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 jmf0373
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 1
help me understand himPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
OK I've started a new friendship/relationship with a guy I met online and so far we have been texting back an forth for a couple of months.we have met face to face 1x due to his work schedule, and the fact that he lives a hour away. we started out with several text a hour, now I'm lucky if I get 1 a day and the subject of the text are so empty and no feelings implied like they were before. however every once in a while he sends me a text w/ a string of xo's across my screen. when I receive those messages I believe he wants a relationship but then the next message is barely 2 words to me. I've told him that I don't want to push him into something he's not ready for due to his past relationships have been so fast they burned out barely before they got started, but the mixed signals I'm getting are very confusing. I admit I sent him a text in error when it was intended for a family member saying "I Love you" , an almost as soon as that was sent he replied with almost 3 lines of xo's.

my question is am I crazy to feel as I'm getting mixed signals or is it my insecurities that are bringing out my doubts of the validity of his feelings for me? I've tried talking to him about this and he never answers my questions.
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 2
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:14:54 AM
If it starts out bad it isn't going to get any better. Block him from your phone cut all ties and move on!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:17:24 AM
met once but lots of texting... he has been hurt so you have to watch it.... pffft... what a loser. Not to mention he lives so far... why are you wasting your time? He is not dateable...

texting and seeing x's and o's means nothing. You are reading far too much into what little he offers... I'd blow him off and quick.. find someone emotionally ready for a relationship, wh lives closer, who actually sees you and takes you out so a relationship that is decent can may be happen.

What you have is nothing so who cares what he thinks? Take care of YOU and look for someone you can date and see... not this joke of a situation.
 HeelsR4Ladies
Joined: 11/2/2012
Msg: 4
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help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:19:22 AM
Time to throw this one back.
 toightpants
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 5
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:25:09 AM

am I crazy to feel as I'm getting mixed signals

Yes and no.
You are crazy to feel as though you are getting genuine natural signals rather than those sent to get a specific reaction from you, while those that would get a genuine natural reaction and offer relevant information are hidden.


is it my insecurities that are bringing out my doubts

I'd say your insecurities are probably keeping you in a sham "relationship" based on texting.


validity of his feelings for me?

He has no feelings for you. Only the idea of what you represent to him in his head.
Unless you think your entire existence and reality can be summed up in text messages and one meeting.


I've tried talking to him about this and he never answers my questions.

That's why you get into actual relationships with real live interactive people rather than with your phone or computer.
When you ask questions of real live people they answer. Either vocally, with behavior, or both.
You are getting a blank wall and your questions are being ignored, and then he's coming back.
That's just controlling you.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 6
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help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 9:25:41 AM
*sigh*
Lord give me strength.
You met "once" in two months and your only communications has been texting. At first it was a lot and now, two months later, not so much.

I understand him perfectly, it's you I don't understand. The guy is bored and lost interest.
How can you call 2 months and one meeting a relationship? An hour away? Big friggin deal. My GF is an hour away, she's a nurse, working all types of crazy shifts and I see her most weekends or mid-week when she's off. There is no way I would go more than a week without seeing her.

Get off the texting train, call him and make the effort to see him even if it's just a dinner, IF you are serious about getting together.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 7
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 10:43:03 AM
I think, sometimes, some of us become so used to trying to find someone compatible with us that when we think we finally have, we sort of latch on - trying to make it work - accepting things that we know we wouldn't have otherwise.

Here you are, questioning yourself and his intentions having only seen each other once - using texting as a means of keeping 'together' somehow. You've become willing to accept that you have an instant message relationship and have settled with that in the hopes of something better. One of you needs to pull your pants up and make a decision as to how to either make it happen in person or let each other move on. It doesn't appear that it will be him.

To be honest, if it were me, I would call (or text since this has become the sole means of your communication) this:
"I've enjoyed meeting you, and the texting has been interesting. Personally, I don't feel a connection growing, so I'd like to wish you well.
If you ever decide to meet again in person, please let me know.
All the best"

To be honest, an hour away is nothing. I'm almost wondering if he's married.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 8
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 11:25:51 AM
Hi OP,the first thing you need to do is admit to yourself that you are NOT in a relationship!

Any man that is intersted in a woman will find a way to meet her, as another post stated at LEAST once a week.

An hour away is NO excuse, working long hours is not even an acceptable reason in all but the most extreme cases, if he wants to see you, he WILL find a way to see you!

Assuming he has not TRIED to set up times to meet, he is NOT interested in having a relationship with you.

Do yourself a big favor, do NOT try to "reconsile" and get him to be what you want him to be, it will lead you DIRECTLY into heartache.

Stop all communications immidiately, move on, and find a man that IS interested in having a REAL relationship with you.

Best wishes

OFMM
 rememberfubu
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 9
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 11:45:56 AM
You are not in a relationship...

You are 40 years old, stop texting...

As a man, this I know, I would move heaven and earth to be woman that I want to be with. A bunch of X's and O's don't mean shit, we are adults, we speak with our words, more importantly actions.

You live in New York, you can go outside and trip over a better man than this...
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 10
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 11:55:03 AM

laskoboo
met once but lots of texting... he has been hurt so you have to watch it.... pffft... what a loser. Not to mention he lives so far... why are you wasting your time? He is not dateable...

texting and seeing x's and o's means nothing. You are reading far too much into what little he offers... I'd blow him off and quick.. find someone emotionally ready for a relationship, wh lives closer, who actually sees you and takes you out so a relationship that is decent can may be happen.

What you have is nothing so who cares what he thinks? Take care of YOU and look for someone you can date and see... not this joke of a situation.


