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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do we see ourselves clearly???      Home login  
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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Do we see ourselves clearly???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I read a relationship articles that says in general people want to date their physical, intellectual, economic and social equal....it goes on to say that using the 1-10 scale most people see themselves as 1 to 2 points higher than they actually are...

Did the article have any references to actual research that says "most people uprate themselves", rather than maybe just looking at "dating" sites profiles/pics and making some kind of subjective observations?
Plenty of people may be actually "downrating" themselves mentally since they are aware of many of their own flaws/faults and not as many of everyone else's faults/character flaws...

Always, our senses/perceptions are through our own biological and mental filters. Just like we usually don't recognize our own voice the first time we hear it recorded...

Our mental filters have been set by some of our unique family history, school/work experience/history and social class/status to make them much less clear/objective than what our friends/neighbors/co-workers may actually see/think we are.


Rabbie Burns the Scottish poet said:

“Oh wad some power the giftie gie us To see oursel's as others see us! It wad frae monie a blunder free us, And foolish notion”




 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:19:29 PM
Double yikes for me. I've always thought as myself as a zero. Now I'm a freaking negative????? How oh how can that be????? And here, I thought my problem was the whiskey.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:20:30 PM
Nah. we're right. The "buyers" always want to talk down our "price."

Seriously, I think everyone has the ability to see more of themselves than any observer can. Save for those who are depressed or otherwise in a negative state of mind, those who can see everything about person (themselves) is bound to see more value than those who can only see the surface qualities.

The closest thing that has to any validity, is that lots of folks probably do think that OTHER people see them as better than they actually do. I know that I have the same problem lots of folks do, which is that I remember how good I USED TO look, and try not to see how much I've deteriorated.
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 7
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:49:49 PM
It does seem easier to see other people's situation more clearly than they do.
Think that is known as taking other people's inventory.
Little bit harder to take our own....

Today I was talking with a friend about buying another scooter.
It such a good deal, real antique and will be worth so much more when I restore it...blahblahblah
She was like "Don't you think it's too much? Do you need more junk laying around? Are you ever gonna finish that other truck? Can you even make a hundred year old machine work? ", obviously she is a pessimist.(sc)

Funny about other people's opinion. It's really none of our business, but I do value some....

As far as seeing myself clearly: I really don't know. Reason has it that I am not so different than everyone else.
But damnit I AM a unique snowflake!!!(apparently one who collects half finished projects)

Dating an equal? No way I would lower my standards that far.

Rating myself? uhhhh on those four criteria I averaged out to a 6.... how traumatic. Probably won't be doing that fun little exercise again...fvck that scale. Over inflated sense of self must be a defense mechanism, just as Mother nature intended.

Don't mess with Momma.
If Momma ain't happy- ain't nobody happy.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:58:05 PM
Are we talking looks, accomplishments, self esteem, education, financial stability, or what?

There are many of us that are very very realistic with what we see that we are bringing to the table when it comes to dating and relationships. If we are talking just about looks, most of us look at ourselves through rose colored glasses, while those looking at us are using microscopes.......

The sum of the person in totality is what makes or breaks who and what you are, and someone that has a great personality, style, and good looks, far out weighs someone that just looks awesome, in my opinion. The best looking people will just bore one to death if there is no real substance, and yet, someone with significant substance that has no real looks, will just not be a romantic and/or sexual partner........they will just be a very good friend.

cd
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 9
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:18:05 PM
I tend to agree with that ... especially when I see a guy with a big old beer gut who thinks he's "athletic"

Seriously, remove the beer goggles ;)
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 10
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:19:33 PM
OMG I lost 2 points.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 11
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:23:24 PM
Each virtue virtually knows no bound,
Each trait is great and patiently sound,
I'm practically perfect from head to toe,
If I had a fault it would never dare to show,
I'm so practically perfect in every way.
M. Poppins
 Anywherbuthere
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 12
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:53:32 PM
"do you think it is true that most people do not see themselves clearly???"

The personality is composed of the Real Self and the Ideal Self. Your Real Self is who you actually are, while your Ideal Self is the person you want to be.

