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 jay92t
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 1
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sexPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey, so ive been thinking for this for sometime and hopefully you guys can help me out. Im now 20 and i first started dating my gf at 17.
Ive been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years, and like the first year sex was great, and she would want to do it all the time and try different things and we would hardly get any sleep. As time went on, our relationship became stronger and we are bestfriends as well as a couple, but we have like sex 2 or 3 times a month, and im not the kind of guy that would dump a girl for the lack of sex, as she has a great personality.
I respect my girlfriend, so if she never wants to do it, i always pretended that it was fine and i wasnt hurt at all, because i thought if she didnt want to do it, and we still did it there would be no 'fun'. As time went on, 99% of the time when i tried to get close to her in bed, she would give me reasons like, im too tired, my back hurts too much, can we do it another time ect, so i was fine with that, and still only done it if she wanted to do it. I thought maybe when i have sex im too rough with her and therfore she didnt like it, so when i had the chance to do it with her, i would take it extra slow and try to make the situation perfect for her.. but still it didnt seem like she noticed.
After a few month of that, i thought maybe i was too boring in bed and thats why she never wants to do it. So when i had the chance to do it with her, i would say i want her to bite me and suck my ear (she said she like to do that), and try different things with me but after a few weeks she told me she doesnt like to do this kinda stuff cos its too 'kinky' for her. That made me really upset, cos it seemed like i was the one who wanted to do wierd stuff in bed and that wasnt at all what i was trying to achieve.
Now when we are in bed i just try and love her, kiss her all over and tell how much i love her and touch her in her private places, still i get nothing, she just turns around or asks me to do somthing like change the tv channel or says shes going to sleep.
Now i know she loves me, and if she didnt she wouldnt want to spend so much time with me so i really dont think that is a problem.
I have spoken to her about the lack of sex cos she noticed i was getting upset about it alot, before i told her anything i said, what ever we talk about you will remember it for a week or two but after it will go back to normal. And after i told her everything that i put in the post, and basicly all she said is 'girls dont like sex as much as boys', and again i respected what she said and left it at that.
Ive thought of many time of moving on and finding other gf, but i dont think the lack of sex would be a fair point to dump someone, and im not a shallow person.

If anyone could guide me, it would be appreciated and it would most probably change my life :)
Thanks for reading, and sorry for all the grammar mistakes :P
 Asarat11
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 2
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 11:32:49 AM
Welcome to married life / or long term relationship life or whatever...

Your girlfriend has it wrong - women love sex just as much as men. She just doesn't like it with you anymore. As it sounds like you put in good effort to get her going, I'm going to have to assume she's just not attracted to you or as she's young maybe she's just gotten bored. I believe sexual intimacy is actually an important part of a relationship, and from the sounds of this, it's not going to get better for you and her. So you need to truly figure out what has caused her to move away intimately and then decide if you can deal with its being that way, or if you need to move on.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 3
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 12:13:42 PM
FYI: If the sex life is getting less, and the sex drive seems to be weak, the answer is NOT;
Try to have MORE Sex MORE Often.

You gotta talk about it and find out what's going on. I give odds that it's getting boring, and you both need to try something adventurous to get the spark back - role playing, maybe. If she suggests you see other people, odds are she already IS seeing someone else, or at least wants to.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 4
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 12:54:50 PM
too much info left out for has to even have a clue......

* has she ever had an orgasm

* how many hours a week does she work

* does she know you are on a dating site looking for dates

* what does SHE say when you talk about it
 hotrodius
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 5
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 12:56:59 PM
I agree. Although Sex is not everything, it is very important, there are plenty of woman out there that love sex and there are ones that dont, if she is takilng meds that could cause her lack of desire but if that is not the case you need to figure out what the problem is. Chemistry is paramount and if she has more excuses than cotter has pills, thats a problem.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 6
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 1:06:31 PM
Obviously, something is wrong. It could be that she's tired of the relationship but doesn't know how to end it or what she wants instead. It sounds like you both have little dating experience. Most relationships have occasional slumps, so this could be one of those. However, they usually end, or a little effort on both your parts may fix things - but you both have to be willing and make a commitment to work on it. If not, you are better off ending it. Sometimes, that's what wakes the other person up and causes change, so if you pursue that route, don't be too hasty to move on, but appear to be over her and see what happens. If nothing, then really do move on.
 SecondCiti
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 7
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 1:19:21 PM
Lack of sex in a relationship is always a symptom of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Are you really okay with having a relationship with a women who won't sleep with you?

