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 Klova61
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 1
rejection does it get easierPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How many times do you give yourself before you stop trying?. Is there really the perfect person for you or is that a marketing ploy?. What do you do when you think you have something with someone and it is one sided?. do you stop or change yourself to make them like you the same way?. Is there a manual that translates woman speak and man speak?.
 4Dog_Flyer
Joined: 6/16/2012
Msg: 2
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 12/24/2012 7:10:16 AM
I hate to admit how long I've been at this. At first I was dismayed by the rejection, then disappointed, and finally disgusted. I changed my profile more often than some people changed their underwear, with no discernible difference in results. I went from upbeat and positive to cynical and bitter. I had a long talk with the man in the mirror and he set my mind right: Be who you are and be what you are. Maybe no one on the Internet will appreciate you for that, but at least you have been true to yourself. I've learned to just accept rejection and realize that I'm not the one losing out on the deal. POF is free, so why not keep at it? What do you have to lose other than the time you invest here?

No, there isn't a "perfect" person. It is a Hollywood-generated marketing ploy. There is only one Brad and only one Angelina. We all have our faults and foibles. Try to find someone with a similar lifestyle and similar values; and accept them for who and what that are, warts and all.

If it's one-sided, it won't work. Get over it and move on. Failure to act early will only break your heart in the long run. Better bruised than broken.

I recall a joke about a man asking the genie in the bottle to build a highway from California to Hawaii. The genie went on about the impossible engineering and construction challenges of such a structure; so in in lieu of that, he asked to understand women. The genie replied: "Would you like two lanes or four?" My best recommendation is to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 12/24/2012 10:00:52 AM
There are no perfect people and if there was, wouldn't you have to be perfect to be a perfect match for them? Anyway, rejection gets easier when you stop being so self-absorbed and thinking all things involve you and you stop needing attention to like yourself. It's natural for some that you want to not want you, after all you don't want everyone who wants you. We reject people all the time, but if you are taking it so personally that you think you might have to stop being open to meeting someone, then it's an issue for you and something that needs to be worked on. The things you are describing require good professional help to overcome, otherwise you are going to just ping-pong around thinking everything is about you, about your lacking something, etc. Choose the way you live by becoming self-aware.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 12/24/2012 10:52:11 AM
"How many times do you give yourself before you stop trying?"

As many as it takes.

"Is there really the perfect person for you or is that a marketing ploy?"

Everything gets used as a marketing ploy, but the origin of that notion would be more accurately described as "romantic claptrap."

On the more positive side of things, instead of saying "there's someone for everyone," it would be much more useful to say that "given the large number of people on the planet, and the naturally limited number of characteristics and personality traits a person can have, it is LIKELY that there are a number of people you would find satisfactory to you, and you to them; however there are no guarantees that you will easily be able to locate each other."

That's not as catchy though, so it's common to hear "there's someone out there for everyone."
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 5
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 12/26/2012 6:43:48 AM
@ Nr 01 ...


" ... How many times do you give yourself before you stop trying?. ... "

Depends on (a) how important finding someone is to you, (b) how much time you have, and (c) your tolerance for rejection. Possessing a 'martyr complex' may help deal with that 'rejection' thing, too, as it can be employed to always make the problem someone else's fault ...


" ... Is there really the perfect person for you or is that a marketing ploy?. ... "

No, there are no 'perfect person' types to be had. There are, however, 'perfect-for-me' types in abundance - or, in your case, 'perfect-for-you'. The questions are: (a) whether or not you have the patience to walk thru the weeds to get to the flower and (b) whether you believe everything you read.


" ... What do you do when you think you have something with someone and it is one sided?. ... "

Accept reality and walk away from a no-win situation. Alternatively, find a nice cast-iron fry pan and beat yourself about the head, neck, and shoulders until it feels good.


" ... do you stop or change yourself to make them like you the same way?. ... "

You ask this with a straight face. Is there some arcane, yet unknown, method for achieving this end ... ? No. You cannot 'make' anyone 'like' you. Again, accept reality. Walk away from a no-win situation.


" ... Is there a manual that translates woman speak and man speak?. ... "

Have you checked the local Barnes & Noble ... ? The short answer is: No.

