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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Does someone having kids put you off      Home login  
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 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 2
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Does someone having kids put you offPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i`ve only dated one woman with young kids, the youngest i think ( at the time) was about 7, i got on famously with the lad, but that was about 6 yrs ago, i`m not too sure now that i`m pushing 50 , i think there`d be limits :O)
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 7
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 3:28:26 AM
^^^^ " as I'm getting on a bit at 33 "

hahahaha your still a youngster !! :O)


vvvvvv i know a few women who have had children between 40 and 45 yrs of age, you just never know do you :O)
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 10
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 4:12:51 AM
At my age its far more preferable to me for a partner to have had kids as they are much less likely to be self obsessed and see small problems as being massive ones. kids help put life into perspective and the older a women is without having children the more these issues appear.
IMO
 Loose_end
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 12
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 4:41:24 AM

Does someone having kids put you off


As long as she wasnt screaming too much while i was trying to watch the football then i suppose it would be ok.
 ~Hams~
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 15
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 5:24:18 AM
It would depend on what age they were.
I don't think I would want to get involved with someone if they had very young kids
but if they were much older it wouldn't be a problem if I was lucky enough to find somebody I got on with.
 fleursky
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 18
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 7:06:05 AM
Yes someone having children does put me off especially if they're very young.
I could probably cope with teenagers.
I don't care if that sounds selfish but to be perfectly honest after raising my sons who are now adults and living their own lives I enjoy my life of not having any ties/restrictions, working, going out when I want etc and if I meet someone then I want us to have quality time together doing things and not having babysitting duties restricting the weekends or holidays.
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 29
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 2:14:20 PM
I do not see that a guys roll should be to take over the fathering roll at all. A roll maybe,but it is up to the kids and you to decide over time how involved and influential that relationship is. I have known some women introduce their new man to her kids as their new dad from the off repeatedly!
Forcing anything re relationships with kids is just not realistic or healthy.
 ChocolateTrousers
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 30
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 2:23:48 PM
Nope, having kids wouldnt be a problem. Acting like one might be.
 Steve280164
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 34
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 3:01:44 PM
I've brought up someone elses kids when they were very young,and its the hardest thing i've ever done,so,yes,it puts me off,but if they're older and more independent,thats a different matter
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 35
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 3:06:58 PM
Absolute bollocks! Any man who is a long term partner of a single mum will be expected to assume some parental role in the kids life. There is no such thing as being there for the 'mum' but not the kid. Infact,I would amazed if there was a single mum out there who would date a guy who told them he didnt want take any parental resposibility her for kid(s).

why should a women not expect a long term partner to take some sort of parental roll with her kids? Kids expect a trusted adult to take some form of basic roll if they are part of their life. ( Teacher,aunt,uncle, friend of family,cubs etc). Kids respect adults to simply be around and will respond to adult reason.
Now. I have been told so many times by female friends their stories of guys being wonderful dates only to find out too late that the guy has no wish and will never want anything much to do with her kids.
To me that is utterly selfish and very cruel!
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 37
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/27/2012 3:22:41 PM
Ruth. Every situation is different and things change. But I think that the change should come from the child's wishes rather than anyone else's,and without any form of pressure.
As for a parental roll. What is expected from a parental roll when it comes to a ltr partners kids?
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 49
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/28/2012 9:19:18 AM
" I still salute guys who can date single mums though,I always salute guys who can do what I cant. "

its only a problem if you allow it to become so zenndy, there`s always a middle ground if both parties wish to look for it :O)
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 51
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/28/2012 9:40:17 AM
I wouldn't be keen on dating a guy who still has school age kids. Their priority would be quite rightly with the kids and if I suddenly decide I want to go out, have a weekend away etc I don't want it to depend on whether it was his weekend to have his kids over to stay or if he can get a babysitter. I also wouldn't want to meet the kids until I was sure it was a relationship with long term potential, so I wouldn't be visiting when kids were around.

I'd hate to be in a situation where I might put pressure on a guy cos he had divided loyalties. Would have been different when my daughter was young - but in my eyes, I have earned the right to child free years, my daughter is grown up and married and lives in a different part of the country.

