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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 1
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
In both positive and/or negative ways ... are you happier or less happy? More cautious or more careless? Less shy or more shy? More dates or less dates? More optimistic or pessimistic?
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
What has reading the POF forums done to/for your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 4:20:54 PM
Made me realize what a good thing I had right here -- so I married him!!!!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 4
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 4:32:46 PM
I've come to the conclusion that I'm actually pretty sane. Which, in fact, should scare the phuck out of whole lot of you others, and in fact, the rest of the world.

Just warnin ya.
 AstroCat505
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 5
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 4:46:11 PM
Hasn't really done anything to my online dating life for better or worse. Considering I started experimenting with online dating back when Yahoo Personals was free...(circa 1997 or so)...and I now consider myself a seasoned veteran of the online scene...(I was in it long before PoF existed). The PoF forums have however reinforced everything that I have learned on my own while being in the trenches...(ie recognizable characteristics, patterns, attitudes, actions, etc. of women)...and has enabled me to rely on my own judgements with elevated confidence...(I have learned to not to expect much from online dating)...
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 4:46:20 PM
I would say the forums improved it.
I learn alot reading comments from the ladies.
(even the mean ones.)
and my doings seem to be saner than many others.
So I don't worry so much about dating.

I just enjoy the silliness of it.
Instead of obsessing over the silliness of it.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 7
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 4:50:39 PM
I've learned a lot of what I would call good things, even from those I've disagreed with.
I've learned there are some VERY wonderful, intelligent, and vibrant people on these sites.

I had a late start to the dating scene - I was 35 when I initially started to date as I was far too busy with my career goals and moving up and down the coast every 6 months to put any man through it with me. At 35, once my career had firm footing and I lived in one place permanently, I began to look for dating, so when I started to join dating sites I started to look in on their forums. Through participating I've gained a lot of insight that to me is incredibly valuable and I appreciate how candid and willing people are to share their experiences, their thoughts (good and bad) and tolerate others (well, for the most part).
I've become a lot less shy, in certain areas a little more cautious and have looked at dating a completely different way from what I thought of it when I started. And despite a lot of pessimism one comes across (it's inevitable), I think a lot of people manage to retain their humor. To me, that is inspirational.
;)
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 8
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 5:03:44 PM
I would say it's made me, not more pessimistic, but more wary of men and the entire dating process in general. I had definitely not realized how common and expected it is for people to get naked with those they hardly know. In fact, I'd not realized how common and expected it is to KISS someone you hardly know. So I'm more wary of men and how many women they've been intimate with and how quickly they'd be wanting or expecting to be intimate with me. I do know that there are still men out there who feel the way I do about intimacy, so I don't feel more pessimistic about it; I just feel that I need to be more proactive in determining a man's feelings about the matter early on.

Likewise, I need to be more proactive in determining how a man feels about this "multi-dating" phenomenon I'd certainly not been aware of until I joined POF. I guess I was sheltered from the world and just naive or something because I thought everyone dated one at a time. Now I need to make sure to let a man know that's what I expect from both of us at the very beginning.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 9
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 5:19:24 PM
It gave me thicker skin and showed me (in general) the men's side of the story and/or perspective.
I understand men better. I may not like it but I no longer take it personal because I now understand, 90% of the time, it isn't personal.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 10
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History
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 5:53:49 PM
Mostly negative here. I now think most men hate women. Doesn't even matter what the topic is some will come in and start chirping about golddiggers/dinner whores/etc.
Before the forums I used to go on a new date kinda excited, open to meeting a new person. After reading the forums for years I cannot have a single thought without recalling a past forum dedicated to it. I feel guilty/unacceptable even before meeting because surely I have broken one of the "rules".
Reading negative (which most forums are) experiences and comments has certainly made me more pessimistic when it comes to meeting someone decent.
I don't date anymore.
 giggles_4_free
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 11
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 6:30:24 PM
Well lets see, because I took the "advice" of some of the people on here it ruined one of the better relationships I had. Everything everyone said to me about my situation made me second guess everything he said or did. When I did ask for advice the majority of people put me down and said pretty horrible stuff.
Now that I'm back I just read what is asked and answer the questions and forget all the other jerkfaces on here.

