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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > LTR Potential with "Double High Risk" Professionals      Home login  
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 Ready_Real
Joined: 10/30/2012
Msg: 1
LTR Potential with "Double High Risk" ProfessionalsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Given: based upon our own single and seeking experiences during middle age, the vast majority of us in this 45+ forum sooner or later come to this conclusion: it's just not as simple or easy to find an LTR for a number of very real and sometimes complex reasons including distance and increased health challenges to name two big ones. In addition to the health and distance challenges that arise with age, there also have been studies conducted which conclude that some occupations and/or whether/not one is retired also represent significant risk factors in maintaining an LTR , specifically including law enforcement professionals, psychiatrists, and dentists.

Any thoughts/experiences to share which illustrate, validate, or discredit the "occupational hazard/s" of dating/ having an LTR with the above or any other occupations?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 4:32:22 PM
it's just not as simple or easy to find an LTR for a number of very real and sometimes complex reasons including distance and increased health challenges to name two big ones. In addition to the health and distance challenges that arise with age, there also have been studies conducted which conclude that some occupations and/or whether/not one is retired also represent significant risk factors in maintaining an LTR , specifically including law enforcement professionals, psychiatrists, and dentists.

Blame it on the Boss a Nova?

Always has been the Second Greatest Challenge in Life: Finding and Maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship,
since success requires SHARING about 50% power/control/compromises with another imperfect human being like yourself...

Yes some personalities in certain occupations may have a harder time relaxing, letting go of the dominance role and sharing that power/control with someone else ( a "civilian" who they think may not get it ).

For some perspective, maybe think back to your own experiences with trying to make a relationship last.. What were your feelings when the other party disagreed strongly with you about various things?
Were you ready to walk, or was there any willingness to compromise by either party?

Many professionals may NOT be used to having to compromise or defer to anyone...
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 3
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 5:01:08 PM
Many professionals may NOT be used to having to compromise or defer to anyone...

^^^ good point, tall. true in my case. strike 1.
big city east coast gal in a state full of midwestern hicks. strike 2.
last but not least.... i have zero interest in mothering a grown man. strike 3.
i'm toast.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 4
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 5:02:02 PM
I dated a psychiatrist for three months (or, I should say, he had a doctorate but hadn't taken his boards). I also had three or four dates with a dentist. I would be hard pressed to date either profession again, but I would judge based on the person. The psychiatrist was just messed up and the dentist was a pompous, vain man who far overestimated his appeal.

I worked at a sheriff's office for about six/eight weeks-- that's all I could handle. I don't think that I could date a cop, either.

I have had one-time dates with an MD and another (practicing) psychiatrist--being a doctor doesn't mean that men are not delusional about their height and weight.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 5
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 9:00:38 PM
I'd never heard the dentist thing, but I could see the law enforcement one - I could see where they and psychologists/psychiatrists might be prone to seeing the worst in people. I don't have any dating experience with either of them though. I have found I seem to take well to nurses - and not so well with teachers. The nurses thing probably isn't a shock, but the teacher thing surprised me - but I have met several that had what I'd call "maturity issues".
 littleflower57
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 6
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 9:20:31 PM
Only thing I have heard about dentists is that they have a high suicide rate as compared to other professions.

That would be a LTR buzz killer, for sure.
 hamster1946
Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 7
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/21/2012 10:51:16 PM
This is from the National Center for Health Care Statistics:
====================================================================
Some larger studies in the last few years provide at least some thought-provoking questions about connections between jobs and suicide. For example, in 1997, NIOSH and other government agencies analyzed 1980-84 death certificates by all occupations and causes of death, and found statistically significant elevated rates of suicide for:

White male physicians.
Black male guards (including supervisors, crossing guards, police, protective service occupations, but not correctional institution occupations).
White female painters, sculptors, craft-artists and artist printmakers.

In another study, a sociology researcher at the University of California, Riverside, Augustine Kposowa, PhD, looked at records over nine years for about half a million people of whom 545 committed suicide. After controlling for such variables as age, income, race, marital status and region of residence, he found that only laborers and the unemployed had significantly higher risks.

On the other hand, he found "dramatic" differences for suicide among the industries where people work. At highest risk were those in mining, business and repair services, wholesale and retail trade and construction.

