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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Not wanting to have kids??      Home login  
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 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 1
Not wanting to have kids??Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
At the age of 36yr i am starting to wonder if not having or wanting kids is why i am not getting many replies.
Is it fair to say that if a man does not want kids most women will usually pass him by?? Be that on a dating site and in general???
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 2
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:51:48 PM
I dunno.. men who want MORE kids scare me away.. but heck.. im 47

depends on the age of the women you are contacting.. YES>> women who are in their 30's who dont have a brood want kids usually.. Just saying..

Look at the older broads.. lol
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 3
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:53:04 PM
Not wanting nor having kids is a plus if a woman also does not want kids.

And there are a lot of us out there.

Mid thirties is when a lot of women's biological clocks start screaming so not having kids is a bonus.
Not wanting kids to a woman who can't hear anything else other than her biology will be a no.

Do not change your mind and say you want something you don't.'
That is telling fibs.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 4
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:53:33 PM
Maybe if you'd be okay with them having kids already from previous relations, do you mind that?
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 5
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:54:47 PM
Thats ok i have no intention of changing my mind on this issue
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 6
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 8:57:38 PM
I don't have a problem if they have kids from a previous relationship but its just that i am not prepared to help bring a child into this world
As i don't believe i am suited to that...I know from my sister and her husband its a lot of work indeed.
You are either cut out for it or your not.
I don't believe its fair to use a new born baby as an experiment to see if you are able to deal with the extra pressure.


From other dating sites that i have been on over the yrs nearly all the lady's profiles say YES they want kids.
So i am going against the grain!!



 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:16:22 PM
Strong and decisive statements can help. Blatant divisive ones aren't so good on their own. It drives off the middle ground prey without pushing away the babes that have only a single yearning for kids.

Its almost certainly not the problem with your situation but saying "don't want kids" at 36 is a bit of a red flag. The chances of actually having children with someone you meet on pof (and date) is kinda small - so there's no shame in keeping a strong aversion to spawning successfully as a secret, forever- --- not something to tell the urchins during grad.

Edit: and the "you're either cut for it or not" is complete nonsense. Kids are not a whole lot of hassle. Its tough to screw it up.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 8
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:32:28 PM
At 36, not wanting kids is a plus, not a minus... few weomen in your age range are hoping to start changing diapers in the next few years...
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 9
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:40:12 PM
What you are saying is true about removing a portion from the dating pool.
But whats the point in lying to them or myself just to get dates.
Whats geniune and were is the honesty.

I would prefer to be up front about it.

There are also plenty of people who have children for all the wrong reasons.
so many broken homes because of it.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 10
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 9:42:20 PM

Is it fair to say that if a man does not want kids most women will usually pass him by??

Yes, sounds reasonable. You’re 36 and don’t want children. A childless woman of your age who wants children and sees that ‘no’ on your profile will pass you by.

In real life, it takes longer before you have that conversation. If she grows attached to you and then finds out, she’ll have a more difficult decision to make.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 11
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:02:26 PM
I dare say there are plenty of single mothers out there.

And know i have not had a bad or horrible childhood .
We maybe all born with the tools to reproduce but its not law that we must all breed.

I am after someone who together 1 of us can just say e.g "Hey lets jump in the car and go up or down the coast" without really having to plan much around it all.
Going for a overseas holiday.
Doing things at short notice.
Moving house without having to upset the childs schooling and having to make new friends.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 12
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 10:10:25 PM
I disagree with jamem... some people just know instinctively that they don't want to be a parent. If it is not something you WANT you miss nothing by avoiding it.
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 13
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/9/2012 11:38:58 PM
i am single and i enjoy being single and like the freedom but if i ever get married, i don't want kids either.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 14
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:12:31 AM
I never wanted kids, either. If I was on these sites back when I wuz yer age, I'd pass by men who wanted families too.

You're doing the right thing. Be honest, be true to you. Seriously! If you find an "amazing woman" who seems perfect...except that she wants kids...well- she ain't that perfect.

Compatibility! It's everything.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 15
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History
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:34:08 AM
Your reasons are your reasons. Never explain why. That just justifies why people have the reasons to question your life choices.
I was 34 and single before I married a woman 12 years my senior with late teen sons. I did NOT want to bring up babies. When we divorced 15 years later, I got the snip.
There are LOADS of women out there that don't want children. There is even a dating site for people that don't want children. I have met a lot of women in their 40's and 50's that have not had kids and are very happy.
Of course you will meet the one or two saying you will change your mind.
I NEVER waivered. Stick to your convictions and know there are plenty that think like you.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 16
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:56:47 AM
I never wanted kids, either. If I was on these sites back when I wuz yer age, I'd pass by men who wanted families too.

You're doing the right thing. Be honest, be true to you. Seriously! If you find an "amazing woman" who seems perfect...except that she wants kids...well- she ain't that perfect.

Compatibility! It's everything.



Thats people for your support and understanding..
There must be women out there who feel the same way..
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 17
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 3:11:37 AM
I think that by not having them or not wanting won't cut your chances down. However, seeing as younger women may gravitate toward you and those, too, who are still undecided or decidedly sit on the side of wanting children, this may turn them away.

