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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Freaking out from pregnancy!!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 2
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So your biological clock got the best of you eh?

You met a man and after 9 months conceived a child.
You have no idea if the both of you are even compatible ... yet you went ahead and did the deed.
Well ... looks like you'll be doing this alone.
Best of luck to you.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 4
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:02:35 PM
amen to that U make it entertaining........and what I would also like to add is:

let the whining and stupidity begin.......
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:03:12 PM
When you said you started to talk about a family, I'm not sure how the leap to being pregnant happened.

If you didn't both agree to begin trying NOW and to stop using contraceptives, then he likely was thinking of this conversation in terms of maybe, sometime down the road but not necessarily yet. If you did both agree to begin trying NOW then you omitted the steps of discussion about how the heck you were going to make that work with 200 miles between you, not living together, and not being in a position in terms of living space to accommodate a child.

Is that a conversation you had or was it more along the lines of seeing if either was open to a family at some stage down the line? Forgive me if I am wrong but with the information provided, it seems he agreed in principle that a family might be nice but you took that as a go-ahead and ran with the idea because your clock was ticking. You trapped him - no wonder he's feeling cold towards you and confused.


let the whining and stupidity begin.......
Too late, It already has.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 6
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:06:10 PM
Well you've conceived.
Why does it surprise you that you're pregnant?
Don't be hard on you????
You have no idea how hard it is going to be for you.
And that poor little one!

Let the partner go and start preparing yourself for parenthood.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 7
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:10:22 PM
So, on one hand, you claim that you both "planned" to get pregnant and began trying three months ago.

On the other hand, you claim it was a "surprise" that it happened so fast (you DO know what causes impregnation, right? ) and you (and apparently, he) are "freaking out."

For two people who are old enough to understand the mechanics of pregnancy and were attempting to conceive, you seem very ill-prepared.

What's the real story ... He does not believe it's his? ... You planned it, but he didn't? ... Doesn't add up.

P.S. English is not your first language. Does this mean you are an immigrant to the UK? Is the "planned" pregnancy an express pass to citizenship? Maybe the baby daddy feels you used him for your own selfish purposes.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 8
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Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:21:19 PM
Sorry Op...Doesn't look dad is going to be around long term , so start thinking of you and the baby
....Have you heard the ole saying "be careful what you wish for "...?

At 40 yrs ..I would have expected you to choose a mate more wisely ...A little late now.
I don't think you should leverage your pregnancy to try and hold onto daddy.(never works for long)

Seriously Op...Start planing a life with you and the baby ,
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:29:59 PM
Are you going to let your future dates know about the bun in the oven? Why was he wanting to have a kid if he knew he couldn't support you or him/her? what do you want from him if you are looking for a relationship? Might want to warn your other dates before hand.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 11
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Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:39:33 PM

Don't be hard on me because you have no idea what I am going through.


Yeah, you're the first person (ever) who got pregnant while "seeing" some guy. It's unfortunate, but that's how the cards are dealt.

That guy doesn't want to be a father. I'm pretty sure that he's going to try to convince himself that he's NOT the father. Make sure that he knows that he has to pay child support.
 Zamboni_Operator
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 12
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:47:14 PM
OP, if you're recently pregnant from this guy, & you appear to be in some sort of relationship - at least to the point on agreeing to deliberatley "make babies" - then why does your profile state you're available & looking for a long term relationship? Please reply here.

Many men get nervous about becoming a father. Despite your guy's present hesitancy, I would give it a chance & see if he comes around once the baby is actually born. That can have a profound effect on a man. You never know, he might embrace fatherhood. I know you shouldn't have to coddle him, but maybe you should try & take some pressure off him & remind him that no matter what he decides his role will be, YOU are going to have the baby & raise the child, even if it means being a single mother.

You don't make it clear... when the two of you decided to forego birth control & try & get pregnant, did the two of you mutually envisage you as cohabitating parents raising this child? Or was he more the "sperm donor" so you could have a child before you're too old, regardless of what he does?
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 13
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:47:22 PM
Funny you put your ages in the last line. The whole paragraph made it seem like you both are teenagers. When I read the ages I nearly fell off my chair. I guess you both have a lot of growing up to do.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 14
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 7:06:56 PM

The whole paragraph made it seem like you both are teenagers. When I read the ages I nearly fell off my chair. I guess you both have a lot of growing up to do.


+ 1
I'm amazed that you're 40 and so utterly naive, OP.


OP, I think you have been had by a sweet talker.

Give me a break. He could say the same thing (although it would be just as bogus). Either or both of them could have prevented this if they'd wanted to. Now there are consequences.

Good luck, OP.
 TalkingPie
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 15
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Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/7/2012 7:39:28 PM
I'm curious as to what you discussed, regarding living 200 miles apart from each other. If you're talking about having children, you must have made plans of living together, no? Isn't that generally something you clear up before deciding to bring a kid into the world? The only exception I've seen was when someone was after a visa.

I find it very hard to believe you both agreed to have a child, actively started trying, and at no point resolved the fact that you live 200 miles apart, and at least he in a place that isn't conducive to raising a child.

When a guy is just thinking about getting laid with little regard to anything else, we say he's thinking with his penis. Could this be a case of thinking with one's uterus?
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 17
Freaking out from pregnancy!!!
Posted: 12/8/2012 2:08:36 AM
so he's sponge-worthy. i think you already know that your pregnancy is not happening in the best of circumstances. you "thought" you were both in the same boat?? in other words, you didn't really talk about it with him in any way that could be described as "planning"??? of course that's true, that's why he wasn't thrilled when you made the big announcement. well you should know that can't force a man to "be there for you" just because you're freaking out now. how do you think he feels? helpless, basically. EXTREMELY helpless.


telling me he is useless, he doesn't deserve me, I deserve better

he doesn't want anything to do with you because the last thing he's prepared for at this time is to be a daddy. but you will hold him hostage now because this is your last chance to have a baby. sad. i feel sorry for the kid. p.s. this is a high risk pregnancy under any circumstances and your mental state can't be lessening the risk.

you can't control his actions beyond the legal means available to you to demand child support, so if he's backing away you'd better get yourself mentally prepared for the fact that his "support" is going to be the minimum demanded by the law. work on getting your head straight so that YOU can be prepared to be a mother who is as positively focused as possible.

vvvvv
what the hell?? "talking about the risk" is not the same as "passing judgment". it's common medical knowledge.
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