Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Disapearing act?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 2
Disapearing act?Page 1 of 1    
Maybe he gets the vibe that it might be dangerous to tell you?
Maybe he's super bad with confrontation?
Maybe ......

Not everyone is like this.
Yep you're better off.
If you can't ask him- don't spend another minute of your life on it.
Even if you can ask- why bother?

Life might have just happened. It might not be a personal thing. There may just be some heavy things he's dealing with.....depends if you want to wonder, get jaded, or let it go.

Is he really easily distracted? Maybe there was a squirrel or something shiney...
 Wingnuteric
Joined: 6/1/2011
Msg: 4
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 1:20:34 AM
unfortunately there are alot of creepers on PoF that are only out for one thing. I like to refer to it as the "hit it and quit it" routine. Don't be blind sided by these wastes of space. If its real, it will pan out. If they vanish...then pretty much that was a hint and a half for you that (insert name here) was just a CREEPER.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 5
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 7:49:59 AM
"I enjoyed our time together but I have chosen to go a different direction. Good luck." (Something like that.)

If you already "get" that chances are he met someone else he liked better or something changed that made him lose interest, then why do you ALSO want him to say the obvious? Do you require a written announcement, or do you merely request a verbal declaration? Hand-written note or just a pleasant email? In person or over the phone? Facebook status update or text? "Good luck"? How about if he wings a horse shoe through the living room window while he's driving by at 40 mph.


Is it really so hard to say

It's not really about the perceived difficulty of his task as you've defined it for him. It's about all the icky feelings you get when you're unceremoniously ignored after you thought things were going in a completely different direction. I get it. When people decide to move on they almost always do it in a way that's easiest for them; that will never be your decision to make.

Some folks don't handle rejection very well and they're like land mines waiting to go off. Why would he expose himself to a potential shitstorm when you're the only one who really has to live with your own feelings about it??? Even 90% of the people who were let down gently still complain about it. Haven't you ever had to dump someone??? You can't win.

The first thing most people do when they get dumped is wonder why. The second thing they do is think of five different ways it could have been a more pleasant experience. Come on.


We went on 2 dates.

So don't make this a bigger deal than it really is. You can't believe half the shit people say when you don't know them. Why do you think we keep telling children not to accept candy from strangers?
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 6
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 8:02:39 AM
The "disappearing act" happens because some people lack of courtesy or courage to be upfront with tact after a few dates. You can end it by email or text to avoid a direct confrontation. Then you could either unread / delete any subsequent messages from the other person. Or you can block the other person if (s)he insults you or asks "why not? BTW some people can get mad that you ignored them instead of being upfront with them. Thus they send you rude email / text / voice messages because of that.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 7
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 8:10:23 AM
Topic been done to death. The answers and replies will vary from the guy being a complete moron to the guy is pretty smart not to confront a female with bad news because of the shiatstorm that could be created.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 8
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 8:27:45 AM
We went on 2 dates. He kept telling me how much he liked me and that he wanted to keep seeing me then just stopped talking to me.


Word of advice. Never go by a man's words, but rather by his actions. Will save you a lot of headaches down the road.
Also, you went on *two* dates.

He's being a coward yes, but after 2 dates, there is nothing really that could've been established in the way of a solid relationship or foundation of trust. In other words, it would be nice if he was honest, but he didn't owe it to you.

Chalk it up as his loss, and move on.

No use in sweating someone after two dates. If you are, then that could be why he didn't confront you to tell you.
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 9
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 8:37:40 AM
Because people are cowards and take no responsibility for their actions. In my experience here, this is standard procedure.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 9:52:26 AM
Had he said all the right things in ending your association, you would have felt that you were losing a respectful, eloquent person. This way, you know he is not the type of person you would have wanted a relationship with. ie; coward.

So, in essence, he has helped you to get over him much quicker.

Also, this is so common on dating sites that it is best to develop a thick skin towards it and not take it personally.
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 10:07:29 AM
As far as I could tell, this has been the standard operating procedure of almost every girl I've ever gone out with more than once, for whatever reason. On rare occasions where I actually wanted to know why, I would have to get somewhat pushy to get a reason (I met someone else, not feeling it, etc.). I guess some of us learn our cues from the opposite sex. Get over it, move on.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 12
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 11:14:02 AM
NO - He cannot just say "I changed my mind, go away."

Men and Women tend to react badly when they are told to go away. They start whining and asking "why why why" and then pleading "but but but" and then screaming "no no no" and finally posting on POF about how someone else is a jerk because they told you to get lost to your face.

It's simpler and easier on both people to just cut and run. Does that answer your question?
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 13
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 11:43:23 AM
You are getting confrontational because they DIDN'T say anything. Imagine if they did and you didn't like it?
THAT is why people just slink off. Its safer. Its gutless, but its safer.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/22/2012 10:57:09 PM

He kept telling me how much he liked me and that he wanted to keep seeing me

well, of course he did. if he'd said, 'i'd like to meet you to see whether you turn me on and don't have any dealbreakers like schizophrenia or horrible breath,' which is pretty much what everyone wants, would you have given him the time of day? you, who claim to want full honest disclosure, no matter how unpleasant?
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 15
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/23/2012 12:17:37 AM
because it would likely cause an arguement, 2 dates, he just found someone he liked better, nothing wrong with you, your not engaged or anything.lol
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 16
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/24/2012 8:42:12 AM
This seems to be the norm with many on line. I think its the right thing to do to at least send a text or email and say its not working or whatever, but we dont control others. I will continue to be honest and let someone know i am no longer interested without trying to hurt their feelings. If they continue to text or email, use block. I think its disrespectful and I consider myself lucky to dodge a bullet early rather than waste time. Good luck to you.
 orange_hill
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 17
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/24/2012 10:56:34 AM
I think it's rude and disrespectful. As mentioned by a few others, send a text or email saying that "there was no chemistry". Then you can ignore / block if you get any backlash. Ironically I was more likely to get backlash when I didn't respond right away. It wasn't because of lack of interest on my part. I usually was sick or didn't get the previous message or simply forgot to call the other person back etc.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 19
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/24/2012 8:05:59 PM
Why don't these pity pot posts get deleted? Every man who makes a post like this immediately gets deleted. All women are universally accepted. Was there a question in there? Or did we already pat you on the back enough and say "there there it's okay..." don't you have parents who can do this?
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 20
Disapearing act?
Posted: 12/24/2012 9:02:02 PM
There are a multitude of posts on this because it happens ALL THE TIME.
Don't ask me why.
And apparently it is poor form to ask the man why.
If you do ask why more than likely you will not get a response and if you ask more than once you will be deemed to be a crazy stalker.

Sorry.
But it just happens and the reasons are as many are there are people.
Merry Christmas.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Disapearing act?