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 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 1
Returning the “Stuff”Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. It was his idea to end the relationship and there hadn’t been any issues in our relationship that I was aware of.

He told me he was going to mail me my things but after a month, I haven’t gotten them back. These were just clothing item, easily replaceable so I’m not going to contact him to get them back.

My question to all of you, have you ever kept your ex’s positions after a brake up? If so, why? Were you just too lazy or just didn’t care enough to make the effort to return them? Or did it somehow make you feel like you were still at some level, still connected to that person?
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:37:23 PM
I wouldn't read too much into it... it's probably on your mind so much more than it is on his...

Personally, I wouldn't want to keep anything of an exes... it's counter productive to moving on with my life.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 3
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:45:23 PM
I would never leave my "stuff" for someone else to take care of.... If my bf broke up with me I'd have my stuff packed before I left, never to look back.... If you don't take care of your "stuff" why should someone else have that responsibility?

Just saying....
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 4
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:46:49 PM
OP-

When I stated I wanted to return things that the current EX gave me...he protested and his response was ' I bought them for you and if you no longer want them toss them in the trash'. I never left anything personal at his place nor did he leave anything personal at mine. I think it made the break up easier----but my guess is that the fact your EX hasn't returned your items he may be thinking you'd contact him to ask for them back.

Course, maybe he's busy and just hasn't gotten around to it. One EX left a snare drum and a few things but he didn't want them back---in fact he said let them be a reminder of what was??? I had to chuckle at that. My most painful, yet memorable EX I lived with left behind so much crap it broke my heart every time I looked at his stuff.

He wanted his stuff back eventually and asked if I could mail it to him----to ship his sh*t was more expensive than I had imagined. He wound up coming back to my home ( he lived then out of state) and collected all of his stuff. We had long since forgiven each other and had moved on with our lives, and it was a nice way to get closure. He gave me a couple of things I still have today. That was one whirlwind romance that I shall never forget.

There could be a plethora of reasons WHY he hasn't returned your things but the only way you will truly find out is if you ask him. If the items can be replaced and you have moved on just let it go and enjoy life. I'm sure given it's only been a month your mind may be reeling----if you really need to know---ask. Sometimes, as I have learned, it's best to just let it go.

Good Luck either way.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 5
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:53:37 PM
First of all, I didn’t know my things were at his place. I thought they were misplace at my house.
Second, had I known we were breaking up, I would have looked around his place to make sure I had all of my things.
 soo-girl
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 6
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:56:30 PM
I would never leave my "stuff" for someone else to take care of.... If my bf broke up with me I'd have my stuff packed before I left, never to look back.... If you don't take care of your "stuff" why should someone else have that responsibility?


It iss quite possible they weren't at his place when the break up occurred. It is also quite possible that because she wasn't expecting it to happen, she didn't think about her things at that moment. Maybe he doesn't want her coming over to his place now and that's why he offered to mail her things to her, or maybe she feels uncomfortable about going over there and wants to avoid a scene.

There could be lots of reasons. It doesn't mean she isn't responsible.

 vancitygurl78
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 7
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 12:57:35 PM
After me and my ex broke up, he dumped me, I wanted to return all the stuff back to him but he said no that it was a gift to me and he wanted me to keep it.

So i kept it. But somewhere down the road, I couldn't bare to see some of his gifts lying around my place so I threw some stuff out. Well one stuff out. Trying to sell his laptop still and make some cash on that and when I find a nice watch Im' gonna throw away the watch he gave me to wear. Its not cool to be wearing an ex bf's watch still even though my friends tell me to wear it. Meh....Thankfully he didn't return any of the gifts I gave him. I would have no use for them anyways.

I suppose to each their own. If they wanna return the gift then so be it, if they want u to keep it then so be that.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 8
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:03:47 PM
My last gf conveniently packed up my stuff herself and gave it to me. Kept some things and owes me money. I let go of that stuff she is selfish and I don't want to be bothered....
 msemeraldeyes73
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 9
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:07:56 PM
I had an ex where we stayed at his house every weekend because he lived in another city so I kept stuff there out of convenience. (robe, pjs, etc)

We broke up over the phone because I was tired of his controlling behavior. I told him that I wanted to come get my things but he refused saying he would bring it to me.

3 weeks later he finally did and brought everything he could find including body wash, shampoo etc. It was kind of funny but I realized he was still trying to control the situation.

I say if you really don't need the things then just let it go.

BTW, my ex found something else to return 3 months later. I told him I didn't need it as I had replaced it but he insisted as a way to yet again control the situation.


Best of Luck!
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 1:36:39 PM
agree on a date in writing , when his stuff wiill available to pick up . Then its off to the dump you go!
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 11
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 2:05:50 PM
People play all kinds of games, even at our age. I don't get it.
I doubt he will mail your stuff, but you will hear from him again.
He won't have a problem playing delivery boy either. Trust me on this.

People are so freakin' weird.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 3:05:26 PM

People play all kinds of games, even at our age. I don't get it.


