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 Elena_W
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 1
Significant Other Still Search Dating SitesPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I recently found out that my significant other of about a year and one-half, who I met on a dating site, continues to reach to other women on that dating site and others, including POF. I discovered this because I guessed his login and password information, which is the same on all of the sites that he visits, as well as his email and cell phone account

I have discovered that he has gone on dates and even sent photos of his genitals to one woman.

We really have a great relationship, and none of his activity has escalated into a relationship with anyone else, so I know that he is not cheating in terms of having sex with other women.

My questions are why does he still search, and will he eventually find someone he likes well enough to become emotionally and sexually involved?

My gut feeling is that he is a little insecure. We are both in our fifties, with me being four years older, but I am in great health and great shape, while he has health issues.

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.

Any thoughts?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 2
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Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:28:05 PM
He's cheating on you. It doesn't matter how far he's gone physically with them. Lines have been crossed here. You already have enough evidence to end the relationship. What you could do is confront him about it and explain that it's okay with you as long as he doesn't mind that you will also date and have 'fun' with other men.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 3
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Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:31:57 PM

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.


Yeah, don't do that. It's childish. You're in your 50's. Do the adult thing and just tell him what you know, how you feel about it and move on.
Also, don't tie yourself up in knots trying to figure out why he did it, you will never get "closure" this way.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 4
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:37:11 PM

I discovered this because I guessed his login and password information, which is the same on all of the sites that he visits, as well as his email and cell phone account
You must have had suspicions at this was the case otherwise it wouldn't have occurred to you to look for him on a dating site in order to try the usual username and password. It's not like it's normal to look for your long term partner on a dating site, unless you have reason to think they might be here. It just wouldn't occur to me to do that.


We really have a great relationship, and none of his activity has escalated into a relationship with anyone else, so I know that he is not cheating in terms of having sex with other women.
No you don't. You really thought you had a great relationship but if you did, he wouldn't be on a dating site, communicating with other women and sending them photos of his junk.
What do you define as cheating? For me, it would be any sexual based contact or communication which my partner did behind my back and which he wouldn't do in my presence. He might not have literally cheated but he has cheated on the trust you have as a couple, unless you find this acceptable and normal behavior.


My questions are why does he still search, and will he eventually find someone he likes well enough to become emotionally and sexually involved?
I can't answer why he does it but if someone looks hard enough for anything, they can normally find it.


I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.
So he's being dishonest and underhand and now you are going to do the same. What does it matter if he sends you photos or contacts you. You already know he's doing this. Contacting you (if he does) provides nothing more in terms of information, then you already know. You are only considering this plan because you don't want to confront him and admit you've been in his account. Do you think that you setting up a decoy account makes you look any better? Surely it gives him the argument that you too are doing what you are wanting to confront him with. If he's not being honest, one of you needs to be.

You know exactly what he's doing - why not deal with that upfront now rather than all this cloak and dagger act?
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 5
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Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:45:13 PM
Op how you lay this out, your way of discussing this seems so very matter-0f-fact. I mean you don't speak of what he means to you other than to say that you believe you have a good relationship.

I guess I don't read into what you've written that there's passion with this man. Of course I could be wrong, but that's my take.

Perhaps he feels similarly about you, and if that's the case maybe he, and possibly you are just treading water.

I wouldn't opt with deception and game-playing---I'd just confront him.

Before doing so, I'd first decide if I could live with what was unearthed or not. What's the upside to staying with him? You're a year and a half in; long enough to know whether it's workable.

I think while you may feel you have a great relationship from your end, it's not necessarily that for him...and it's the overt sexual advances that seal the absolutely no going back in my opinion.
 YourBrandNewGuy
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 6
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:47:47 PM
You have a profile up, he's looking for someone to replace you, setting up a fake site is silly and where will that ever end?
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 7
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:48:01 PM
I'm sorry, but
We really have a great relationship
has to be one of the funniest things I've read in this forum.

What's the point in making a fake profile ? You know what's going to happen. Maybe you should tell him not to send any photos of his genitals because you already know what they look like. If he's not cheating on you now, he will be soon. I wish you my best in that, "great relationship". You're in your 50's. WAKE UP !
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:50:43 PM
I agree with everyone else. You are fooling yourself. Nothing more.


I have discovered that he has gone on dates and even sent photos of his genitals to one woman.

We really have a great relationship, and none of his activity has escalated into a relationship with anyone else, so I know that he is not cheating in terms of having sex with other women.


If you can't see that those two sentences, written one after the other by YOU, are directly contradictory of each other, than you are going to remain having huge problems in relationships.

Oh, except for one thing: you called him your "significant other." You did NOT specify that the two of you have had any sort of discussion that included a vow of exclusivity. If you have not done so, and he is continuing to date, while you delude yourself that you have an "understanding" that he is breaking, than you are entirely in the wrong.

For SURE don't bother with the whole deception game. What's the point? Revenge? Hoping to make him feel embarrassed? To what end? So that he comes crawling for forgiveness, only to change all his passwords and keep going as before?

Make up your mind what you want from a relationship, declare it to whoever you want it to be with, and then follow that up by leaving anyone who doesn't share your choice.

All you are doing with this mess, is trying to get "self-righteous points" of sympathy or support from others. Note that there is no bank of any sort in the world, including the "bank" of public opinion, which will allow you to exchange "self-righteousness points" for actual happiness, or relationship success.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 2:55:20 PM

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.