It will restrict my 'potential pool' greatly as so many older guys ie late 40's, early 50's still have young children but I accept that happily.
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 63
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 12/28/2012 7:02:53 PM
I would not want to date someone with children
 algha
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 81
Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 10:56:05 AM
Well children, kids, dogs, cats, ducks, all take time and effort, in some cases lots of time, and lots of effort, the expense is not the problem its all about time.

Working takes time, not just the work the travel but the preparation as well.

So when one adds up the work time plus kids time, what is left? Answer not much time at all.

So this puts pressure on times one is together as kids need feeding, and looking after as well, so sex would have to be rushed, as one has to sleep, and after the kids, the washing up, and the rest, why bother anyway, too exhausted. Ok so people have sex in a few minutes, and that is that, with the glory of the weekends to look forward to....kids, kids, dogs, sheep, and the rest of the animals you, your children and their friends represent. A human zoo, where all the animals are on public display, trying to be good parents, while the world falls apart. Children are boring, they know nothing, are encouraged to develop selfishness, as they develop into individuals, which is a selfish state innit???

Personally I appreciate the novelty, the fun, the joy, and the exhaustion, frustration and the rest. Its OK if you can afford childminders, but who earns that sort of cash to splash for a live in servant or two?

Of course who would want to give their kids up, they love them, despite their moods and things, where everyone believes in "Happy Families" and many smile and boast of the sensations they could not do without. But who like torture? Many actually!

Would I go with a woman with baggage, no or little time, generally tired, worn out psychologically, but plastered with a smile for public view????

No!! Making love is not a commercial break between household dramas, and the dramas are continuous. Love making takes hours, its a sensory adventure, similar to torture, where nerves are exploited, but for smiles, not forced truths. One can picture the theme where the hourly warm up of cunnilingus, has internalised the sensations of said partner, she is riding the beast, learning to control the sensations and full sex is to follow, and the air is filled with electricity and them, the door bursts open and the children of any age one want to imagine pour in, and what happens next??????

Well mother in a haze, the screams, the questions, the ..........what fun weekends were prior to kids, all the time in the world to be affectionate, practice pleasing the other person, laughing and cuddling, in a perpetual affectionate embrace.

Fancy being lobotomised, physically and psychologically, for a decade or two, having crap sex leading to impotence or the signs of it, as why have a crap meal, when not eating seems more attractive????

Wonder why the divorce and separation rate is through the roof???? I often have to bite my tongue when told the lies of Happy crappy families, and as I am no masochist, and thanks for the offer but please F someone else, let them be the suckers. Welcome to a nightmare that never ends, and when the wonders leave home the guilt, worry continues unabated. Just to make life really worth living who can afford to leave home these days, with student debts, few jobs, so the nightmare for some is pleasure for others, and I just cannot fool myself that well.
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 82
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 11:35:42 AM
I dont like watching people give birth...
 Chuzz16
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 84
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:15:47 PM
^^^^^


Oh Alice I have a rabbit too.



Mine's not fluffy.
 daver987654
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 85
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:27:45 PM
Notts - that's what I read too. My immediate thought was being invited out on a date to watch a bird having kids. The pint of beer in my hand added a little surreality I wasn't prepared for.
 daver987654
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 86
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 12:28:53 PM
No, but someone who had cats!!!







And no bloody horses thanks very much.

Not that I'm bitter. Or twisted. I will get over it one day. Just not quite ready yet. Another 20 years should do it. What's wrong with eating them anyway.
 ellymyosotis
Joined: 3/29/2013
Msg: 89
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 2:25:08 PM
Not at all but I have kids myself so different for someone that doesn't.

However though different is same subject.. I have rejected a number of chats when they have a main picture with children and those actively seeking people with children when none of their own.
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 91
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 3:52:47 PM
S. P. Nice to see you on the Forums. Took me a little time to work out who you are :-) that job must wear you out emotionally. I watched a couple of a television programs following some women from conception to birth giving. Sometimes it looked like the baby and or the parent were not going to live. I was shattered by the end of the shift. The ones to whom the baby meant more than everything to them often broke my heart. Did you see it. I bet you thought it a pile of crap :-)
 algha
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 92
Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 4:19:00 PM
I forgot the mothers on here tend to have grown up kids, or more time before they fly the nest, except where to, in the world of work, the doors are being shut.

