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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 galnxtdoor64
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 1
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what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am curious what has anyone really learned about another person solely on the first initial meet and greet/date if you all want to call it a date...?
I would like to hear what may make you decide to move forward to learn more-
and what if any red flags cause you not to ask for second date?
I would like to hear from Pof guys and ladies.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 2
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 1:42:50 PM
With the exception of the guy I'm dating right now, I learned within 5 minutes that I didn't want a second date with them for a variety of reasons -- some of them lied about smoking. Seriously? I'm an ex-smoker. I can smell a stale cig a block away. One guy told me he only had 15 minutes because he had another date lined up. And another guy smelled like dirty sweat socks. I think one was a crackhead. There are more but those are the ones that stick out in my mind.
 TAWT
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 3
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 1:49:06 PM
0. Is he a reasonable facsimile of his profile pictures.
1. Does he have the table manners of an orangutan.
2. Is he short with the wait staff/bar tender; lousy tipper.
3. Does he kvetch about his ex wife, the kids, his bad back/ED, the IRS, problems problems problems.

Last but not least:

4. Is he still at least as interesting at the end of the date as he was when we agreed to meet?

Whoa see you next time.
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 2:16:03 PM

I would like to hear what may make you decide to move forward to learn more-

initial attraction and compatibility. what other good-faith factors are there?
 Stubidoo
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 5
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 2:29:52 PM
what if any red flags cause you not to ask for second date?

Assuming she actually looked like their photos and hasn't lied about anything .... she would blow a second date if...

She didn't dress to impress (I notice nails and shoes)
She was rude, demonstrates poor manners or basic courtesy (one actually cussed at the waitress)
She reveals any negative attributes (heavy drinking, racism, etc)
She talked non stop about past relationships and/or took up man bashing.
She did not kiss me good bye.

That's a starter list....
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 2:42:21 PM
I will learn if she likes me or not.
(I have a 6th sense for that)
I already know upon meeting if I like her or not.

Beyond that....very little.

Mutual attraction is the most important thing to know...
in deciding to proceed further.

2nd dates come from that.
and nothing else.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 7
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 2:53:18 PM
For me...A first date reveals whether they were honest with their age and if they look similiar to their picture.
I pay big attention to their mannerism,how they took care to dress,do they look me in the eye or are they always looking at everything else going around us... are they puncutual....were they courteous to others..(waitress etc...)
The biggest thing...Is I need to feel that desire(attraction) to want more....then, it has to be mutual...of course!!
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 8
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what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 2:54:38 PM
All great answers, I really don't have much to add. I think we all going to have a same responses.
Course sometimes she is a good actress, so her true self doesn't come out right away.
 BoomerWithHumor
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 9
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:00:21 PM
You move forward if the hour meet and greet seemed like you've been there 5 minutes and not 4 hours. Some people click and some don't.
 xoxKissingBanditxox
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 10
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:56:56 PM
Nothing really! Don't fool yourself. EVERYONE on a first date is wearing a "mask" and is on their best behaviour. All you will be able to tell is if there is some chemistry or not. Most need chemistry to venture further- is just the way we are wired!
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 11
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 6:42:05 PM
If he's happy with a sunny disposition and seems 'normal' and is ok to look at,then i always wanted to see them again,if the feeling was mutual.

Some people you just "click with" on the first date/meet
 AsianPiscesLady
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 12
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 6:54:42 PM
You can tell if he/she is punctual.

And if they seem nervous or not.
 moonchildMN
Joined: 9/28/2012
Msg: 13
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 7:41:35 PM
I learned that he is a liar (still married, older than they stated, number of kids, etc.). When he asked me to go on a second date I said no.

Another guy drank way too much on the first meet, nice enough guy, but the drinking was a red flag to me.

I always go out on a 2nd date if there is enough initial attraction, he's nice, we had an easy, relaxed connection where it didn't seem forced.

Don't ask what makes me decide to go on a 3rd date, it never happens ( then they come back months later, but that's for a different thread)
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 14
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 8:20:49 PM
If there is some physical attraction and no obvious dealbreakers ( such as they are married, a heavy drinker, rude, racist etc ), then I would go out on another date. However many people won't want a 2nd date if there isn't instant "major fireworks" or the other person doesn't exactly match a "built up fantasy image".
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 15
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 8:30:52 PM
I've observed their behavior - are they rude or polite to me and to others (such as waitstaff, clerks at a coffee counter)? Do they look me in the eyes, and are they able to carry on a conversation? Do I have any physical "spark" for them at all? Do they seem interested in a second date, or just in sex and nothing else? Would I rather go out with them again, or stay home because my own company is better than theirs? (That's a big one...)
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 16
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 10:06:45 PM
Typically I will learn

1. If I have a strong physical attraction to this person or if I am repulsed by them - If I do I will know this almost immediately just like I will know if they smell particularily bad or good.

2. Whether what they present IRL bears any resemblance to what they have lead me to believe in thier profile and communication leading up to the 1st meet.

3. If I can I intereact with this person easily or is communicating with them like pulling teeth.

I look for eye contact body language tone and pace and inflection in thier voice.

I will learn if I want to do a second meet/first date or if that is a possibility.
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 17
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/14/2012 10:36:41 PM
All really good answers. My physical attraction radar can be deceiving-if I'm very attracted it's usually a bad match so I try and go on personality attraction. But I give both a shot :) The furthest I've fallen recently was with someone I was not attracted to physically at all, but LOVED his personality-he ended up being a liar about who he was, so I guess I'll just tell my attraction radar to shut up and give both a try.