In the end, say some researchers, occupation may not be much of a factor in suicide. Psychologists have long documented that among the top predictors for suicide are diagnosable mental disorder, co-morbid substance use, loss of social support and availability and access to a firearm.
======================================================================
So, basically, watch out for people who are laborers, miners, construction workers, people who fix your car, the guy who waits on you at a store, and the unemployed who are crazy, are susbstance abusers, and have guns. That's as a good a criteria as any when it comes to suicide.
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 8
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 5:15:22 AM

I'd never heard the dentist thing, but I could see the law enforcement one - I could see where they and psychologists/psychiatrists might be prone to seeing the worst in people. I don't have any dating experience with either of them though. I have found I seem to take well to nurses - and not so well with teachers. The nurses thing probably isn't a shock, but the teacher thing surprised me - but I have met several that had what I'd call "maturity issues".


Agree my older son is in law enforcement and I was concerned about him seeing so much bad in people.. However he has the marriage everyone dreams of.. It is going on 11 years now and he says things could not be better.. However they do not have any children and travel a lot in their off time..

As for dentists had one living with his wife in our condo building and they were married until he passed away.. They also had a wonderful relationship.. She just recently remarried 5 years after he passed..

namaste
funnershine
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 9
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 5:28:56 AM
I could see failing health at any age as a factor, to make someone reconsider..or unemployment, those two things would be a setback in dating..
As for the rest retired, not a problem, why? Most ppl in those professions are retiring or retired in later years.
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 10
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 7:35:30 AM
I dated a psychiatrist for a while. She seemed normal enough. She had been single quite a while when I knew her and she is still single. At the time I dated her she had pretty much only dated fellow physicians some of whom she confided to me she found weird.

The male dentists I know get a little depressed because few patients are happy to see them due to the pain/anxiety they have about having their teeth drilled. They also experience some social issues. They get comments about how much money they make, etc. Thirty years ago I heard the rate of suicide among dentists is relatively high.

I travel frequently for business and most of the women with whom I have been in LTRs were a little unhappy about that, even though I took them with me from time to time when they could get away. I know a few multi-divorced airline pilots.

In my opinion the older we get the more fixed in our ways we become and it becomes increasingly difficult to find a "good fit".
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 11
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:12:18 AM
For the life of me, I can't understand how people who appear to otherwise be intelligent would judge everyone in a profession based on having dated one or two members of it.

I can understand wanting to avoid being in a relationship with someone constantly in peril. What I don't get is the assumption that everyone in a given profession has the same personality.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 12
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 6:34:22 PM

YourMove
I have found I seem to take well to nurses - and not so well with teachers. The nurses thing probably isn't a shock, but the teacher thing surprised me- but I have met several that had what I'd call "maturity issues".

Interesting, I have had exactly the same experiences. I get along great with nurses, and very poorly with teachers. With teachers, it doesn’t seem to be so much “maturity issues” as it is religion and politics.

I had one fairly long term relationship with a doctor, a GP. I really liked her, and wish she were still in my life.

But the absolute worst, in my limited experience, is lawyers.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 13
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 7:10:54 PM

For the life of me, I can't understand how people who appear to otherwise be intelligent would judge everyone in a profession based on having dated one or two members of it.

I can understand wanting to avoid being in a relationship with someone constantly in peril. What I don't get is the assumption that everyone in a given profession has the same personality.


Amen--seriously stop with the judging-- cause that is all it is ...nope you arent better than someone else...we are all the same----why not post about what occupations are the best to date or what makes people happy.
 Your_Move
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 14
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:21:46 PM

For the life of me, I can't understand how people who appear to otherwise be intelligent would judge everyone in a profession based on having dated one or two members of it..


Hmmm....Is "excessive fear of being judged" another of those "red flags"? Saying they've had less-than-good luck with teachers isn't an indictment of all teachers, any more than saying they've had good luck with people in the medical profession is a blessing of all of those. It IS possible, though, that different professions tend to draw certain kinds of people, or even have different impacts on their workers over time.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/23/2012 6:09:04 PM

For the life of me, I can't understand how people who appear to otherwise be intelligent would judge everyone in a profession based on having dated one or two members of it.


When I said to the psychiatrist whom I dated, "I think that people go into psychology to find out what is wrong with them in an attempt to fix it," he said, "Yes, what is your point?" I repeated this to the other psychiatrist with whom I had one date; he replied, "I went into therapy at age five, does that tell you anything?" Of course one should not judge ALL people in a profession by the personalities of a few, but certain people are attracted to certain professions for a reason, eh? Believe it or not, some people don't want to date teachers because they think that we always need to be right. Others don't want to date English teachers because they say we talk and write too much and use big words.