I will grant you that there is more to a relationship than sex but I don't see a problem with ended a intimate relationship where there is no more intimacy.
 GarnerGirl71
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 9
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 2:19:21 PM
It could also be something as simple as a hormone imbalance. Maybe she should talk to her OB/GYN. Sometimes something as simple as a new birth control pill will make a huge difference. Sometimes these problems are truly physical instead of emotional.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 10
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 5:08:46 PM
Sorry,Op but i take it your girlfriend is also very young??

My take on it is that she's bored with your relationship for whatever reason(s) and now just sees you as a Friend.
Sometimes when the fiery passion's gone,its hard to get back - you cant light dead wood.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 11
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 6:41:29 PM
You're doing everything but communicating all of this with her. WITH her. With HER.

Tell her all of this and ASK her what turns her on ( it may change over time, we all change and grow together) and ASK her what she would like you to do to gain good intimacy together.

A LOT of men simply go for sex,,,when a LOT of women really like the little things that are shared throughout the day. Most of us like to know that we are being thought of sexually and that we are desired by our partners and feel so.
A pat on the rear , a shared moment or kiss, sharing a tidbit from the day, doing something out of the norm ( Kiss her against the wall and run your hand up her thigh and into her, for instance)- do you nuture your sexual relationship at all,,,do you nurture the relationship? (rhetorical) If so, most of the time this issue is moot.
Sometimes a little counseling can help, and sometimes planning dinner together and talking about it all helps. Then put it into play. Kudos for your efforts.
 nickee4u
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 13
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 6:53:53 PM
shes lost interest...either talk to her and ask her to honestly tell you why....or move on...cause its not going to get better if shes lost her sex drive....sex and finances, number one reasons for divorces today
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 14
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 7:38:05 PM
I say you may as find someone else because sadly sooner or later one of you is going to dump the other or worst cheat on the other....and since you are on POF I'm going to guess you are getting close to doing so.....so before you do end it with honor.
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 7:53:10 PM
Damn man. This isn't about sex. This is about her viewing you as a pushover and a ****. What other areas are you caving in and just let her have her way? Accept the fact she is no longer attracted to you and dump her sorry ass. At least then you'll look like a man in her eyes. Maybe she'll end up kissing your ass instead of you kissing hers. If you don't want to do that, then do this, create some jealousy. Tell her to either start putting out or you're going to be looking elsewhere. Flirt with other girls right in front of her. Then she'll see what she's going to lose. If she thinks no big deal then she's already ready to move on or already has with someone else. As it is, right now, she testing you to see how much more of her shit you're willing to put up with. This is a typical woman test. If you're not willing to stand up to her BS then you sure as hell won't stand up to someone else. You seem weak. It's just that simple. I say get rid of her. It's not shallow to want sex. You have a**** and damn it, you want to use it. We all do. There are plenty of women that will put out.
 rwest1998
Joined: 10/21/2012
Msg: 16
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/27/2012 8:01:07 PM
i went through this for about a year and she could never give me a true answer until about 3 months ago i told her i could not do this anymore thats when she told me she was now atracted to women and that she was sorry that we had wasted 3 years. im still trying to get over it
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 17
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:38:07 AM

create some jealousy. Tell her to either start putting out or you're going to be looking elsewhere. Flirt with other girls right in front of her.


^^^ This is terrible advice imo and im surprised to see it came from a guy in his 40's!

This wouldn't help in the slightest,would make everything worse and chances are she's beyond caring anyway.

I hope Op finds the courage to walk away and find happiness with someone who cares about him.
 RonMcDon73
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 18
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:04:12 AM
You're already learning the male-way of ineffective and bad communication. Lack of communication and finances are what put most long term relationships in the crapper. When something really bothers you; don't cave in and accept the BS. You have to find a way to communicate it to your partner (if she's worth it to you) or it will snowball into an avalanche of resentment towards her for not fulfilling her aspect of her role in the relationship. Unless you feel like curbing your sexual desires for the rest of your life you either figure out how to talk to her, or you start making and implementing a strategic withdrawal from the relationship.

Hopefully you haven't knocked this chick up yet. If you haven't it would be a good idea to stop sex altogether (doesn't sound like that bit is going to be difficult) until you've figured out the issue, are resolving it or have successfully escaped from the relationship unscathed. Many times in life, when you most don't want or need it to happen; a chick will get knocked up with "one last screw for the road." Child support and egg donor drama seemingly lasts forever. You fertilize the wrong egg and expect life as you know it to be over.

