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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or      Home login  
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 1forluv
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 1
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I find allot of people asking if I have money and work before they ask much else! Is that what we are here for to find someone who is wealthy or for love? I myself dont care about the money I just want happiness..I know money is helpful but not everything and it cant make you happy if your only looking for someone who is wealthy...I had a relationship with a millionaire and had no idea he was until 3 months into the relationship...he was very controlling where I even had to ask to do things like going to the bathroom, thats flippin crazy if you ask me..and even tho he was rich he still could not pay for extra cheese on a burger..Not the kinda man im looking for...I dumped him fast and never looked back!! My recent relationship just looks down on people and I hate it...I believe everyone to be equal...I just want to know what is more important im peoples minds these days..I know the economy is bad but do we want to settle for money and not so much love?
 Stubidoo
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 2
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 5:35:29 AM
I find allot of people asking if I have money and work before they ask much else!

They aren't looking for money honey... many of the guys around your age are looking for a woman who stands on her own and isn't looking to be rescued or taken care of. I know it's hard to believe but there are gold diggers out there who have the looks and nothing else.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 3
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Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 5:44:12 AM

settle for money and not so much love?


Hmmm, people who have money can also have love, they are not mutually exclusive.

I'm in my mid-fifities and I've dated men from mid 50's to mid 60's, a number of these men have confided in me that they are often approached by women for some form of financial gain, either in the context of dating (meals/weekend away, clothing) or long-term...sharing of assests etc. These men are cautious about being taken advantage of financialy.

As a woman who makes a decent living, at this stage of the game I want to meet someone that carry their weight financially. I like to travel extensively, eat in good restaurants and enjoy cultural events (concerts, plays, opera), while I have no issue with paying my own way I wouldn't be too keen at this stage of my life to cover someone elses expenses.
 1forluv
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 4
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 5:45:48 AM
Yeah I know about Gold Diggers they come in both forms men and women...I had a candy business for 15 yrs im always trying to find ways of making money and i dont believe working under someone else is the best way...I have had several of my own businesses and like to change once in awhile..
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 5
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 5:56:17 AM
I find allot of people asking if I have money and work before they ask much else! Is that what we are here for to find someone who is wealthy or for love?

maybe some people want love but only from a wealthy person. or maybe they saw your spelling & grammar and you squatting over a hotel mattress, and they only wanted to be sure you actually had enough personal income to take care of yourself.


My recent relationship just looks down on people and I hate it...

does he look down on people for not having money? well we have "controlling millionaire" versus "snob with money", and you are 0 for 2 here but at least we can see the common denominator....


and i dont believe working under someone else is the best way

i'm sure your family is relieved. mommy what does aunt ashley do for living? she's in the service industry!
 Tryns
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 6
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 5:58:08 AM
Considering stress related to financial issues is a significant cause of stress in any relationship it seems prudent to me to know if the person you're interested in is at least stable financially.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 7
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:00:02 AM
I myself dont care about the money I just want happiness.


If this is true, you should do an advanced search for men who have no income. There are many out there for you to peruse. You would certainly have a field day, because there may not be any women searching for them. You could have your pick! Go for it!


The Hotel mattress picture has to go.


Agreed. :wink:

OP - you feature yourself prominently displayed/ labeled as horsing around in a hotel room and list your profession as "Service," while proclaiming you like to change businesses frequently.
Hmmm?
Not an impression of stability. :bye:
 Cyclingforfun
Joined: 4/9/2010
Msg: 8
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:00:08 AM
The Hotel mattress picture has to go.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 9
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:09:28 AM
Oh, wow. I never get asked this question - usually I get asked what my favorite sexual position is within the first three messages. Lol
As far as strangers on the net go, I would much rather be asked about my income. But I've noticed that if one asks a man what he does for a living, he gets really irate or 'freaked out'. For me, it's just curiosity. I like to talk about what someone does with a huge part of their time. I've learned not to ask. Way too sensitive a topic.
I don't really think money OR sexual positions should matter until you've at least dated and know if you want to continue doing so. After that, it can be a valid topic of interest.
 YourBrandNewGuy
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 10
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:14:23 AM
I'm looking for love and it never means anything as to how much a woman makes or has. All of my wives ended up working for me or rather with me in my business. If someone wants to spend money on foolishness that bothers me if in a relationship, but I'll date any income bracket because I'm looking for chemistry and love and that can come with all income groups.
Then way you write and look I'd take you penniless, tomorrow.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 11
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:42:05 AM