The Ideal Self is an idealized version of yourself created out of what you have learned from your life experiences, the demands of society, and what you admire in your role models.

For example, your parents are medical doctors who are respected and admired in the community, and experience tells you that in order to be happy, you need to be smart and have a high-paying job. Your Ideal Self might be someone who excels in science subjects, spends a lot of time studying, and does not get queasy at the sight of blood. If your Real Self is far from this idealized image, then you might feel dissatisfied with your life and consider yourself a failure.

To answer your question though...no most people do not.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 13
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:56:10 PM

I read a relationship articles that says in general people want to date their physical, intellectual, economic and social equal....it goes on to say that using the 1-10 scale most people see themselves as 1 to 2 points higher than they actually are....yikes!!!


Nonsense. Who gets to decide what number to attach to everybody?


I've always thought of myself as a "7" which means most men may see me as a 5 or 6....do you think it is true that most people do not see themselves clearly?????


Well…..if you need to comply completely with this article, you’d be looking for a 7, since he’d supposedly be delusional, too. What’s the problem?

What number men were you looking for before this astonishing revelation came to light?

Honestly, I think taking ridiculous relationship articles so seriously that silly declarations cause alarm is more worrisome than whether or not people see themselves clearly.

Incidentally, I see myself as Pi.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:58:42 PM
I was flipping through TV channels earlier and I came upon a show about a dating company that was hooking up American men with single women in impoverished villages in Columbia-like a mail order bride service. Here were these bachelors in their late 50's and 60's who, for the most part, were short, fat, and bald, going to Columbia and being set up with good looking women in their 20's. These women were desperate to get out of poverty by marrying an American and these guys were happy to marry a woman young enough to be their daughter. I guess that proves that for some women, looks aren't everything. lol. I was wondering how many of those guys thought they were sexy looking and thought that's why these women found them so irresistible.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 15
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:10:33 PM
I am glad I am not short because that was pretty brutal!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:14:35 PM
yeah Abby, you don't have to worry. Part of the problem with the scale is that a person can be attractive beyond their looks just by being outgoing and energetic...but that of course won't show in a two dimentional photo.

how does one know their attractive level? not by thinking, "hey, I'd want to date myself", but instead by watching how strangers in a room full of them treat you...versus how they treat other strangers. If you aren't "on" and being outgoing and energetic, yet strangers keep pulling the "hey, smile!" dumb ice breaker line...chances are, you got their attention, so they're trying to get your's. and I always know if a woman thinks she's hot...b/c she dresses that way. everyone plays up to what they think are their best points. do some people see themselves in a better light? well,a lot think they are smarter than they really are :)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 17
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 6:18:09 PM
Stop reading that junk.

Although, I would agree that more people see themselves as above average than below average. They also tend to see their own faults as no big deal, whereas the faults of others desperately need reforming...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 8:17:38 PM
While I am fairly certain that I am not a high number - if there is such a thing, I am more interested in the person I'm with and how they see me. I'm also not going to second guess my worth when I see something I like - I'll go after it. Let them decide whether or not they are interested.

If the person I see as a 10 sees me as a 10, I'm good. I don't care much about anything else.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 20
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 10:21:16 PM
I don't think the issues with online dating are so much about our own self-perceptions; people know who they are. The issue becomes what we want in a mate. Everybody wants something 'better' then their last relationship, so we are all hunting for 'upgrades' whether we 'deserve' it or not. We're not looking for equals; we're looking for something better. That may give the perception that we think more highly of ourselves - but it's pretty much the same situation as a job interview - we have to prove we qualify, and then define what sets us apart from the competition. Anyone doing it right will be putting themselves in a positive light, and not 'bashing' others.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 21
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 10:53:19 PM
WIP: I have read your posts for a while. you ARE a high number. Quality counts.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 24
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 11:44:31 PM
Do we see ourselves clearly? That would be an absolute, and us humans aren't known for that. Case in point, a bunch of people witnessing a three-car pile-up -- each will have a different idea of what happened.

