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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.      Home login  
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 1
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends. It's a trend I've been noticing for a while now and I'm not sure what's going on. I used to have no problem getting in touch with them to hang out but now I'm lucky to get any response at all. When we do manage to make plans there's usually a lot of flaking at the last minute and no shows. When I bump into them on the street I get a lot of "so let's hang out this week" but then no response when I reach out to them later on. There are always excuses, some of them totally understandable and some which are pretty lame ("I forgot we were meeting up", "it was too outside"). It's puzzling because we used to hang out a lot and some were pretty close friends. Not all of them know each other as some were former co-workers, some former housemates, others bartender friends, people I met online, etc.

I've asked this question on a forum before and many people suggested that these friends had probably just moved on to a different stage in their lives. People get into serious relationships, buy homes, change jobs, etc and priorities shift, but this isn't the case with most of my female friends. They just seemed to have dropped me.

I consider myself to be a pretty decent person. I'm open, accepting, respectful, understanding, and generally very easygoing. I've never had an argument with any of these friends. I've never made any moves on them. I've never flaked on them. I'm not sure what I did wrong. This has been happening with enough female friends for me to know it's not them--it's me.

I don't have many male friends. One recently got married and the other recently met a girl and started grad school so I don't see them very often, but I still hear from them.

Making new friends isn't easy. I work nights with no set days off and I often work by myself. It's given me a lot of time to think about this, but I can't figure it out. Has anyone else experienced this?
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 3
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:32:21 AM
It happens in life. People's lives get busy. Do something different and make new friends...then you have old friends and new friends. If and when you really need some friends hopefully some out of them will be able to step up to the plate. Remember to pay it forward!
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 4
view profile
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:32:43 AM
maybe your gender is confusing them?
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 6
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:53:41 AM
first I have to tell you - I admire your strength to be who you are!
I had to find new friends moving to a knew continent and yes it is
not some easy thing, be patient and keep trying. Thats all I can give you as an advice :)
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 7
Posted: 11/8/2012 12:26:08 PM
Brutally honest??

They are probably intimidated by your openness and don't know how to view you. Especially if they knew you before you embraced your feminine side.

I know 1 person who is also a cross dresser. . He's is openly gay now but when I knew him he wasn't, he dated only women (including me) and he didn't cross dress then. He makes a very pretty woman though. He has the same problem you do. I can't be friends with him because of our dating history.. he was gay then, but he wouldn't admit it.. so there's a lot of bad feelings between us. But others who used to be his friend, find it very awkward to talk to him and be around him. I don't know if I'd be that way if we didn't have the history we do.

I think it's great you've embraced who you are. I think you have to find new friends who can accept you for who you are and perhaps some who share your openness.
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 8
Posted: 11/8/2012 4:04:10 PM
The thing is my female friends aren't married or buying houses, having kids or going to school. I don't need to see or hear from them every day but we used to hang out once a week or once a month. I know they're not terribly busy.
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:02:14 PM
Possibly you are prettier and sexier than they are and they find you get the men and they are tired of competing? People only need people when they need something. I find true friends are hard to come by. I sit by myself most of the time and simply tired of it but dating just isnt happening either. Life sucks,
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 10
Posted: 11/8/2012 5:41:40 PM
I'm not gay so there's no competition. Plus, I spend 99% of my time dressed as a guy. All of these friends know I cross-dress and none have had any issues with it. Quite a few have seen me dressed up (and they love it) and some have gone out with me while I was dressed. One even let me change clothes at her house before we went out and she let me sleep over whenever we went out. We even slept in the same bed a couple of times. Nothing sexual ever happened as she's a lesbian. We just went to bed and then hung out the next day. We used to hang out a lot and then she just disappeared. I know she's still living in DC as I run into her now and then.

This remind me of another female friend I had back in college. We hung out almost every day and were close friends if not best friends. I had been to her family's house in Long Island and met her parents and brother. I celebrated 4th of July at their place. Our friendship seemed fine. Then one day she just stopped talking to me. We had been hanging out as susual the night before. Suddenly she stopped answering her phone, responding to emails, and never opened her door for me (we lived in the same apartment). 6 months went by without any contact. I ran into her family when they came to visit DC and they ignored me. Months later I ran into this friend in the laundry room. We said hi but that was it. I never saw her again.

