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 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 1
Waiting until 55 to datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hello, has anyone else decided to wait until a certain age to date? I have only been a few dates since my seperation a few years ago but I am thinking about giving up completely for a few more years. My youngest is still at home (he is 12) and has ADHD, he is a very bright funny kid, but has alot of trouble focusing and being organized at school. Also some minor behavior problems, (the principal did tell me that he is NOT known as a problem child) I have been to the doctor, am constantly communicating with his teachers, reading on the internet about ADHD and I made an appointment with an ADHD specialist in December. Well let's just say, he takes up alot of my time :).

I myself, I started working out and eating better in June (lost 40 pounds) I am in College (part-time) So I guess, my question is ...... I'm worried that at 55, I will be so out of the dating mode, and that I will be alone forever and forever undatable. (I'm 49 now but I picked 6 years from now because that is the age I will be when my son is almost 18)

Has anyone else on here just started dating after many years of being single because the were busy with family or other obligations first, how is it going now that you want to date? Also is it just me or does it seem that women are the ones who mostly take on the brunt of having to put off dating due to other responsibilities? My ex, always seems to have a new GF lol

Would appreciate any input :) Ok- I gotta go get that turkey in the oven lol
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 2
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 6:37:16 AM
Good for you for putting priorities in your life.
It will make things easier for you.
As for the ex already having a girlfriend ... that's pretty common.
As soon as my ex-husband was out of the house, he was right with someone else.
That one didn't work ... so now he's with another.
Is he happy.
Hell NO.
He calls here and cries.
Says that he's lonely and needs to be with someone.
Sad way to be.
You're doing it right.
Keep up the good work!

As for your son having ADHD, that is a very common thing.
My daughter is ADHD, and my son is ADD.
Makes life interesting, and very exciting!

Great website for info (and even to purchase their magazine) is www.additudemag.com
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 3
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 6:44:49 AM
@u make it entertaining

Thanks for the kind words. I have always enjoyed reading your posts. Did you also put off dating? For how long? How is it going now? :)

(also my Mom never dated after the age of 48, she is now 76, so I guess it worries me, like mother like daughter)
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 4
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 6:48:01 AM
men have family too..
..some people need to take a breath, others move ahead faster..
I found it difficult to balance school, dating and family as well as work..
I never think in terms of limits (travel is still a dream, just closer plcs right now) and I am selective
you will find what works for you!
 realwoman43
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 5
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:04:57 AM
There are some men that consider waiting a while before they date because they take on the responsibility of their children.
I've seen some men post on forums. However, it depends on what you have going on in your life, you mentioned your son with ADHD, so I would wait a while till you get more of an understanding and he's a little older.

However with me, because My children are getting older, two graduated and for the fact that their father is in their lives and takes care of them on a every other week basis, I will date when the right guy comes along. I have dated and had a relationship and it worked out fine.
 realwoman43
Joined: 9/16/2012
Msg: 6
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:07:12 AM
....but as some have said....whatever works for you. Not everyone can go by everyone else's experience because everyone has different situations going on in their life.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 7
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:26:44 AM
Dating has not been a priority for me, also b/c I have felt my kids need me to be focused and available during the transition time after our divorce. I was also in the process of taking my career in a different direction, and so I had other things on my plate.

I've had some dates, although I have not met someone who has tempted me to shift my priorities in the least. I cannot say whether this is b/c I have felt "pre-occupied," or just a lack of attraction between us. I do know that I have not pursued any connection to people who interest me but live beyond my immediate area--I just do not have the time or energy right now even to consider that.

I'm not worried about whether or not this is changing my prospects. This is where I am in life, and I'm pretty happy. I'll be happy no matter what, b/c I choose to be. That's how I see it. Figure out what will work for you, and go with it. Don't worry about what you cannot predict.