I find allot of people asking if I have money and work before they ask much else! Is that what we are here for to find someone who is wealthy or for love?
I suspect this isn't about money but more so a means of them identifying if you are going to mooch off of them. Dating someone who is unemployed might suggest that the cost of dating is going to fall solely to one individual. It's also about self-sufficiency. May people have experienced financial set backs due to divorce and the economy. They want to know that you are in a compatible situation to themselves, aren't living in the basement of your parents home, haven't got debt collectors chasing you down, etc. It's not about milking you but more so about making sure you aren't going to milk them.

Money concerns are one of the biggest relationship killers. Legislation (depending on where you live) means co-habitation might place others on the hook for your debt, might mean you have a claim on their home, might mean they are financially responsible for any minor children you have if you live together and they contribute to your living expenses.

I think you are more materialistic then you admit. Otherwise, why mention the Millionaire BF of the past at all. Most women in that situation would just pay for the cheese on their burger themselves rather that not only remember it but use it to make a point which fell flat. Hell, most women would just buy their own burger period. Bottom line is you only dated this man for three months and didn't respect the fact that it was his money, not yours, and it wasn't his responsibility to buy you a darn thing. It certainly wasn't for you to determine how much he would spend on anything. Your hands surely are able to reach into your own pockets. Maybe he got to the financial status he did by not accommodating everyone's expectations for just a little bit more than he was offering.

As you state you believe in equal, then I imagine you are dating those who are equal in all areas including financially and so this wouldn't be an issue.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 12
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 6:56:05 AM
OP - I think it is great you tried your "true love" soliloquy out on us. However, as has been pointed out, not only does it seem to fall flat, but you also contradict yourself in several ways. While honing your next wish list for "that guy," you may want to add "Not too bright."

I wouldn't worry. There are quite a few of them to be found. Maybe you can even find them as a subset of cruel, elitist millionaires!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 13
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:03:39 AM
Why do money and a relationship have to be mutually exclusive? They are both important to people. Money problems are widely reported to be the cause of many breakups.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:05:56 AM
Perhaps this is more an issue with women than men. To most men, if she is f vickable, she's good to go. I do know some men that are actually intimidated by women that make more than they make.

What I also noticed is that the gold diggers let you know who they are right up front on their profile. They tell you that they love to travel a lot. They want a man that is successful and knows what he wants. And they are into boating, sailing, traveling and stuff like that. In their photos they are coming out of very expensive cars, or are in some very expensive boat.

Now, there are women that you see with pictures next to the Eiffel towel or in Nepal or Barcelona. Those usually are more adventurous and spiritual and tend to be not materialistic at all.

Anyway, it's not an issue to me.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 15
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 7:52:07 AM
A relationship is more important, of course.

Money becomes a problem in a relationship if both aren't on the same page about attitudes and responsibilities towards money. Things such as being controlling and looking down on people seem to be character issues, not money issues.

If you are asking if you should "settle" for less than you want, deserve or respect in trade for someone having money, that's up to you. There's tit or tat and this for that trading dynamics in most relationships, I believe. Eg, he's not the best at this, but exceeds in this.

 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 16
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:02:44 AM

The way you write and look I'd take you penniless, tomorrow.


Maybe Op's counting on this ?
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 17
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:24:24 AM
It's unfortunate that u got asked that!

But many ppl do get asked that all the time. Unfortunately I haven't! Thank goodness.

But in all honesty, relationship is more important to me than money, house or a car. As long as the man is working, that's good enough for me. Money has no value to me when it comes to a relationship. If ppl fail to see me as a person who can bring more into a relationship than worry about how big my bank balance is, well then, those are the ppl u don't need to be involved with. Money doesn't bring happiness.

As long as I have a job and can pay for my bills, that's good enough for me. I'm in for love all the way!

I rejected few guys who wanted to marry me even though they were filthy rich. Money doesn't rule my life. Whether I have any or none at all, I'm happy regardless as long as I can find a job and work.
 Tryns
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 18
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:27:42 AM
A relationship is more important, of course.


In an ideal world I would agree however we require basic things like food/shelter/clothing.....so clearly money playes some role in even facilitating a relationship. Unless of course you're hobos that ride the rails....

