its the opposite ....they did befriend a woman , then chose
to not do it again
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 7:18:00 AM

I am a woman and I've been friendzoned and yes, I hate it. Alot. So much that I vowed that in the future if a man I found attractive and wanted to get closer to did that to me, I would never see him again. Ever.

I have to be that strict about it because I know what happens to me when I get friendzoned. I keep trying. I keep hoping. I go along with the "hang outs", the dinners, the movies, the events, the plays, the conventions..the long deep talks into the wee hours...hoping..hoping beyond hope something in him at last breaks open, and sees me for the wonderful, sexy, unique and desirable woman I am.

And it never happens.

And it is a painful, horrible, rejecting agony, yet each happy little text I get from him, some invitation to go do something..oh boy! My little hopeful heart pops up again and we start the cycle once more.

And once again I am crushed. No lingering goodbye kiss, no sign he's starting to see me as that woman I hoped he would. For the umpteenth time, I am left, feeling unlovable, unsexy, undesirable, a failure.

It gets to a point where you cannot take it anymore. It's torture. To be sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and wanting nothing more than to grab that person and plant a deep, passionate kiss on their lips, knowing if you did they'd most likely freak out. It's completely humiliating.

My new rule: If I like a guy and he doesnt return the feelings, he's removed from my life. And yes, I've had dates since where I've felt something for someone, but they tell me they'd like to hang out and just be friends. And I said no thank you, goodbye.

The friendzone is one of the most painful things I've ever had to accept, understand and learn to avoid. Nothing but heartache and complete disaster for your self esteem.


Exactly. In short...Put your pants back on. I won't fvck you.

Here is a little satire that is pretty amusing and should probably be read [again] by some people.


I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me **** about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ***hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 8:57:21 AM
3 pages in, so what have we learned here;

1. This issue is not gender specific.
2. People go on dating sites for romantic relationships, not just making platonic friends (duh).
3. If you're a guy, and you have female friends, you're gay (maybe in podunk).
4. People refuse to read anything, and just babble the same redundant shit.
5. Odds are this thing goes 17 pages.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 9:00:13 AM
If I was going to date a woman who has a pool of rejects-guys who didn't make the cut-it would make me wonder if I will be added to the scrap pile with the other guys who weren't perfect enough.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 1:03:49 PM

3. If you're a guy, and you have female friends, you're gay (maybe in podunk).


I have female friends.

And I still prefer beaver. Not Justin Beaver.


Hehehe
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 45
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:44:33 PM
Otherwise known as: "Subsidizing another guy's wiener".


Bingo.

If women could be friends with a man; without expecting us to solve (or even hear about) their man problems, and without paying for their meals and our "frienddates" together....all would be swell.'

I have alot of female friends (ok; aquaintances, but good ones); but have rarely been 'friendzoned".

Most men who are "friendzoned" have just been told to leave; or engage in a parasitic relationship (with them as the host) If you are truly "friends" their is no "zoning" about it; it comes naturally out of mutual benefit and enjoyment.

Women don't share as much in common with me as most males; so, "friends" has ot be based on shared experiences or "real" interests.

I don't know what that is suppose to mean...


-It means we do what she likes to do; because she is always doing what her dude likes to do.
-It means listening to her feelings about the dude; because he wont (or shes too afraid to broach the subject/rock the boat)
-It means paying for her meals and making her feel like a lady; because he's too busy to do it as often as she would like.

I've been there; it's not a good ole time


Because there's no sex, lol..


Ya; there is "that" too.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:02:45 PM
to answer your question steph, you can get to know people without being friends...we do it with coworkers all the time :) you may not hang out with them outside of work or on the weekends, but you probably know them well enough.

hang with a person, listen to the words coming out of their mouth. As they realize you're listening, they'll talk about their favorite subject more. Meanwhile, watch how they interact with other people--are they ignoring you to pay attention to them? Giving equal time? How do they react to the situation--relaxed, trying to show off, etc?

I can't speak for all men, but one bummer of being friends only, is that sex shouldn't be mechanical, but an act of sharing. Thus, its another medium thru which two people can interact. I've had female friends who turned it into a sexual relationship...and sometimes, got to learn they weren't the person they were as friends :)

sometimes they bragged as friends about being aggressive, but were shy as lovers. other times they were good friends but self centered when sex became all about their sense of identity. but there were the other times, when friendship turned to sex and the connection just got deeper..what's so wrong about enjoying that--or missing it when it doesn't happen? :)
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?
Posted: 11/8/2012 8:50:34 PM
The thing is, it's not like we like putting guys in the friend zone, if they weren't such puzzy's/whiners/baby's/cling ons, etc. us gals just might want to couple up with them.

They hate it so much because they know in their hearts that they are like this and they hate when the card they played is recognized as the 2 it really is instead of the king or jack they think they're pulling off.

I don't friend zone these types, I stay clear.

Friend zoned men who stay in that type of using relationship only have themselves to blame. If they weren't enabling the gal to get comfort, stuff, whatever while in a shitty relationship, she probably would leave the boyfriend.

Maybe guys who are friend zoned are using the cool dudes with the girls so they can look sweet when really they're just slimy?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Friendzone? Why do you men hate it that much?