1. Easily flowing conversation
2. Somewhat interesting topics
3. Sense of humor in some form
4. Some confidence
5. Intelligence
6. Manners with staff and me
7. Not too rigid
8. Chivalry

All in all, what you can learn depends on what you ask-but on most of my GOOD meets the conversation flows so effortlessly that I barely have time to ask questions. One thing I've learned recently is that chivalry REALLY pushes the dial in their favor-opening doors, walking me to my car, etc. From soul searching, I think it makes me respect/admire them more.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 18
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 1:09:45 AM

I am curious what has anyone really learned about another person solely on the first initial meet and greet/date if you all want to call it a date...?

I would like to hear what may make you decide to move forward to learn more-
and what if any red flags cause you not to ask for second date?


Good questions!

In one meeting for me I learn:

1. Whether or not there is any mutual physical attraction . Which can also help determine other physical traits such as:
(1.1) How do they carry themselves? (Do they walk with a swagger? have a funny gait? .. How is their posture?. . etc..)
(1.2) Other physical traits whitch cannot be determined from pictures alone (How is their hygiene? .. breath/ B.O.?, The sound of their voice - if you hadn't talked on the phone prior to meeting, other quirks, etc)



2. Whether or not we can actually hold a conversation? Which comprises of:
(2.1) Do we have common interests?
(2.2) Do we seem to enjoy each other's company?
(2.3) Does our sense of humors match?
(2.4) How do they articulate themselves in person? Their sense of intellect. Their emotional quotient (at least an initial impression)


3. Other behavior:
3.1) Manners & mannerism / Overall Demeanor



LOL! ... sounds so technical & formative!!.. but I think that's what 'First Meets' boil down to for me! ... For the dates that I moved forward with (aka: had second dates or more) they made a good impression on nearly all of the above. We had good chemistry, meaning both people had a good impression of one another and enjoyed each other's company based on the above criteria.

Red flags would be not passing any of the above or they might have some of the above but too few to gauge my interest.



 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 19
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what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 6:38:52 AM
So Abelian, what would you call divulged information that would be incompatible with what you were looking for, if not 'red flags'? Or is physical attraction all you need?
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 20
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 7:03:16 AM
Msg 20: Nice list of essentials. Maybe not complete, but it has the important ones in it. My gait is 'unique', thanks for adding to the pressure... lol
 larlie
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 21
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 7:57:28 AM
First date or first "meeting" is simply to establish whether you wish to continue communicating or not. If I can't tell IMMEDIATELY then I will DEFINITELY know within the first few minutes of a conversation whether it's a NO or YES (to continue communication).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 22
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 8:28:58 AM
The most common is physical attraction (for both genders). There's three key zone markers:
(a) Definitely Not Attracted, (b) Somewhat Attracted, and (c) Definitely Attracted.

When you have (a), the small things that lean in the negative category, when it comes to their mannerisms, personality, etc. -- are held against them as not so small. Most people don't want to consciously reject them so much, based off them not being attracted. It makes one feel they're a good person by not being so shallow, so anything even potentially negative is clearly negative. You're basically doomed from the start.

When you have (c), the small things that lean in the negative category, when it comes to their mannerisms, personality, etc -- aren't held against them. They have a lot of "running room" (football analogy). It's theirs to totally blow the game. Something really needs to stick out for them to not be worthy of a 2nd date.

When you have (b), the personality is going to be the highlight. They can win the person over for a GENUINE second date (ie not just out of boredom) by having a really great personality and what they're looking for not just down the line, but also in the moment. And whether the judgment of them leans toward (a) or (c), depends on your mood/timing/other options you have, etc.

How one looks, and how it resonates with you, shapes how you assess their persona. Their persona can stick out to override, don't get me wrong. But having a certain threshold-level of physical attraction is necessary to accept them, and the greatest persona in the world won't land a GENUINE 2nd date if they're below your threshold on looks.

Common red flags that stick out:
- Things not matching up about what they've said about themselves and how they are & what they're saying then
- Not as good looking as you wished
- Awkwardness on their part is strong; like yawning and laughter it spreads if strong enough, ruining things.
- Talk about ex's, custody issues, etc -- when you met them, and they also have preached that they're looking for a relationship
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 23
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 8:47:59 AM
Besides the "worst case" stories that you're getting for answers.... Not that much. Most people, it takes a decent amount of time to really know the other person... That's why you're not suddenly best friends with everyone you meet.

But when it comes to dating, superficial expectations tend to be the first thing you look for. Within 5 minutes you can know if you want to get someone naked, anything deeper than that, you typically will be clueless on until you see them a few more times.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 24
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 8:49:50 AM
It would take much longer than an hour to write down how much a person discloses in an hour. But I’ll say…

Their voice
Their demeanour
Their personality and character
Their dress, their walk, their sense of style, their mannerisms

Their family relationships, their work history, their hobbies and interests, their social connections, their health, their spiritual journey, their emotional health, their mental acuity, their self-esteem…

Their attitudes toward religion, sex and politics… that’s just a start.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 25
what can you learn about another person in just one meeting/date?
Posted: 11/15/2012 1:33:08 PM
^^^ Oh *doh!* I agree with Abelien on the "red flags" ... If we are talking about first meets I think they are dealbreakers and not red flags per se.

Red flags = Odd or out of whack things that scream something's not right. ... Most times at first meets what you are doing is doing an initial screening to see if there are any deal-breakers (qualities that don't jive with you) Although sometimes there are red flags upfront as well ... Not all situations are the same. ....... Generally speaking though, red flags usually won't arise until you have taken some time to know the person.

Talked to a guy on here not too long ago .. biggest red flag screaming in my face: his facebook profile says that he is married with pics of him & his wife. ... Yeap, extra-bright red flag there alright. Nuff said!
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