Something tells me I make females uncomfortable, but I'm not sure what it is that I do that makes them uneasy.
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 11
Posted: 11/8/2012 6:44:14 PM
Hi Kevin, Wow, I literally did a double take on your profile! You make a beautiful woman. I would not feel uncomfortable with your cross dressing at all. It's a shame you don't live in Atlanta. I would have a blast shopping with you or just hanging out :). Like you I've lost touch with my female friends and my guy friends are now in relationships and their SO wouldn't appreciate me hanging out with their BF. So now I don't go out much. I am either working or online shopping except my addiction is currently handbags (crazy for Chanel and LV). I bought over 100 in the last 12 months. Before that shoes and I'm certain I have over 500, truckloads of clothes too so my closet and basement are packed! There is enough for me to open a store lol. Hey we could share J/K. Well not really, I have lent out many stuff to my gay friends, everything except clothes as I am quite petite. Not many can fit into a Size 00.

I know you're not gay but some of my best friends were and many cross dress too. They had awesome taste in clothing and fashion in general and they were experts in doing make-up. I was a glamour model for 10 years and always used one of them as the MUA. When they dressed up they looked better than most women. They enjoyed dressing me up as much as I enjoyed dressing them lol. I've even done some photo shoots with a few and have to admit they came out better looking hahaha. You sound like an amazing person and if you ever get to visit I would be happy to be your tour guide if you don't mind me getting lost every few minutes LOL. I am terrible with directions and can't leave home without my GPS!
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 12
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Posted: 11/8/2012 11:06:51 PM
Have you been drinking too much? Doing anything that might make you not see that you are reading situations wrong and/or putting out there, unwanted behavior?
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 13
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:35:06 PM
~OP~ I don't know why it is, but I found my female friends disappearing in the exact way you describe. It wasn't because they were marrying/having children (we're too old for that, well ~ most of us think we are) ~ they weren't in college or too busy with their professions, etc., etc., etc. The reason? I am not like them. My only child died three years ago and believe it or not ~ that now makes me "different" in their eyes. I'm not sure if they were uncomfortable because I didn't curl up in the fetal position and cry non-stop or if they found it hard to see me without their own grief taking over (we raised our children together, so the loss was very personal to all of them and their children.) Regardless, in time they stopped including me, and in time I stopped caring if they included me or not. How is this similar to you? I don't know that it is, except for one thing: being different. Maybe you're friends are uncomfortable with you, regardless of how often you choose to dress alternatively. Maybe they're jealous (because you are stunning when in drag!) Maybe they're changing and no longer wish to know you (that happens once in a while) or maybe a whole lot of things. I think if I were you I'd simply cut my losses. Making new friends isn't easy, but getting out and socializing is VERY easy and along with that comes new friends. Life is really much too short to wonder about those who leave our lives. I think it's better lived to be excited about those who will one day enter our lives. Good luck to ya.
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 14
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Posted: 11/8/2012 11:46:00 PM
great, insightful post. being different or changing for whatever reasons. life goes on. and we must go on. there are new people, new experiences waiting.

life is change!
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 15
Posted: 11/10/2012 3:42:09 PM
Lets say.. you and I were best friends..
1. you are prettier than me.. yes.. men would not look at me in your presence..
2. the men that i want to date may not accept you. lots of single men are homophobes even tho you are NOT homosexual.. the cross dressing may scare them.. and the girl is too desperate to date men to be with you
3. as for the lesbian.. she may have bonded with you in mutual self acceptance.. then felt herself need other things.. other people..
4. people move on.. friends move on.. time to look for someone who can bond with you.

Me myself and I.. have no best friend right now.. most of my girlfriends are engaged.. or off with another party gal... whatever.. I am taking applications myself..
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 16
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Posted: 11/10/2012 3:50:15 PM
How this trolling for attention thread slipped by the blog police is beyond me!
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 17
view profile
Posted: 11/10/2012 6:14:57 PM
Being the same age as Michael Jackson ....He was great in the Jackson five,
and I was a big time fan when the Thriller album came out .

Not long after that , I decided he was just too d*mn weird,
and stopped buying his stuff ..

could perhaps your friends feel the same ?
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 19
Posted: 11/12/2012 3:30:46 PM
Maybe get more involved in the theater in your would fit right in...I have a few friends exactly like you..except they are gay...they are the best to hang out with ...they are so spontaneous and fun...they always make me smile.
Posted: 5/26/2013 3:14:00 PM

Making new friends isn't easy, but getting out and socializing is VERY easy and along with that comes new friends. - verygreeneyez

I wish that it was that easy, for some of us, it's not. I didn't see anything in your profile Kevin, that indicated if you were shy. You sure don't sound it. But since I am very shy, it occurred to me, that this might be an issue for you, in making new friends. And I know better than to make assumptions, as people will often say that I don't "look" shy.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 21
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/26/2013 5:04:45 PM
1) some people are just too flakey. the phrases, "bros before hos" and "chicks before d1cks" came about from "friends" who identify themselves by who they are dating. the ones who disappear when taken, reappear when broken up, claim to want to really re-connect with friends then disappear again when the partner who just broke up with them calls back.

the question then becomes, why be friends with people who have such little sense of identity? Solve this in yourself, and you will be attracted to better friends.