What happens if he doesn't bite the bait and doesn't contact you? Are you going to nominate him for Citizen of the Year and trust him to not do it again and live happily ever after? This is just a childish revenge tactic by a bitter woman. If you don't trust him, end it. If I was the guy I would immediately end it if I found out a woman hacked (or guessed my passwords) into my accounts. That makes you just as dishonest as him. I don't know who is worse. And look who has an account on POF.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:06:59 PM
Smart intelligent women don't play games.
Immature, stupid women do.
So which one are you?

As for your man, he's a few fries short of a snack pack.
I would trade him in for a better model.
If any man of mine was pursuing the internet and sending photos of his privates,
I'd kick his ass out the door.

Stand up for yourself.
This guys a tool!
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 11
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:17:01 PM
Sounds like you're willing to go to lots of trouble just to prove to a guy that you know what he's doing. If you don't trust him (and it doesn't sound like you should) why even bother? Just end it. He will once he's able to find someone that he likes more than you.
 toightpants
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 12
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:20:28 PM

Any thoughts?

My thought is

I guessed his login and password information

as soon as you were motivated to do this it "should" have crystallized in your mind that your relationship is over.
Because this just shows you that communication is not part of your relationship.
You're really just playing games now and had to have been for a long time in order to get to this point.
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 13
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:28:06 PM
Im not even mad at u that u snooped and found what u were looking for. I mean, its like a person having HIV and not telling u, and when u go into their medicine cabinet u discover there AZT. The fact is he is not giving u a choice, and thats where the heart of the problem is. You now have the info, what are u going to do? He is cheating. He is having sex. He is playin u. You can stay....or u can go. The power is now in ur hands. Good luck!!!
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 14
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:32:01 PM
How much more do you need to dump him.

IF HE IS GOING ON DATES HE IS CHEATING.

Creating a bogus identity could become a felony depending on what you do with it.
 ggpaws
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 15
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:32:29 PM
Maybe if it was just insecure online firting you could have a talk with him and work out the issues. But sending pics of his winky dink is deviant behavior. All kinds of things come to mind. Sexual predator, pervert, sexual addiction, stalker. I know some may think that is normal behavior but it is not. Sounds like you just need to go your seperate ways.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 16
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:35:29 PM

My gut feeling is that he is a little insecure

people who are "a little insecure" don't email technicolor images their genitals to strangers while allegedly being exclusively involved with someone else.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 17
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:40:01 PM

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.


Op,i couldn't help but smile to myself when i read this because a few years ago i had a girlfriend who was in the EXACT situation you're in and she did what you've said above ^^.
She dressed to kill and waited just inside the door of the Venue.
He walked in,took one look at her and she said the look on his face said it all.
NO WORDS WERE EXCHANGED.
She gave him a scathing look,walked out and never spoke to him ever again!!
 clayart
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 18
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 3:40:49 PM
I'm wondering how you know they were, "technicolor images".
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 19
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:09:44 PM

My questions are why does he still search,


Well, it is probably the same reason you joined this site July of this year, though you supposedly have had a "significant other" for what, a year and a half YOU SAY?????

I'm thinking you two are a perfect match!!!!!














Really serious here.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 20
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:11:54 PM

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.


How childish this would be to do(and your in your 50's????)........... you snooped, and it bit you in the ass.....Sure he may not have been sexually involved with any of the women he contacted.....but could it escalate to that level? Only he can answer that......

Now that this has happened, I'd say your BOTH insecure and need to have a talk.............sounds to me like you two haven't had the "exclusive" talk.......really? after a year and a half????????
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 21
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:35:41 PM


I recently found out that my significant other of about a year and one-half

It says you've been a member since July 4... You haven't been so faithful yerself either.. claiming to be single and READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP on your profile!!



I have discovered that he has gone on dates and even sent photos of his genitals to one woman.


Well, gee, could it be that he found his woman online with a POF account?



My questions are why does he still search,

see above



and will he eventually find someone he likes well enough to become emotionally and sexually involved?

So your question is simply around whether or not your ego will be smashed when/if he dumps you first?



I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me


Grow up... why waste everyone's time with that? If you have an issue ..talk to him about it... handle it like adults and not kids. Your plan WILL blow up in your face ...Trust me...

1) you've been cheating too apparently
2) he will KNOW it's you from talking to you... intuition doesn't lie...
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 22
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/1/2012 4:50:34 PM
@ Elena_W

OBVIOULY he is not YOUR S.O.
 ana_karenina_
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 23
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/2/2012 12:19:30 AM
Say goodbye to this guy and forget about him.

You can find someone wayyy better =)
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/2/2012 12:49:33 AM

I am thinking about creating a bogus identity, complete with photos, phone number, e-mail address to entice him to the level of a meeting, and when he gets there, he’ll find me.

Any thoughts?


Thoughts? Yes - you should get out of this relationship, and not stoop to his level and play stupid games to entrap him into what you *already* know is happening.

Fact is, he's browsing and contacting other women while with you, he's "gone on dates" while with you, and "sent photos of his genitals" while with you. Who cares why? You find it unacceptable, your two choices are to either *confront* him with it and maybe he stops, or move on. You are an adult, handle it like an adult.
 saddestangel7
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 25
Significant Other Still Search Dating Sites
Posted: 12/2/2012 1:46:18 AM
Damn girl wake up and smell the perfume or p*ssy to be more blunt.
Dude is cheating on you. You are not the love of his life. Just convenient and gullible since obviously you believe whatever he tells you.
Dump him or don't complain. Eventually, he will dump you. I'd rather be the one who kicks him to the curb.
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