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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Messaging guys first never develops into a date      Home login  
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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Messaging guys first never develops into a datePage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
On here you and 1241 other women are ALL emailing the three (3) hot-looking embellished-profile "executives" with yachts and planes to fly you around the World.. Just a little exaggeration there to show how it is for most guys doing a similar thing with the few hottest women and never getting a response, usually.

Logically ask, just why would those few hottest-looking top status people be on here with such an in-demand "dating" profile?
Answer, is that they usually wouldn't. Soo, those few top hotties that everyone is apparently emailing to no avail, are most likely fake profiles...
 Tek_Savvy
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 3
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:23:04 PM
You need a profile review. All you have is humor but you don't list your interest, goals, and what kind of guy you are looking for. You haven't put much effort into your profiles so don't be surprised if a guy doesn't ask you out.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 4
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:31:20 PM
Hi I have noticed that whenever (hardly ever now) I have expressed interest by sending the flirt option guy or sent a message and this is usually when they are users who want to meet me. They will normally reply to a message but not one of them has asked me out. In the real world I am friendly and quite outgoing and would have no problem talking to New people and guys normally respond well. What s the difference on here?

Jeez, I don't know. Maybe that your hot!!!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 5
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:31:44 PM
basically what TallIQ said. every woman that ever sent me a message on here was less attractive and had much less to offer than i do. my experience is that women only message guys that are pretty much unattainable for them.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 6
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:46:20 PM
OP, I don't get women messaging me. That said, if I were interested after looking over the profile, I would definitely message back and even ask for a date. But that's usually after a day or two of messaging and getting a phone convo going. That said, I have basically resigned myself not to take this site seriously, as the peeps on here aren't usually serious. If I actually get woman to reply, it usually lasts about 3 messages (average), before she ghosts me. I come here now to just spread a little "hate and discontent" in the forums........ ;-) Makes life interesting anyway.
 AusteniticSteelMan
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 7
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:57:08 PM
Hi Rustycat. lol.

I can see you're experiencing a bit of frustration with that. Well "GENERALLY" (this doesn't apply to everyone, but a large number for sure) people on this site seem a bit shy, and a bit uncomfortable with things. I picture the things I type as things I would say to someone's face, you know, their mouth moving, and sounds issuing forth. It's easy to forget when you're looking at a laptop.

So, to get things rolling in the right direction, i'm not exactly sure what the 'flirt option' is. I'm decent with this website, but since I'm new to it I don't really recognize flirt option, flower thingy, soccerball, or puppy picture.

What I DO recognize is a bright message that shows character or personality in some way. And just to be certain, after you've corresponded a bit, can you take a second look at how you type things? Maybe have a friend read over what you're saying...Do you come off as cold or distant? This could be a problem if you are picturing a date, and the person you're sending it to is like "lol...wat do i do she sounds liek she h8's me but keep messeging? lyk wtf" It can be confusing for simple minded fellows like me.

However, if they can't really understand your typed language, who's to say they'd understand you IRL anyway?

Keep sending messages, I think there's nothing wrong with taking a stand. Besides, you might eliminate your competition. I know I'd respond to a girl who sent me a message first over someone I'd have to send to. You just beat me to the punch, you know? ;)
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:04:35 PM
OP - i have had plenty of girls on here messsage me first...

and the ones I find most attractive and interesting...

i take 'em out...
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 9
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:08:28 PM
Hi I have noticed that whenever (hardly ever now) I have expressed interest by sending the flirt option guy or sent a message and this is usually when they are users who want to meet me. They will normally reply to a message but not one of them has asked me out. In the real world I am friendly and quite outgoing and would have no problem talking to New people and guys normally respond well. What s the difference on here?


Op, come to Canada, I'll date you in a heartbeat. I just love red heads...lol.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 11
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:18:50 PM
Rustycat79...here is my feedback on one aspect of your question:
Many men view the flirt option as a woman tossing the effort over the wall for the man to entertain her.
Even worse is when one investigates the profile of a "flirter" and finds it devoid of content.
That is the reason some gents may respond slowly (or not at all) to generic flirt option notifications.
Hope that provides insights...at least from a 45 y.o. guy standpoint.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/11/2012 9:27:17 PM
The difference on here is that some people can't decide if they want the cheesecake or the chocolate muffin. Their eyes are too easily diverted, so it is harder. Welcome to a guys world of online dating though where you send hundreds of emails and maybe 10% respond and of that only half are interested in meeting. Cheers! ;)
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 13
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 12:00:11 AM
I have the same thing.
Actually I so rarely have a man invite me on a date it is amazing.
I get propositions not date invitations.