So you've been through the mill, come out the other side wondering what happened, mate with washing machines, and a quick one on the stairs, well it must be so exciting, glad I missed the crap!

Affection overload was it, where is the father, giving hugs and luvres, or kicked out, as mum as usual was left holding, feeding , clothing the ever growing hungry baby? The kids made you the people you now are, affection deficit need plugging, washing machine not doing it that well although more reliable maybe, at the flick of a switch, just like hubby was????

Show me a happy couple, and I will expose them as a pair of liars, who live in the world of hope, and hope is always tomorrow, or soon.

Affection is not a staircase romp. or a mechanical rotational experience, but you know that, hence the lucky dip joke, and if it smiles, chats nicely wants sex, till he feels secure enough to start the abuse again, just like the personal history tried to show. So you can cope with the put downs now, don't feel vulnerable, as the psychopaths knock on your treasures in varying disguises.

Affection like fairness these days has little value, to the smash and grab, hamburger swallowing instant gratification mob.

I sort of envy the quickie, the frantic few second brigade, but not into psychological stop gaps. I've never had a quickie, and never want to, do I have MUG tattooed on my forehead, many apparently do. OK so it takes a few hours, but what is life about, one showers affection on a woman, every touch should fire up the nervous system, and sensory overload, like a computer crash is where the inputs collide, and the machine lays suspended in time, as the neural network takes effect, like a drug subduing the animal. Quantum sex might be the modern idea of pleasure, as in a microsecond reaction on the stairs, and sex starts of fine for most and then becomes just a ghost of what it was, whereas real affection starts off and never ceases over time to do much more than just get better. Its a hard job but someone has to set standards. Its music to the soul, once one learns to play the notes, although most think playing the same chord is where its at, sadly.

Some ape the village idiot approach to sex, and affection, but humans have evolved a sensory / neuron network that kind of leaves the rest of the animal and our cousins the apes far behind. We are the most tactile of apes, more touch receptors that any other, and kids, goats, chickens although fun to play with cannot be compared to what humans are actually evolved to experience. But then it takes lots of time. On the other hand why not take up religion, and hope for better times, when the joke is on you, women are an evolutionary anomaly, and all may look so different but anatomically and physiologically once they overcome their imagined shortcomings, and who does not love playing with the gods? Can anyone see feelings?


Excuse the spelling mistakes, a staircase of a job, just so little time for this.
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 93
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/14/2013 10:11:46 PM
As ever,its a case of "each to their own" is`nt it ?

though i dont have kids myself, two of my exes did, and it was great ! ,and they were teens as well, but no problem at all :O)
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 96
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 5/15/2013 5:46:57 AM
I have had dates cancelled at the last minute because grown up daughter wants this or that, been told to leave mid sex because grown up son has had row with girlfriend at 2 am and wants dads advice and somewhere to stay. "You'll be an instant grand dad etc with my large family, it's so much fun" with one bloke, who when i declined the tempting offer launched into a vile attack on my upbringing and quotes from the christian bible. So i know we shouldn't judge others but from such experiences it can colour ones view.
 Keeley345
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 105
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Does someone having kids put you off
Posted: 6/28/2013 2:02:06 PM
This is an interesting one. I personally don't like men with kids however this isn't always what i get. Because of my age and the fact I like dating older guys, the likelihood of them being divorced with kids etc is high. Some men and women dislike dating someone with kids mainly because they know they'll always be second best (if they're lucky enough to) because a good parent will always put their kids first. It also depends on the children. Are they good, happy kids or troublesome? Is 'the ex' still on the scene? If so, is he/she still bitter from the breakup or happy that their ex partner is moving on?

What's important i guess is not really whether someone has kids. It's important that they're a good parent. How a man/woman treats their kids and ex, is a good indicator of what kind of person they are. It'll show their reliability and patience. Some friends I know who've dated single dads have complained too that it isn't easy to arrange and keep to dates due to money factors (lack of money mostly), babysitting issues and sometimes the kids just don't want their dad going out at all. In one friends case, her boyfriends' son pretended to be ill so his dad would cancel his date and stay at home. My friend called her boyfriend out on this and he was like ''I know my son isn't ill, but what can i do?''

Like i said before, the kids will always come first and while that's not a bad thing, it can create jealousy on both sides.
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