Good luck.
 GenJayne
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 8
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 8:45:22 AM
I have put off dating for the past year. I haven't had a date since January. I had a bad break up and soon after I found out my daughter has cancer. It's just not a practical time for me to be dating or to put dating as a priority. I like it here for the forums and I like to chat to guys here and there but I know the timing is not right for a relationship. I'm 55 and I get a lot of attention when I want it. Dating or finding men to date would not be a challenge. I just know it's not the right time yet. Consider that a blessing.
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 9
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 9:44:41 AM
Firstly, congratulations on the weight loss.

Secondly, your child is your first priority, especially since he has special needs.

Thirdly, when you are ready to date, you will. I wouldn't put a time stamp on it if I were you.
 ladyofthewoods12
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 10
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 11:54:23 AM
I am 48 and recently went through a divorce. I also have two children, 11 and 14. I have gone on some dates, but like someone said here no one that would cause me to change my priorities..... It is hard because I worry that by the time my kids are on their own, doing their own thing I'll be left behind and alone because of my age. I really hear that clock ticking.

I can't say that I'm "waiting" to date. But it is very difficult between my jobs and my kids to find time for someone. I can't seem to find anyone nearby as I live two hours from anywhere. I understand where you're coming from.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 11
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 12:39:10 PM
OP ...


Did you also put off dating?

I had put it off for about 2 years, and then my daughter put me on POF.
The kids told me to get a life and stop hanging out in my office all day.
Now mind you, I was just starting my business, so that and taking care of my son were my main priority.
I put off getting a divorce until my son turned 18.
My thought was keep it simple.
Why go through all the hassle of lawyers and paperwork, when it becomes more simple to divorce when the kids are all adults.

Did I date after I was put on POF.
First date was amazing, as he took me to a wonderful gala, and even picked me up in a limo.
But I wasn't ready.
The kids told me that I had to date for a year, in order to understand what I really wanted in a man.
They echoed my words.
And it made sense.

After a year I dated someone for 5 months.
But again ... it was not the right fit.
We have remained good friends, and that is enough for me.


How is it going now? :)

No man in my life, as my priorities have changed again.
I want to travel back and forth between the States and Canada, so I can spend half my time with my grandchildren.
If a man was in the equation ... he would have to accept that.
So it would take a very special man.
Will I find him on here?
I doubt it.
I think I would do far better with someone I have known for a while.

I don't feel lonely, and I don't NEED someone to be with.
I totally enjoy my own company, my family, my friends and how life has blessed me.
If one day a man does present himself ... maybe.
I'll give it more thought when that happens.

I have realized that during all this my thought processes have changed.
I know I will never again be attracted to the men I was attracted to before.
So if and when a man does present himself, things will be soooo different.

So yea ... I say take your time.
Life gives you knowledge as you learn.
Best of luck!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 12
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 12:46:49 PM
I am 51 and haven't dated since late 2008 after I broke off a 2 yr relationship. I've been busy with work and my personal life, to be honest.

I don't 'need' a man in my life. I am quite content with my life and enjoy my own company. It would be nice, though, to enjoy male company now and again, but I want my own space and he must want his.

My great grandmother married once, never married again. Same with my granny and mum. I was married once and wonder if I am destined their journey, too! lol!
 funnershine
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 13
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 2:26:09 PM

Has anyone else on here just started dating after many years of being single because the were busy with family or other obligations first, how is it going now that you want to date? Also is it just me or does it seem that women are the ones who mostly take on the brunt of having to put off dating due to other responsibilities?


Yes I waited close to 15 years to start dating again.. I was 54 at the time and had loads of dates.. There were a couple of them that I actually considered taking it up a notch or two with.. however eventually really fell for one and we had a relationship for 2 years.. You should have no problem at all waiting..
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 14
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 3:04:08 PM
A couple yrs after my divorce, I met a guy, he moved in with me right away, That was a big mistake, anyway that lasted for 7 yrs. After that I figured out the best thing to do was focus on my kids.
I been single for somewhere around 17yrs now. I have been on date. Nothing clicked!!
I would like to find someone, But, life would go on, if I dont!!!
Wish you the best!!!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 15
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 10:35:58 PM
OP. there arent rights or wrongs--your ex is doing what is right for him--you need to figure out what is right for you and do it--dont not date cause of your child it will make you angry and resentful in the future.