I am usually the one doing the date asking.
In both real life and on here.
Sometimes it is like pulling teeth to get a man to want to go out and actually DO SOMETHING!!!

I have had this all my life.
Even back as far as school dances.
I proposed to my husband of 23 years as well.

Perhaps there are just some women, like me, that men do not ask out.
No idea why. Maybe we scare them. Or are not sufficiently Barbie esque.
Some people have told me that I am intimidating to men. Including some men.
So they wait to be approached by us.

Men are such complex creatures.
I will never understand them. Just love them.

And yes I agree whomever initiates the contact generally continues it.

p.s. Whilst I am very rarely asked out on a date from here, I still get my overload of sexual propositions.
 rick1026
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 14
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:00:39 AM
Dear Rustycat79, I just wanted to say that Ive been on a couple dates where I was contacted first by a woman. Im not sure why it hasn't gone well for you, but first of all, I answer every contact I get, whether its a flirt or a message, and depending on how it went, we may have agreed to meet. Ive made a couple of friends too. Depends on the individual, Id guess. Anyway, good luck to you. Regards, Rick
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:32:33 AM
The difference between online and "real life," is that you aren't aware of the vast amount of different information and of different social dynamics are at play between the two situations.

When you meet someone face to face live, as opposed to seeing a picture and a profile online, the amount of instant information you have about them is staggering. You know how they move, how they talk, how they sound, how they smell, how tall they ACTUALLY are, how they dress, their social standing, at least one place they like to go (where you are meeting them), and on and on.

The only thing you get from a profile, at most, is a picture they chose to provide (could be from any time in their past, or even one stolen from elsewhere), and a description of themselves written usually hastily, under less than ideal conditions, like a high school writing project.

In addition to that stark difference, in "real life," you are meeting perhaps one to a half dozen people at once. Online, you are "meeting" thousands, or at least dozens, after you do some weeding out.

Imagine you are in a real life scenario, where you stand up on a stage along with a hundred other women, and someone announces your name and your email address, and briefly shines a spotlight on you. That's what "meeting online" is like, compared to "real life."

You can't start comparing things realistically, until you start looking ONLY at what happens after you actually meet someone who you found online.
 15111958
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 17
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 7:50:07 AM
I've had a few women contact me. It never seems to work out though. Either they are not what I'm looking for or we chat for a little and it suddenly stops. It's never gotten to the meeting stage yet.
 redbirdchick77
Joined: 7/26/2012
Msg: 18
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 8:04:45 AM
{basically what TallIQ said. every woman that ever sent me a message on here was less attractive and had much less to offer than i do. my experience is that women only message guys that are pretty much unattainable for them.}

I don't know that's true for all women. I rarely message anyone but if I do, it's someone I honestly think I have a chance with. I am realistic in who I think might or might not be attracted to me. I guess there is nothing wrong with aiming up but if I get brave enough to send a message, I want my odds to be pretty good of getting a response. I think of the 4 or 5 guys I have messaged, I actually went on dates with 3 of them.
 toightpants
Joined: 11/15/2012
Msg: 19
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 8:40:23 AM

sending the flirt option

IMO you should ignore the flirt option.
I don't really know what that is though on POF.
I am assuming it is like on other sites where it's simply a canned response for cowards so they can click a button, then run away and hide behind the corner to see what happens.
If you have something to say, say it.


sent a message

What kind of message?
Is it just "said you want to meet me...wanna chat?"


this is usually when they are users who want to meet me

IMO don't pay attention to the "meet me" feature.
It doesn't mean they want to actually meet you.
At best you can infer they saw one picture of you and answered the question "does this picture create a more positive than negative reaction? Do you better like this picture in comparison to the last picture we showed you?" with a yes or maybe.

It's basically like rating music on iTunes or whatever where you get this really long list of song titles presented to you and asked to rate the song based on the title and what you can infer from your memory. Rating a song you remember from your childhood, that triggers a positive reaction, doesn't mean you want to buy it and listen to it every day.


In the real world I am friendly and quite outgoing and would have no problem talking to New people and guys normally respond well. What s the difference on here?

The difference is this isn't the "real" world.
Next time you are presented to someone new have a conversation with them by going into segregated rooms and just converse through passing notes under the door. Then compare that to your normal experience.
 Brodigy
Joined: 10/26/2012
Msg: 20
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 8:45:56 AM
I love it when a woman sends me a msg - it shows she is the type to go for it and not have some bs excuse of " the man should make the first move - grow up ! "

However, I don't like getting the flirt thing - SAY SOMETHING !

Ya know, tell me why you sent me a msg, intrigue me - it's a 2 way street .

And yes, I have met women who initiated contact.