Lets face it these people are single. Their lives are as f*cked up as yours and mine are you really going to take advice from @$$holes that don't know you and you don't know?

Best advice I can give ask a friend or a coworker at least they are going to be honest and know more about who you are to answer you questions with your best intentions.
 giggles_4_free
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 12
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 6:50:15 PM
^^^I asked because I seriously thought it would help. It didn't. Lesson learned won't do it again. You don't have to be such a dbag just because you are. Your answer has nothing to do with the question so I would hope the mods will delete your remark from the thread.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 14
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 7:43:15 PM
More afeeeeeeeered. lol. I guess it can't get anyworse than some of the stuff that ends up on here though.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 15
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 8:04:59 PM
The forum has provided me a sense that I am not the only one experiencing the ups and downs of online dating. Also, has been like having a whole room of wise and yes, batsh*t crazy friends to give me cautionary warnings about over thinking stuff, trying to read others minds, the importance of clear and honest communication, how to steer clear of the strange and deranged by listening to my inner voice.

Thanks ya all!

BoS
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 8:28:41 PM

I admit it, addicted to the forums. Other people take a cigarette/coffee break during the day--I read the forums. And comment occasionally.


That's it. We are going to have to delete your comment. You are telling too much information about this place and everyone will find out how addictive this place can be.

Some of the things I learned on the forums:

1. I learned in the forums that most people are rather stupid, pessimistic and sheep.
2. I learn that as much I have beaten myself over the head in my struggles, trials, tribulations, rejections, being dumped, rejecting women, I am doing a hell of a lot better than the average joe.
3. There are so many stupid things that humans do in relationships, that you will find something here that talks about it.
4. Men want relationships, women want sex.
5. Women use the Friend card to control the stupidity of men.
6. Men use f uck and dump too much and hurt their own changes in the long term.
7. When I needed friends to understand cancer, I found them here.
8. When I needed friends to understand bipolar, I found them here.
 WS1254
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 17
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 8:29:13 PM
BOS,

Yes there are ups and downs. When I first tried on line dating had a few bad experiences. But you learn fast, your friends are correct you have to be a bit carefull, especially a woman.
I always let the woman pick the 1st place to meet, somewhere she is comfortable with and like to do say coffee or a drink. Once was stuck with someone at dinner for a couple of hours and we had nothing in common, coffee, if nothing in common drink it and leave, that works both ways as well.
Dinner is for 2nd meeting.
Picking wierdos is difficult, they rarely make it obvious.
But that Nickelback song is my motto "there has got to be someone out there for me" and if you don't look you will never find them.

A few of my thoughts.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 18
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 8:34:00 PM
How has it affected my dating? No change.

How has it affected my desire to date? Pretty much killed it.
 HaydenFan
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 20
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 9:00:54 PM
These forums have served me in many positive ways over the last year. For one, it was amazing to me that people still took bad advice from a bunch of crazy singles and has made me more steadfast and resolute about sticking to my guns about our delusional society.

Another added benefit was humbling myself since I thought I had it bad when it comes to the weirdos I've encountered dating. Just when you think you're having a bad go at it, peek the forums lol.

Lastly, I am neither social or networking and this place has reminded me time and time again that none of us is ever truly alone in this struggle and that one indispensable truth is genuinely universal.

I very much look forward to reading and discussing different points of view with my pof fish friends. I know that I'm better for it getting support and gaining insight that has helped me grow and keeping the faith that somewhere, the awesome person I'm looking for is out there.