As Igor pointed out, we view everything through filters. These filters can include our current frame of mind and mood, our history, environment, biases, and so on. Add to that our often quite different perceptions of our body, mind, emotional structure, behaviour, personality, etc., and the likelihood of our view of ourselves being accurate is even more diminished.

That old expression, "Know thyself", is one difficult trait to master. Most people lack the ability to be consistently objective about themselves. For example, when you're very happy, you probably have a positive impression of how you look (seeing yourself in the mirror). Other times, you might have a negative impression of your features. They're the same features. They didn't change; your perception of them did.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 25
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Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 12:48:53 AM
I don't think of myself as a 12. This article is full of lies I say!
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 26
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Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 4:58:44 AM
most people see themselves as 1 to 2 points higher than they actually are....

I agree with this.

especially when I see a guy with a big old beer gut who thinks he's "athletic"

Oh you want to go there?? Do you? LOL..;0)
How about a "few extra pound" on a women?
And being seen as a 5 or 6 is not that bad. I'll take it.
But I only use that scale on describing other things.
My pain level, how hungry I am, etc. not to judge people.
As someone said, one person 3 might be another person 8.
 soicat
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 27
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 6:53:38 AM
I've always thought of myself as a "7" which means most men may see me as a 5 or 6....do you think it is true that most people do not see themselves clearly?????


I think it's absolutely true that people tend not to see themselves clearly. While there is a tendency for people to overestimate their relative attractiveness, there are also those who underestimate it.

You are in the latter group. You previously mentioned that you'd been told you were too overweight to date, and despite having a BMI in the normal range you concede that you could lose a few pounds. You rate yourself as a "7" and are worried that this rating might be optimistic, even though you look at least 10 years younger than your age and compare very favourably to your peers.

Humility is an attractive quality, but you may have a bit more than you need.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 8:29:11 AM
Who wrote the article, what was the research, how was the study done??? Anyone can write an article and stick in any stats they want and come up with any outcome they want. Even if a real study was done on this, and I doubt it, it's usually done on college freshmen and bias and hardly accurate at all.

Besides, it doesn't matter what other people do, all that matters is what you do and how happy you are with yourself and how you allow others to treat you. All the studies in the world won't change your reality.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 29
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 1:17:14 PM
Women love to hate that scale of 1 to 10 and refuse to accept it. So what. It's a scale that MEN use it, so whether you want to accept it or not, it not up to you or women in general, it's about guys and how they communicate with each other. So for the ladies, get over, that's never going to change.

I have slept with my share of tens. Some are rather natural beauties, some require some work to get there, from the boob job, paid for perfect blond hairstyling, exercise 5 times a week, trainer, you name it. But in the morning, when they wake up, when they are most vulnerable most 10s are really, really sixes. Yeap 6.

What that tells me is this. That most women that consider themselves, slightly above average, can make themselves become 10s. Personally, the mentality that it takes to stay a 10, I find it annoying, so I prefer that woman that does not have to be the best looking woman in every room, but is more comfortable with her look, albeit an 8 or a 9. Also, I've known women that were more curvy than others, but had such persona that they commanded the room. So even though cosmetics, exercise, surgery and what not may take you close to a 10, attitude also plays a big part.

Also, most women that try to look like 10s or try to look super attractive, it turns out (according to research and surveys) they are not doing it for men, they are doing to compete with other women. Some women will tell you that they are doing it just for themselves, yet they still scan across the room and look at the other women.

Remember one last thing, it's all a state of mind. If you think you are attractive, you make yourself attractive, and you will attract. If you don't. You won't.

In terms of men. I don't consider myself to be an attractive guy. Period. However, I consider myself an articulate guy with the type of whit that some outgoing women lust after, consequently I never had a problem attracting extremely attractive women.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 30
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 1:30:19 PM
I dont care what anyone would rate me, or my fella. We both think we got a '10' in one another and really, thats all that counts.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 31
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/3/2012 1:33:32 PM
do you think it is true that most people do not see themselves clearly?????

it doesn't even matter, because it's just as subjective and relative for you as it is for everyone else. if you're on a dating site, other people will see you as "clearly" as they want to. the _uck stops there.
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