At your young age it is super rare for you or her to have found the highly coveted One in each other. Another possibility is that she's screwing around on you. If she does have some dong on the side she's being satisfied sexually elsewhere and doesn't have any desire to get it from you because he's wearing it out like a dog with a choice shoe. (like you used to back in the day) This is another good reason to stop having sex altogether, you don't want to end up on a DNA test talk show with a few other guys from around the block for my viewing pleasure.

Unless you have the libido of a 100 yr old man already; sex is always going to be super important in a relationship. It's not shallow to expect an important aspect of a relationship to be honored. It sounds like you suffer from having your balls cut off by the rampant PC and feminism that has infected American males. Sensitive to her feelings as a woman and not your own as a man's? Yeah...women say they want that kind of crap, but when a guy bows down to the temple of vag., they find him about as exciting as plain, day old toast.
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:19:33 AM
No...it's good advice. Then she'll realize, "Hey, I really like him after all." or..."Who cares". Then he'll know. Women need jealousy and drama. It brings out the feelings. She is testing him to bring out his feelings. She would rather see him get angry over not having sex than to not get angry at all. No sex. She's testing him.
 Asarat11
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 20
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 9:18:19 AM
No, it's bad advice, as she'll react temporarily (jealousy doesn't create love emotion - it creates jealous insecurity and a need to regain control of someone), screw his brains out, get pregnant (as stated by poster above), and then go back to never having sex with him again. He'll be stuck with her then, sexless forever. Nope, he needs to move the f)ck on.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 21
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 10:13:07 AM
to me woman love sex for the first few months then it dead city and your lucky to get it once our twice a month i think a lot of woman hate sex and only use it to get what the want out of a man then they get bored and move on to next best thing and all the talking in the world wont do any good now when sex dies down i just run away as to save drama and bs
 vintagecarlover
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 22
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 11:17:52 AM
I know that feeling my brother. what a dilema, eh? heres a cpl of ideas:
pull up this posting for her to read and ask her to comment...or discuss it.
ask her if its okay if you get a lil bit from someone else? its unnatural for any animals, especially humans not to hump someone.
get some coupls counseling
get some porn to watch as a cpl
do you live together? start inviting female friends over for dinner for both of u?
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 23
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 2:51:28 PM
There is some really bad advice on here.
You guy's are way too young. Most likely, spending way too much time together.
I know, "some" people after being together for awhile, forget to take time for the foreplay.
Foreplay is very important.
I think you been together too long, and are too young. Your gonna wonder one day, on all the things you missed.
Maybe she already is!!!
Good luck.
Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 3:44:40 PM
Asarat11, You're correct. It won't bring out the love emotion but if she don't have it now, she won't get it later not after 3 years. You're correct, it does bring out the jealous insecurity. I'm not saying to get her jealous to get her to love him but for him to know just where he stands. You and I know she's currently in control and she see's him as weak and of low value or status. He does need to move on. Why waste even more time?
 Ken_19
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 25
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:30:55 PM
First, she isn't being honest. In my experience most women enjoy good sex just as much as the guys. Note the qualifier in that sentence.
Simply put, consider moving on to a woman who doesn't say no every time or at least will be more honest about what the problem is.
 Darkhawk36
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 26
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/29/2012 8:42:09 AM
As to my experience, she's already cheated on you. OR... she thinks of you more as a "friend" (that's the kiss of death right there) or even worse a "brother"....

When women consistently refuse sex from someone they supposedly love, they just don't love you.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 27
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Love GF, but she never wants to have sex
Posted: 12/30/2012 2:51:05 AM

Welcome to married life / or long term relationship life or whatever...

Your girlfriend has it wrong - women love sex just as much as men. She just doesn't like it with you anymore. As it sounds like you put in good effort to get her going, I'm going to have to assume she's just not attracted to you or as she's young maybe she's just gotten bored. I believe sexual intimacy is actually an important part of a relationship, and from the sounds of this, it's not going to get better for you and her. So you need to truly figure out what has caused her to move away intimately and then decide if you can deal with its being that way, or if you need to move on.


There are a lot of couples who have no sex at all, or very little, and are doing very well.

That said, it only works when both people in the relationship are on the same page. In OP's case, he isn't getting what he wants.

You should ask her, be totally honest, what the issue is. Since she was having sex with you often when the relationship started, it's unlikely he's asexual. You need to know what the problem is to see if it can be fixed. If it can't, you'll either have to get used to not having sex; something most can't do while still maintaining their sanity, or leave her.
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