Point is some people don't like to think money influences your relationship and it simply isn't true. Take a look at the metric sh*tload of posts on these boards about "who pays for what" and "would you date someone who's broke" etc. etc.

I grew up food stamps and gov't cheese poor......and I've worked hard my entire life to make sure I never had to live like that as an adult. If I met someone who said that they didn't care about money I would think they are either lying or they really don't know what it is like to be poor.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 19
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:28:08 AM
I don’t see it as an either/or proposition. However, if someone is unable to support herself or himself all on their own, they are more likely to be an economic drain in the relationship. There’s no judgment attached to that; its just a factor to consider. Its sort of like buying a Land Rover or a Chevy Volt. One costs a whoooole lot more to buy and maintain. Is it worth it? Can you afford it? Is there real value to offset that?

The only problem I have with this question and calculation arises when someone starts making emotional arguments and condemns people who even dream of considering economics as unloving or immoral or lacking character. Now its fine to those same people to consider how much someone weighs, how white their teeth are, their complexion, how often someone calls them, any number of things like that, but you’re a bad person if you consider another person’s ability and inclination to financially contribute to the relationship and household. (They tend to want someone with more $, not someone with less- too.) I reject those folks outright. They don’t make sense to me at all and the relationship would not be sustainable. It seems very manipulative.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:49:08 AM
I don't care how much a person has so long as they don't cost me anything. I'll extend them the same courtesy. Usually work and money are more important to me if I had to rank it, I tend to be a workaholic and don't like dating guys who pout when I cancel a date for a gig. Of course if I find out they turned down a chance to make some money to see me my reaction would be to ask them if they're crazy so that goes both ways. Perhaps someday that will change. Who knows.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 21
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:50:55 AM
I grew up food stamps and gov't cheese poor......and I've worked hard my entire life to make sure I never had to live like that as an adult. If I met someone who said that they didn't care about money I would think they are either lying or they really don't know what it is like to be poor.


It can be wonderful and/or good for you sometimes to be poor. Basic needs need to be met, yes (food, clothes, shelter). Extra money for security that those needs will be met in a time of crises or change, yes. Supporting someone who doesn't want to do their fair share, no. Working hard to attain the extras you want, yes. That's the extent of my interest in money.

The quality and quantity of those needs is probably where some people differ.

If you grew up poor or working poor or even middle class, then you know what can't be bought with money and know certain values/empathy that those who have not 'grow up poor' do not know.

The previous post sums it up for me. I don't want to support you, I don't want you supporting me. I expect that in times of need or for the betterment of the family that will vary, but will even out in the end. The whole "gold digger" mentality and presumption is totally and utterly alien to me. As I posted once before, I can honestly say I have never heard any female emphasize that either as part of a decision to be with someone. Might be my sub-culture, but it's really over blown here on POF compared to what is real in my environment in this little part of the world in Ohio.

If I happen to fall in love with a guy who is living in some run down trailer park, it doesn't mean I'm going to be living in some run down trailer park. I'm responsible for the earning the income to support the quality of life I want, so it doesn't really matter if he makes more or less.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:00:35 AM
What's the point of this post? Why are you dating such crappy men, who stays with a guy for three months who is abusive? Are you looking for rich or are you hoping those looking for a rich women will contact you after reading this??? I don't get it.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 23
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:44:32 AM
This is simple. I am interested only in men who have a job and a car. I dont care what sort of job and car, just a job and car. I also want to always have a job and car.

I dont know why this is so hard, and why it always amounts to someone being a "gold digger" because someone wants a guy to, at the very minimum, be employed and have an independent means of transportation. I certainly expect the same of myself.
 thx4playin
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 24
Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:02:13 AM

Is that what we are here for to find someone who is wealthy or for love?

IMO people that look for love, or happiness, or one emotional state above all others are just as bad as those that look for wealth.
They all seem to be trying to find an ideal lifestyle where they tend to see other people as objects, simple means to an end of the love, happiness, or money goal, accepting that they need to provide some social payment in order to get what they want.
They are just chasing a high.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 25
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Would like to know if people think money is more important to you or a relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:09:32 AM

I had a relationship with a millionaire and had no idea he was until 3 months into the relationship...he was very controlling where I even had to ask to do things like going to the bathroom,


Did he ever say no?????
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