Now, this means that you can't just sit around and wait for somebody to find you; you should work harder to find somebody traveling on the same path of a child-free life as are you. There isn't anything wrong with this.
 Lowtones84
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 18
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 3:14:16 AM
I don't know man, I just don't know. I'm not really one who wants to have kids either, frankly. I feel like I have too much "relationship work" to have done before I get around to thinking about it. Doesn't mean it can't change, just doesn't mean I'll be a daddy in the next five years; it's not me.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 19
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 4:52:37 AM
Thanks SSC-SAF Id rather be truthful and risk cutting down my chancers at finding someone then to lead people on a wild goose chase that brings heartbreak and disapointment for both of us.
In the long run i don't believe anything can be gained by deceiving others and yourself.
The point im trying to make is this.
I am on here looking for a long term relationship, I am not on here looking to start a family.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 20
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 6:49:14 AM
OP, your profile isn't clear whether you don't want any biological children (and there's nothing wrong with that) or if you don't like kids. If you don't like kids period, that probably cuts down exponentially your chances of meeting a woman who also doesn't have kids and doesn't like them. If you're open to meeting a woman with children, you could say that in your profile -- that may improve your chances.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 21
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 7:45:58 AM
Yes, that is definitely turning women off, & that will make them pass you by on here & in real life.
I had my children relatively early, in my 20's, however, with women graduating from college, & getting started in their careers, the 30's is the time to marry, settle down & have children.
Why are you so set against having children? You are severly limiting your options in the dating pool.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 22
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History
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:33:55 PM
and the "you're either cut for it or not" is complete nonsense. Kids are not a whole lot of hassle. Its tough to screw it up.


LOL. What a crock.

Easy enough for a guy to say. A huge portion of the time, about 90% of the responsibility is given to the mother, what with the dealing with pregnancy and breastfeeding parts... the dad gets to come home from work and be the big goofy buddy to the kids... and stay at home dads are rare and not given near enough reverence.

I am certainly not cut out for it. I know I would be a bad parent. I don't want the responsibility that goes with it, I like my sleep and my lifestyle. Kids would just get in the way, like they do even with parents that are happy to have them. Mothers often don't want sex as much as their hormones are now for coddling the baby and their desire is gone... and can cause a lot of resentment on the man's part, even if he isn't going to say or acknowledge it. And heaven forbid a woman claim she ever even occasionally wishes she didn't have a kid for even a moment, making her a horrible mother.

Pfft. Let's be real. Sure, they can be cute, I love my niece to pieces but I am so glad I don't have my own.
I'd rather give all my affections to my man and my low-maintenance pet. With a kid, you can't just put them down and do your own thing. It can take two seconds for them to crawl from one end of the room to the other and fall down some stairs or bump their heads if you don't child proof your home, and the amount of sleep my brother and sister in law were getting was next to none.

Forget it.

EDIT:


so there's no shame in keeping a strong aversion to spawning successfully as a secret, forever- --- not something to tell the urchins during grad.


So you're saying that having kids just to pacify the partner is OK even if you never wanted them, but just keep your damn mouth shut.

No. Just no.

You must be one hell of a lazy, apathetic parent.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 23
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 1:50:05 PM
Not wanting children is of course a reason for some women to bypass you, as are 100s of other things.

But the goal being to find someone compatible, those who want children and are therefore bypassing you are not actually any loss.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 24
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 2:10:41 PM
Well it's good to know that you just want a relationship that can be about you and about her.. and I think if you know that you should also state that you don't want leftovers from her side either.. if you can't handle any of your own , I doubt you are going to be good for anyone else's kids either..
Personally I do not find men who have never had children, my type.. they are extremely self centered and just plain weird .. there is something that is gained in character and personality by someone who has done an amazing and loving job raising their kids.. I have friends that have kids that want to date men that never had any.. well they tried... and they've dated men with no strings and now after several single guys with no kids.. they agree with me .. just plain weird.. people who have kids and are great parents are just more interesting and compassionate people.. yeah I'm talking about people who are amazing parents.. not dead beats k..

You're going to have to meet someone who approaches life with your same attitude and I'm not so certain whether or not you'll appreciate a female who is that self absorbed.. anyway .. your road map is your own.. good hunting..
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 25
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 2:44:17 PM
Supplygoodguy-Personally I do not find men who have never had children, my type.. they are extremely self centered and just plain weird .. there is something that is gained in character and personality by someone who has done an amazing and loving job raising their kids.. I have friends that have kids that want to date men that never had any.. well they tried... and they've dated men with no strings and now after several single guys with no kids.. they agree with me .. just plain weird.. people who have kids and are great parents are just more interesting and compassionate people.. yeah I'm talking about people who are amazing parents.. not dead beats k..

You're going to have to meet someone who approaches life with your same attitude and I'm not so certain whether or not you'll appreciate a female who is that self absorbed.. anyway .. your road map is your own.. good hunting..

A lot of younger women have kids for all the wrong reasons.
e.g In Australia we have the baby bonus and believe me when that was issued a couple of yrs ago there were kids themselves 15-16yr old having up tp 3 -4 kids acually being paid to bring a new life into the world.
It is really now just a fashion to have babies.
So much for "Not putting a Price on a life" talk about being self absorbed!!!!.
There is plenty of that still going on with women of all different ages.
I don't want to contribute to that idea.
We are all hear to make and enjoy our own life" hopefully in a honest way" .
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