To everyone I'd like to say this: Take it all with a grain of salt.
 supplygoodguy
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 21
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:33:39 PM
Not in the least... I've been who I am since I was about 12.. I do however think it would be marvelous if there was relationship boot camps for both sexes , not bootie camps but boot camps where people are put through a therapy session devised by relationship psychologists to create better awareness and help with personal growth for people to make better choices and to become better "relationship material" ..
Not sure if it would benefit people who don't register properly on emotional levels but it would help some to explore why they are who they are and why they behave the way they do.. It wouldn't be for everybody.. but then again, not everyone can form successful bonds of value anyway.. just for people who desire a better understanding of themselves to become better people for themselves .. as for forums changing who I am .. naddah.. but it does reinforce my desire to see a boot camp on relationship understanding .. .. maybe make it a reality TV show and take some of the people from here who believe they should be "used" and transform their poor images .. I for one would love to watch a show based women from POF who treat themselves like they are usable dish rags into women who wouldn't allow themselves to be used.. I'd like to see a few with poor self images who condone alot of bs behavior here get a mental and physical make over .. then see how they come at this site condoning all the crap they do now on these forums.. be nice to see people who via action alter their dysfunctional behavior they inflict on these forums and their lives. .
 James44P
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 22
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:07:17 PM
personally it doesn't change anything for me. Some of the people are sincere and the comments are really nice and sometimes the stories are just too bizarre to contemplate.
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 23
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/13/2012 11:09:11 PM
I fabricated a custom made stainless steel glove for my left hand complete with Kevlar lining, 87 razor sharp spikes, 3 padlocks and a small flame thrower. It must be protected.

In case you are wondering, I'm left handed.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 24
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:08:50 AM
I never realized that whoever paid for a cup of coffee on a first date could lead to World War Three !

 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 25
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/14/2012 5:26:23 AM
OP,

Maybe I'm not "leveraging" the forums properly but my dating hasn't changed one bit since I've become a forumite.

Seriously, the forums have some very intelligent and helpful members. That said, if anything the forums have helped me understand some underlying issues that I had / have to address. Examples?

Make me happy. If I'm not happy how can I be in a healthy relationship.

Nurture the relationship on a one-on-one basis (no kids, no family, just the two of us.). Sadly I am to blame for not knowing how important this was before it was too late to save my marriage.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've become very skeptical with online dating in general and use POF primarily for its Forums.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 26
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/14/2012 5:31:11 AM
Before the forums I used to go on a new date kinda excited, open to meeting a new person. After reading the forums for years I cannot have a single thought without recalling a past forum dedicated to it.


I find myself feeling the same way. I'm meeting up with an old friend today who I've always been happy and excited to see, but since finding these forums, so many of the "voices" I've come to be familiar with here play in my head. Instead of being excited, I almost dread going. I'm not looking forward to it because I know everything thing I find enjoyable about it will come with the negative or analytic thoughts.

I wish I hadn't found these forums, although that has little to do with the people here themselves, just that maybe ignorance is bliss. I can't even imagine being excited about dating 'for real', which is why I've been hanging out here ... considering if it's something I might want to do.

Having said that, I must say that I find everyone here wonderfully human. It's not that, it's just that it is, well, depressing to have people and situations stripped to pieces to be analyzed and discussed (usually condemned). I wonder what happened to a person being a whole, and wonderful person, not representative of this one part or way of thinking. Some posters feel like vultures, ready to get in there and tear to shreds the example, and the person posting the example. That part is depressing.

Maybe there should be an optimist club here of posters whose sole purpose is to present the possibility of "the other side" in every situation to counter all of this negativity.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 27
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/14/2012 6:17:11 AM
...confirmed what I already know.

Nevertheless, it's helped me to communicate this knowledge, a lot better.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
How has reading the POF forums affected your dating life?
Posted: 11/14/2012 6:47:09 AM
I would say it has affected my dating life about as much as my neighbor's choice in cat food has influenced what color shirts I buy.


You haven't? Too bad. I sneak over my neighbor's house every now and then, turn their alarm off and check their pantry for the type of cat food they have. Then open my catalog of the week and pick a shirt. You don't do that? What's wrong with you!!

Funny, Pig.

On a different note. The themes, negative or not that run through the forum are so constant that they make excellent material for a novel and the overall human condition. Something that I am already over 200 pages of it. For instance, one of my female characters was discussing how sex changes everything and this other character says without the sex all you got is a friend zone type of situation. Their whole dialogue was classic forums.
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