^^^exactly everything they just said an then some!! next time he sends you the xoxoxo tell him to kiss your a ss..
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 12:01:25 PM
An hour? It takes me that long to drive across town, if he wanted to see you, he would, he doesn't. He's lost whatever interest he had and is either trying to keep you kind of happy with a few xoxos or he's wanting to make sure you are available if he ever happens to drive your way again. This is not a relationship and it's not a friendship, it's you wishing & hoping for something that he's not giving and isn't going to be giving. He doesn't have anything to say to you, and he's not sure how to get rid of you, so he slaps out some Xs & Os and talks to the women online that he's still interested in. Pick up your dignity and stop texting him, or accept what tiny little time he gives you.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 12
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:02:03 PM
this is why i DO NOT TEXT!!! Who the freak has the time to fall involve with a freaking phone??? Thats sooo stupid!!! If I don't see my dude 2-4 times a week, whats the purpose?? he's an hr away? SO WHAT!!!! if u like each other u make the time. He has lost interest in u and u don't know when to let go and move on.... at times i have contemplated to behave like u, and see where things go, but i get bored to easy and im like a kid, i need constant attention, such is life, but its the truth.....u need to get the lead out of ur ass and fish more!!
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 13
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:22:29 PM
I agree, texting all the time is so full of BS!!!!!...Get on the phone, talk to each other and then and only then can you figure out if you will meet again or if it feels like it won't happen....Texts are only good for certain things.....This guy is tired of texting and you should have been also, it is meaningless!!!!!xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 GenJayne
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 14
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:22:57 PM
Your headline says you are looking for your perfect match. Is this relationship your invested in looking even close to a "perfect match". I think not.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 15
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 3:55:58 PM

I admit I sent him a text in error when it was intended for a family member saying "I Love you" , an almost as soon as that was sent he replied with almost 3 lines of xo's.


Uh huh. Sure it was an error. So what does a bunch of letters from him mean to you? That he’s hugging and kissing you? Blech. Unfortunately, he’s probably thinking the same thing. Please don’t play games like this with men, for your own well being.


I've tried talking to him about this and he never answers my questions.


Cowardly bullshit. My advice: quit asking him. Then hold your head up and delete his number.

Why are you investing so much emotional energy into a few text messages?

Find a real man, who wants to spend real time with you, and can express himself like a real adult man.

Maybe loosen up your mail restrictions on here…give some older and/or younger men a chance. :)
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 16
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 4:57:10 PM
Your not even in a relationship........but you are in one with a cell phone and text messages.............

How about ACTUALLY TALKING!!!!!!!!
 BoomerWithHumor
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 17
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:33:36 PM
Listen to a man's action, not his words or in your case his X,O's. He saw you once in two months, SERIOUSLY! A man "into" you will crawl under rocks to see you. One hour a way is nothing in city life. You're building a fantasy with these texts and X,O's. Time to grow up and find a man to date face to face.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 18
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help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:00:33 PM
Texting is not a relationship and an hour away unless you don't drive is hardly an imposition.
 SingleInArlington
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 19
help me understand him
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:08:48 PM
The "I love you" text would of had me running and thinking, dang another CrAzY woman :(
 jmf0373
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 20
help me understand him
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:44:46 PM
I have since ended this go nowhere so callled relationship and I am now focusing on my self and my family.
I wish to thank everyone for the eye opener, as I am now focusing on my daughter and let things fall into place as it happens. I will just chalk this up to bad experience and consider it a lesson learned. If I happen to find someone along the way fine, but trying desperately to make something out of nothing, is a waste of time and energy best used on more important things, such as helping my daughter find a good college to attend.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 21
help me understand him
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:54:45 PM

I am now focusing on my self and my family.


Good for you! Usually it’s easier to see things clearly once you’ve taken a big emotional step out of it.

Good luck, OP. :)


The "I love you" text would of had me running and thinking, dang another CrAzY woman :(


Oh yeah? That’s too bad. I thought I might love you but now I won’t bother. ;)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
help me understand him
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:57:36 PM
While I can't knock texting - my guy and I text more often than not when not together, but we also see each other at least twice a week normally - I can say that this situation is one of lack of history and in person interaction.

I'd call your situation potential, or talking, but not a relationship - talking for a couple months and meeting once isn't even close to being anything serious. If you both met and he was into you, he'd make sure he was able to see you again despite the distance within reason (obviously if he lived 6 hours away, it would make more sense you didn't see each other).

Truth? I think he's bored because it didn't go further, or semi interested but not enough to pursue it. The "xoxoxoxoxo" thing is probably him poking the beehive when you stop responding to keep you on the hook in case he's got time to kill.
 SingleInArlington
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 23
help me understand him
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:35:33 PM

Oh yeah? That’s too bad. I thought I might love you but now I won’t bother. ;)


Ummmmm (wow is it hot in here or is it just me) ...................sorry for the pause, had to turn on the AC.....ok ok where was I ?????? You know I have been pondering the possibilities and there is that Love at first sight thing. So maybe not as CrAzY as I first thought and there is always an exception to the rule :)

PS- Call me lol
 sophie0321
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 24
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help me understand him
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:45:46 PM
ok, honey, it is hard to keep a long distance relationship..please give up, and you will find a better
 jmf0373
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 25
help me understand him
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:56:01 AM
in all honesty the i love you message i send was originally intended for my niece down in Georgia which i was txting back and forth to when the guy txt me , and like a idiot i was i did not pay attention to the recipient of the message i was sending it to and by the time i realized who it went to I got a reply back with a i love you too and after some thought i had wondered if it was a empty statement , but that is my past and my family is my future and as many have pointed out the txting only relationship is meant for teenagers not parents of them lol

sorry for no proper punctuation or capitalization i save that for the work place lol
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