Go figure.


With teachers, it doesn’t seem to be so much “maturity issues” as it is religion and politics.


I know A LOT of teachers, and we have widely varying religious and political ideology--but perhaps you mean that teachers just like to discuss these two issues regardless of their leanings. On the other hand, maybe you have a problem with authority figures; did you often get into trouble in school?


It IS possible, though, that different professions tend to draw certain kinds of people, or even have different impacts on their workers over time.


It IS possible!
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 16
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/23/2012 7:39:27 PM
try dating a gynocologist...
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 17
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:20:03 AM
Any job/career that someone dreads going to would be high risk as far as a happy relationship imo.

I am not particularly fond of any personality that gravitates to an extreme position of power that needs little training/education that use guns/weapons of any kind.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 18
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:37:05 AM
I have friends who have been married to,or dated lawyers, and they did not say good things about them -- even the ones who were lawyers themselves. I would imagine that lawyers are "always trying their cases", and can be somewhat "argumentative".....but I have no experience to show that is true.

I've also been told that clergy are "controlling and judgemental" -- I have no experience in that area, either.

I have worked in the political arena for over half of my working life, but I don't think I would ever date an elected official -- I know too much about how they operate!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 19
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:43:22 AM


With teachers, it doesn’t seem to be so much “maturity issues” as it is religion and politics.



I know A LOT of teachers, and we have widely varying religious and political ideology--but perhaps you mean that teachers just like to discuss these two issues regardless of their leanings.

First, I need to clarify something. I have the habit of saying “teachers” when I mean “K through 12” teachers. If I mean college level, then I will use different terminology. My fault for not being clearer in my meaning. I suppose an English teacher would whack me for that (smile).

I have this theory that public school teachers (K through 12) have to be religious and conservative, in order to hold a job in the public schools. Whereas at the college level, you tend to get a really diverse group of people. This could be just my perception, and not have any basis in reality. Well, other than my reality, of course. My reality is based on the K through 12 teachers that I have met through dating sites in the last 3 years.



On the other hand, maybe you have a problem with authority figures; did you often get into trouble in school?

Yes and no. Long story on that. Not suited for this thread.

 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 20
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:54:23 AM
The psychiatrist I dated started out as an anesthesiologist. She told me she found she was "good with the chemicals".

I cannot recall dating a single school teacher although I dated a school speech therapist, a wonderful lady. I have dated several college professors and college administrators. As an attorney, I have dated several female attorneys. They varied in personality greatly. A male physician friend of mine dated a very good looking female judge for a while. He had nothing good to say about her after they broke up.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 21
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LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 10:06:02 AM
Professional training tends to flow over into daily life. Teachers will try to teach you, cops will try to control you, shrinks will try to analyze you and help you, etc....

If you don't mind being reformed in various ways, there should not be a problem with an LTR....
 CDMer
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 22
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 12:27:23 PM

If you don't mind being reformed in various ways, there should not be a problem with an LTR....


Then I want to date a sexologist!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 23
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 2:10:56 PM

First, I need to clarify something. I have the habit of saying “teachers” when I mean “K through 12” teachers. If I mean college level, then I will use different terminology. My fault for not being clearer in my meaning. I suppose an English teacher would whack me for that (smile).


It still depends on the part of the country in which one lives. I was a sub in public schools in California for seven years--I knew A LOT of teachers. Many of them were very liberal.


Professional training tends to flow over into daily life. Teachers will try to teach you, cops will try to control you, shrinks will try to analyze you and help you, etc....


I have a friend who teaches psychology--an oft repeated phrase of hers is, "And how do you feel about that?"

I try not to teach people, but I know it doesn't always work. I have had quite a few men on dating site and in real life say, "I would like for you to teach me a thing or two." Uh-huh. Also, when I have told some that we had nothing in common, they said, "You can teach me about the subjects that are important to you." I get paid to teach.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 24
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 2:16:03 PM

I have had quite a few men on dating site and in real life say, "I would like for you to teach me a thing or two."


I have had a few men tell me that as well :P
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 25
LTR Potential with Double High Risk Professionals
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:39:49 PM
Interesting, I have had a few women ask me the same thing:p
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