Look, if you're impatient or looking for some mythical 'perfect person', you're setting yourself up for non-stop disappointment. Getting from Point 'A' to Point 'B' is the same as always: Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking until you find what you're looking for. It's actually quite a simple reality ...
 Klova61
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 6
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/7/2013 1:07:13 AM
okay i did this thread during a low insecure moment. i know rejection is part of life be it romantic, business and financial. Guess my problem is the excuses a man gives you for not asking you out are lame. just say hey woman you are not my type and you don't turn my crank.

funny some men i never knew thought about me now that i have let my guard down a little are my best friends. my expectations of myself, men and others is still higher than most but, letting my heart decide to giv' er before my brain gets all technobabbling as to why this won't work etc.

thank you for your responses. they all have been taken with the kindness that was sent. i am in love (?) - my interpretation of love - with someone and that is me. i have someone i feel is my soul - deep or soul mate. feeling better about myself. funny what your mind can do to you when you let it think. lol. peace out sweeties.
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 7
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/7/2013 5:12:28 AM
in past dating or relationships that dissolved, i did not see it as rejection. i felt disappointment, pain, etc. took a rest if needed. then kept plodding. i used my business/sales skills. one down and more to go, toward the eventual win. it did happen btw. was not supposed to happen to me. now 64, he 58. me disabled, he working. total opposites. lots of chemistry and similar values. we take turns at everything: movie selections, doing things, etc. why? because we are so opposite! so, discard the lists, the self deprecation, put on blinders and keep trotting! just make sure you learn from each mistake or person along the way.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 8
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/7/2013 3:49:19 PM
Do not give of yourself....to complete strangers.

When I message, call, or date a girl.
I do not expert her to just like me.
Nor make whether she does or not....
a judgment call on me.
or my self esteem.

Just see how it goes.
and if it goes nowhere.
move on.

If I mix it up with a girl..
and it turns out she does like me...
I'll get excited some then.
But not before.

Save your emotions for when they may count.
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/7/2013 4:04:43 PM
NO, not for most women as they aren't used to it.

You have to have a little harder shell and let it roll like guys learned to do in middle school.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 10
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/7/2013 5:45:01 PM
For me, rejection is much easier now, because I have become so good at it. I think it is perfectly acceptable to have nice dates with nice people, and you have a strong feeling that things will not progress beyond that, and it's OK if that person moves on.
Every so often, someone comes along who really strikes me as a great longterm possibility, and if THAT person rejects me it really stings.
 Klova61
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 11
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/9/2013 2:12:52 AM
Ego makes decisions that are short term and self gratifing. I admit I have been tricked by my ego. I decided to let emotions gravitate me to the people i enjoy being around and share my time with.

I listen to the bs messages in my head. When rejection happened i replay the situation and laugh. Once in a while i go do i want this person in my life or not?. Most do not. I keep an open mind, heart and my soul sings when i meet new men as i learn about myself. If everything was perfect - i would be so so bored. No challenge.
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 12
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/9/2013 4:01:02 PM
Hi Klova, good post :)

One of the best things is that you love/like yourself then you go from there. I first like to think of rejection this way- Rejection is God's Protection. I figure he is totally not right for me if he has rejected me and it actually doesn't tend to bother me too much or at all, especially if it is someone online. There is so much we don't know about the other person, had you gotten the chance to know him or her then it would have been even more clear that it wouldn't have worked out. So thank them for not wasting your time.

I can get tired of making the effort so it is one reason why I don't have a date every weekend. I don't let it bother me and have fun with friends instead :) Who am I kidding, I sometimes don't date for months and I'm okay with it. This Saturday night my favorite local band is playing along with some other bands I don't know, along with having a small art show, it will be nice.

There are a couple words I like to use when socializing- Why not and so what. Why not reach out and see what you get and so what if you get rejected.

Good luck!!
 MisterDiamond
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 13
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/11/2013 11:39:21 AM
I am in sales.

I always get rejected on dating sites. Therefore, rejections come very easy to me.
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 14
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/14/2013 2:56:32 PM
Every so often, someone comes along who really strikes me as a great longterm possibility, and if THAT person rejects me it really stings.