People who have similar life circumstances tend to be good together, there is a thread on here by a guy asking about being a single father and a ton of women ****ed him out for daring to suggest after they paid their dues as mom that someone else ask them to take on any type of parenting role---so just having a child at your age still in your home could be an issue.

Rather than focus on what doesnt work spend the time and energy focusing on what makes you happy, what your goals are what you want out of life and if having someone else is important then give it the importance in your life it deserves. Find someone who you can make it worth with--might not be easy but so much better than looking back at 55 and wondering if you lost out (no you wouldnt have imho) but just imagine if you find the right person now that is 6 more years you will get to be with them.
 barra62
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 16
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 10:39:40 PM
Don't wait too long hon .. 6 people I knew have died in the last 3 months ......3 of them without warning .

Better hurry up , the clock is ticking ....lol
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 17
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/22/2012 11:33:00 PM
Good idea!
Think of all the senior discounts you'll get!
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 18
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/23/2012 9:43:05 PM
Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. :)
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:43:31 AM
I married young, and stayed married for 21 years. I've been divorced since 1994. In that time frame, I've had two long term relationships. I am now 59, heading on a rocket toward 60. I would positively, absolutely like to date and be involved in a MONOGAMOUS relationship, but that doesn't seem to be what men want these days. And I won't be used for "sex only." I realize that I may have a "short" or even "expired" shelf life because of my age, but I won't just be with any old man for the sake of being with any old man. So if that means singlehood for the rest of my days, then so be it.
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 20
"heading on a rocket towards 60"..
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:50:53 AM
you will find love again..
ppl get married here..ppl with money and those with not..with kids and those with not..it happens..beautiful ppl and those that are not..because somebody loves them..and thinks they're hot..omg..its going to happen to you..a monogamous relationship..faster than a lottery ticket..better than a dream........
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:12:21 AM
Looks like guys are avoiding this subject like the plague. I for one would never look at a point in time but more like a feeling. Somehow the word "date" has some special meaning which leads to useless waiting. I say don't call it a "date," call it something else less frightening as the word date means it's some sort of commitment. For me "just going out" works, you can throw in with a friend (s) or whatever works for you, just don't call it a date because that sure does not.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 22
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:34:06 AM
Hi OP, I raised 2 special needs kids who r now adults & not a factor anymore...maybe u can have ur ad reflect "dating" 4 now....& just meet men 4 coffee if they seem decent, that way u r not writing urself off yet not wasting time searching 4 the Holy Grail of Relationships! ???
 urgal2416
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 23
Waiting until 55 to date
Posted: 11/24/2012 12:01:06 PM
I really like the idea about just going out for "meets" I guess I was just worried about not being able to give it my "all" in a relationship which I feel is not fair to a man. Plus I like to date men 50 and older and most of their children have flown the coop lol. Whereas me I still have the one I lovingly call my "one for the road" at home lol
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 24
" men 50 and older and most of their children have flown the coop .."
Posted: 11/24/2012 12:18:20 PM
I still have children at home, older children, like you.. believe it or not, we are not unique in that fact, there are women and men in our age group that still have children (in the nest). ..
I love having my children still at home, they keep me young! I had this preconception to find another single parent..but, love has its own voice..and consequently its own way of finding you.
(in other words, no matter what you want to find out there, you might find it
in someone you least expected to!)
LOL~you can find someone much more selectively,(with your child in mind) this way..just the right fit for all of you..respectfully, wait if you want..just saying~people in all circumstance find love; its inevitable!
 sassyscorpiochick
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 25
men 50 and older and most of their children have flown the coop ..
Posted: 11/24/2012 2:17:57 PM
When my kids were younger, I didn't exactly take care of myself. After they were grown and gone, I had more money to spend
on myself on nice clothes, make up , hair styling, etc and men began to notice.

That was when I made my profile here, and started dating. I met a lot of guys through this site, and had a couple relationships
before I met the man who I am living with now.

If you feel ready to date, it's time to start looking!
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