Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > 1st meeting      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Susieq945
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 1
view profile
History
1st meetingPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I just met a guy for the 1st time at starbucks. He suggested meeting and I told him the place. He expected me to meet him half way and I told him he had to come closer to where I live. He expected me to pay for my own coffee also since he ordered his and paid and then ask me aren't u going to get anything. I didn't stay long but he texted me awhile later saying he could hardly wait til we can cuddle. I just told him he was to cheap. Am I wrong for doing that?
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 2
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 9:51:16 PM
Who is the cheap one? In this case it sounds like neither one of you invited the other one.
He did order his own coffee and pay for it.

How much do you want to find the right person for you?
Are men and women equal?
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 3
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 9:54:11 PM
I think you were wrong to meet him knowing that you already had issue with paying for your own coffee, and in knowing that he wanted to meet halfway when that's not something that you were open to, etc. The non-compatible signs were there yet you still met him.
 Mistie3000
Joined: 9/14/2012
Msg: 4
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 9:55:56 PM
He was willing to meet you (more than) halfway and he paid for his own order. Sounds reasonable for a first meeting.
 Susieq945
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:01:09 PM
I had the issue paying for my own coffee the 1st time I met him after texting each other
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 6
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:16:02 PM

I just told him he was to cheap. Am I wrong for doing that?


Yes, you were wrong for telling him, he was cheap. That was rude.
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 7
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:17:25 PM
Let's put it like this: you sound like a modern day woman (and that's a good thing).
You are self employed, you are non-religious, you really prefer younger men.
You just aren't modern enough to want to pay for your own coffee on a meet and greet.
There will be lots of men who will overlook this though.

VV you said he suggested meeting and you told him the place...
 Susieq945
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:17:47 PM
I said he invited me
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 9
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:28:30 PM
The benefit of company should be mutual---not compensatory. For a first meet, your presence shouldn't entitle you to anything more than his does. You should have bought your own coffee.

I think you were rude for calling him "cheap". If you didn't want to see him again, fine---but you could have politely told him, "Thanks, but I don't think we're a match."
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 10
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:34:50 PM

For a first meet, your presence shouldn't entitle you to anything more than his does.

I can't imagine an example of what to put in place of "for a first meet" (for a first date, for a tenth date, for marriage)
that would change the rest of that sentence.

But I do believe that if he invited you, he should offer to pay for both of you...
going by what you wrote though, it just doesn't sound like he invited you in this case.
 Susieq945
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:41:18 PM
Actually I texted him and said my friend and daughter thought u were cheap and said I shouldn't get involved with you. Guess times have changed. I just never met any guy who expected me to pay for my own so now I know that's the way it is today
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 12
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:41:31 PM

I can't imagine an example of what to put in place of "for a first meet" (for a first date, for a tenth date, for marriage)
that would change the rest of that sentence.


The first meet is not a date. Two people are meeting to see if they WANT to date.

On dates, whomever extends the invitation should pay---whether it's the man or the woman.
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 13
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 10:56:36 PM

The first meet is not a date. Two people are meeting to see if they WANT to date.

On dates, whomever extends the invitation should pay---whether it's the man or the woman.

I know and agree with all of the above.
Not sure what it has to do with what I said, but I agree with it.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 14
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 11:11:44 PM
Guess times have changed. I just never met any guy who expected me to pay for my own so now I know that's the way it is today


Go with what works for you, with your own moral etc compass- relationship compass in this case. If you prefer to date a guy who will ask you out and pay for the date, then so be it.
I, myself, want to go on a first date, not a first meet. it has become all too accepted to do things a certain way with online dating. If I met a guy IRL I would want him to ask me out on a date and to pay for it. I like dating being old-fashioned. No different online. For gawd sake, it's (dating) one of the few things left in this world that shouldn't change IMO.
 wolftxusa1966
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 15
1st meeting
Posted: 11/15/2012 11:18:49 PM
This is exactly why I date and don't meet. I pay on the first date. My reasoning is that if I am not to her liking, she should not be out her money. If this happens to me a lot, I need to cut back and/or adjust my picker.