This is what I am going through....deep down I keep telling myself I need to have more of a 'don't give a sh*t' attitude UGH
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 15
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/14/2013 3:17:37 PM
^^^^^^
S&C - If you didn't value a great (possible) relationship, then it would be easy to forget about it and go on to the next.
The poster above you "expects " to be disappointed, so how much energy and vitality will he put forth the next time he meets a good prospect?
 Cheskat37
Joined: 12/25/2012
Msg: 16
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:14:56 PM
It only stings when you liked the guy. It really bugs me when a guy starts slinging mud. If you don't like them say thank you was nice meeting you but I think we are looking for different things. Picking apart your date phrase by phrase.. Taking what they said out of context, refusing to listen for the answer after they asked it simply pisses me off. Sometimes it's easier just to list every flaw I have so they have nothing left to say. As they say, I can do bad all by myself.. thank you.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 17
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:16:52 PM
I don't even care anymore- which has made me more confident & relaxed...I am here for the forums only basically
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 18
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/14/2013 7:39:17 PM
everyone has been rejected at one time or another, that's life you take the good with the bad, but if you give up then you never know what could have been if you just continued to stay the course. Iv'e been rejected on here and i've rejected others on here as well, but thats the whole process of finding someone to suit your needs in which you have the most common with and who knows how long it takes to find that special person but when you do find that special person you would look back and say it was well worth the wait.
 Cheskat37
Joined: 12/25/2012
Msg: 19
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/15/2013 11:32:57 AM
Looked at you profile , you sound like a great guy ... What would scare a lady about your profile is you only lasted a little more then a year with a lady. Makes me wonder if your a. Super picky or b. your a player... Take what I say with a grain of salt. Not here to offend anyone but it would make me think twice if you we're in my area
 makavali7dayz3
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 20
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rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/15/2013 11:37:36 AM
When you love yourself it does. When you accept yourself for who you are.
 Klova61
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 21
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/16/2013 2:10:59 AM
Interesting reply - sealing the deal is a fantasy. Getting to meet people and learning about yourself through their eyes is what dating is about. I have been rejected because I was married ( mind you I was seperated at the time), too old, too passionate, too touchyfeeling and wanting to talk to the man about their dreams etc.

I have been given the blow off by text by men I haven't even gone out with. I have been told to leave them alone. So I come on too strong. That is me if you don't like it then too bad. We can't all get along. I like to find out about people and if they don't want to share that's their baggage. We are on this earth so short that I go out of my comfort zone to ask someone out. Is that wrong?. I didn't direct any comment on this thread to anyone in particular was just asking a general question. This is a cliche I find annoying yet true - If it is meant to be it will be. People who hurt you don't deserve you. Life is for living not for dying. Weaknesses are easy to see but being with someone who can make you feel complete is all that love is.
 Klova61
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 22
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:04:18 AM
After all my angst. I am letting go and allowing my heart to dictate choices. Women and Men do want the same things in all levels of relationships. My upset was with not getting the communication right. Some people like me, some don't. Life is too short to wallow in self pity. Yes I have mellow processing situation days. In the long run know that all works out the way it should. Found different ways of sharing my needs, wants, concerns, love and care for another. Curious - can Women and Men be friends even when sexual attraction is there or does that add to the closeness?.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 23
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/17/2013 7:46:45 AM
As a writer, I long long ago got full doses of actual rejection (that's why they're called "rejection slips"). But a letter not answered on a dating site? A first meet and greet not working out? Early days/fact finding period and it doesn't take? Nope, don't see any of those as rejection. Not worthy of a pity party in the least.

Nothing that hurts gets easier, but we hopefully learn to cope better. Hurts less, and happens less often, if we don't go all in too soon. A year or so worth of work smarts good and hard when it goes down the drain. That's life. And the sun will come up on the next new day. Take advantage of the new sun, new day.

(Yeah, I'm an optimist, lol!)
 lucky2beme
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 24
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 1/17/2013 6:22:09 PM
put it this way..i have been rejected so many times that not only have i stopped taking count,but i have also stopped looking and caring to boot
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 25
rejection does it get easier
Posted: 10/22/2016 1:14:13 PM

rejection does it get easier


Yes.

When you're dead.
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