2)if you are too busy with friends, you will tend to gravitate towards people with the same work ethic...which means, of course...they are too busy, too.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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Posted: 5/26/2013 8:49:06 PM
I would tend to agree with Verygreen, it is probably related to your being different and also the comments about maybe these chicks are starting to feel their biological clocks and don't think that the type of men who want to settle down are going to be comfortable being around you. I agree that homophobia may be an issue even though it's completely inaccurate to your situation.

And here's the thing, friends come and go, it's just the way of things. Sometimes there is a reason, like Verygreen said I think it was probably too hard for those particular friends to stay around so instead of sucking it up and staying a good friend, they did the easy thing and bailed. I've seen the same thing happen when people split up and they don't know which person to hang around and in the women's places I think sometimes they are afraid to have the now newly single woman around.

Some of the females may wind up knocking on your door sometime down the road, if not, you didn't lose much and you just have to put yourself out there and meet people :)
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 23
Posted: 5/26/2013 9:31:26 PM
I think it may be hard for OP to keep old friends and make new friends cause "judging by this post and his profile" He is a cross dressing chatterbox! alot of people don't like that. ha
really dude why did you write a whole essay in your about me section!? Good luck to you sir. friendly people eventually make friends
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:47:16 PM
Perhaps it is something to do with the economy down, that most people can't afford to hangout in bars/club/restaurant. They just hangout at the POF forum, BSing ( bull shit ting) , or playing Dear Abby.. I could be wrong why your female friends don't hangout with you. But that is what I do now........... I decline invitation to parties and girls night out ..

Oops ! You are boy dressing like a woman, I know why your female friends don't want to hang with you, because you upstage them.. You 'll have more fun going out with BEKE boys like you..
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 25
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/27/2013 6:16:46 AM
I know if I was a woman clubbing, I wouldn't want some dude hanging around that was actually prettier than most of the women at the
Have you been hit on at bars by men? Is this your goal? It's probably awkward for the whole group when you have to explain to every horny gent you actually prefer women, and you just dress up in drag for the fun of it.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 26
view profile
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/27/2013 7:21:11 AM
People can be fickle, especially straight people.

Honestly Kevin, maybe you need to figure out who you are.. I mean the cross dressing and being straight is confusing to straight people. You need to find friends that are as confused as you are (in a good way). I don’t mean to sound mean, but seriously are you straight, bi, or gay? Are you in the closet? Do you date Bi-sexually?

A straight woman isn’t going to want a man that dresses like a woman. Just like a straight man isn’t going to want to hang out with other straight male friends that dress like women or want to date them. I mean in percentages that is… I think you need to find more friends like you.

I am straight and there is no way I would date you even though you say you are straight, and if you were my friend and I liked you as a man, and you were dressing like a woman when we went out, I would probably have to stay away from you. If we were friends from the beginning as you crossed dressed, we would still be friends, but if you started this cross dressing way into our friendship, I would start thinking confused. I’m a different type of friend though, because I would be asking you questions WHY? WHY? And WHY NOW?

Maybe these friends of yours liked you for how Kevin dresses as the male Kevin and were having a hard time with you being straight but acting/dressing like a woman. I know I would, and I am just being honest with you. Why? Because you and I are wired differently that's why.

If you want to cross dress then you need to find people who also cross dress, this way you will have understanding, friendship and people who can understand how you feel about things.

My advice to you is this, turn the page in your life. Don’t try to figure out other people, and don’t take things personally, unless they are in your face. You can’t second guess people, because each person is wired differently. If you want to confront them, go to their houses knock on the door, and if they are real friends they will talk to you about why they are acting weird towards you. If they don't answer the door, walk away and don't look back. Don't call them, don't connect with them ever again. If they are your true friends they will come around eventually.

Lastly, find friends in the cross-dressing community that will support you, and understand your needs to dress as a woman. As I already said, and as far as your friends go, real friends stay even if you don’t hear from them all the time.

Hope this helped.
Take Care,
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 27
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/27/2013 7:58:08 AM
Honestly, I think a lot of people are just addicted to the internet and they have stopped their other activities. It may not be about you at all, OP.
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 28
For some reason I seem to have lost all of my female friends.
Posted: 5/30/2013 9:09:56 PM
friends who are intimidated with you are going to leave you alone and you dont want them anyway. have you tried to mingle with people who live life the way you do?
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