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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 1
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the LotteryPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been divorced for over two years now, and I have to deal with my Ex for only one issue;
Both of our names are still on the two mortgage accounts on her house (our former married home).

The first account is a standard 30 year mortgage - decent fixed rate.
The 2nd account is a Home Equity Line of Credit (that's been zeroed out from any further credit extensions), so it's basically a 2nd mortgage. Decent interest rate there as well.

Our divorce states that even though she has sole responsibility for payment, we are required to discuss any reasonable opportunity for refinancing to get my name OFF the mortgages. As you may well guess, the real estate market (and her salary) is not anywhere near 'friendly' for a refinancing opportunity. Basically, the 2nd mortgage (Home Equity Loan) is the same as the amount the house is 'under' right now. If that loan would go away, refinancing the primary mortgage should be a snap.

I'm not obligated to share anything else - nothing - no savings, retirements, insurance, nothing... If I won that $400 million Powerball jackpot this week, I don't have to share one red cent.

Now thinking hypothetically; If I DID win, paying off the house would just be a drop in the bucket...
-- If I decided to pay off the 2nd mortgage ONLY, and force her to refinance for the other mortgage over 30 years again, would you consider that being generous, or being a jerk?
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 2
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Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:42:37 PM
Depends.
Legally probably not because for whatever insane reason, you two decided to tie your finances together even after you got divorced which is, in my opinion, just sheer nuts.

Morally, yeah, you be a jerk.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 3
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:47:33 PM
...you two decided to tie your finances together even after you got divorced...

That didn't happen - the mortgages were joint from when we WERE married, and because of both our limited incomes and credit, neither one of us had the leverage to pay off the other. Legally, it's her loan to pay off - but anybody who has been in this situation knows that banks don't give a damn about legalities - just that they get paid on-time.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 4
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:52:43 PM
OP ,, with that kind of money , Pay off the whole house, then give her some money, then wish her the best, you will be the better man for it, Just my openion..
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 5
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:56:57 PM

"...OP, with that kind of money, payoff the whole house, give her some money, then wish her the best.
You will be the better man for it, just my opinion..."

rdcnorm has it entirely correct. Follow his excellent advice above. Good luck with your lottery ticket.
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 6
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 2:58:46 PM
are you seriously asking this?
if you would hypothetical win - what would feel right for you??
-I hope she wins...:) that would be a nice twist...lol
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 7
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:08:34 PM
-I hope she wins...:) that would be a nice twist...lol

Sorry, she's not the brightest bulb on the tree - she relies heavily on automated bill payments, and is pretty poor at balancing her checkbook on a regular basis. Even if she wins, she'll probably still miss a payment, IMHO.

I haven't been around her the last two years; so maybe being on her own has forced her to be more careful - but I've gotten a couple notices about late payments, so I'm assuming she's still operating under the same M.O.
 kittinn
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 8
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:13:47 PM
Pay off my mortgage - i only have one.
Thanks :)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 9
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:15:58 PM

If I decided to pay off the 2nd mortgage ONLY, and force her to refinance for the other mortgage over 30 years again, would you consider that being generous, or being a jerk?


Omg….400 million….just be a decent human being and pay it off completely.

Anyway you don’t have to worry about it, sweety. I’m gonna win the Powerball.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 10
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Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:28:37 PM

If I decided to pay off the 2nd mortgage ONLY, and force her to refinance for the other mortgage over 30 years again, would you consider that being generous, or being a jerk?

I find this an odd question. Of course, it would be practical of you to pay off the equity loan and get your name off both debts. The house is apparently 'hers', so generous would be paying off half the remaining mortgage; still more generous would be paying off everything and buying her some groceries as well. I assume there are no kids involved. If there were, then I'd say leaving her with the entire debt would make you a jerk because it would negatively affect the kids. But honestly I don't think you owe her anything, once you are divorced, beyond what you feel inclined to give.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 11
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:37:50 PM
I'd set up an account with enough money to have my payments, or my part automatically withdrawn and deposited in her account. then I'd move on.

It's obvious the women in this thread are on your ex's side.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 12
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:38:09 PM
I think you need to get over your ex before dating again. Thinking of ways for pay back isn't over her. When you get to complete indifference, then come back.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 13
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Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:53:58 PM

It's obvious the women in this thread are on your ex's side.

Funny thing, so are the men. Well, except for you of course.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 14
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:54:07 PM
I think you need to get over your ex before dating again. Thinking of ways for pay back isn't over her. When you get to complete indifference, then come back.


UK - this is the first post about my Ex I've put up in a long time. Your are ALWAYS hawking guys about 'issues' with women. I wish you would truly look at your self-hatred of guys. That cynicism runs DEEP.

The main reason why this thought crossed my mind is because recently my Ex (and her automated bill-pay) did not account for an annual bank fee on one of the accounts, so I got another notice about an 'overdue' payment and had to remind her about it - again. That's real life; not about 'getting over' anybody.