OP, you were right to think that he was cheap. (invitation)
You were wrong to say that he was cheap. (rudeness)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 4:14:58 AM
You should have just shot em. What a phucker. This discussion over 2 or 3 bucks is making me laugh and it's only Friday morn, and I'm not even into the whiskey.
 TD625
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 18
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 4:49:18 AM
Not only was it rude you are 67 years old and used your daughter as an excuse? Geesh it was a cup of coffee at a meeting. I guess he wasn't your prince charming after all.
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 19
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 5:00:46 AM
He's cheap? You're cheap and lazy. You wouldn't meet the guy half way. He took his time and money to meet you and you feel you were wronged. Don't you have respect for people? Although he invited you he was in your town or city so you should be entertaining him. Also you knew distance would be an issue yet you decided to waste his time and money. You could have been polite and spend some time with him. You're my mom's age yet you act someone who is in their teens.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 20
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 5:20:45 AM

OP, you were right to think that he was cheap. (invitation)
You were wrong to say that he was cheap. (rudeness)


I think this, too. ^^^
Although I wouldn't balk at paying my own way on meets, and frequently do, I still think much more highly of a man who offers to use his hard earned money to treat me.
I can see from your point of view, that if he clearly 'invited' you, then didn't offer to cover the cost of something as trivial as a cup of coffee, that you would think he was cheap and wonder if that would be a theme long-term.
BUT... he did travel further than you did to meet you...
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 21
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 5:51:29 AM
First date vs first meet. Pay vs not paying. Both subjects have been discussed ad nauseam. When meeting someone for the first time everything you see, hear and experience is used to determine chemistry. What is a deal breaker for some isn't a second thought for others. It is up to you to decide what is important. Compatibility is determined by these factors. Why didn't he pay? Only he knows. However, he felt he shouldn't and you felt he should. First impressions though often wrong are hard to overcome. You determined there wasn't a match. That happens. That didn't make you wrong. Feeling the need to insult him did. No one really wants or needs the criticisms of strangers. We all have friends and family that supply that.
 LookingforRealDeal1977
Joined: 9/22/2012
Msg: 22
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:17:33 AM
So OP, would you "cuddle" with him if he paid for your coffee?

P.S. Always remember to bring your wallet on your date.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 23
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:24:26 AM
OK, he's cheap. And you're a prima donna. You're not a match, move on...
 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 24
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:28:17 AM
hahahaha omg what world, era or timezone u live in Susieq945?

In fact the way u think must be an era of the 40's. Cuz times changed ALONG TIME AGO! If u weren't so boxed up in ur little world, perhaps u had noticed that women fought for equality and won. And with that, comes paying for ur own coffee, meeting men halfway for a date and even means sharing the same toothbrush with that guy.

Jeez. I hate women like u who think that MEN need to pay for everything.

Seriously grow the hell up.

Women ask men out for dates in this generation. Women also pay for their own coffee, not to mention sometimes pay for the guy's coffee. Also nowadays, women also, pay for the meals, call a guy up and say hi rather than expect a MAN to do everything.

The world u live in, mmmm shouldn't u be cleaning the house and having babies. Wtf u doing online? Isn't being online and trying to meet men the new era? Jeeez..

Wow, I seriously hate women with ur mentality!
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 25
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:28:30 AM
@lookingforrealdeal1977 -- good question..lol
I look at a first meet no other then I would meet them out in public, which means I order my coffee and he orders his. Why do you have those expectations on a first meet to a stranger ? If he likes you and want to go on a date - he will invite you!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 26
1st meeting
Posted: 11/16/2012 7:31:11 AM
I, myself, want to go on a first date, not a first meet. it has become all too accepted to do things a certain way with online dating. If I met a guy IRL I would want him to ask me out on a date and to pay for it. I like dating being old-fashioned. No different online.


A first meet from online is no different than meeting a man in a bar IRL, as far as I'm concerned. He walks up and starts talking to me. Would I expect him to offer to buy me a drink? NO. If he offered, I might accept, but I wouldn't expect him to offer.

On the other hand, if he asks me for my phone number and calls me up to invite me out for dinner, then yes, I think he should pay.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > 1st meeting