You're just experiencing the guy's point of view : send out msgs and not get much of a response ... don't you think it's fun ?

LOL
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 22
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:00:29 AM
will normally reply to a message but not one of them has asked me out.


Since you sent the first message or flirt maybe you should be more assertive in moving it along to a first meet as well.

I have been on a number of first meets where women have been the first to contact me - none of those women were shy about moving it along to a first meet.

As others have said if you are only sending messages to the 10% of guys that most women on here seem to be interested in then you are bound to get plenty of rejection unless you are in the 10% of women that most men are sending messages to.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 24
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:52:12 AM
OP.

When a person, be he man or woman, takes the initiative on here, he/she will be rejected more times than not. That's just the price of being an initiator.

I get replies to about 10% of the initial messages I send. Few of those have ever developed into a face to face meeting. I would imagine the numbers are similar for a lot of people on here. Why do you think you should be an exception?
 Handyman78
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 25
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 2:52:51 PM
TO: Inkandidea ---[ Where are these women who send first messages?! a myth surely!]

You never get messaged first? Ever? I would consider you more attractive then myself and I get messaged first all the time. In my opinion only; Your profile comes across as unsure, low self esteem, shallow, egotistical and just plain boring. You don't talk at all about 'you' or what you are looking for. It appears to be nervous rambling. Also the last line where there is an attempt at humor, epic fail man. There is no tractor beam pulling women to message you. Look at mine as an example to inspire yours. bc with that profile I now understand why you may not get a first contact from a lady. It has no way of setting it apart from everyone elses. REMEMBER women like sparkle to get their attention. Once you have it, you have to keep it.
 Handyman78
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 26
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 3:18:17 PM
TO: OP

Is it reasonable to ask for every gentleman you initiate contact with to 'Ask you out on a date"? Or are you wanting a meet and great? I respond to first contacts to see where the conversation goes and if they intrigue me enough to exit my cave. There have been great conversations with absolutely no romantic 'clicking'. I have made a new friend! It might be a profile thing also. I want to know how committed she is to finding her 'One and Only". A lack of effort there tells me a lack of effort in the relationship. Some mystery is good, however a bunch of blah blah blah and insecurities , yes they show thru there also, on the profile, that doesn't tell me a bit about you and your goals, then everyones time is wasted.

Just my thoughts.

View my profile and I think it might inspire you, also don't mention guy friends. We know you have them.


Good luck to you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 29
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:09:13 PM
Ahh....well good for you to make first contact, I've done so myself. It doesn't always work out in any certain way all the time, but most of my first contacts do at least ask to meet. Sometimes, I find after a quick chat via email that I'm no longer at ALL interested so I wouldn't want to ask them out anyway.

I just say keep on doing what you're doing, be genuine to yourself and don't squeeze your brain cells trying to figure everything out. If you WANT a first contact to ask you out, then either wait to see if he does or ask him yourself. It really isn't that complicated, don't let the easy stuff throw you. It only gets complicated when and if you get involved....ugh...
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 31
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Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:38:07 PM
Its just that easy! Actually the best way pof works is if women contact the guy. Women hold the key, guys are usually game to meet even marginal people, and women don't respond to messages, because of too much crap in their email, ect.....
Pof has worked for me because women do contact me, not sure why because my pictures are crappy lol. But when women do message, life is easy, here is one of my many favorites;
her (first message) - "I like you!"
me (checked her profile, holy crap she's hot!) - "I like you too!"
her - call me xxx-xxx-xxxx
me - I call her, and from the minute i hear her voice, i know she's fun and fantastic!
We set up a date the next night, as i entered the sushi bar she was there early sitting at the bar....you never know what your going to get, but she was a wow on the beautiful scale, and fun........
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 32
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/12/2012 5:09:21 PM
If it were up to me, it'd be mandatory that, at least once, every woman would have to make first contact, even IRL.....make the first approach. It's just been my experience, that either I lost interest after talking to them a bit or they actually asked me out first. Not that I wouldn't, it just hasn't happened.

Quick story, I worked with a younger woman who was floored to find out I'd walk up to a MAN (imagine!) and start talking to them. I took her out with me to show her how it's done....almost had to shove her off her chair. The next girl who took her position, same thing.

I think every woman should do that because it gives them the perspective of what a guy faces when he has to make a first contact, whether online or in person.

BTW, I'm always kind, even if I'm not interested, because I understand what it takes to walk up to someone, and I'd never embarrass any guy by being rude.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 35
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/13/2012 3:36:06 PM

*cowboy* wrote: I get a couple first contacts a day. A steady trickle but not many really.


:-O Holy crap!!!!!! I've been on here for three months, and have had only 1 "first contact". How in the world do you do that?????????
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