I agree with that, but who are you referring to? The person who does the breaking up, but still has stuff over the other person's home, or the person who hesitates to return stuff left at the ex's place? Or is it the person who b1tches and complains because they left some clothing and a toothbrush behind of little value, but feel like they were robbed at gun point if it's not immediately returned on a silver platter?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 13
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 3:14:42 PM
I went to great lengths to give back the possessions of one of my ex's--even though he had gifted them to me. And I asked some things back from him and he sent them to me--again, I had given these things to him, so they were not my possessions, per se, but I wanted them back. I had given him a lock of hair and had knitted him a sweater--things that I had bought for him didn't matter but dammit, it took me three weeks to knit the sweater. The hair is a very personal "thing."
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 14
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 3:25:43 PM

when I find a nice watch Im' gonna throw away the watch he gave me to wear. Its not cool to be wearing an ex bf's watch still even though my friends tell me to wear it.


Hm. My ex-boyfriend gave me watches, bracelets, and lots of really nice stuff I still have and jewelry I still wear. He has great taste and I love the gifts he gave me…. I’m not all tore up when I wear them or see them, and I don’t advertise to anybody that my ex-boyfriend gave them to me. Who cares? They were given to me from him with kindness and love which I appreciated then and appreciate now.

Also I never felt like torture-killing him like I did my ex-husband. HIS stuff is long long gone.

The only stuff that belonged to my ex-boyfriend that I kept were T-shirts and hoodies that are always better when they come from a boyfriend… they’re all broken in and oversized and fit so well. He was cool with me keeping them. :)
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 16
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 4:08:12 PM


People play all kinds of games, even at our age. I don't get it.



I agree with that, but who are you referring to? The person who does the breaking up, but still has stuff over the other person's home, or the person who hesitates to return stuff left at the ex's place? Or is it the person who b1tches and complains because they left some clothing and a toothbrush behind of little value, but feel like they were robbed at gun point if it's not immediately returned on a silver platter?


@ maleman, In this case, since she said if she knew they were breaking up she would have taken her stuff the last time she was there, the guy is playing games. Sounds like the breakup was over the phone or via the very mature method, "texting". This is based on the one side of the story we are hearing.

My opinion; when the new well runs dry, he'll be contacting her. That's why I said he won't have a problem playing delivery boy.

Again, people are freakin' weird
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 17
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 5:19:58 PM
every man i ever knew had a bunch of ugly sh#t, so no i can't even think of a selfish reason for hanging on. done is done. you have a week to claim it or it's going in the garbage.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 6/8/2011
Msg: 18
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 5:48:33 PM

Or did it somehow make you feel like you were still at some level, still connected to that person?


I remember the one and only time I realized I wasn't as important to someone as I thought I was. It's one of those "oh wow" moments of being naive. People find all kinds of ways to rationalize to protect their selves sometimes. I'm not saying you are doing this. I don't know what your relationship was or how long it was. It just jumped out at me.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 6:12:59 PM
Unless it is something valuable I have never gone out of my way to return anything. If the person wanted their jacket or sweater etc I am happy to return it. But if they have not contacted me to get it I would assume after 6 months or so it was not needed and give it to Goodwill.
No. I would not hold on to a man's old stuff in order to remember them in some way. I am not very sentimental about objects.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 20
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 6:24:43 PM
I never gave back the Victorias Secret clothing I gave to her....Still new, never been worn......I AM KIDDING!!!!....OP, you sound like you think he has a motive in not giving back whatever is at his house, that you are hoping he wants you back...That is how I read that thread.....Move on
 c0ffeemate
Joined: 7/23/2010
Msg: 21
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 7:28:03 PM
I not only returned his belongings, but also the two things he'd gotten me for christmas the year before, the one card he'd given me and made sure I kept absolutely nothing. I didn't want it. I told him it would be in a bag on the front porch and he had 3 days to get it before I tossed it all.

done is done.

As it should be.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 8:15:12 PM
I don't leave any of my "stuff" at a woman's place. Problem solved.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 23
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/17/2012 9:41:03 PM
Clayart
People are so freakin' weird.


Agreed..weird as in children are weird. These are adults?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 12:24:39 AM

I don't leave any of my "stuff" at a woman's place. Problem solved.


Ditto, and unless we're living together the only "stuff" she should be leaving at my place is maybe a toothbrush, which probably doesn't have a lot of emotional value. Best not to get in the habit of leaving "valued" items (or emotionally important) at people's homes unless you are living together. Toothbrush, deodorant, razor/shave-cream maybe... things one could replace easily. My guitar? That's not getting 'left' anywhere.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 25
Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 12:33:36 AM
It's anyone's guess as to why he didn't mail you your things; just don't dwell on it. You stated that those things are replaceable so is he.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 26
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Returning the “Stuff”
Posted: 11/18/2012 2:10:33 AM
Why leave without your stuff is my question?

Go get it if you want it and be done.
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