Like I said at the top - we share nothing - except the house - no kids or custody issues with pets or anything. I already have my own place that's bigger (and cheaper) than what we shared together. I would be happy to be totally free of the loans - so if that doesn't qualify as 'complete indifference', I guess I'm not 'there' yet. Whatever.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 15
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:55:52 PM
My ex wife is a monster and has treated me like shit IMO. I would give her a huge chunk of the money myself. Nothing about her attitude or what she says or does will I ever allow to strip away my humanity again...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 16
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Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 3:59:05 PM
It would be generous from the standpoint that she wouldn't need to worry about paying the second mortgage and could be on her way to owning the home free and clear by herself.

Me personally, probably paying both off would be a drop in the bucket and if you really wanted to be generous you could put both of you in a situation to move forward with your lives without any bills hanging overhead.

Legally and morally you are not really obligated to do anything. Paying off the mortgage would not be solely out of the kindness of your heart because it gets rid of a problem hanging over your head in the back of your mind by giving her the wiggle room to refinance the original loan. If someone expected anything they would be out of order and failing to appreciate the kindness in paying off the second mortgage would be tacky on the part of your ex.
 TC2u
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 17
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 4:04:41 PM
Funnier still, is I'm not pretentious. I don't know either of them, or who treated whom how. So I take logic, with so little to go on ;)
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 4:36:32 PM
UK - this is the first post about my Ex I've put up in a long time. Your are ALWAYS hawking guys about 'issues' with women. I wish you would truly look at your self-hatred of guys. That cynicism runs DEEP.


Thanks for providing today's dose of irony, I thought today's forums were going to leave me missing my daily quota.

I call a situation as I see it and it doesn't matter if it's a man or a women who has posted. You're bummed that you set up a thread ranting about a woman who you thought had blocked you when in fact you had made incorrect assumptions about the functionality which I explained, very politely.

I made no/nada/zip mention about your ex and really haven't bothered checking your history to see how frequently you've posted about her before - and oddly, that's mainly because I have no interest in doing so.

My comment above was about this post.

If you really are still looking for ways for you to feel superior to your ex, you aren't over her, period. Coming up with elaborate fantasies about winning $400 million just so you can flip the bird at her, is a prime example that she's living rent free inside your head. Until you are past that, and can think of her without feeling a darn thing, you aren't over her. That's my opinion, whether you are male or female, and seeing as this is a public forum, I am just as entitled to express my view, as you are yours. Live with it.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 19
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 5:06:48 PM
Pay everything off, and charge her rent!!! LOL
If I was to win, my ex would be the last person I think about!!!

Good luck!!!
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 20
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 5:19:30 PM
well.. jerk or no.. lol.. i would pay off both loans.. and let her go.. OR.. make her pay YOU..

but to cut all ties.. i would let it and her go..
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 21
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 5:27:54 PM
Yeah, pay it off...you'll feel like a million bucks...............or rather three-hundred and some odd million :)
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 23
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:22:28 PM
Here's the heads up: I used to own a mortgage company and I am still in real estate investments--- there isn't a lender on the planet other than the high interest ones who will refinance when there have been late pays- even with the second note paid off.

Pay the house off and leave her a good amount of money. No matter what your issues were/are, she was once your wife.

As far as being fair to the men out there- a brief reference by one of the men- I didn't want be involved in listing/ doing anything with the house we had jointly at one time so I gave it to him- the equity anyway. There was trust there that he would maintain the payments on time while we were still on the note together. He made them on time and it was a good move on my part, and was also good for him as well.

Rather than say that she doesn't do this or that, or make the payments on time, I'd find a way to make the payments on time and have her reimburse you or whatever will work to get the credit squared away and get the house refinanced.
Be a part of the solution.


Depends on your relationship. I grew up with my ex, we went to grade school together. I would give him a generous piece of the pie if I won the lottery. He is a stable guy and a loving father and would use that money to better the lives of our kids. If something ever happened to me then our family would need him, and I would want him to have the resources to take care of them.


Attagirl. ;)
 Abbeygirl58
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 24
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:30:25 PM
Yes jerk....and I would also love to see HER win the lottery!!!
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 25
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:36:40 PM

Now thinking hypothetically; If I DID win, paying off the house would just be a drop in the bucket...
-- If I decided to pay off the 2nd mortgage ONLY, and force her to refinance for the other mortgage over 30 years again, would you consider that being generous, or being a jerk?


Well hypothetically if I won the lottery, I would donate maybe a mill to the OP to get himself and his Ex-mortgages squared away so us Forumites wouldn't have to see any more of these jerky type of threads here...
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 26
Hypothetical - The Ex and Winning the Lottery
Posted: 11/27/2012 7:51:19 PM
My ex doesn't speak to me unless he has to - even when I'm standing next to him talking to the children. He doesn't reply to my texts/emails unless he HAS to or it will benefit him. No 'courtesy 'thanks for letting me know' responses etc.

Pretty much he hates me.

My kids were shocked when I told them that if I won a LOT of money I would give him enough to buy a house. My reason? He is my children's father. If he is financially secure, safe and settled, they will have peace of mind about him. They will be happier knowing he isn't struggling to pay the rent/mortgage.

So, yes, I'm in the 'pay the mortgage out, give her some money and be happy ' camp :)
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